She gazed at him sadly, tenderly. “Even if you walked away right now, and we never spoke again, I’d feel that way. It’s too late, don’t you see that? It’s too late for me to ever think of you as anything other than the love of my life. We both have to let go of the things we can’t control, and hold on to the things we can. Like being together right now. I’ll choose these moments over any alternative, no matter how this ends.”
Andrew pulled her close and kissed her. His lips were slow and determined, like he was communicating something he couldn’t seem to put in words.
And she understood him perfectly.
…
A week later, Lauren and Jeni sat in a booth at Republic, having dinner after a day of shopping. Other than texting her to check on Andrew, Lauren had avoided Jeni during the breakup as well. She’d apologized for being so distant when they first met up that afternoon, and Jeni had waved her off with a smile and a hug.
“I’m just glad you’re back together,” Jeni had said. “He was driving me crazy. Don’t ever do that to me again, okay?”
Lauren didn’t plan on it.
They’d just finished eating, and as they waited for the server to bring the check, Jeni asked, “So, how do you feel about St. Louis?”
“The city? Nice arch, I guess.”
Jeni laughed. “I meant Andrew’s St. Louis thing.”
Lauren frowned. “What St. Louis thing?”
Jeni returned her confused expression. “Andrew’s interview at the DA’s office in St. Louis.” She paused. “He didn’t tell you?”
Lauren’s pulse slowed way down. “No, he didn’t mention it.”
Though her face still appeared unsure, Jeni shrugged. “Oh…well, maybe something has changed. I’m sure he would have said something if he was still considering it.”
Lauren rubbed her thumb along the seam of the leather booth. She thought about asking Jeni if she knew more, decided against it. “I’m sure you’re right,” she said. He’d tell me.
Wouldn’t he? Surely, now that they were back together, and after all the things they’d talked about, he’d tell her he was considering a job in St. Louis.
But uncertainty continued to build throughout the evening, and by the time she and Jeni parted ways, insecurity coursed through her. What if he was just too afraid to say something?
Only one way to find out. She sent Andrew a single text.
Lauren: We need to talk.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Andrew sat up straight, fear shooting down his spine. That was not a text message a man ever wanted to get from the woman he loved.
He tried to stay calm.
Andrew: Okay, can I come over?
Lauren: I’ll come there.
Fifteen minutes later there was a light knock on his door. Lauren didn’t touch him as she walked in and took a seat on his couch.
Apprehension churning in his gut, Andrew closed the door and sat down beside her, angling his torso to face her. He reached for her hand. “Is something wrong?”
“Are you considering a job in St. Louis?”
Andrew opened his mouth to speak, then stopped. That’s what was bothering her? “How did you hear about that?”
“It’s true?” Her lips dipped slightly at the corners. “Why didn’t you tell me? That’s almost four hours away.”
He nodded. “I know. It’s something Todd mentioned, because there weren’t any expected openings here in Kansas City, and he knows a guy in St. Louis. I did a phone interview and they really liked me. It’s a great opportunity—”
She pulled her hand away, and he stopped. “Did they offer you a job?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“Keep in mind, this was when we were broken up,” he started.
Lauren closed her eyes. “Just like that, you would leave?”
He scooted closer and put his hands on either side of her face, and she opened her eyes. He gazed into those green depths. “Would you ask me to stay?”
She just looked at him, her hesitation lasting a few seconds beyond comfort.
She wouldn’t ask him to stay?
“Please stay.” Her voice cracked.
Like a pressure valve being released, his insecurity dissipated, and he smiled widely.
“Okay,” he said, and kissed her.
She returned the kiss for several seconds, then pulled back. “That’s it? You’re not going to take a great job offer, just because I selfishly asked you to stay?”
He kissed her again. “Yes and no. Yes, I would do that. But I already turned it down, and that’s why I never said anything. The day you told me about Jasmine, and we got back together, I knew there was no way I wanted to live apart from you.”
A wrinkle formed between her eyebrows. “You shouldn’t have done that. We could have talked about it…”
“After all you went through for your job here? You’re not leaving, and I’m not leaving without you.”
“What will you do, then?”
“I’m not sure yet, but graduation is still months away. I’ve got time. I’ll just find something else until a local DA position opens up, and hopefully they’ll still want me.”
Lauren processed that for a moment, then put her hand on his forearm. “And if they don’t, or if you’re unhappy with what you find, we’ll talk about it, okay? Both of our careers are important.”
He pulled her close against his chest. “Deal.”
She relaxed into him.
“That wasn’t nice, you know,” he said into her hair. Damn she smelled good. “Sending me a text like that. You freaked me out.”
“Sorry. I was a little blindsided by Jeni’s comment about St. Louis.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything to her. She can’t keep her mouth shut.”
Lauren tilted her head up to look at him. “Women talk, you know. I’d have thought you knew that, having so many women in your family.”
