“Do I have to pick?” she asked.
He didn’t answer.
“Fine. You do your job.”
He smiled. “It’s probably for the best.”
* * *
“We could have gotten takeout,” Sophie said conversationally as she sat at the kitchen table in her rental.
“I knew you’d be tired of takeout.”
“While that’s really thoughtful, aren’t you tired of cooking?”
Kristine shook her head. “I’ve been on my own for a week. I haven’t done any cooking for myself.” She’d baked plenty of cookies and brownies, but that was different.
She watched the salmon as it sizzled in the frying pan. Less than a minute, she thought, watching the color change on the side of the piece of fish. She turned up the burner under the pot of water she’d brought to a boil before starting the fish, then dropped in the fresh angel-hair pasta she had ready. After giving it a quick stir, she flipped the fish so the skin side was up, stirred the pasta again and looked at her cousin.
“You could pour the wine.”
“Is that polite speak for make myself useful?”
“It is. Plus, I’ll be leaving you with the mess.”
“That’s more than fair.”
Kristine turned off the heat under the salmon about thirty seconds before the fish was done. She quickly drained the pasta then put it in a preheated frying pan and poured in the pesto sauce she’d made that afternoon. After setting the pan on a burner, she plated the fish, added a sprig of fresh dill and put the plates on the table. She returned to the stove, swirled the pasta a couple of times, then poured it into a serving bowl she’d brought with her and carried that over, as well.
They sat across from each other. Sophie raised her glass.
“Inviting you over for dinner was the best decision I made today.”
Kristine laughed. “I feel the same way. Plus, I appreciate the chance to have pesto. The kids hate it and Jaxsen doesn’t care one way or the other, so I never get to have it.”
Sophie twirled pasta on her fork and took a bite. Her eyes sank closed. “You are the most amazing cook.”
“Thank you. Try the fish. It’s amazing, too.”
“Modest much?”
“I know how to pan-fry salmon. I get to be proud of what I do well.”
“You’re right. Sorry.”
There was a meow from the hallway. A very pregnant white cat walked into the kitchen. She sniffed the air and meowed again.
“Someone else appreciates your cooking,” Sophie said, getting up and pulling a small plate from the cupboard.
“Lily,” Kristine said quietly. “Look at you. You left your carrier.”
“She’s getting more comfortable in the house. She’s not exactly friendly, but she’s not hissing anymore.” Sophie put a small amount of salmon on the plate, then set it on the floor.
“She’s huge,” Kristine said. “The kittens can’t be that far off.”
“I know and it completely freaks me out. I’m not ready.”
“What do you have to do?”
“I don’t know. Possibly nothing but what if there’s something? What if she has expectations?”
“She won’t let you pet her. How could she have expectations?”
Lily finished the salmon. She began licking her lips and then slowly rubbed against Sophie’s legs. The sound of an impressive purr filled the kitchen.
“Look at that,” Kristine said, watching the cat. “You’ve won her over with Coho salmon. She can be bought.”
Sophie lightly stroked the cat. Lily rubbed against her fingers. “I like that in a cat.”
They finished dinner then took the wine bottle to the living room where they relaxed on the sofa.
“Are you taking any time off?” Kristine asked, studying the shadows under Sophie’s eyes. “You look tired.”
“I’m working a lot but it’s a short-term problem. Once things are up and running smoothly, I can relax.”
“Sweetie, I’ve known you all my life and I’ve never described you as relaxed.”
“Fine. I’ll go from working seven days a week to six days a week.”
Kristine thought about mentioning that she sounded like Heather, but that would lead to a discussion on Amber and why do that? Then she scolded herself for not being a good cousin.
“You’ve gotten your business together so quickly,” Kristine said instead. “It’s impressive.”
“Thanks. I had good insurance and that helped. At least I’m not cash-strapped.”
Lily joined them. She jumped into one of the chairs and began grooming. Kristine looked around the room.
“The rental is really nice. How long do you think you’ll stay here?”
“I have no idea. At some point I’ll want to buy something, but I’m in no rush.”
Buy something? Kristine tried to wrap her mind around that.
“What?” Sophie asked. “You look shocked.”
“No. More startled. You’re just going to buy a house or condo or something.”
“Yes. Why not? I had a condo I owned back in Valencia.”
“It’s just that you’re so casual about buying a place to live in by yourself.”
Sophie laughed. “I’m not waiting for a man, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not like you, Kristine. You know that. I love CK Industries and that’s plenty for me.”
“So Dugan’s not...”
Sophie held out her hands in the shape of a T. “Time-out. I’ve known Dugan what, three weeks? He isn’t a part of any decisions I’m making.”
“But you’re sleeping with him.”
“So? Sex isn’t a relationship.”
“You don’t think of yourself as being in a relationship?”
“God, no. I mean he’s great. Funny and sexy.” She frowned. “How much did you two talk about me?”
