by A. L. Brooks
“And?” she said.
“And…we danced some more, and somehow, I don’t know how really, something just…shifted between us.”
Sylvie shook her head slightly and frowned.
“Look, before you go jumping on me,” Justine said, her hackles rising, “I honestly don’t know how it happened, okay? I didn’t push it. I didn’t once lay on the charm. I just… God, she was there, and she looked so good, and I felt so…new and happy, being with her. The next thing I know, we’re grinding out a slow number together and I just…” She looked up at the ceiling. “I kissed her. It was incredible.”
“Oh, chérie,” Sylvie whispered.
“Then it just seemed like the best idea in the world to take her home. And she agreed, without any hesitation. Only, when we got back here, I couldn’t, um, well, I couldn’t really wait.” She blushed slightly. “I kind of had her up against the front door.”
This time Christina snorted loudly, and both she and Sylvie looked over to the front door, as if expecting to see evidence of the passion that had scorched it only a few days ago.
“Okay, okay, so she spent the night. Now what?” Christina asked.
Justine shook her head. “That’s the thing, she didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” Sylvie asked, her face scrunched up adorably in a confused look.
“She didn’t stay the night. She left. Right after she came.” Justine’s blush deepened. It was mortifying to admit.
She was beyond grateful that neither of her friends laughed.
“She…what?” Christina said, her eyes wide.
“She left. Like, at lightning speed. It turns out she has a partner back home. Admittedly it’s on the rocks, but still…” She trailed off as Alex’s words repeated in her brain. She’d looked so distraught, and it tugged at Justine still.
“She told you that as she left?” Christina looked confused.
“Oh, no. I forgot you didn’t know this bit.” Justine exhaled loudly. “I saw her at work the next day—she works at RCS. She led a training session I had to attend.”
“Holy. Crap.” Christina’s eyes were now so wide, Justine almost laughed. Sylvie was opening and closing her mouth but not making any sound, clearly at a complete loss for words.
Justine pushed her hands through her hair and sighed. “So I persuaded her to go for a drink that night. I really wanted to understand why she’d sprinted away from me when I thought what we’d started was so good. And that’s when she told me she’s in a relationship.” Bile rose as she spoke the words—no matter how much Alex had tried to explain on Thursday evening, Justine still had that reaction.
“Oh, shit,” Sylvie murmured. “Oh, Justine, I am so sorry.”
Justine shrugged, feigning an indifference she really didn’t feel. “Not your fault.”
“I cannot help thinking it is. If I hadn’t cancelled that night, then—”
Justine held up a hand. “Wait. I am not twelve and in need of adult supervision. This is all on me.”
She leaned forwards to retrieve her wine glass and took a hearty mouthful. “So there you have it. I finally attempted to do the right thing and it backfired spectacularly.” She tried—and failed—to keep the bitterness out of her tone. “The thing is, the thing I just don’t get, is that I would never in a million years have said Alex was the cheating kind. I know I only spent two evenings with her, but…” She looked at both of them in turn. “She just seemed too nice for that. She told me her partner had cheated on her, quite recently, and it’s all a bit of mess. She also said she’s never done this before, but I just don’t know what to believe. I do know it hurts like hell,” she confessed in a small voice.
Sylvie touched her arm, tugging her into a gentle hug. “Justine, I don’t know where to start. What a week you have had.” She shook her head. “I feel the same as you about Alex. She did not strike me as someone who would play around. I only spent a couple of hours with her, so I don’t really know what I am basing that on, but I cannot help thinking that what she said was true. That she is not that kind of person normally.”
Justine sighed. “I know. But you know how I feel about cheating.”
Christina snorted again, and Justine and Sylvie looked at her. Christina held up her hands. “Hey, look, you’re my best friend and I love you. But, God, sometimes you can be such an idiot.”
Justine’s mouth fell open. “Gee, thanks, buddy,” she said, hurt at both the words and their blunt delivery.
“Sorry, that came out harder than I planned.” Christine patted Justine’s knee. “I just…look, I hate to burst your bubble, but I think you’re deluding yourself if you think Alex is the first woman you’ve slept with these past eighteen months who was cheating on someone with you.”
Justine rocked back in her seat and her insides turned to ice. “I… What?”
Christina stared at her. “Seriously? You really believe every woman of the plenty you’ve had since Nadia were all unattached?”
“I…I guess I assumed…”
“Yeah, you assumed. But chances are that more than a few were having some fun on the side. I don’t condone it, at all, from any of them. But I don’t think it’s fair to paint Alex as this terrible person in comparison to everyone else you’ve had. Actually, I find myself applauding her honesty, even if it was after the fact. But at least she told you. She didn’t string you along for the week, making you think something more might be possible.”
Justine sipped more of her wine, her mind reeling. She thought back over all the women she’d been intimate with since Nadia. Some she couldn’t remember, but a lot she could. If she thought hard enough, she could separate the ones who’d insisted they go back to Justine’s apartment rather than their place. The ones who said they couldn’t spend the night and left soon after orgasms had been exchanged. Were those the ones playing around? How had this never occurred to her?
