by S J Amit
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The Pinecone Apothecary
S.J. Amit
Copyright © 2020 S.J. Amit
All rights reserved; No parts of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information retrieval system, without the permission, in writing, of the author.
Translation from the Hebrew: Maya Thomas
Contact: [email protected]
Contents
Pain is Only the Messenger
The Land of the Mosaic
The Colony of the Lost
The Mountains of Freedom
The Pinecone Apothecary
“You wanted to see me?” The door to his office was open. I leaned on the doorframe a little bit awkwardly, I didn’t want to seem frightened. His secretary had come over to my office especially to summon me.
He turned away from his computer screen to face me, “Sit down, Julian,” he pointed with his chin towards the three black leather chairs in front of him.
“Should I shut it?” I went in, but kept hold of the door handle for a moment longer.
“Yes, you can.” He turned back to the screen, clicked on the mouse, shuffled the keypad to the side and rolled on his chair to the center of the desk.
His dark brown wooden desk looked almost marble-like from having been cleaned and polished. As per usual, apart from the computer and the keypad and the three pens placed by its side, it was completely clear, except for the strategic plan that I had written, which was laid out in a plastic sleeve precisely at the center of the table, a yellow highlighter placed on top of it. I sat down on the middle chair.
“Do you know why I called for you?” He lifted the plan, letting the highlighter slide off onto the table, took the pages out of the sleeve, and brought the three pens from the left of the keypad closer to him.
“Actually I don’t,” I pulled down the legs of my pants which had rolled up over my socks, straightened myself and leaned back on the chair.
“You really don’t?” he smiled and gently tapped the pages on the wooden surface, straightening them and placing them back on the table.
“I mean, I hope I do.”
He slid the three pens over to him and placed them on the pages. Blue, black and red. The door opened and his secretary came in carrying a silver tray with two glasses of water, two white espresso cups and a few cookies.
“Thank you, Maureen,” I turned to her and she smiled graciously.
“Here you go,” he took two silver coasters out of a drawer, placed one in front of him and gently pushed the other one towards me with his long fingers. Maureen placed the glasses of water on the coasters, served each of us a white saucer bearing an espresso cup with a little spoon and a bag of brown sugar, put the plate of cookies by the stack of pages and walked out.
“How long did it take you to write this?”
“Three weeks,” I answered politely, trying to look him in the eyes. The massive window behind him offered a view of the noon-time city towers.
“You did quite a job here,” he tapped on the stack of pages with his fingers. “Drink your coffee in the meantime, before it gets cold,” he said as he turned on the big screen that was hanging on the wall to my right.
I quickly stirred the sugar into the espresso. An awakening aroma of coffee arose from the little whirlpool that I made.
“Take a look for a moment and then tell me honestly,” he took a remote control out of a drawer, pressed it, and the blinds started coming down, “This is the most we’ve done up till now, do you think you can do more than that?” The blinds stopped precisely in the middle of the windows, concealing the building tops.
I downed the coffee in two swift gulps and looked at the screen. The numbers were high. Despite having known them well, there were a few which surprised me. “That’s definitely possible, Albert.”
He looked at me with an examining stare. “If I were to announce to everyone that as of tomorrow you’d be number two in the company, my vice president, in charge of the company’s general management, would you handle it?”
Maureen nodded at me with half a smile as I passed by her on the way back to my office. I wondered if she knew. A few team leaders were sitting around the big table in the see-through meeting room and listening to Mika, the business development department manager, who was standing in front of them by a white board, pointing at some chart. Within the rows of cubicles separated by brown wooden partitions at the bottom and glass at the top, men and women were sitting and concentrating on their computers screens. Some of them glanced at me. The managers near my office worked with their office doors open. I tried to look normal and nod back at them. I wondered how many of them knew, after all, I’d only been with the company for two years. There were people who had been working here for five or seven or eight years. They might not all like it. Why wouldn’t they? I got along with everyone.
I closed my office door and sat on my chair. Maybe I should open the door so that I don’t look suspicious? I stared at the black and white photo on the edge of the desk, the one of Alex four months pregnant and me hugging her. Alex and her nonsense, wanting to take a photo every month with a bigger stomach. I wanted to call her, but decided to tell her when I got home. I wanted to see her reaction face to face. I crossed my hands behind my head and leaned back.
I had just gotten the opportunity of a lifetime, and instead of feeling happy I was getting stressed. What’s wrong with me? I have no idea why at that precise moment I remembered something that had happened twenty five years before, in fifth grade. We’re at the principal’s office, me and my parents. The counsellor’s sitting there and next to her there’s a Board of Education psychologist with grey hair, and they’re showing me a bunch of drawings and asking me questions. I look at my mom and dad, and answer. My mom tells them it’s alright that I’m quiet most of the time, and that I don’t really hang out with the other kids. She keeps telling the psychologist that I’m not a weirdo, I’m just a sensitive kid, more than average. At some point they ask me to leave the room.