“Some.” Kristine grinned. “I said only good things. When he seemed intrigued, I told him more. Why?”
“You were matchmaking.”
“A little, which is why I want it to be more than just sex.”
“Not everyone wants to fall in love and get married.”
Kristine thought about pointing out that was exactly what Sophie had done once before, only the marriage had never been a happy one. Mark hadn’t been right for her, but Kristine couldn’t help thinking Dugan had a better chance of winning her heart.
“You need someone, Soph. I worry about you being alone.”
“I like being alone.”
“You’re scared.”
“You’re annoying.”
They both laughed.
Sophie picked up her wine. “So what did you do this week? You had the whole house to yourself and speaking of people being unable to relax, did you even try?”
“Sure.”
Sophie snorted. “Want to try that again?”
“I baked a lot, I had the carpets cleaned and the gutters blown out and my car detailed and I did a little spring cleaning myself.”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “I love you and admire you and I could never be you. You’re so perfect.”
Kristine loved her saying that but it wasn’t true. “I’m just as flawed as everyone else.”
Sophie shook her head. “No way. You’re a great mother and a wonderful wife and you can cook. You were even like this when we were younger. You followed the rules and rarely made trouble.” She finished her glass of wine with a big gulp. “My God, you wanted to save yourself for a man you loved and I gave up my virginity to the first guy who would have it after I got tired of my mom assuming I was already having sex.”
Kristine felt her mouth drop open. “You didn’t do that. You would have told me. Sophie, come on.”
Sophie shifted uncomfortably, looking mor
e guilty than Kristine had ever seen her. “You’re right. Sorry. My bad. So you’re excited to have the kids back, huh?”
Kristine’s senses went on alert. Something wasn’t right. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.”
“Sophie, come on. Is it the guy? Are you embarrassed about who he is?” Now that she thought about it, she realized she and Sophie had never talked about Sophie’s first time, which was strange. They talked about everything.
Her completely competent, unrufflable cousin flushed. “I don’t want to talk about this. There’s a reason I never talked about it.”
“You weren’t raped, were you? Please tell me it wasn’t that.”
“It wasn’t. I swear. It was just ninety really lame seconds in the back of a truck. I was young and stupid and he was...” She sighed. “Let’s change the subject.”
Kristine genuinely didn’t understand. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.”
“What?”
Sophie glared at her. “Stop asking me.”
“Sophie Jean Lane, you tell me right now.”
“It was Jaxsen.” Sophie groaned. “I’m sorry. It was way before you two got together. Like months and months. I was going to tell you but I was embarrassed about being so stupid. Then you started dating and it seemed weird and then I forgot. I’m sorry it ever happened. Believe me, I’m sorry.”
“Oh.”
It was all she could manage. The single syllable. Because nothing Sophie said made sense. She had to be talking about someone else. Jaxsen hadn’t slept with Sophie. She knew he hadn’t, because he’d told her she was his first.
She remembered everything about that time. She had been resisting going all the way with him for at least two months, refusing to be yet another conquest. He’d finally admitted that the stories about him were exaggerated. They would be each other’s first time. He’d looked into her eyes and had told her he loved her. That he would always love her. It was the moment she’d known he was the one. That they would get married and live happily ever after. And she’d been right. Or so she’d thought.
“So you were his first,” she whispered.
“What? No. Not even close.” Sophie slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Kristine felt herself disconnecting from her body. She had to in order to survive the moment. “The rumors about him weren’t rumors, were they?”
Sophie threw herself facedown on the sofa. “Don’t ask me that.”
Which was all the answer Kristine needed. There was a rushing sound in her ears. Her stomach churned until she was afraid she was going to throw up her dinner.
Jaxsen had lied to her. He’d lied. She’d thought their first time together had meant something to both of them. She’d given him her virginity and her heart, but to him she’d only been another piece of ass. It was all a lie.
“I’m sorry,” Sophie told her, sitting up and looking miserable. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
Kristine looked at Sophie. “You were right. We weren’t even together when it happened.”
“I know, but still. It’s weird and I love you and I’m a horrible person and I’m sorry.”
Sophie wasn’t the one who had broken her heart and betrayed her trust. Sophie hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I’m fine,” she lied. “I swear.” Lie number two. She was going to hell for sure.
She managed to participate in the conversation for a few minutes, then she told Sophie she had to get home. Once she was alone in her house, she walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. The rational side of her brain told her it was no big deal. It had been years ago and she and Jaxsen had a strong, happy relationship. But the rest of her, the heart of her, felt betrayed and shattered. If he’d lied about that, what else wasn’t true?
Chapter Eleven
The boys and Jaxsen arrived home early afternoon on Sunday. Kristine hadn’t slept well the night before. She’d awakened to find three texts from Sophie apologizing and had called her to assure her all was well, then had spent the rest of the morning alternately looking forward to seeing her sons and dreading having to speak to Jaxsen. What was she supposed to do or say? Pretend it hadn’t happened? Pretend she didn’t know? Confront him? There was no good answer and she was still unsure of herself when the SUV pulled into the driveway.