“Hopefully, someday I’ll add another to it.”
“You’re not theoretically proposing again, are you?”
“No. But if I was, what would you say?” He loved this game.
“Maybe.” She elbowed him in the ribs. “Speaking of your family…can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do they…are they all, um, happy about this? Us? I haven’t seen them since Thanksgiving, and we were just friends then. I’m a little worried what they think about it.”
“They’re thrilled. They love you, my mom especially. And Jeni, of course. Valerie couldn’t care less, as long as I’m happy.”
“What about Rhonda? I get the feeling she doesn’t like me much.”
Andrew shook his head. “Don’t worry about Rhonda. She’s the moodiest of the bunch, and the most protective. She’s always looking at the negative side of things and expects the worst. She’ll come around.”
Her concerned expression didn’t change.
Andrew kissed her once more. “I mean it,” he said. “Don’t let her get to you.”
“You say it like it’s easy.”
“It is. But then again, I’ve had twenty-six years to get used to her…but I promise you—it’s just her personality. Once she gets to know you, she’ll love you as much as I do.”
She raised an eyebrow at that.
He grinned. “Okay, not quite as much as I do. But close.” He tightened his arms around her and brushed his cheek along her soft hair, loving the feel of her against his body. “I don’t think anyone has ever loved anyone as much as I love you.”
She slipped her arms around his torso. “I don’t think anyone ever will love anyone as much as I love you.”
“Don’t try to one-up me.”
“I’m competitive by nature. Get used to it.”
He leaned he
r back against the cushions and sealed his mouth over hers, determined to prove her wrong.
…
Two days before his last chemo treatment, Andrew was alone at his apartment studying when a knock sounded at the door. He grinned and jumped up, hoping Lauren had decided to back out of her plans for a girl’s night and come over instead.
He swung open the door and froze.
“Dad?”
His father stood on his welcome mat, wearing his signature Wranglers and a flannel button-up, hands buried deep in his pockets. His weathered skin looked darker than Andrew remembered, and his previously brown hair was peppered with gray.
“Hi,” his dad said. “Can I come in?”
Speechless, Andrew stepped back and held the door open wide. His dad took a few steps inside and stopped.
Andrew walked past him and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. “What are you doing here?”
His dad rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. He stood in the middle of the living room and turned to face Andrew. “I came to see how you were doing.”
Andrew just sat there, waiting for more. When none came, he simply said, “I’m fine. Last chemo is on Friday. At least, I hope it’s the last one.”
His dad swallowed. He stepped forward and sat at the table, directly across from Andrew. “You look good, son. I’m sorry I haven’t come before now.”
“You came at Thanksgiving.”
“For a day. Didn’t count.”
Andrew hadn’t thought so, either.
His dad gripped his hands together on the table. “I know we haven’t seen eye-to-eye for several years now, and your mom keeps telling me I’m being a stubborn asshole. She’s right. It was selfish of me to expect you to put your dreams aside to follow a plan I’d set out for you. It’s not easy to get through college and law school, and I want you to know I’m proud of you and what you’re doing.”
A lump formed in Andrew’s throat. Hearing his dad, the strongest, hardest-working man he’d ever met, say he was proud of him was something he’d wanted for a long, long time. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I’ve thought about you every day since your mother told me about the lymphoma. I want you to know that. I’m not good with this kind of thing, and the thought of my only son with cancer was more than I could handle. I avoid things that upset me, and I don’t talk about them. Thank God for your mother. You deserved at least one strong parent by your side through this. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.”
Those words shocked Andrew to his core. His dad was the rock of their family. A big, sturdy man who wrangled cattle and branded steers and threw bales of hay around like they weighed nothing. He worked from before dawn to dusk nearly every day, and treated his family well. He’d taught Andrew how to shoot a rifle, drive cars and tractors alike.
“You should see your face,” his dad said with a humorless chuckle. “You think I’m the strong one? Your mother is. Every time we’ve almost lost the farm, she’s been the one by my side to get me through it. I’ve done the hard labor to keep things going, sure. I’m not saying I don’t work for what we’ve got. But it takes a hell of a lot more inner strength to do what she does for our family, and I’d say that makes her the strongest of all of us. And she makes it look easy, to boot.”
Andrew had never thought about it like that.
“That’s why I wanted to come here,” his dad continued. “I’ve got that kind of grit inside me, too, and it’s time I showed it. So here I am, to tell you that I miss my son, and I hate the way things have been these last few years. I wish you wanted to stay around and take over the farm so my old ass could retire, but it’s not for you. I see that now. I respect and support your decision.
“I also don’t want to set a bad example for my only son about what it means to be a man. I hear you and Lauren are getting serious, but that you’re worrying too much about burdening her with your illness.”
Damn you, Jeni. Andrew made a mental note to stop telling her things.