I’m sitting on the bench outside the principal’s office and listening to them arguing behind the door. I even hear yelling. My dad comes out, shuts the door and sits next to me. “Are you alright here?” he hugs me and kisses my head. Mom’s still inside. I don’t answer him and I’m trying not to cry. I lean on his chest, I understand that something’s wrong with my behavior, something must be screwed up with me.
Since that day I decided I’d never disappoint them ever again. By the end of that year I had already become the best student in class. I tried to be everyone’s friend, went to all the birthdays, chatted and played with kids during recess, I occasionally led practices in sports classes, and whenever a fight broke out I managed to somehow not take sides and stayed cool with everyone. I felt safe. In my opinion, from back then up until now, no matter what it was that I did, I was always between the top three to five. That’s how it was, no matter where I went. Always the top hard worker, always the most diligent, always giving my all to be the best that I could be. When I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever managed to really feel like I’m number one at anything. You can say I’m always good enough in order to stand out above the rest, always successful enough so that the feeling of something being wrong with me will never return. All and all I’m alright, I think, although I don’t know if I’ve ever truly felt happy. It’s been years now that I’ve felt satisfaction from working under pressure, sol
ving endless tasks and assignments, for years now I’ve felt that that’s what gives me purpose. I don’t care how much time and energy it takes away from my daily life and how hard I work, I try to get as much done in as little time as possible, although in recent years, when I did have free time on my hands, I didn’t manage to fill it with anything. I’m scared of that empty feeling which comes during the breaks between busy periods.
In any case, Albert’s offer sounded like something else, like this time it would be different. I thought that this was the opportunity I was waiting for. That’s it, I’d be at the top of the company until I became a full partner.
We didn’t have a choice but to postpone our honeymoon for the second time, this time till after the baby arrived. After our wedding we did manage to get away for five days, but I promised Alex that it was just a little vacation and not our proper honeymoon.
The Eastern factories worked overtime according to my strategic plan, we managed to sell to companies which we had never sold to before. I conducted hours of conversations with clients all around the world, late night meetings. During the course of three months I had already travelled abroad ten or twelve times. Albert and I had a great connection, the other shareholders thought highly of me too. Three months after I took on the promotion, my salary raise promptly arrived. They surprised me with an offer of stock options for whenever the company expands, but I said I needed to consider it. I had actually aspired for more than that. And I wanted Alex to be proud of me. On her birthday, a few weeks after I had gotten my updated payslip, we left the bank with an approval for an excellent mortgage.
After yet another long meeting into the night, even Albert told me to finish for the day already. “Family is an important thing’” he said as he turned off the light in his office, and I walked him over to the big glass door at the entrance. “Go home, but get ready for tomorrow.” He went out to the hallway and turned towards the elevators, and the door slowly closed behind him. It was only at eleven o’clock at night that I took a last look at the numbers before sending the report to be printed for tomorrow’s crucial meeting, we had new investors coming in who were interested in expanding the company. The charts were accurate.
I leaned on Maureen’s desk in front of the big xerox machine. The light from the machine flickered repeatedly on the wall, and the sound of the pages darting out echoed through the big empty space. There will be ten people in the meeting including myself, I’ll make at least three more booklets. The phone near the computer insisted on ringing for the third time in a row, who the hell calls at eleven o’clock at night?
“Gold Tree, how can I help you?” I answered.
“Jule, where are you? Why won’t you pick up?”
“Babe? I left my cell phone at my office, I mean, I’m just making copies and-“
“Get to the hospital,” she breathed heavily, “I’m going with my mom.”
As I got closer to the delivery room along with the nurse who escorted me I could hear a baby crying. Alex was lying in bed, her face drenched in sweat and tears, and caressed a tiny purple baby who was lying on her chest. Her mom stood beside her, stared at me and indicated for me to come closer and take her place. Alex smiled at me through her paleness and then started crying again, all I could think about was whether she was angry with me for having missed the birth, or whether she was just happy I got there.
“I’ll bring him back to you straight away,” the midwife stood next to me, balanced the baby on Alex and put a clip on the umbilical cord. “Would you like to cut it yourself?” she looked at me and offered the scissors.
For a moment I couldn’t hear anything.
“Daddy Julian,” Alex grabbed my hand and snuffled, “You got here just in time for your part.” The nurse gave me the scissors. She slipped my fingers through the handles and aimed my hand at the umbilical cord.
At three in the morning Alex was transferred to the ward and the baby was transferred to the nursery. I laid by Alex’s side, but I didn’t fall asleep. I was angry with myself, mainly for not managing to contain anything. I don’t remember crying and I don’t even know if I was excited. The morning after Tom was born I came back to the hospital with my laptop. “ I predict that within two quarters we’ll get to fifteen percent more than what the company has ever made,” I explained during a conference call in the hallway and asked to postpone the meeting for two days’ time, “I also want to present the findings to all the other partners and go over everything with them first.”