The boys piled out and raced to the house.
“Mom! Mom!”
All three of them burst into the kitchen and ran toward her, arms outstretched.
She started laughing and hugging them, aware they were dirty and smelled and yet she couldn’t be happier to see them. They hung on as if they would never let go, even JJ, who sometimes pulled back when she tried to be affectionate with him.
“How was it?” she asked.
“We had a great time.”
“We went fishing and Tommy fell out of the boat.”
“Did not.”
“Did, too.”
“JJ and I were wrestling and he pushed me.”
“I didn’t push you.”
Jaxsen walked into the kitchen and dropped several duffel bags on the floor. “I believe it’s my turn with Mom. Why don’t you three take your bags to the laundry room and empty them there, then help me get the rest of the gear out of the car?”
The boys grumbled a little but let go of her to do what he said. Grant lingered the longest. Kristine brushed his too-long hair out of his eyes.
“I’m making lasagna tonight,” she told him.
He grinned. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome.”
She didn’t want him to go because that would leave her alone with Jaxsen, but she couldn’t hang on to him forever. Grant grabbed a duffel and headed for the laundry room, leaving her to face Jaxsen.
She drew in a breath, bracing herself for the sense of betrayal and hurt, but before she could decide what she felt, he was pulling her close and kissing her.
“Hey, beautiful. Did you miss us?”
“Of course.”
“We had a great time.” His hand moved to her butt and squeezed as he rubbed his crotch against her belly. “It would have been better if you’d been along.”
“No, thanks. It’s not my thing.”
He chuckled and released her. “You’re such an island girl.”
A familiar tease, one that normally made her feel that they were connected and happy and that they were going to be together forever. Just not today.
The boys trooped out of the laundry room. She grabbed a small tin from the counter and pulled off the lid. Each boy pulled out a small wooden disk painted with a number.
“Seven,” Grant said, grinning.
“Five.” Tommy held up his.
JJ grimaced. “One.”
“Ha!” Tommy dropped his disk back in the tin. “Let me know when you’re done.”
JJ started for the stairs.
“Not so fast, young man,” Kristine told him. “Shoes off in the laundry room. Leave your clothes in the hallway. All of them. Put on clean everything.”
Normally, JJ would have complained that meant more laundry for him, but after trips like this, Kristine did their dirty clothes. When they’d been out camping or at a cabin, she liked to know that everything was thoroughly washed, the way she would do it. Plus, she didn’t overload the machines and she generally felt better dealing with it. Besides, they only went away a few times a year. Sometimes, she liked doing the mom stuff for them.
As JJ went to take off his shoes, the other boys raced upstairs. The disks had determined the order in which they would shower. While JJ claimed the bathroom, Tommy and Grant would have phone time. Jaxsen didn’t have a lot of rules but one of them was no
cell phones on trips with him so the only texting they could do was with her, on his phone. The boys needed to find out what had happened in their absences.
When they were alone again, Jaxsen smiled at her. “So I have to take a shower, too. Want to join me?”
Like everything else in their lives, his return from his trips with the boys had a familiar rhythm. First, everyone got settled, then she and Jaxsen had a quickie reunion. Later that night, they would make love again, more slowly. Afterward, he would hold her until he fell asleep. She would stay awake a little longer, thinking about how lucky she was and how much she loved him.
Only that wasn’t happening today.
She still didn’t know how to discuss what she’d learned. It had been years ago and they were so different now, with kids and a life together. She should let it go. Only she couldn’t and when she tried her throat got tight and her stomach writhed and—
“Kristine, what’s going on?” he asked. “Don’t you feel well?”
“I feel fine,” she said, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to simply move on. She was going to have to say something. Something like... “You slept with Sophie.”
“What?” His voice was a yelp. He stared at her. “What are you talking about? I haven’t slept with Sophie or anyone. Why would you even think that?”
“You slept with her, back in high school. You told me you were a virgin and that I was your first time and it was all a lie. It wasn’t just her, either. Apparently, it was everyone.”
She waited for him to shrink back, to apologize and beg her forgiveness. What she didn’t expect was for him to start laughing.
“Are you kidding?” he asked. “High school? Come on, Kristine, be serious.”
“I am serious. Deadly serious. You lied to me.”
He threw up his hands. “Of course I lied to you. I was a seventeen-year-old guy who was crazy in love with you. I also wanted to have sex with you. I was a raging hormone at the time and you were the most incredible girl I’d ever met. I would have done anything to sleep with you.”
Words not designed to make her feel better. “So you lied.”
“Sure. Come on. You can’t be upset about that. We were kids.”
“I was saving myself for my one true love,” she reminded him. “Giving away my virginity mattered to me. It was significant.”
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