“Yeah? Anyone else gotta go?”
“Smoke put in for a transfer to Florida.”
“Good riddance.”
“Amen. I’m keeping an eye on Tiny, but I think everyone else is solid. We’ll see what happens when Sway comes home.”
“God help you.” His phone rings and he smiles when he checks to see who it is. The call can only be from Hope. I doubt he looks like that when anyone else calls him. “Hey, baby doll. You almost here? I’m out front with Z.”
“You want me to go?” I ask when he hangs up.
“Nah, stick around. She wants to see you.”
Not sure I should intrude on their brief window of time together, I nod. A few minutes later, she pulls in and Rock goes over to open her door. The intensity of their affectionate greetings hasn’t lessened while I’ve been away. That’s a good sign.
When Rock’s finished properly molesting his wife, much to the delight of evening traffic, she turns and beams at me. “Z! What are you doing here?” She hurries over and envelops me in a ruthless hug. “I’m so happy to see you,” she mumbles against my cut.
For some reason, Hope, more than anyone else, makes me home sick and I hug her back just as hard. “Miss you, sweetheart.”
“Nothing is the same without you.”
“Yeah, no one comes barging through our screen door every morning,” Rock adds.
“Is it really ‘barging in’ if I do it every day and you’re expecting me?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, stop.” Hope slaps her hand against Rock’s chest. “We miss you.”
“Eh.” Rock wobbles his hand from side to side.
Ignoring his comment, but keeping her arms around him, she asks me what I’m doing here. “Don’t tell me you missed CB so much you had to visit?”
“No. I went to visit Grinder, so I wasn’t far. Thought I’d stop in and see how Dex was doing. Never expected to find Rock here.”
Her mouth turns down at the mention of Dex’s name. “The club’s having a rough time lately.”
“We’ll get through it. We always do.”
“How’s Lilly? Chance? We’re supposed to get together again sometime next week.”
“I think she’s looking forward to it.”
“Good.” She pauses. “You said you saw Grinder? How was he?”
To my knowledge, Hope’s never met him. Only heard things Rock or one of the brothers has told her. But her love for the club runs deep and extends to all the members.
“Hard to say. Tired, but in good spirits. As good as anyone can be in his situation.”
“I hope it’s not much longer until he gets out. I know he’ll probably need a lot of help getting adjusted…” Her voice trails off and she glances up at Rock.
He squeezes her shoulders. “Club’ll help him figure it out.”
The front door slams open and Blue sticks his head outside. “Rock, need your help.”
Rock growls and I turn to answer Blue’s request. “I’ll—”
“No, I got it. Stay with Hope for a minute,” Rock says, stalking off.
Hope watches him go with anxiety glittering in her eyes.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I try to reassure her.
“Oh, I’m more worried he’s so pissed about being here. He’ll bite some poor girl’s head off.”
I roar with laughter. “All this time, and the stuff you worry about still blows my mind.”
She grins. “Good.”
The door opens again and Blue steps out. He nods to Hope. “He should only be another minute. Sorry, Mrs. North. He said you can wait inside if you want.”
She glances at the door and smooths her hands over her sweatshirt. “Uh, no. Thanks. I’m fine out here with Z.”
“You okay?” I ask after Blue goes back inside.
“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine.” She tips her head back. “It feels good to be outside.”
“The sunshine agrees with you. You’re prettier than ever.”
“Oh, please. I look like I’ve been put through the spin-cycle.” Her gaze shifts to the door again.
“You didn’t bring Grace?”
“Nope. She’s having some afternoon snuggle time with Auntie Trinity.”
Ah, shit. Now I miss Trinity too.
“Rock didn’t want to expose her to CB so early.” Her lips twist with humor, but I can picture Rock saying something to that effect.
“More like he wanted to show you the backseat of his SUV while you were here.”
She giggle-snorts into her hand. “Possibly. Except, I’m pretty sure he has his bike.”
“Feel free to use my office. Not like you two haven’t defiled it before.”
Her cheeks turn pink, which cracks me up even more, and she reaches out to smack my arm. “Ugh, does Lilly realize what she’s getting into?”
“That I’m a total deviant? I think it’s what she loves about me the most.”
Her laughter eases up and she’s all seriousness again. “Things are good with you two?”
“Better than ever.” It sounds flip, but the words roll off my tongue so easily because they’re true. “I’m kind of shocked how well she’s taken to all the club stuff.”
“I’m not. Lilly’s smart and practical. Plus, she’s always had a bit of bad girl in her.”
“Beauty, brains, and deviance. My dream woman.”
A hesitant expression freezes her face. “You’ve forgiven her?”
“I don’t know if forgive is the right word. I understand.” I jam my hands in my pockets. “I’m not as worried about her leaving again as I was.”
“Nothing worth having comes without risking your heart.” She grins and squeezes her hands together. “I’m so happy for you. This is perfect.”
“We’re far from perfect, but I’m damn happy.”
“You deserve to be happy, Z. And I can’t think of a better man for Lilly.”