Half an hour later, Albert himself called to ask if I could come in, even for just two hours, “After that you can take a week off,” he added, and even asked to speak to Alex to congratulate her.
I went back to work a week later. An hour after I arrived at the office, Maureen came over asking if I could meet Albert in his office at six in the evening. Of course I cleared my schedule.
“Sit down, Julian,” he smiled and I felt comfortable as I sat down and saw the booklet I had made, placed in a plastic sleeve at the center of the table with a yellow highlighter on it.
“Do you know why I called for you?”
“I think I do,” I smiled back, spread my hands on the armrests and crossed my legs.
“Coffee?” Maureen came in and gave me a glass of water.
“Water’s fine, thank you.”
“Here you go,” he took a silver coaster out of a drawer and waited for Maureen to leave and shut the door behind her.
“You did quite a job here,” he tapped the pages with his fingers,” I wanted you to be the first to know, we got the offer, a lot of it is thanks to you.”
“It’s thanks to all of us, Albert,” I took a little sip and placed the glass down, “I pretty much knew that once they get a deeper understanding of the numbers they’d want to invest,” I straightened up and leaned on the chair.
“Julian, we’re selling the company.”
“First of all, I’d like to thank you all. You’re the ones who did all the hard work, myself and the other shareholders did nothing but approve the cheques this year.” The crowd laughed and Albert took the microphone off the stand. “A special thank you to the managers, who never took their foot off the gas, and gave the new overseas management a thorough briefing. Two or three of us will be flying out there in the next couple of days for a few weeks of tying off any loose ends. But I mainly want to thank one person. Julian, get over here! Come say a few words!”
The looks sent over to me were accompanied by applause.
“I’ll call again in a bit, if he wakes up one more time I’ll come over,” Alex quickly hung up and reached out her hand to me as I got up from my chair. My hands were sweaty as she stood up and gave me a kiss.
“Friends, Julian was the man with the vision, he deserves this!” The band behind Albert started playing Queen’s “We Are The Champions”. “And he did all of that in the same year his first daughter was born,” he raised his voice into the microphone.
“Son,” I mumbled over the applause.
“The stage is all yours,” he gave me the microphone as I stood next to him.
The band faded out the song. About three hundred pairs of eyes, colleagues and their spouses, were looking over at me from their seats, arranged around the big round tables. Glamorous women in evening gowns and men in tuxedos, some of whom were holding glasses of wine or champagne, all waiting for me to start talking. Two and half months have past since he told me the company was being bought, and already I was standing on that stage, and what? As what exactly? What was I supposed to tell them? I felt a slight shiver. “Wow, I didn’t really umm… plan on saying anything, but umm… It’s been a tough time for us, all of us. I got to know some of you well, and some of you less. For instance, I know that Helena from Finances has yoga every Tuesday and Thursday, George from Technology is scared of flights, sorry, hates flights, and even that Nicole, who we all know, is allergic to almonds s
o they can’t be in her salad dressing.” Everyone laughed. My left hand was shaking, I put it in my pocket and continued. “A big thank you to your spouses too, for putting up with you since I took on the job, and mainly thank you to my dear wife Alex.” She stopped staring at her phone, looked up at me and smiled. “We’re all embarking on a new journey. I have personally reviewed all of your recommendation letters, together with your department managers. Each person here has also received a healthy bonus, according to your role and years spent with the company, so don’t spend it all in one place, huh? Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for working around the clock, and good luck to us all.” I got slightly dizzy for a second as I passed the microphone back to Albert. “Oh yeah, sorry,” I took the microphone back, “And thank you to Albert and the shareholders for putting their faith in me.”
Albert shook my hand and everyone applauded again.
The stairs that led offstage went blurry for a moment, then became clear again. I smiled at everyone as I walked down, and the band resumed playing. I went straight back to the table where Alex and I were sitting together with a few more people.
“She’s really good, this babysitter,” she kissed me and looked at her phone as I sat down, “She keeps sending me updates.”
“Great, great,” I nodded at her.
“Sorry honey, you spoke really well,” she turned to me and placed her hand on my leg, “I’m a little uneasy.”
“It’s alright Ali,” I caressed her hand, staring at the people who were getting up and gathering into a tight line at the buffet.
“Come on, so that we manage to eat something,” she got up, fixed her dress and waited for me to get up too.
“Yes, yes of course,” I gave a little cough and spat into a napkin without anyone noticing.
We slowly advanced towards the beginning of the line, which had already reached the entrance to the hall. I tried to look above people’s shoulders to see what was written on the little black signs by the food stands, while Alex continued corresponding with the babysitter. Wild salmon fillet dressed in lemon, ginger and honey. Lamb cutlets. Organic chicken breast in a cherry tomato sauce. Whole rice with mushrooms. White rice. Potato gnocchi. Mixed cheese gnocchi. Caesar salad. Leaf salad. Root vegetable salad with sesame.
