by S J Doran
“You’re awake?” He smiled slightly at Jez’s flustered expression.
“You’re cold,” Jez said, without even looking up, finally freeing the plush comforter from beneath them.
“Jez,” Cass said, still a little groggy and trying to untangle himself from his Herald’s wing. “You’re healing still, lay back.”
Jez’s fingers came up to rest on Cass’s collarbone. He’d forgotten about that injury, what with Mara getting hurt — that was far worse than anything that had been inflicted on himself.
“My own flesh and blood did that to you, Cass.” Jez huffed out a breath and fell back against the pillow leaving Cass to pull the blankets over them. Once the warmth of it cocooned him, he realized just how cold he’d been.
He lay on his side facing Jez, who stretched out his wing and rested it over him. He breathed a touch easier knowing his Herald wasn’t hating him for nearly ending his life.
“I’m fine.” He pushed Jez’s hand down, leaving his own resting over it. “Are you okay? They told me you hadn’t come to. I was… concerned.”
Jez smiled, his dimples carving his face into an angelic expression of glee.
“Is that concern I feel?” Jez lightly punched his shoulder, his smile faltering. “Cass, you’re afraid?”
Cass sighed heavily, pondering for a moment before answering, searching his innermost thoughts. Was he afraid? It was there, lacing through everything he felt; twinges of fear and uncertainty. Where did he go now? What did he do without her? Who the fuck even was he?
Yes. He was afraid.
“I’m just… tired,” Cass said, sliding closer to Jez’s heat. He wasn’t going to admit to anything until he had shit sorted in his own head. “Just want to lie here and read a bit maybe.”
“Read to me then. My eyes won’t stay open long enough,” Jez mumbled, and sure enough, his eyes were closed.
Cass rolled onto his back long enough to grab up the book off the nightstand, then snuggled right back up. Jez was already a third of the way into the book, but chances were if it had come from this apartment, Cass had read it a time or two. Or more. He liked re-reading books.
Cass read a few lines before realizing it was heavy erotica and not a book he’d ever read.
“I don’t really know that I want to know… but where’d this come from?” Cass flipped it so he could see the cover. It was a nondescript picture of a priest’s collar.
“M’sister dropped it off, thought I could use some reminding of tenets and the like.” Jez’s lip twitched up.
Cass laughed outright. “Hells and don’t tell me this was from her personal collection?”
Jez snickered, “I think she got it at the bookstore down the road. She’s been trying to take care of me, even though…” His smile flattened as his voice trailed off.
“Even though…? What?” He lowered the book to get a clear look at Jez’s face.
“She thinks I should wish to be dead rather than serve at your side.”
He had to look down at his chest to see if it were possible for his heart to be pounding out of it.
“Breathe.” Jez’s hand rested on his shoulder, giving a little shake. “She just doesn’t know any better, I get it. You don’t understand what it’s like. We’re brought up indoctrinated and never exposed to options. She’s learning though. Okay?” Jez made sure to make eye contact, watching and waiting until the blood stopped hammering through Cass’s head.
“I’m sorry Jez,” Cass whispered, and Jez wrapped his arm around him fully, dragging him even closer.
“Don’t,” Jez said, his voice cracking as he rested his cheek on the top of Cass’s head. “I know what you gave up. I felt it. I know you didn’t intentionally call up that force, I did what I could to blunt the worst of the damage. Aza was devastated for you both, Levistus couldn’t even go in the room.”
“I wasn’t going to stop Jez. I’ve never felt anything so… close to perfect. They tried to kill her for it,” Cass said, swiping his hand down his face before throwing his arm over Jez’s waist. “She knew. She tried to stop and then neither of us wanted to, gods Jez, it was beautiful. But she understood what it would do to me, probably better than I understood myself. Understand. Cause I still kind of need her so fucking bad it’s killing me inside and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day let alone tomorrow without her.”
“Shh, Cass. Just this minute first, okay? I’ve got you.”
Their bodies were pressed tightly together, both awake and aware of what the other was feeling… to an extent, both just happy to dwell in their own thoughts.
“I can’t let you go either,” Cass whispered against his chest. “I guess that makes me selfish?”
Jez brought his hand up to his cheek, brushing the hair out of Cass’s eyes with a swipe of his thumb.
“This is how you’re determining your selfishness?” He grinned wide, his turbulent ocean eyes sparkling. “I’m grateful. Maybe that makes me selfish, ‘cause I know how much you’re hurting because of it, but I’m not done living yet.”
Cass turned into Jez’s cupped palm and pressed a kiss to the center. “At least I have you.”
Jez snorted. “At least?” He shifted closer, his leg moving between Cass’s, and Cass gripped him tighter. Couldn’t lose another damned thing.
He was startled when Jez’s lips met his own. The heat of them, the warm sense of peace emanating from the former angel, the feel of his body against his… he moved his hand up into Jez’s hair and pulled him in harder, losing himself in the slow sucks and gentle lapping — the feeling of peace and ease.