She’d been so wrapped up in her own misery, she’d never thought it through.
All she’d sought, every time, was just a few hours where she could forget and simply feel. She hadn’t cared enough about the women in her bed to bother wondering what their stories were. She’d just made sure they both had a good time, then said their goodbyes.
“Are you okay?” Sylvie murmured, and Justine shook herself out of her reverie.
“Yeah,” she said, shaking her head. “Just realising I have been, as Christina so succinctly put it, an idiot. I…I never cared who the other women were, what their stories were. I guess in that respect we’re even—I used them just as much as they used me.” It was an uncomfortable truth to swallow.
“But Alex doesn’t seem to fit that mould, does she?” Sylvie’s voice was gentle but her gaze was probing. “There’s something different about her, isn’t there?”
Justine sighed and put down her glass. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it back off her face.
“Yes. There was something between us, way more than just sexual. It was…amazing.”
“So what do you want to do about that?” Christina asked.
“I have no idea. I mean, now I know we work for the same company, I could contact her, but no matter how incredible that connection was between us, what’s the use?” She ticked off the points on her fingers. “She’s in a relationship, however bad that is for her right now. She cheated on her partner with me, which makes me question a lot of things about her. She’s three thousand miles away.” She looked up at them. “Why am I even having this conversation with you?” She laughed, but it held no mirth.
Sylvie leaned forwards. “Because every time you say her name, something lights up in your face. And it is a long, long time since we saw that happen to you, chérie.”
“I know,” Justine whispered, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat.
“Okay, so it doesn’t have to be her, given all the negatives you just listed,” Christina chimed in. “But isn’t it good to know you can feel that way again about a woman, after all this time? Does it make you want to try and find that now, with someone more accessible?”
Justine sighed. “God, maybe. I don’t know. I think…I think maybe I need a little time to get over this week, to start with. But, yeah, maybe it’s time to start looking for something more than the hookups.”
As she said the words, the truth of them sank in to her soul.
Yes, if there was one thing her experience with Alex had given her, it was the desire to find that certain someone. A woman who made her feel all the things Alex had.
First, though, she needed to forget about Alex. And that wouldn’t be easy.
Chapter 14
“Tea?” Terri asked as they kicked off their boots.
“Yes, that would be great.”
Alex watched Terri saunter off to the kitchen. It had been one of the strangest lunches they’d ever had. They had skirted around each other and a multitude of inconsequential topics of conversation, as if they were merely friendly acquaintances, rather than partners who had been together for five years.
She walked into the bedroom to change into her pyjamas. It was still only four in the afternoon, but she had absolutely no intention of doing anything else on this dreary Saturday than sit in front of the TV. The food at lunch had been good and she was feeling more than a little sleepy again. However, she needed to try to stay awake as long as possible now, so some football, then an action movie should do the trick.
She’d just got settled on the sofa when Terri returned with their tea.
“You’re in your pyjamas already?” Terri looked quizzically at Alex, her frown deep.
“Well, yeah. Not going anywhere now, so thought I would get comfy.”
“Oh.”
“What?”
Terri slumped down next to her on the sofa. “Nothing. I…I guess I thought we would go out for that drink later. You know, at Denise’s.”
“Denise?”
“From the tennis club.” Terri exhaled sharply and stared at Alex. “It was her birthday last week, probably a big one, but she didn’t want to make a huge deal about it. She invited a bunch of us over for drinks and nibbles. I told you about it ages ago.” Her tone held irritation, and it set Alex’s teeth on edge.
She tried to moderate her own tone when she finally did think she could speak. “No, Terri, you didn’t mention this at all. Ever. And I’m sorry, but surely you understand I just don’t have the energy to go out again. Not after flying back this morning.” Even as she spoke she was questioning herself. Had Terri mentioned the party? Alex was pretty sure she hadn’t. Although, these past couple of weeks they’d not really talked to each other, just exchanged odd sentences here and there. It was highly possible Terri had told her and she’d just not listened. Forgetting something like that was just not like her, though. They had so few social engagements together, surely if Terri had told her about it, she’d have popped it in the calendar on her phone, and she’d only looked at that yesterday and not seen anything…
“I could have sworn I told you.” There was a whine to Terri’s voice that Alex found nauseatingly unappealing.
“Well, you didn’t.” Alex tried hard not to snap but didn’t succeed.
They sat in silence for a few moments; Terri’s fingers worried at a loose thread on her jeans, and her foot tapped in a distinctly annoying manner.
Alex’s fight left her in a rush of tiredness and apathy. “You should go anyway. I mean, you’re closer to the tennis club people than I am.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
Alex sighed. Terri sounded almost as relieved as Alex was at the prospect of more time apart. What a farce this was. Tomorrow, she would definitely find the courage to start the conversation they really needed to share.
“Not at all,” she said, injecting a false cheeriness into her tone. “I’m going to sit here and watch loud action movies to keep me awake.”
Terri laughed. “Sounds like a great plan. Cool. I’ll head out about seven, try and get back before the last Tube.” She looked delighted at the plans they’d just made, and Alex tried hard not to feel insulted. She could hardly complain; the idea of the evening on her own was blissful. She only just held back a sad laugh at what they had become.