I like that Hope sees me that way. Settling down with one woman, fatherhood, neither of those things seemed appealing to me before I met Lilly. And honestly, I wasn’t sure I was cut out for it.
Sometimes I’m still not.
“I love the club and everything, but I also really love just being home with both of them. I don’t know, doing small stuff.”
“Chemistry is wonderful, and from what I’ve heard, you two have it in abundance.”
A rumble of laughter explodes out of me. “You could say that.”
“But,” her expression turns soft and dreamy, “I think the real magic comes from all the beautiful, ordinary moments you share together. That’s where the love grows, and where the foundation for a relationship that will go the distance flourishes.”
“Christ, woman, you’re going to make me tear up here.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to ponder this.”
Something in her tone makes me ask, “You miss working?”
“Honestly? Not yet. I haven’t had time to. And I don’t care how silly any of my lawyer friends think it is, but Grace will only be this little once. I don’t want to miss it.”
“Anyone who runs their mouth is probably jealous they couldn’t spend time with their own kids.”
She gives me a thoughtful nod. “Maybe. Everyone’s journey is different, you know? I just wish some wouldn’t judge so harshly.”
“Someone give you shit, Hope? Do I need to kick some ass?” I make a big show of cracking my knuckles. “Because I’ll do it.”
“No.” She laughs. “I’m fine.”
Before I give it too much thought, my biggest fear jumps out of my mouth. “I’m worried this happy phase won’t last and I’ll get bored eventually and do something stupid. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Oh, Z,” she touches my arm. “I think the fact that you’re worried about that is a sign it won’t be an issue. You’re going to go through ups and downs. It can’t be all sunshine and rainbows a hundred percent of the time. Those down times will help you appreciate the rainbows so much more.”
/>
“Interesting way to put it.”
“If you ever feel that way, then talk to her. From what I’ve seen, in so many of the cases I handled, communication, or lack of it, was the cause of so much misery. Not talking about things or having a partner you’re not comfortable sharing your feelings with and then letting it fester into resentment and hatred causes more damage than anything.”
“That makes sense.”
“And don’t take this the wrong way—”
“Here we go again.”
She laughs and continues. “Strong men like you—and I don’t just mean physically strong. Strong mind and character—have a hard time admitting they even have feelings sometimes. It’s okay to be vulnerable with the right person.”
“What makes them the right person?”
“That you trust them not to use your fears against you.”
What are my biggest fears? Lilly leaving again. Not being a good enough father. Making the wrong decisions for the club.
Lilly’s reassured me in all three areas lately.
“Besides, you’re settling down later in life—”
“Thanks, Hope. Appreciate the reminder.”
“I don’t mean it in a bad way.” She points to herself. “As the oldest “new mom” at the play groups, I feel I can speak with authority here.”
“But I bet you’re the prettiest one too.”
“Aw, Z, you’re so sweet. Seriously though, you’ve done a lot of living. You already know what’s out there. I mean, you must have volumes upon volumes of experience—”
When someone you actually like and respect puts your life in perspective, it’s a lot less entertaining. “All right. I get your point.”
She grins at me. “You don’t have to worry whether you’re ‘missing out’ on something. I don’t think you’ll be bored. Or if you are, you’ll be grateful for it because you know what really matters.” She reaches up and taps my chest over my heart.
“We should have you teach a class for prospects, ‘there’s more to life than fresh pussy’ or something.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t deflect because I touched on a vulnerable area, Z. It’s beneath you.”
“Actually, I think it’s exactly my thing.”
Another eyeroll. Shit, growing up would’ve been a lot more entertaining if I’d had a sister instead of the two dumbfuck siblings I ended up with.
“So, you still have no regrets about this?” I nod at the front door to Crystal Ball. “The club, everything?”
“Zero regret, Z. Absolutely.”
“Rock doesn’t drive you crazy with all his overprotectiveness? I’m kinda shocked he let you drive here on your own today.”
She snorts and doesn’t disagree. “Oh, he makes me nuts. But I love him and I know it comes from a good place.”
“It does,” I agree.
“I think you were the first person to point that out to me. Wrath might have tried, but—”
“His message is a little harsher?”
“Just a tad.”
The door opens and Rock finally steps back outside. “Jesus Christ, I forgot all the petty bullshit that goes on here.”
“What’s wrong?”
“My ears are still bleeding. Jasmine stole Pepper—”
“Poppy?”
“Whatever. Someone stole some expensive eyeliner from someone, so someone else flushed another girl’s shit down the toilet. Kill me.”
Hope giggles into her hands. “I’ve told you guys, you really need a female manager or something to handle this stuff before it gets out of hand. Someone who will understand their concerns without belittling them, but also lay down the law.”
“I laid down the law,” Rock says. “I told them to both go the fuck home.”
“Jesus, Rock, it’s Thursday night,” I remind him.
He shrugs. “Willow said Swan’s coming down later. She needs the extra money.”
“Did you ever think of having Swan manage the girls?” Hope asks.
“I have,” I answer. “She’s gotten better at sticking up for herself, but I don’t think she wants to dance much longer.”
“Yeah, she’s trying to get her yoga teaching going.” Hope shrugs. “Well, I guess the place has been successful this long the way it is. Ignore my advice.”
