He chuckled. “I’m glad for you.” The smile faded. “Although I’m sorry I won’t be seeing you anymore.”
“I, ah...” What was she supposed to say to that? Was he being polite or something more?
Even as the thought formed, she mentally rolled her eyes at herself. Something more? Oh, right. Because Bruno was so incredibly hot for her. Yes, there’d been a brief kiss, but she was as much to blame for it and he’d never once—
“I really enjoyed the catering job,” she said quickly, reminding herself she was in the middle of a conversation and that generally went better when both of them actually talked. “But this is what I’ve always dreamed about. I’m so excited and anxious to get started.”
“I can see how happy you are.” He looked around. “Do you have enough funding?”
She was existing on shoestring, but knew that inviting him to be an investor would lead to all kinds of trouble. “Yes, I’m good in that department.”
His dark gaze settled on her face. “You’re never going to leave him, are you?”
Without thinking, she took a step back. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”
“You are very clear on what I’m asking and I have my answer.” His expression turned regretful. “I wish you all the best, Kristine.”
With that, he turned and started out of the store.
At that exact moment, Jaxsen walked in. The two men looked at each other. Before Jaxsen could say anything, Bruno got in his rental car and pulled away from the curb.
Jaxsen looked from the retreating car to her. “Who’s the guy in the suit?”
All she’d wanted was a morning to make cookies, she thought, nearly as surprised to see Jaxsen as she had been to see Bruno. Although her reaction to seeing Jaxsen was a lot more clear—she was both annoyed and pleased. An uneasy combination to be sure.
“He was my private jet client. I quit the catering job and he stopped by to find out why.”
Jaxsen swung his gaze to her. “You quit that job without telling me?”
“You haven’t been around. We have absolutely no communication. When was I supposed to tell you?”
Even as she found herself snapping at him, she couldn’t help noticing that he looked good. Tired, maybe, but otherwise, he was the man she’d known and loved her entire adult life.
Part of her wanted to simply walk over and step into his embrace. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her and know that everything was going to be okay. She wanted him home, where he belonged. She wanted to be a family again.
Only she didn’t know if that was possible anymore. She didn’t know if he could understand that she needed more and that without the “more” to fill her soul, she wasn’t ever going to be happy. She was terrified he was going to back her into a corner and force her to choose, despite the fact that the choice had already been made.
“You could have called,” Jaxsen told her.
It took her a second to figure out what he was talking about. “You’re the one who left. You’re the one who walked out without a word. You’ve shown no interest in having a real conversation. So no, I didn’t tell you.”
He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “I miss you.”
Not exactly an “I’m sorry” but it was a start. “I miss you, too.”
He looked around. “You really signed the lease without me.”
She nodded.
“Where’d you get the money?” He jerked his head toward the door. “From that guy? Are you sleeping with him?”
His tone was so matter-of-fact she almost missed the essence of the question.
“Am I sleeping with him? You’re asking me that? No. I am not. I haven’t seen Bruno in weeks, not since my last catering job and based on the fact that I quit, I don’t intend to see him again.”
She thought briefly of the kiss, but decided it wasn’t relevant to the conversation at hand. It had shown her she wasn’t interested in anyone else.
“I don’t want to have an affair,” she said. “I want to open this business and work hard and make it successful. I want to be married to you and raise our kids with you and be happy. That’s what I want. Not some guy.”
His mouth twisted. “So you took the money out of our line of credit without talking to me? I know you used your grandmother’s money, but for the rest of it.”
“I wouldn’t take it out of our line of credit without talking to you. That would be wrong. Yes, I used my grandmother’s inheritance and I got the rest from your mother.”
His head snapped up. “She gave you money?”
“Right after you moved out. She handed me a check and told me she wanted me to follow my dream because she never had the chance.”
She took a step toward him. “Jaxsen, I need you to understand how important this is to me. I love you and I love our life together, but it’s not enough. I’ve thought about this for a long time and I think I can make it work.”
“And if I say no?”
“Please don’t ask me that. All our marriage, I’ve gone along with everything you’ve said, even when I didn’t agree. I thought I was being a partner, but I wonder now if maybe I was teaching you the wrong way to treat me. I worry that you think you’re in charge and I’m just to do as you say.”
She looked around at the half-finished space and thought of the mixer in back and how excited she’d been to bake her first batch of cookies.
“I won’t bend on this, Jaxsen. I can’t. It will break me to walk away from the business.”
His mouth twisted. “Anything else, Kristine. Pick anything else. Please.”
“I can’t.”
“You won’t. There’s a difference.”
“Not to me.”
She waited, hoping, wishing, but it was not to be. Jaxsen shook his head, then turned and walked out without saying a word.
