by Dale Mayer
“I couldn’t either,” he said, “but good for you for releasing your ex from that.”
“He said he was surprised and that I was a much bigger person than him because he couldn’t do the same thing if our positions were reversed. And he is no longer with my girlfriend. He said he felt like he cheated on both of us.”
“He did,” Jaden said. “Cheating never does anybody any good, and it only hurts all three of you.”
“Well, he’s free to move on. As for my girlfriend, well, she’s made choices that she’ll have to live with too.”
Just then Dennis looked at her from behind the counter and asked, “What can I get you?”
“I’d really like an omelet,” she said.
He moved off to the side, where the omelet station was, and proceeded to make her a custom order. By the time it was done, her mouth watered. She looked at it on the plate, then back at Jaden, who was loading up on sausages and eggs and hash browns. She laughed. It felt good too because she hadn’t laughed in a while. “This is a great place,” she said. “Look at how different our choices were, and yet how excellent they both look.”
“Exactly,” he said. “We’re blessed.”
Dennis happily waved them on and served whoever was coming up behind them. Together, her carrying the heavily loaded tray, they moved outside into the early morning sunshine, instinctively choosing the same table where they had met. She smiled and said, “This feels like a reunion.”
“It is, in a way. I haven’t seen much of you in the last few days.” He tried not to study her too intently. Last thing he wanted was for her to see how interested he was.
Her smile fell away. “No, you haven’t,” she said, “because I had some heavy thinking to do.”
“With your ex?” He kept his tone brisk, as if he were curious but a little detached.
“No,” she said. “My ex and I are definitely that. Exes,” she said with a smile. “I’ve never been one to go backward in life.”
“Good,” he said with satisfaction.
“Oh, you like that, do you?” She cut into her omelet, a big smile on her face.
“Absolutely,” he said. “I was thinking that we’ve become good friends while we’re here.”
“Absolutely,” she said. Then she put down her knife and fork, as she continued to chew, staring at him. She leaned forward. “I haven’t really made any friends here.”
Jaden looked at Brianna in surprise, and she shrugged. “According to Dani and a few other people, I’m still putting out those stay-away vibes.”
“I never listened to them anyway,” he said, with a chuckle.
“Thank you for that.” She sent him a huge beaming smile. “Because, if you had, we wouldn’t be having breakfast together today.”
“Good point,” he said on a laugh. And he dug into his own plate. He inhaled the first part of his breakfast and finally slowed down enough to enjoy it.
“You were hungry,” she noted.
“I was,” he said. “I fell asleep last night, just after talking to you, and I slept right through the night. It was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.”
“And that’s excellent news,” she said. “You’ve come a long way.”
He looked up at her over his forkful of food. “I feel like I have,” he said cautiously. “But I’m still so far away from where Iain is that I know I don’t dare get complacent.”
“Whether you do or don’t,” she said, “it won’t matter because you’ll be the best that you can be, and that’s all any of us can count on.”
“I don’t know that I like the sound of that,” he said with a laugh. “I refuse to end up with less success than Iain.”
She grinned. “Right. Keep that bar high. Now, if only we could live up to all those lofty ideals.”
“Something about being here,” he said, “makes me want to try harder.”
“The people? The program? Or just the air?”
“Not sure,” he said. “Maybe the whole package.”
“Definitely magic is here,” she said. “I’m affected too.”
“Well, if you actually forgave your ex,” he said, “that’s a huge step forward.”
“It is,” she said with a smile. “I feel much freer. Like a weight’s been taken off my shoulders.”
“So, you dropped those walls a little bit,” he said. “And, next thing you know, you’ll be making friends.”
“And see? The thing is, I didn’t even think I was putting up walls,” she said. “So how do I drop walls that I don’t know I have up?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But maybe just be consciously aware of it, and, before you know it, you’ll have people being a little more friendly to you.”
“And maybe I just need to be a little friendlier,” she murmured.
“I think that’s all part and parcel of the same thing. The wall stopped you from being friendly and stopped others from being friendly too. If you step forward and be a little bit more open to those around you,” he said, “I’m sure you’ll get the same feedback coming to you.”
“Something to work on today,” she said. “I’ll see what happens.”
“And you can check in with me tomorrow,” he said, shaking his fork at her, “because everybody needs friends.”
“Speaking of which,” she asked, “when is Iain coming back?”
“Not for a few days yet,” he said, settling deeper into his chair. “I still can’t believe it. He’s a completely different man.”
“In a good way?”
“Absolutely,” he said with a chuckle. “In the best way possible.”
Chapter 11
Brianna had full intentions of reporting back to Jaden about how she was doing with dropping her walls and being friendly. But, at breakfast time the next day, she found herself even more withdrawn. As she sat here, nursing a cup of coffee, Dennis walked over and pulled out a chair, then sat down beside her. She rolled her head sideways, looked at him, and smiled. “How’s Dennis’s morning going?”
“Mine’s fine,” he said with that same bright and cheerful voice, “but you don’t look so hot.”