Jez pulled back blinking his eyes rapidly, then focusing on Cass’s. “I’m… sorry?”
Cass lay his head back down on Jez’s shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, this is nice. Safe.” He mumbled, his eyes getting heavy.
“Sleep. We are safe here.” Jez cradled the back of Cass’s head in his hand and his breathing evened out.
“What the fuck?” A female screeched and a jolt of raw energy pinged through Cass.
Nearly as good as when the virgin temple priestess took her knees in front of him.
He cracked open his eyes, unable to move, he was all twisted up in Jez’s limbs. Jez’s head was on his arm, Cass’s leg between his, Jez’s wing covering them both.
Jez’s sister stood over the bed, yanking Jez’s arm off Cass, pushing at his wing and shoulder. Her blonde hair was a tangled mess hanging over her shoulders, her own wings tucked away wherever celestials put them when not in use.
“Let him sleep,” Cass said, his voice still raspy. He grabbed up her hand from Jez’s shoulder. “You’ve been taking care of him?”
She bared her teeth, trying to remove her hand. “I’ve been trying to. No thanks to you,” she hissed out.
He looked down at their joined hands, a pang of regret sinking in his gut. She tore her hand away with a snarl of rage.
“I should have ended you,” she hiccuped, “then he wouldn’t be here, like this.”
“Stop Ziva,” Jez said groggily, easing up on to his elbow and leaning over Cass. “You don’t understand. You have no comprehension of what he had to give up.”
He looked up to her tear-filled eyes, rage and malice shining bright. There was something there, behind all the emotion, that drew him in. Like a moth to a flame, calling him to his own destruction.
“This is one for the books.” Agate entered the room, voice thick with sarcasm. “The King of the Hells having orgies with angels?”
Ziva’s eyes went wide, and she shoved Cass back, knocking him into Jez. He sat up, wiping his hands down his face, trying to clear his sleep blurred mind.
“My apartment’s just a free-for-all now?”
He looked around, there were no remaining traces of Leira’s brief stay, but the place still felt alien to him. The colors, once soothing now grated, every jewel tone bringing Mara to mind. She liked the rich velvets and raw silks as much as he did, appreciated bright colors and patter
ns like no one else he knew. She should have stayed here. She would have been safe.
He leaned back against the headboard, easing out from under Jez’s wing.
Ziva gasped and Agate giggled. It took Jez tossing the blanket over him to realize he’d been sitting here nearly nude. He pulled the blanket over his waist. He ignored their lingering looks — how many females had ogled his naked body? No more. He was more than that.
“Were you with her?” He leveled his gaze on Mara’s attendant, who gave him a glum nod in response. His eyes closed and he sank back down on the bed, back into the safety of Jez’s arms. He didn’t want to hear it, he would have nothing if he lost her. No reason to fight.
“She’s healing. Not as well as expected.” She said the words anyway and Cass couldn’t help the wince. He shouldn’t have left. “You seem to be in the wrong bed. My Sarratum came close to death and has no one there watching over her, since she’s ordered me to be here with your herald. And you couldn’t even be bothered to care for her when she needs you?”
“I can’t…” he started to say, but Agate’s glare cut him off.
“You can’t? What? Because you can’t have sex with her she’s not good for anything else?”
“Hey now,” Jez said, anger resonating through the room.
“What’s that angel face? You disagree? Can’t you see what they’re doing to each other?” Agate stormed on, Cass jumped to his feet and dug his hands in his hair, Ziva shrank back against the door with a squeak.
“What am I supposed to do?” He snarled. “She tells me it hurts her when I hold her. It’s killing me. Her Dominus wasn’t even going to let me in her room…”
Agates scowl eased. “And what? You let En-Oberith, the bully, scare you off?” She scoffed, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
He wondered, absently, if she was like this to Mara as well. Did Mara put up with this attitude?
He hung his head. He had nothing but excuses and shame. He had slunk away like a coward. Wanted her too much. If she needed him, he’d abandoned her.
“What am I supposed to do?” his voice cracked, and Jez was on his feet beside him. “I should go back and take care of her. I didn’t mean… I thought she’d have someone…”
“Agate can go back to her. I’m coming home with you,” Jez said, voice cold as he stared down The fierce warlock. “I’m feeling much better this morning, you need me there.”
“Jez, think about what you’re doing,” Ziva cried out, jumping in the middle of their standoff, “there’s still a chance — for both of us, and the others.”
Jez stiffened beside him, “Ziva, if you believe that then you are an even bigger fool than I was.”
“I’ll head back to my Sarratum then.” Agate said with a stiff bow of her head. “If rocks-for-brains doesn’t need me here any more.”
“Tell her…” he stopped speaking when Agate glared.
“Tell her yourself.” She stepped back toward the door. “My King.”
