by Kelli Walker
“I know you disapprove. You don’t have to tell me.”
“Disapprove? Honey, I want you to be happy. That’s all.”
I hunched back down and let my chin rest on my knees, trying to figure out what being happy would actually mean.
Ryan
“Dad, that doesn’t even make sense. You’re mad that I left her alone, but you don’t want me to keep seeing Harley?”
“Of course, it doesn’t make any sense to you. You never listen. You just do whatever you want, regardless of how much it hurts anyone else. You’re selfish, Ryan. You always have been. I don’t know where you got it from. Neither of your brothers would ever be so cruel.”
“Well, Dad, I’m not them, and I’m still trying to understand how you think I’m being cruel. She loves me… and I love her. We’re trying to work things out. I just don’t understand how anyone could have a problem with that, least of all you.”
I could tell that the anger my father was feeling wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. I began to wonder if, maybe, some of it didn’t have anything to do with me, but instead was just him still dealing with the loss of my mother. He scoffed and reiterated his stance of unclear disapproval.
“I’m not going to argue with you, Dad. I didn’t want to fight, I just thought… I wanted to share with you what’s going on.”
“Well, Ryan, not everything is about what you want.” He stomped off, leaving me alone in the kitchen of my childhood home.
Hollis entered with his brow raised as if to say, “Whoa. That got out of hand quick.” He grabbed a fresh bottle of beer from the fridge and sat down across from me as I rubbed the argument’s exhaustion from my eyes.
“Don’t worry about it, Ryan. He’ll come around.”
I looked up at him, emphasizing my disbelief.
“Or… not. Either way, we’re with you on this. Eventually, Dad will see you’re happy, and he’ll stop hounding you so much. You have to understand, he’s trying to get past his own pain right now. He has to do that before he can start to forgive anything else in his life.”
“Oh, come on, man. You heard him. If he had a point, I’d understand, but he doesn’t even know why he’s mad. It’s been that way since I left. It doesn’t matter what I do; he’ll never not have something negative to say about me or my life.”
“Well, in his defense, you did kind of make Harley a part of the family… then left us standing here while you skipped town back to school. I don’t know if anyone ever told you - probably not seeing as it was so long ago - but Harley came over to the house the next day after you’d gone. She was looking for you, wanting to talk. You weren’t here, so Dad sat down with her, trying to console a sobbing, heartbroken teenage girl. You think he’s done a shit job considering your emotions? He told her she was better off because she’ll have more time for girl stuff, like shopping and getting her hair done.”
“You’re lying. That didn’t happen.”
“I swear to God, it did. So, give the old man a break. If you do what you say you’re going to do and don’t run back East anytime soon, you two might actually run out of things to argue about and find a way to get along.”
I was still guarded from the argument, so I didn’t know how to say so, but I knew Hollis was right. Refusing to deal with my familial emotions, I decided to run instead.
“Whatever. I guess we’ll see. I’m going over to the park for the picnic. I told Harley I’d meet her.”
I picked Harley out from the crowd of sundresses, suits, and kids before I’d even parked the car. She was beautiful, and I was instantly enamored. She stood in a clearing amid the trees, sunlit and glowing compared to everyone else. I recognized the dress she was wearing, the white with blue patterned flowers. It was the one I’d seen her in when she was arranging flowers for that wedding way back when.
I removed the key from the ignition and stepped out, standing on the edge of the parking lot and looking down. She looked so sweet, helping out an older couple find a seat and shooing a group of scurrying children from where everyone was trying to eat.
She stood straight, and I felt my blood burn as the sun caught her body. Harley ran a finger over her ear, clearing a loose strand of hair from her eyes while she looked my way. She saw me, froze, then burst into a brilliant, fateful smile.
However stony my demeanor had been before from the altercation with my father, the sight of her brought me instant happiness and melted my heart.
Harley
I had been nervous all day, wondering if Ryan would show up for lunch. After their renewed sense of time together, I didn’t want to be away from him for even another second. He had dropped me into a freefall, and I could no longer tell which way was down. All I knew was that I wanted to be with him, and I never wanted it to end.
I knew that I had already fallen back in love with him, hard, fast, and absolute. I wasn’t surprised. I knew it would happen, and that was why I tried to stay away from him for so long. But now, the doors were open. There was no way for me to turn back, and, despite my apprehension, I was beginning to accept that. Part of me feared that it would end the same as it had before, but I was beginning to allow myself to hope: maybe it was possible that something different, something better, could be in store.
All I could do was to wait and see, hoping that, if all else, the cause for it not working this time with Ryan wouldn’t be me.
I looked up from amid the picnic frenzy of people talking, laughing, and eating. I glanced toward the parking lot, and there he was. I couldn’t have been happier, and I allowed myself to show it. Ryan’s face was hardened, looking more than a little sad, but when I smiled, he saw me, and, even across the field, I was relieved to see his eyes light up, too.
I hurried between the families and swarms of little children playing, skipping across the grass and wrapping my arms around him, aching for him to hug me tightly.
He did exactly as I hoped, but when I slid back to my feet, I could tell something was off.