She chuckled. “Tired and a little worn out,” she said. “I’m fine though.”
He nodded ever-so-slowly and said, “Looks like your heart is heavy.”
“What’s this now?” she asked in a teasing voice. “Do you have X-ray eyes? Can you see my heart sagging in my chest?”
“Hey,” he said, “I don’t even need X-ray eyes to see that.”
She smiled and tried to shrug it off, then gave up and said, “You know when you look at yourself, and you don’t really like what you see?” After a moment of silence, she turned to look at him. But his deep penetrating gaze saw way more than she had expected. Flustered, she once again tried to brush it off. “I’m fine, honestly.”
“A place like this,” he said, “I think it attracts people who aren’t fine.”
She stared at him in shock. “You think Hathaway House is like a magnet?”
“I do believe that, at times, people need something in their lives, and it’s different for every person. And, if they’re open and willing to receive it, then it shows up.” With that cryptic statement, he stood, removed her empty plate, and walked away.
He left her sitting here, stunned. Wouldn’t it be nice to think that such a simple answer was why she was here? Yet she really didn’t need to know why she was here. She was just grateful that she was here. But one of the unsettling thoughts that had occurred to her during the night was that her walls were there for a reason, sure, but it was not just because of her ex but more so because of her lifelong girlfriend, the cheating maid of honor.
This went back to Brianna still feeling so much anger about her girlfriend, even though she was working on forgiveness for her ex. And she felt she was pushing women away more than she was pushing men away. As if she expected men to be cheaters, and she would take them or leave them, depending on the propensity of each one.
But she was also expecting women to be liars and cheaters. As she wasn’t moving toward a relationship with them, she was in danger of not ever having friendships again. She sat here, sorting her way through this conundrum. But it was just too convoluted, and she wasn’t getting anywhere. Finally she stood, refilled her coffee, and walked back to her office. She worked steadily, avoiding everyone through the morning. Rather than going for lunch, she picked up a yogurt, a piece of fruit, and a bottle of milk, then headed outside to the pastures. There, she opened her phone and called her friend in Houston.
“What’s up?” Susan asked.
“Am I different since the break up?” she asked bluntly.
“Yes,” Susan said cautiously. “Everybody is. Including me.”
“Oh.” Brianna didn’t know what to say to that. Because, of course, everybody in her circle would be affected to a certain degree.
“None of us can go through a scenario like that and not be affected,” Susan said slowly. Her voice dropped a little bit. “Watching you go through what you went through was painful, and even I look at men differently now.”
“I was supposed to drop my walls a little bit today,” Brianna said by way of explanation. “Instead, just by observing what I was doing, I realized that my walls were thicker against women.”
“Interesting,” Susan murmured.
“And, of course, I probably caught you at a bad time, haven’t I?” Brianna asked, wincing.
“No, not necessarily,” she said. “I am at work though, so, if I hang up unexpectedly, you’ll know that my boss has come in.”
“I should have waited until you got home.”
“Well, if it was so easy to wait, then you would have. But it obviously wasn’t easy to wait.”
“No,” she said. “It’s just one of the things that I was thinking of.”
“And it’s important to think on all of it, but don’t hash it to the ground forever. At one point you have to walk away,” she said. “Did you come up with anything major?”
“Just the fact that I’m blaming Jenna more than I’m blaming Gerald.”
Silence.
“How ridiculous is that?” Brianna cried out. “As if, in my mind, I half-expected Gerald to cheat, and that a part of me would be okay with it because that’s what men did.”
“For that,” Susan said, “you need to look back at your parents.”
“Do I have to?” she muttered.
“Your dad was a womanizer, and you grew up with that expectation. And, although you were horrified and terribly upset right before your wedding, I was afraid that you might have gone through with it.”
“What does that say about me then?” Brianna asked. “Do I have such low self-esteem that I’m supposed to accept that behavior?”
“Obviously a part of you, the child inside you, believes that that’s what men do because that’s what you saw growing up. But the adult part of you struggles with that and wants something different.”
“And what about the part of me that feels like Jenna was the bigger betrayal?”
“We’ve all been friends for a long time,” Susan said. “The three of us, so I understand. I feel betrayed too.”
“And how do I trust anyone now?” Brianna asked, the sadness sliding through her voice. “I’m trying to heal from this, but it’s like I feel that I don’t deserve more. At the same time, I don’t want women friends because I know that their betrayals will devastate me.”
“So, you’re already putting out the expectation that another female friend will betray you?” Susan asked.
“I’m afraid so. Not you though,” Brianna said hurriedly.
“Good,” Susan said, “because that’ll never happen. But, like you, I’ve shut down a little bit too. I haven’t made new friends, and I’m eyeing the friends who I currently have, wondering if they would do something so horrible to me as well.”
“Right? Is it just something that we heal through time?”
“Maybe. Maybe we must understand that we can’t foresee every incident in life, and we’ll have to bounce back as much as we can. We also have to understand there isn’t necessarily an answer to all these questions.”
