“You too. I’ll talk to you tonight?”
“Definitely.”
She pressed another kiss to his lips and turned to walk back into the building. Andrew leaned against his pickup truck, watching her. He had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky, but he wasn’t about to question it.
It wasn’t until late that afternoon, when he received a phone call from Dr. Patel, that he learned his luck had run out.
He’d just left the DA’s office and was sitting in his car when the phone rang. He recognized the number as one from the cancer center, and a brick settled low in his stomach. Why were they calling so soon? Was that bad?
“Hello?”
“This is Dr. Patel, is this Andrew?”
“It’s me.”
“I’m calling about your PET scan from this morning. There has been a good response to the chemo, but unfortunately there are still two bright spots on the scan…”
Andrew’s vision went fuzzy, and he had difficulty focusing on what she was saying. He heard things like “two additional cycles of chemo” and “still a chance of complete remission” and “another scan in two months.”
“Andrew, are you there?”
“I’m here. Sorry. It’s just, not what I was expecting, I guess.”
“I know it’s hard to hear that the scan results weren’t as good as they could have been. But sometimes we need a little additional kick to get it all. The odds are still good we can get you into remission with two more cycles. I’ll ask Kiara to schedule you to see me next week, and we can look at the scan together and discuss it in more detail, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Dr. Patel.”
Andrew sat in his car, staring at nothing. The fuzzy, numb feeling he’d had while talking to the doctor faded, replaced by the urge to move. To do something.
He felt antsy, almost to the point of desperation.
He pulled up a contact on his phone and put the car in drive. It rang a few times before the other person picked up.
“Hello?”
“It’s me. Can you meet me at McNellie’s?”
Andrew was sitting at the bar when Logan walked up. He gestured to the two beers sitting in front of Andrew.
“One of those for me?”
“Nope.” Andrew finished off the one that was nearly empty, pushed the glass to the other side of the bar, and went for the second.
Logan raised an eyebrow and took the stool next to Andrew.
One of the regular bartenders came over and put the empty glass in the sink. Andrew didn’t miss the wide-eyed look she shot Logan, but he did ignore it.
“What can I get you, Logan?”
“I guess I’ll have what he’s having.” Logan jerked a thumb in Andrew’s direction. “But just one. Looks like I’ll be driving tonight.”
Andrew grunted and took another long pull.
“What’s going on, man?”
Andrew kept his eyes on the wooden bar top. “Got my scan results. There’s still cancer, and I have to get more chemo.”
“Shit. Man, I’m sorry.” Logan put a hand on Andrew’s shoulder. “That sucks, Andrew.”
Andrew nodded, not sure he could respond and keep it together.
Logan removed his hand and sat beside him for a few minutes. His beer arrived, and they silently watched the basketball game on the television mounted above the bar.
“How much more? Chemo, I mean?”
“Two more cycles.”
“That’s not so bad.”
Andrew glared at his friend.
“Don’t look at me like that. You got this. You’ve made it this far, you can do two more.”
They sat like that, side by side at the bar, barely speaking, for two hours. Andrew didn’t want to talk, and Logan was a good enough friend to know it. He simply sat there, a silent show of support, and Andrew was grateful for it.
But just like the lucky feeling he had this morning, his gratitude for Logan was short-lived.
When Jeni sidled in on his other side and asked how many drinks he’d had, Andrew turned to Logan.
“Seriously? You called my sister?”
“No,” Logan said. “I texted her.”
Andrew rolled his eyes.
Jeni prodded Andrew’s bicep. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“It was a stupid question.”
“Why didn’t you call me? You know I’m here to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“It’s better to sit and sulk in silence, drinking away your sorrows?”
“Sure. I feel better.”
“You look terrible.”
Was she always this annoying? “Thank you, dear sister.”
“It’s not the end of the world, Andrew. You’ll get through this like you did the others. Now snap out of it.”
“No cancer, no opinion.”
That shut her up. For a few minutes, at least.
He really hadn’t had that much to drink. He’d been here three hours and had nursed four beers. He was a big guy, and even though he’d lost some of his bulk over the last few months, he’d never been a cheap drunk. He barely felt anything.
Jeni ordered a drink, and Andrew sat between his best friend and his twin sister, ignoring both of them as they spent the next half hour trying to cheer him up.
Nothing would lift his spirits tonight.
“Andrew?”
Except her.
Just the sound of his name coming from her lips soothed him. The tension in his muscles released, flowing out of him, a river of fear and disappointment. Andrew swiveled on his chair to find Lauren standing there, so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.
She held her hand out. “Are you okay?”
He grasped it with his own and pulled her to him, hugging her close. He’d initially called Logan instead of Lauren, because he’d wanted to shield her from the bad news for a little longer. But now that she was here, he realized she was the only one he really wanted to see.
Damn, she smelled good. And her body felt so good, pressed up against him. Lush and soft, and so deliciously curvy.