“Mmmmm. Hi. Wait, what’s wrong?”
He told me not to worry, that everything was going to be fine.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Dad decided that we haven’t had a decent disagreement in almost a day, and that was just totally unacceptable. What can I say? At least we’re consistent.”
He paused, smirking bitterly. “I’m happy to forget about it if that’s okay. It’s not even worth thinking about, and I would much rather focus on being here with you. By the way, you look absolutely beautiful. Like… I don’t even have the words to say it.”
I could tell he meant it, and I believed him. I smiled broadly in the sunshine, trusting him that everything would be better than it ever had been.
I took his hand in mine, and our arms swung between us as I skirted Ryan off to say hello to my folks.
“Harley, there you are. Mrs. Crawford was asking for you. I have no idea where she waddled off to… Oh! Hello there, Ryan! What a pleasant surprise seeing you here.”
My mother beamed, propping a wrist at her hip, leaning back with all of her weight on that leg while gesturing with her other hand.
“Hello, Mrs. Andrews. It’s very nice to see you as well.” The moment fell a little awkwardly as neither of them knew how to proceed. Finally, they teetered together in a brief, fragile hug.
“Just what in God’s name is going on here?”
“Roger! That isn’t funny. Keep your blasphemy at home where it belongs, not at a church picnic, for heaven’s sake.”
My mother was exasperated, but my father didn’t mind. He smiled at Ryan and offered him an open palm.
They shook hands and took turns kind of clapping each other on the opposite shoulder. It was strange to see after so long, but the sight still sent squirms of movement in my belly.
We had fun together throughout the church picnic. Ryan meshed wonderfully with my parents in spite of the years apart. I laughed till my sides ached as he played games with the mill of tykes and kids, competing in his expensive c
lothes and never showing any sign he minded as he emerged from the grass, covered in dirt and smiling.
As one of the younger boys got knocked over by accident, wanting to play with the big boys who were trying to wrestle Ryan to the ground by sheer numbers alone, he protectively held them all back and stooped to help the little lad. He wiped big globs of tears from the small boy’s eyes, comforting and paying him special attention until a toothless smile again gleamed from ear to ear. My heart fluttered at the sight as the boy held his arms up to Ryan, and he picked the miniature man up. Together they fought off all the bigger boys, and I quickly had to wipe yearnful tears from my eyes before he might see.
Ryan
“So, Ryan. You’ve been back home for what, a month now? How are you able to keep up with your company when all I hear about is how much time you’re spending with my daughter?”
I smiled and finished my mouthful of food, noting that I was slyly being put on the spot right in the middle of the dinner with Harley’s family.
“Well, Mr. Andrews, Joe and I have spent a long time making sure every line of communication within the company - from the client to the customer service representatives, from the managers to the technicians, all the way down to the guys in the mailroom playing poker when nobody’s looking - they all know exactly what’s expected of them and everybody knows how to work together and get the job done, even when no one is looking. Although I hadn’t necessarily planned on testing it just yet, it has been nice to see that system working. It has me wondering if maybe I might actually be able to keep from going back to working such long hours.”
Harley’s father nodded with a knowing twinkle in his eye, and I knew that he recognized and respected my clever parry of his insinuations concerning Harley and me. “You aren’t planning on going back to New York, then?”
I glanced sideways at Harley, noting how big her eyes got. She stared at her father as if begging him to stop talking, but with the question already hanging, she tried to look at me as passively as possible for my answer.
“I know I’ll have to at least go back for a couple days at some point, but honestly, I’m not really looking forward to it. I’ve really enjoyed being home, getting to spend so much time with Harley… Whenever I do go back, I don’t think that it will be for long. I was actually thinking of buying a house here in town and was hoping that you, Mrs. Andrews, might have some hints on where to start looking.”
“You mean… You’re moving back here? Leaving the big city behind?”
“Well, I’m not sure that I can quite get away that easily. I’m sure I’ll still have to maintain some sort of presence with the company, but… yes, at least part of the time. I think it’s time I came home for good.”
I nervously looked sideways at Harley, but I needn’t have been worried. The look of surprise, excitement, and love on her face was unmistakable. I had been planning on messing with her before sharing the news, but I was glad that I hadn’t. Her expression of joy was too pure for me to have diminished for just a few laughs.
“Well, Melissa, didn’t you say the Anderson place was about to go back on the market?”
“Oh, Roger, I know you don’t listen when I talk about work, but, honestly. You don’t have to make it so obvious. I sold that old dump almost six months ago. Heavens, the family who bought it, knocked it down not long after that, and you’ve been driving past it every day to and from work.”
Mr. Andrews grimaced with self-inflicted pain and amusement, making a show of hiding his face before taking a very, very long draught from his wine glass.
“Now, let me think. There aren’t many bachelor pads that I know of, nothing worth sinking a dollar into. I do know of a few farmhouses down past the farmer’s market, and I always have half-a-dozen rowhouse units near the school I’m trying to find someone to take.”
“Hmmm, I’d love to hear more about the farmhouses, especially if there’s land involved. Honestly, I’d rather have a little bit farther of a drive into town and have a place worth improving than be stuck in a corner lot and not being able to see anything out the windows other than the neighbor shaving or his wife taking out the recycling in her slippers and bathrobe.”