“No, it’s good advice, Hope. I’ve just never found the right person.”
Rock finally seems to shake off his annoyance and he slides his arms around Hope, pulling her against him. “What’d you bring for dinner?”
“It’s in my car.”
“Why don’t you two go out for dinner? I’ll watch things til you get back.”
“You don’t have to do that, Z. Don’t you need to get—”
Rock cuts off Hope’s protest. “Thanks, brother.” He plucks Hope’s car keys out of her hand and tugs her toward her car. “Be back in an hour,” he calls out over his shoulder.
“Bye, Z!”
Laughing, I duck inside.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Z
Since things are calmer downstate, now that I’m not looking over my shoulder constantly, another trip to Empire shouldn’t hurt.
Asking Loco for a favor isn’t exactly high on my list of favorite activities. Hell, I’d avoid it for the rest of my life if I could.
Rock gave our favorite eccentric pimp a head’s up that I’d be stopping by. Not the smartest idea to roll up on Loco without warning him.
Malik opens the front door to the brothel or whatever you want to call it. Usually one of the girls answer, so that’s a sign something’s off.
Malik holds out his hand and pulls me in for a quick slap on the back. “How you been, brother?”
Here, I’ll call him brother. When he’s at our place wearing his prospect cut, then he’s only prospect.
“Not bad. Not bad. Headed to CB in a few. You’re missed, Z. Missed a lot. When you coming back, Z?”
“No clue yet.”
“You said, yet. So at least that means you’re coming back.”
“Fuck yeah, I am.”
“Zee-roh!” Loco stands to greet me when I walk into his ridiculous office. I can’t describe it any better than French whorehouse meets the Pope. Lots of gold, velvet, and three-dimensional wallpaper.
“How you been, Loco?” I let him pull me in for a quick hug and slap on the back too. Loco has relentlessly irritated Rock for years, but I’ve always found him more entertaining than annoying. Usually. We’ll see how today goes.
“Wow.” He steps back and drags his dramatic gaze over me from head to toe. “Never thought I’d see the day you’d be wearing a president patch. Crazy times we livin’ in.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“How’s Rock taking it?”
I shrug, not comfortable discussing my club’s dynamics with an outsider. Especially after what’s gone down lately.
“Sit, sit.” He gestures to one of the blue velvet chairs in front of his gilded desk.
Once I’m seated, he leans in. “How’s Sway doing?” He holds up his hands before I have a chance to answer. “I know it’s probably club business, but I’m worried about the guy too.”
Loco does business with Sway sometimes and his condition isn’t exactly a state secret. “He’s doing better. Seems stronger every time I visit.”
“That’s good. Damn, that’s gonna be one amazing comeback.” He hesitates and frowns. “Where’s that leave you?”
“Free to return upstate.”
“No shit? Really? After you’ve had a taste of prez power, you gonna give it up? Just like that?”
“Not interested in power, Loco. Upstate is home.”
He nods and strokes his hand over his chin. “I can respect that, Z. You’re a rare breed.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“What brings you by?”
I’m sure he wouldn’t mind dragging this social call out the rest of the afternoon. We could play ‘have you ever’ and dance around the senato
r’s name, but I don’t have the time or patience for those games. “You ever send any girls to see Senator Kelly?”
“Whoa.” Loco sits back against his chair with a dramatic thump. “You going right for it, huh?”
“I don’t have time to waste.”
“And I appreciate you not wasting my time. Since your club has always been such a good friend to my crew and we work together, I’m not gonna run you around.”
“Appreciate that.” I’m starting to understand better why Loco irritates Rock so much.
“Yeah, I know the ex-Senator fuck.”
Well, all right then.
“His trial’s still going.”
“I watch the news, Z.”
“Figure he’s gonna be feeling lonely. Maybe a little anxious since his wife left.”
“Yeah.”
“Since you’re the only game in the area, I need you to let me know if he calls looking for a girl.”
It’s not a difficult request, but Loco looks away and taps his fingers against the arm of his chair a few times before answering. “Are you planning to intercept the transaction?”
“You mean, go instead of the girl? Possibly.”
He stares at me for a few seconds. “You plannin’ to have some sort of personal chat with him?”
“Maybe not a chat.” I can’t afford for Kelly to see me again and connect me to Loco. What I’m really after is access to the man’s car when no one else will be around. Can’t think of a better place than the large, private garage behind Loco’s place where the more high-profile clients usually park. I’m not sure I want to let Loco know that I might be planting a bomb in one of his customer’s cars.
“I’m gonna be totally straight with you, Z. He roughed up one of my girls. She was scared, so she didn’t tell me about it right away.” He holds up his hand and shakes his head as if I questioned him. “She was new. Didn’t realize I won’t tolerate anyone putting hands on my girls.” He smirks. “Well, handling them in a way that hasn’t been negotiated in advance.”
“And?”
“Because she didn’t tell me until he’d been arrested, I couldn’t do anything about it. But I was planning to have a serious conversation with him if he came back here.”
Zero Regret Page 25