He spoke into her hair. “How did you…?”
“Jeni texted me.”
“Did she tell you?”
“About the scan? Yes. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean—”
Andrew shook his head against her neck. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Okay.”
He pulled back a little. Her green eyes met his, and she kept her hands wrapped around his neck.
“Can we leave?” he asked.
“Sure. I’m driving, though.”
When he stood, he suddenly realized how much liquid he’d consumed. “I need to hit the men’s room, then we can go.”
She nodded and edged up onto his vacated seat to wait.
When Andrew came out of the men’s room, he stopped cold in his tracks. Lauren had her hand on Logan’s arm, laughing at something he was saying. Logan was smiling at her and said something else, eliciting a new laugh from her. She leaned over and put her forehead on his shoulder, shaking with laughter.
Red-hot jealousy unlike anything Andrew had ever experienced jolted down his spine like a bolt of lightning. Bitterness swept through him at the memory of the night Logan had proudly boasted getting the phone number from a redhead named Lauren.
It had been a while since he’d thought about that night and the fact that Lauren had talked to Logan—probably even flirted with him and asked him to call her. She’d agreed to go on a date with him, too, even after thinking he’d brushed her off for weeks before contacting her.
Did she regret not having a chance with Logan? Logan was healthy and strong. She wouldn’t see him kneeling on the bathroom floor or touch the raised imprint of a medical device under his s
kin. She could run her fingers through the thick hair on his head and wouldn’t have to worry about what his blood counts were before they went somewhere.
When he took her number away from Logan, Andrew had taken that choice from her.
Pain clenched Andrew’s heart, and he ground his teeth so hard his jaw hurt. He forced himself to approach the smiling couple, and Jeni, who was chuckling along with them.
Lauren saw him and sat up straight, a twinkle in her eye. “Andrew, Logan was just telling me—”
“Can we leave now?” Andrew interrupted.
His harsh tone didn’t go unnoticed, and Lauren’s smile faded. Logan watched him warily, while Jeni scowled and shook her head.
“Um, sure,” Lauren said quietly. She grabbed her purse from the bar and waved goodbye.
Andrew walked too fast for her to keep up, but he didn’t slow.
She reached for his hand and tugged. “Slow down.”
He pushed the door open and scanned the lot for her car. He pulled his hand from her grasp, trying not to let her hurt expression get to him.
“Where are we going?” she asked, starting the car.
“Just take me home,” he bit out.
Lauren eyed him sideways but didn’t argue, and they drove to his apartment in charged silence. When she pulled into a parking space and turned off the car, she reached for the door handle.
He shook his head. “I’m good. You don’t have to come in. You can go back to the bar and hang out with Logan.” He didn’t look at her.
A small part of his brain told him he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t stop himself. He got out of the car and slammed the door, not looking back as he took long strides to the stairwell. He heard her get out and run up the steps behind him. He increased his pace, but she caught up when he stopped to unlock the door.
She pushed past him into his apartment, throwing her purse onto the coffee table.
“Andrew, what’s wrong? Why would you say something like that?”
“You looked pretty cozy at the bar with Logan.” His breath came heavy, from virtually running up three flights of stairs and from the weight sitting on his chest. “I thought maybe you’d like to spend more time with him. See if it could go anywhere. You were interested in him once before, after all. I’m the one who forced your hand in my direction.”
Lauren’s mouth dropped open, her green eyes flashing with anger. “We were talking about you. He was telling me a story about the two of you being stupid on some guy’s night out. I was never interested in Logan. I didn’t give him my number that night, Emma did. She gave it to him, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by taking it back. I figured I could at least give him a chance. But then it turned out to be you, and do you know what I felt? Relief. Relief and joy. You’ve always been the one I wanted, Andrew. From the moment I saw you.”
He wanted to believe her, to believe the words she said were true. But how could they be? He was sick and broken and wasting away. What woman wants this?
No. She was just trying to make him feel better. Chemo had ravaged his body, and now he had to take more of it. Overwhelmed with anger and sadness, he reached one hand behind his neck and tore his shirt over his head, tossing it on the couch.
“Look at me,” he said harshly. In a jerky motion, he waved a hand from his head and down his torso. “How can you be attracted to this? I’m bald, I’m as pale as that vampire kid my sisters used to be obsessed with, and I’ve lost thirty pounds. Nothing about me is the same. Dammit, I hardly even feel like a man.”
Lauren stared at him, her bright eyes devouring him. “Are you serious? You’re honestly asking me how I could be attracted to you?”
Andrew just looked at her, feeling exposed and resentful. He’d never wanted to be proved wrong so much in his life.
“Do you want to know the things I first noticed about you?” She paused, and he wasn’t sure if she actually expected him to answer. He didn’t, and she continued on. “I noticed you were tall, I thought at least a foot taller than me. I’ve always had a thing for exceptionally tall men. I noticed that you had warm, kind brown eyes. I noticed your lips and your big, masculine hands.”