“I don’t think I like that,” she said.
Susan chuckled. “No, you always wanted answers. You always wanted clear-cut decisions that we don’t have here.”
“Is that so wrong?” she asked in a small voice.
“No, sweetie, it’s not wrong. It’s just that, right now, you’re feeling alone. And you desperately want to make more connections and more friends, but, at the same time, you’re petrified.”
“Of course I am,” she said, staring across the grass. “I would rather just stay with the animals.”
“And yet that’s not living,” Susan said. “You’ve been hurt. You’ve been knocked down, but you did pick yourself up. You can’t expect that same cheating behavior from other people because that’s not fair to them. I bet Gerald and Jenna were one in a thousand. At least I would hope so,” she said in a wry tone. “Most of the people around you would never do something like that. And they’d be horrified and offended to think that you viewed them in that same light.”
“Which, of course, I’m not viewing them in that light,” she said. “But, at the same time, it’s not so much about viewing them as being worried that they might become that way.”
“I think you just have to get back on that horse and ride it again.”
“And that’s why people become loners and isolated in their houses because they’d tried it again and again and keep getting hurt.”
“So, the idea here is, you learn from this and move on,” she said. “And hopefully you’ll make better decisions as to who your friends are.”
“Jenna and I and you were friends for decades,” Brianna muttered. “I thought I knew Jenna inside and out.”
“I did too,” Susan said. “And now I haven’t had any contact with her since that horrible day.”
“No, me neither,” Brianna said. “I did check, but her Facebook profile is gone too.”
“I checked all the social media sites and found no sign of her,” Susan said. “I also checked in case she had married Gerald and was using his last name, despite the rumors otherwise.”
“According to Gerald’s recent email, they didn’t get that far.”
“Good,” Susan said with a note of asperity. “It’s not fair that they should be happy after all the chaos they’ve caused.”
“I know,” she said. “Look. I’ll let you get back to work. I’m sitting here, trying to find the courage to face women and worrying they are all two-faced liars like Jenna.”
“I think you just have to put your best foot forward and realize that, even if somebody else does betray you that way, you were better off knowing ahead of time and not going down whatever path they’re stopping you from.”
“So, take Gerald and Jenna as a gift and a chance to have a redo on that part of my life?”
“Absolutely,” Susan said warmly. “And you gotta remember that, while Jenna is living her own life and doing her own thing, she has to live with her own actions. The three of us were together forever. I’m sure she’s got to be missing us too.”
After they hung up, Brianna sat on the long grass, eating her lunch quietly. When a voice very close behind her called out, she turned to see Stan walking toward her. She stood near the fence and looked at him. “Hey,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind. I just came down here for some solace.”
“It’s the perfect place to be alone,” Stan said. He was carrying two little kittens.
Immediately she put down the spoon and the yogurt in her hand and reached out for them. He passed them to her, and she looked at him, then smiled and said, “Who are these guys and how come you have them?”
“Their mother abandoned them,” he said, “so we’ve been nursing them for the last couple days, and now hopefully we’ll transfer them over to solid food.”
She hugged them close,
listening to their tiny meows in her ear. “They’re adorable.” But, even as she held them, they curled up in her arms, and their tiny little engines kicked in. “And they’re so very trusting,” she said in wonder.
“Even though they’ve been kicked by life and lost the most important individual in their world,” Stan said with a smile.
Her sharp glance studied his face, but he didn’t appear to have any idea how relevant his words were. For a moment there, she was afraid he’d overheard her phone call. She dropped her head against the two little tabbies curled up next to her and whispered, “But how do you trust after a betrayal like that?”
“Because instinctively we want to trust,” he said. “We’re all looking for a tribe. We’re all looking for our people. Sometimes we make mistakes, and we pick the wrong ones. In these guys’ case, their mother abandoned them. But they’ll transfer their affections to the next warm body and hope for a better life. And, if it doesn’t work out, they’ll get bumped, and they’ll try again. It’s in the nature of who we are to keep trying.”
She nodded slowly. “And I guess, if they get hurt or bumped or injured along the way, it’s just part of life, isn’t it?”
“It’s not only part of life. It’s a very necessary step in life,” he said. “If you never hit any hardship, you wouldn’t grow.” He reached out with his hands, and she gently placed the kittens in them. He tucked them up in his arms and said, “I’ll take them back and let them sleep with their other two siblings.” He gave her a gentle smile. “Enjoy your few moments. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”
“No,” she said. “That’s fine. I needed that.” As he walked toward the vet clinic, she realized how much she did need his words and the feel of those cuddly kittens in her arms. Because he reminded her of something else that she’d forgotten. If she never had hardships or trials in life, she would never grow. One stayed stagnant and supposedly happy in their ignorance, just coasting along. But, if no hiccups and no speed bumps occurred in life, one never really had a chance to learn how to handle them or to have an opportunity to climb up and over them.