“I want you to listen to me, Andrew. If a woman loves you and wants to take care of you, hold on tight and don’t let her go. You’re an incredibly strong man to be going through this treatment. You’ve dealt with cancer and chemotherapy while staying in school and keeping a job, and you have to know how impressive that is. You can do this by yourself. You’ve got it in you. But don’t do it on your own simply because you think that’s what makes you strong, or that it’s what makes you a man. A real man recognizes what he has in a partner, and what a blessing it is to have someone to share your burdens with. You’d do the same for her, wouldn’t you?”
“Always.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without your mother, and I hope she’d say the same about me. We’re a team, and we take turns bearing the different things that weigh us down in this life. If you’ve found someone like that, you’re not a strong man if you let her slip through your fingers. You’re a dammed stupid one.”
Andrew laughed at that. His dad was absolutely right, and he’d had no idea how badly he needed to hear it.
“I’m glad you came, Dad.”
“Me too. Now, where’s the best barbecue joint in this town?”
…
Two days later, Andrew was once again cautiously optimistic. He’d just completed the final chemo treatment of his sixth cycle. Lauren had taken the day off and had come with him, sitting on one side while Jeni maintained her usual spot on the other. He’d noticed that dickhead Gavin was nowhere to be found, and he asked Lauren about it during his infusion.
“He got fired,” Lauren had said, a hint of glee in her tone. “Apparently, he had a few sexual harassment complaints, and human resources finally put their foot down.”
“That’s better news than the fact that this is my last chemo,” Andrew said, smiling widely. A tiny voice in the back of his brain reminded him that there wasn’t a guarantee this was the last, but he shut it down.
Mandi finished applying the dressing to his port and looked at him. “Andrew, I can honestly say I hope I never see you here again.”
He laughed as he stood and wrapped her in a hug. “This may be the first time I won’t take offense to that statement.”
“I’ll be thinking about you next week,” Mandi continued, and he assumed she referred to his PET scan.
He wished he knew what to say, to thank Mandi for all she’d done for him. Her confident and calm presence had been a comfort for him these last several months. He’d never worried he was being given the wrong drug, or that she didn’t have an eye on him during his chemo. He’d had complete faith in her, and she’d made the entire experience a little less terrifying.
He swallowed, intending to find the right words, but Mandi just smiled at him, her chin trembling slightly. She shook her head and said, “Get out of here and don’t come back, okay?”
He and Lauren walked through the infusion center hand in hand, and Jeni chattered away on his other side.
Andrew dropped Jeni off at her house before going back to Lauren’s. He slowed just before turning into her driveway. “Want me to check the mailbox?”
“Are you making fun of me?” she said good-naturedly.
He grinned. “I would never.”
She waved him forward. “We both know it’s empty. Just go.”
He complied and pulled into the driveway, leaving the car running. “I’ll be back for you at six?”
Lauren leaned across the console and pecked him on the lips. “Yep. See you soon.”
He grasped the back of her head and pulled her back. “One more,” he murmured. He pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her lips, and the sigh that escaped her seemed to breathe life into him. Every time he touched her, he felt more alive than the second before. He wasn’t sure if it was the words his father had said, or the tentative joy he felt at this being his last day of chemo that brought him clarity. But what
ever he felt in this moment—this warm, electric sensation of hope and amazement—it had everything to do with the girl in his arms.
When they finally released each other, Lauren’s expression glowed with heat and awe, and he dared to hope she experienced the same overwhelming sense of wonder that he did. He’d do anything to make her as happy as she made him.
Andrew went home and spent an hour studying before he took a shower. He put on slacks and a dress shirt. It was times like this when he missed his hair the most. The hats he wore were casual and didn’t work with dressier clothes, and he still wasn’t confident in his ability to pull off the bald look. But Lauren didn’t seem to mind, and that’s all that mattered.
At six o’clock on the dot Andrew stood on Lauren’s doorstep. He knocked and she opened the door immediately.
“Hi,” she said, smiling wide. She had on the green dress she’d worn one day at the cancer center. He thought she had looked perfect that day and felt the same now.
“Hey, you.” He slid one hand across her lower back and kissed her. “You’re beautiful. Ready?”
She flushed at his compliment, which he loved. He always wanted her to feel pleasure at his words, always wanted that rush of happiness to fill her when she heard how much he wanted her.
“Ready.” She joined him on the porch and locked the door behind her.
He opened the car door for her and went around to his side.
“Where are we going?” she asked after they settled in, and he pulled onto the main road.
“Do you remember when we talked about New York?”
“Yes.”
“Since we can’t get there right now, I thought we could try our best to do some of the things we wanted to do there. I made reservations at the best upscale Asian fusion restaurant in town and got tickets for a show at the Performing Arts Center.”
Lauren’s wide smile told him he’d hit the mark. “That sounds incredible. You’re wonderful, you know that?”
“I’m nothing compared to you,” he said seriously.
She rolled her eyes, but the smile remained on her lips.
Perfect Distraction Page 25