He swallowed, clenching those hands into fists by his side.
“Yes, I noticed your hair, because you had beautiful, thick, brown hair that looked like it would be soft to the touch. But you know what? You also look ridiculously hot when you wear those beanies, and even better when you’re not wearing one because you’ve given it to a little girl with cancer to make her happy. Jasmine wears that stupid hat every single day, did you know that? I’m getting off target, because that gets into how much I adore the person you are inside, but that’s not what you’re asking about, is it?”
He didn’t answer that question, either.
“The first day I laid eyes on you, I thought you were the sexiest man I’d ever seen. You’re still the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. None of that has changed, except the fact that I’m no longer satisfied just noticing those things about you. I don’t want to only be attracted to you, I want to be wrapped up in you. I want your huge body towering over me as you put your arms around me. Your eyes looking at me and seeing me for who I am. I want your hands touching me, caressing me.” Her voice became a whisper and she swayed toward him, and everything in him wanted to believe her, that she wanted him, even now.
His heart pounded against his ribcage, and he noticed her own chest moving up and down with unsteady breaths. He remained in place, desperate to touch her but worried he’d upset her with his outburst.
She took two steps in his direction, placing her hand on the smooth, hairless skin of his chest. The feel of her warm touch was everything he needed right then, and a tremor ran through him.
“I want your lips on mine,” she whispered. “All the time.”
His gaze collided with hers, and he couldn’t have looked away even if the room caught fire.
It felt as if he needed her like the very air he breathed.
He touched her face with his left hand, sliding his palm across her cool cheek. His fingers threaded through her hair, and she shivered. Two thoughts ran through his mind as he lowered his head: how badly he wanted her, and how even though he didn’t deserve her, he couldn’t live without her.
Chapter Seventeen
Andrew wound his right arm around her waist, pulling her body flush against his, soft against hard. He kissed her softly, a slight caress, and she felt the power restrained deep inside him. He was holding back.
Lauren wanted none of it.
“Andrew,” she whispered against his lips, curling her hands around his shoulders. She arched into him and nipped at his bottom lip. Asking him to let go.
He groaned, moving one arm around her shoulders and hooking the other beneath her knees. He swung her up and carried her to his bedroom, never breaking contact from her mouth. He laid her down on top of the comforter and crawled over her, caging her in between his hands and knees. He slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her deeply, running one hand down the length of her body. Her arms wound around his torso, her nails lightly trailing the bare skin of his back.
“I want to make love to you so badly it hurts,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “But I’m so fucking tired, and I’m a little drunk, and I’m not going there until I know I can give you the best I’ve got.” He wove their fingers together and pressed them into the mattress, on either side of her head. “But I am going to kiss the hell out of you.”
She lifted her head to brush his ear with her soft lips. “Never stop,” she said, her voice breaking.
He made a sound deep in the back of his throat before taking her mouth in a rough kiss. A few minutes passed, the sounds of their heavy breathing echoing against the walls. She pulled her hands away from his fingers and ran them all over his back and shoulders.
“Do you have any idea w
hat I feel for you?” he asked.
She nodded. “I feel it.”
He lifted his hips, shooting her a strange look. “I can’t help it.”
Lauren laughed, curling her fingers through the belt loops of his jeans. She pulled him back down to her, loving that she affected him like that. It made her feel powerful, and wanted. “I meant I can feel the emotion behind it. That you care for me.”
He relaxed against her, still keeping his weight on his arms, his expression softening. “Can’t help that, either.”
She pushed against his chest, rolling them to the side and switching positions. He kept his arms around her when he landed on his back, and she stretched out beside him, her body half on top of his. His skin was warm and smooth, and he smelled so good she wanted to wrap herself up in it. Her hair fell down across his chest, and with a shaking hand he gathered it behind her head.
With one hand she stroked his face and could hardly believe he looked at her with such affection. “But you, you idiot man, apparently don’t know what I feel for you.”
He opened his mouth, but she put her lips on his. She kissed him for several minutes and moved her lips to his ear. “I love you.”
Andrew froze for a second, then jerked up on his elbows, the movement startling her. She pulled back, and he searched her face.
She smiled and nodded, understanding the question in his eyes. “I really do.”
He dropped onto his back and took her face gently between his hands, punctuating each sentence with a kiss. “I love you, Lauren. I love you. So damn much. You’re mine, and I’m never letting you go.”
On Saturday morning, Lauren and Andrew spent several hours at Children’s. At first, she was worried he might not want to go, with the recent scan results and news about needing more chemo.
“Are you sure?” she’d asked. “I can go on my own this time. Give you a day to relax and recharge.”
“I had my little pity party. I’m done,” he said. “Nothing makes me believe I can keep doing this more than those kids. If they can handle it, so can I.”
Perfect Distraction Page 19