She watched him go. Anger and hurt twisted around her heart and squeezed. Her eyes burned. Maybe she should—
“No,” she said aloud. “No! If I give in on this, I’m always going to regret it. I’m not wrong.”
Brave words, she thought as she returned to the kitchen and washed her hands before unwrapping the butter and dumping it into the mixing bowl. Words that may have to take the place of a husband she might have just lost forever.
* * *
Sophie sat in her car in the driveway of Dugan’s house. She wanted to go inside and talk to him, only she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Humiliation and shame immobilized her.
She’d screwed up. There were no other words to describe what had happened. She’d blown it—she’d taken a perfectly good opportunity and flushed it down the toilet.
She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t think about anything but the screw-up. She’d waited years for the right moment and in the end, she’d carefully wrestled defeat from the jaws of victory.
Dugan’s front door opened and he stepped onto the front porch. He didn’t move any closer, nor did he say anything. Instead, he just looked at her, which had the effect of making her feel foolish. She got out and walked toward him.
“You heard?” she asked.
“Uh-huh.”
She wondered if Elliot had told him, or if he and the ever efficient Tina had an open line of communication. For all she knew, he was BFFs with Maggie. After all, Dugan had quite the secret life.
Once they were inside, she walked over to his sofa and threw herself on it, facedown.
“I blew it,” she said into the cushion. “I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I didn’t trust Maggie or the situation and I did everything I swore I wouldn’t do. It was so awful.”
She waited but Dugan didn’t say anything. She rolled onto her side and saw he’d taken the seat opposite and was watching her.
“Say something!”
“How do you feel?”
&
nbsp; She sat up. “How do I feel? That’s it? How do you think I feel? Idiotic. Ridiculous. Like a loser.” She thought for a second, searching for words that weren’t overused. “Wrong. I feel wrong.”
She had no idea what he was thinking. She couldn’t read his expression, but he didn’t seem the least bit impressed by her confession.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“And what? You were wrong. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.”
She glared at him. “That’s it? I came here and bared my soul and that’s all you’ve got? You’re supposed to be some big-shot business guy. You should give me some constructive advice.”
“Oh, now you want my advice.”
“Dugan!”
“Sophie!”
He was really starting to annoy her. “Why are you being like this?”
“Because while your whining is cute, it’s also getting old. Yes, you messed up, but so what? If you won’t learn from it, why should I care?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. “That was harsh.”
“That was real. What do you want?”
“I want to not have messed up.”
He sighed. “Fine. I’m done.” He started to stand up.
“Wait! I’m sorry. You want me to be serious. What do I want?”
She really did want to not have messed up but that wasn’t a realistic goal. But if she was going to be unrealistic...
“I wish I hadn’t married Mark,” she said, surprising herself. “I’m not sure I was in love with him. I think even then I had questions, but starting the business was hard and I was lonely. I missed Kristine and maybe even Amber. I never thought of moving back before, but if I had, I would have felt more supported and I wouldn’t have married Mark.”
“Is it the money?”
“That he got the giant settlement? No, although that still pisses me off. It’s more that I gave in to be conventional. I don’t need to be married. I’m not having kids. I want to run CK. I want to grow the company. I love my work. Why do I need children to be successful?”
“You don’t.”
She looked at him. “Do you want kids?”
“I already told you I’m fine not having kids.”
“I don’t believe that. Men want to pass on their DNA. It’s a thing.”
“I’m pushing forty. If I was going to have children, I would have done it by now.”
“You could get a dog.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “That would piss you off for sure.”
She nodded, then leaned back against the sofa. “I really messed up, Dugan. Maggie was doing a great job, but I couldn’t read Bryce at all. I got scared and I panicked. Even when I saw I was screwing it up, I kept talking.”
He didn’t say anything, but then he didn’t have to. His voice was in her head.
“Okay, so here’s what I learned. It was a mistake for me to go to the meeting in the first place. I found Maggie, I begged her to come work for me and I should have trusted her.”
Again, he didn’t speak, but she knew the next question.
“Fine,” she grumbled. “I should have realized I wouldn’t be able to keep quiet. I should have been honest about my weaknesses.” She sighed. “I need to learn from this experience. I need to think things through more clearly.”
“Yes, but will you? Millions know what to do, but they can’t or won’t do it.”
“I want to change.”
“I want to help colonize Mars. That doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.”
“Really? Mars?”
He smiled. “I was using that as an example.”
“Good because Mars is really far and I’m thinking the first people they send there aren’t going to make it.”
She rose and walked to the big windows overlooking the Sound. The views from the house were fantastic. Maybe when things at work calmed down, she could look at buying a house with a view of the water. She would like that. She could have some kind of custom outdoor cat area built for Lily and Mrs. Bennet so they could go outside but be safe.