Harley’s father took his chance to jump back in. “That’s a very mature way to look at it, Ryan. We had to make the same choice so many years ago. I don’t think we’ve regretted being all the way out here once. A man needs space to think if he’s going to put down roots, especially if you’re ever planning on having a family of your own.”
The suggestion took the rest of the table a little off guard. Nobody was ready, willing, or wanting to partake in that particular discussion. My face burned in embarrassment, and I refused to meet Harley’s eyes. I don’t think I wanted to know whether I would see shock, like mine, or another, more hopeful emotion, like excitement or expectation.
Luckily, Harley’s mom jumped in with more on her real-estate analysis, saving me from the uncertainty.
“I’ll put together a list and send it to Harley. That way, you two can go check each one out at your own leisure. Just let me know when you’re heading over and, of course, tell me if there are any questions you have about each property.”
Harley took my hand under the table and squeezed. We locked eyes, and I smiled. I could feel her trembling.
With dinner over, I expected to move into the living room to spend more time with Harley and her family. Instead, she asked if I would join her on a walk. Of course, I agreed, happy with however Harley wanted to spend our time together.
The screen door screeched shut behind us with a wooden thud as it clapped back against the front door frame. She took my hand, interlacing her fingers in between mine, and we descended the porch steps together, stepping out into the evening dusk.
“It'll be fall soon.”
I nodded my head. “Yeah. That’ll be nice. The summers are great here, don’t get me wrong. The springs are nice, too, but autumn up here really is special. Back East, they’re horrible. One day it’s summer, the next you never want to go outside.”
We continued walking and, as we turned to cross down an aisle between two rows of corn ready to harvest, I wondered where she was leading me.
“Harley, where on earth are we going?”
“I thought we might go back to my place. Thank you for indulging my parents for dinner. I know they appreciated it, and I’m sorry my dad can be… intrusive.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It didn’t bother me a bit.” I ignored the spot in the back of my mind remembering the comment about having a family, but luckily, Harley did as well or otherwise didn’t see fit to bring it back up.
“I can’t believe you want to move back here! When did you decide?”
“Uh… I’m not really sure. I guess I didn’t, not really. I mean, I’m serious about it, but it just sort of occurred to me as the next step in all of this.”
“So, you’ll go look at the houses with me? You weren’t just saying that to appease my parents?”
“What? No! I mean, no, I wasn’t just saying it. I am absolutely going to go look at them, and I’d love it if you came with me.”
In the growing darkness, it was difficult for me to judge her expression. Her excitement was obvious, and it streamed forward in short bursts, but as we kept walking and talking, I couldn’t help but feel like she still wasn’t sold on believing it to be real.
As her front porch came into view, I stopped walking. I kept hold of Harley’s hand, forcing her to stop, too. She wasn’t expecting it, and the motion pulled her around to face me. I took her other hand in mine, leaned forward, and kissed her passionately.
She let me kiss her, but at first, she didn’t respond. As the kiss drew on, I could feel her melting against me. She wrapped her hands up my chest, and mine fell to take hold of her waist.
We approached her front door, stopping and starting again amid long embraces. Harley threw open the door, and we were inside, tearing at each other’s clothes before the hinges ha
d swung to click the lock back shut.
Harley
Ryan shoved at the door, pushing it closed, but already I had his shirt half unbuttoned. My eyes glanced up to his, and as they caught his towering glare, my hands slowed, feeling a heat pulsating around us. I moved the last button from its clasp and lifted my hands up, slowly running my fingertips down his warm, tanned skin. Leaning in, I brushed my lips along his collar bone, pulling his shirt back and over his shoulders. He let it slip down his arms to the floor before reaching around, pressing his finger beneath my chin.
As my head raised, his lips met mine. I froze, feeling the emotion wrapped in lust as he held me there, kissing me with a simplistic passion. A flutter of familiar emotion danced in my chest, dancing around the rhythmic pulses of my heart. As he slowly pulled back, his eyes locked to mine, and he carefully lifted my dress, gently this time, over my head. I watched as he turned, carefully draping it over the pedestal to the right, sitting beneath my window.
My nerves stood up on end as his hands came back, gently rubbing down my arms. He leaned in, kissing my neck as he clicked free the clasp of my lace bra. I let the straps fall down my arms, and I watched his every expression as his eyes drank in the bareness of my skin. He was different but, at the same time, still Ryan. There was a caring in him that he lacked as a young man, just out of high school, thirsty for the world. Instead, his thirst sat squarely on me.
As his fingertips reached my wrist, he grasped my hand, pulling me around the bed. I followed without question, entranced in his masculine energy. He commanded in the softest tone I had ever seen. The way he moved with assuredness helped me understand how he had created an empire on his own. I couldn't help but follow him. The dominance of the first night had all but left, those walls pushing a bit of anger into my passion crumbled away the moment he stepped onto the lawn for lunch. What I had subconsciously told myself was nothing more than a last hot rendezvous had become a reignition of love and need that both of us had carried with us for far too long.