She waved a hand. “Whatever time you like, no worries. Just promise me, if you find me asleep on the sofa when you get in, wake me up and put me to bed, okay?”
Terri grinned. “Deal.”
Alex shuddered as Justine’s hands swept over her naked torso. Her hands were strong but her touch was light. Her fingertips feathered over Alex’s hard nipples, and her lips swiftly followed, sucking and licking until Alex was writhing and begging for more. Justine smiled and flicked her hair away from her face as she descended to Alex’s mouth and kissed her fiercely, the heat of it exploding all over Alex’s body. The gunfire that followed was loud and continuous, then Linda Hamilton was yelling and leaping through the door with her gun clutched in her hands and—
Alex awoke with a start. Terminator was still playing on the TV. She had a wrench in her neck where she’d slouched to one side and drifted off. Remnants of the dream lingered, part fantasy and part memories of actual touches and kisses that had set her on fire less than a week ago.
She swallowed, aware of the throbbing between her legs, the intense ache that needed to be answered. She slid a hand down inside her pyjamas and wasn’t surprised to discover how wet she was. Torturing herself with remembrances of Justine’s mouth and hands, she slipped her fingers over her swollen outer lips, arching up into the touch as a shiver ran through her. Placing a finger on each side of her already engorged clit, she stroked firmly and rapidly, Justine’s face filling her mind as she got closer and closer. When it hit, her orgasm was a rolling wave of heat that covered her from head to toe. It pulsed through her fingers, but her exhalations of pleasure were tinged with shame. Dreams and fantasies of Justine were forbidden territory, yet she had travelled there so easily.
Far too easily.
She pulled her hand from between her legs and stumbled to the bathroom to clean up. As she washed her hands, she gazed at her flushed face in the mirror with detachment. Her body still tingled with the aftermath of the pleasure she had just bestowed on it, but her mind swirled with the mix of emotions thinking about Justine had stirred in her again. A deep, inexplicable longing mixed with hopelessness.
After drying her hands she pushed her hair back from her tired-looking face. Her eyes were puffy again, and she wanted nothing more than to collapse in bed, but it was still too early, only just past nine. She needed to make it to at least ten before she gave in. Her stomach rumbled, and she padded down the hall to the kitchen. After making tea and toast, she returned to the movie, forcing herself to sit ramrod straight on the sofa so she wouldn’t drift off again. And trying oh so hard to push back the fantasy of Justine sitting beside her, her hands reaching for Alex, her mouth nuzzling Alex’s neck…
The next time she woke, Terri was attempting to get her upright.
“Come on, sleepyhead.” Terri’s voice was amused, and Alex grunted as she allowed herself to be pulled to her feet.
“What time is it?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“Midnight. Come on, get to bed.”
Alex shuffled out of the room with Terri following, switching off lights. “Did you have a nice time?”
“I did. Do you know how long you were asleep on the sofa?”
“No idea.” Alex yawned. “I’ve been drifting off all evening. I’ll probably wake really early tomorrow now.”
Terri frowned. “Maybe. If you do, don’t wake me.”
Alex slipped under the duvet. “I’ll tr
y not to,” she said, yawning again and immediately rolling over onto her side, snuggling down into the warmth of the bed.
A few minutes later Terri was beside her, but she didn’t reach for Alex as she said goodnight.
Alex fell asleep with relief coursing through her.
Christina and Sylvie left a little after ten. They both lingered in their goodbye hugs, and Justine let them. She wasn’t ashamed to admit she needed the comfort of their affection. They’d talked on and off about Alex through the afternoon, as they slowly munched their way through the risotto Justine had prepared. Her friends were trying to understand just what about Alex had affected Justine so, in order to compile a profile of the kind of woman they could set Justine up with next.
“I told you guys, I need a little while yet before I think about dating again.” Justine was firm, pointing a finger at them to emphasise her point.
“We know,” Sylvie said. “We aren’t pushing you, I promise. But we just want to know what we should be looking for.”
“We both know a lot of women, you know that,” Christina said, smiling as Justine raised her eyebrows and sniggered. “You know what I mean. We can help. We don’t have to, of course, if that’s what you’d rather.”
Justine shrugged. “No idea. Give me some time and I’ll let you know. But thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.”
Sylvie leaned across the table to plant a soft kiss on Justine’s cheek. “We love you, chérie. We will always be here for you.”
Justine had shed a few tears then, and all talk of Alex, and dating, and relationships was dropped for the rest of the evening.
After they left, Justine wasn’t ready to sleep. Her mind churned. Talking about Alex so much through the day had left her in a deep funk she couldn’t seem to shake. She really needed to start forgetting about her, but she had no idea where to start. Images of Alex ran through her brain like one of those old, jerky home movies. How she had looked losing herself in the music on the dance floor. The openness she had displayed as they talked. The dry humour she’d often revealed. The wild disarray of her hair when she’d been pressed between Justine’s body and the front door. The feel of her breasts in Justine’s hands, the soft mounds a perfect fit for her cupped fingers.