She crossed her arms over her chest. She was disappointed in herself. That was at the heart of it. Dugan was right—she could learn from the experience, but she couldn’t undo it.
Feelings crowded together, making her uncomfortable. She’d never been one for introspection. Not on this scale. She needed somewhere to put them.
She turned back to Dugan. “Come on. Let’s go have sex.”
“I thought you weren’t sleeping with me right now.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
He stood and walked toward her. Anticipation chased away all the icky emotions, which had been the point.
She met him in the middle of the living room and put her hands on his shoulders.
“Any requests?” she asked, her voice teasing. “I’m in the mood to fulfill a few fantasies.”
He grabbed her by the wrists and lowered her arms to her sides. “Not today.”
At first she didn’t understand what he was saying, but then his meaning sank in.
“You’re saying no to sex with me?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“Because I won’t be a distraction.”
Powza. The words hit hard. How had he known? Was she that transparent? And if she was, when had it happened?
“But I want to,” she said, her voice a whine.
“Not for the right reasons.”
“Why do there have to be right reasons? Can’t it just feel good?”
“Not anymore.”
He put his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the front porch. Somehow she was holding her handbag and then the door was closed in her face. Just. Like. That.
“You’re going to regret this,” she yelled.
There was no answer, which was annoying, but even more troubling was the realization that she might be the one to regret it even more.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Heather recovered from her food poisoning but getting her strength back didn’t help her decide what to do about what she’d seen. Should she confront her mother? Tell Sophie? Both? What her mother was doing was wrong, but she didn’t want to betray her, which left her confused and uncomfortable in her own skin.
Saturday, after her shift at the winery, she texted Gina to see what she was doing. Her friend invited her over. The afternoon was sunny and warm. When she got to Gina’s, they collected blankets and toys for Noah and headed out to the small backyard behind the apartment building.
Gina had brought out bubbles and started blowing them into the air. Noah shrieked with delight, clapping his hands together as he chased after them, laughing when he caught one and popped it.
“Simple pleasures,” Gina said. “Remember when we were like that?”
“Not really. Even high school seems like three lifetimes away. Everything is so different now.”
“It is, but it’s good, right?”
Heather nodded, but thought that the word good didn’t exactly describe where she was in her life. Rather than think about that, she watched Noah. He was a sweet boy—obviously happy and easygoing. She knew Gina was thrilled to be a mom, but honestly, Heather didn’t know how she managed it. There was so much responsibility, so much to consider. A baby changed everything and was way more than Heather wanted to take on.
She supposed eventually she would fall in love and want to start a family—but right now that seemed more like torture than a goal.
She stretched out on the blanket and stared up at the sky. This felt good, she thought. Relaxing for a second. Just being happy and with her friend and not having to deal with—
“Can we talk?” Gina asked.
Heather rolled onto her s
ide to face her friend. “What?” she asked, taking in Gina’s look of concern. “Is something wrong?”
Gina glanced at her, then away. “I can’t take a class with you in the fall.”
Heather sat up. Guilt flooded her as she realized she’d totally forgotten about her plans with her friend. Take a class together? Heather had been thinking she was going to try to leave the island and she hadn’t said a word.
“You’re mad,” Gina said slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad. Of course I’m not. It’s okay. But why? Is everything all right?”
Gina nodded. “I’m pregnant. It’s not planned. We were going to wait another year, but it happened. That means we’re moving up buying a house. Money’s going to be tight and I just can’t swing tuition. Plus, I’m due right after the first of the year, and with moving and everything.” She ducked her head. “It’s not going to work out.”
Heather moved toward her and hugged her tight. “A baby! That’s wonderful. Congratulations. Don’t worry about the class. To be honest, I haven’t been thinking about it at all. There’s been so much going on.”
Noah ran over and threw himself on them. Gina pulled him onto her lap as Heather sat back on the blanket.
“Thanks for understanding.”
Heather searched Gina’s face. “Are you happy?”
“Yes. Surprised, but we wanted more children. The timeline isn’t ideal, but we’ll figure it out.”
“You will. Of course you will.”
Two kids before Gina turned twenty-one? That was going to be hard, but she had Quincy and she’d never been interested in a career. Being a mom had been her goal.
Later, as Heather rode her bike back to her place, she was no closer to knowing what to do about anything. For a second she thought about not going home. Although if she was thinking of running away, she might do better to take her car.
The thought of her escaping on her bike made her laugh and she was still smiling when she pulled up in front of the house. She’d barely put her bike away in the garage before her mother met her in the kitchen.
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