“Jez.” Ziva’s voice was small, as though she were afraid to break the tension. “Please don’t leave. I don’t know what to do, I can’t go back until I complete my orders and…”
Ziva’s stubborn gaze came up to his, and Cass understood immediately. She wouldn’t stop until he was dead. It was her life or his.
Damned if he didn’t feel sorry for her.
“Enough, Z. I’ll stay in touch, okay? But I’m not going to let you kill Cass, orders or no.”
Relent
The color had been leached from his world. The Nessus was never the brightest on the best of days, but these last few had been especially drab. He picked at the fresh fruit on his plate. He was starved, but it wasn’t what he wanted.
He craved the taste of rich cream and dark chocolate mixed into espresso, topped with cinnamon, the scent of jasmine in the air… silk sheets and salt-heavy air… the taste of her lips…
He threw down the fig and licked the traces of honey off the tips of his fingers as he leaned back in his lounge chair. A fire crackled in the hearth, more for ambiance than warmth.
It had been days, with no word of her health. Az had been trying to distract him, but it was obvious his tutor was as edgy as he was, waiting for news. If he could depend on the fact he’d hear word. Her Dominae were no fans of his.
He wanted to go to her, he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave her again if he did. Multiple times, he’d nearly sent Jez, deterred by the baleful looks from his Herald before he could even ask.
“Levistus made it to the Malebolge?” Small talk: the best way to avoid speaking of real issues.
“He’s working at reclaiming what’s left of it,” Az said, coming up behind him. He set his hand on Cass’s shoulder and leaned in closer. “He is not doing well there, something about being cut off from dedication and sacrifice?”
A memory surfaced, bringing a smile to his face.
She was glorious.
The magic she was calling up stirring her hair in its electric fuzz, currents surrounding her in an almost-glow. The corpses she’d raised, razing the temple back to dust. She was a captivating, beautiful creature. One comfortable playing with zombies. He barely restrained himself from shuddering.
He’d seen worse. Raised in Hell, even in the sheltered Nessus Fortress he’d been exposed to graphic torture. Perhaps it was the smell. Reanimated corpses had a singular smell —one distinct to them— that wasn’t easily forgettable.
“So. Why this Temple?” Cass studied the devastation surrounding them. There would be nothing left to re-build. “I’ve helped you clean out others, and you’ve left them standing.”
Her glinting turquoise eyes landed on him, her mouth flattened into a line, a fine sheen of sweat covering her forehead. She was channeling an awful lot of power-
“Asurim will not be supporting the Malebolge during my rule.” Her voice was cold, her expression bland.
Cass just nodded. The Priestess knew what she wanted; he was just here for her to tap into, not to offer unsolicited advice. If the Priestess wanted to cut off worship to his sister, he wasn’t going to complain. Glasya was cruel, arrogant- and clearly their father’s favorite.
Still, he saw the lines of tension in her expression, the pain in her eyes, no matter that she tried to hide it. As much as she looked cool and collected, she was seething underneath.
His hand came to rest on her back at her shoulder blade, momentarily startling her.
She had become a fierce creature since he’d freed her, one to be respected. Hardened after Hells knew how long she’d been imprisoned. Beautiful, like a force of nature, just as untouchable. He’d teased, flirted, but never pressed the matter.
Their binding meant more to him than a quick tumble. Their minute methodical movements to bring down his father a process he needed her involvement in. He needed her feeding him sacrifices and having witches and novice warlocks to see to his needs. His father would keep him weak, she made certain he was strong.
Cass gave a furtive glance back to the walking corpses, but she still clearly had control of the creatures. They worked tirelessly, toppling bricks, ripping up adornments, gnawing on the bones of the temple priests…
Flames glowed, setting an eerie backdrop, the Priestess at his side shaking with the exertion of power. He didn’t want to think of what would happen if she lost control of the animated dead.
He opened himself to her, unmasking all the pain he’d been trying so hard to conceal. She’d fed from him before. She knew more than most what went on behind closed doors of the royal quarters-
“You can use it if you need,” he said quietly, half hoping she wouldn’t hear. He hated appearing weak. Hated anyone knowing…
Cass shook his head when the memory took the turn down dreary lane.
He’d nearly forgotten that night, it had nearly been buried by the flood of new memories, but he was glad it was still there. Seeing her so strong and fierce — destroying her mother’s source of power. Now that he knew that,
he recognized the undercurrents he’d missed that night.
She’d been hurting — lost in memory, and he’d been standing there, watching her suffer.
“You have to eat something,” Az slid into the chair beside him. “Are you passively trying to end yourself?”
Cass ducked his head, turning to face the fire, anywhere but the knowing gaze of his former tutor.
“Cass. I know… you said, on the Mont, with Jez’s sister, you wanted to die.” Az put his hand on Cass’s leg, making it impossible to ignore him.
“I won’t. I mean,” he cleared his throat. “I’m not going to off myself Az. I can handle it.”
It was Az’s turn to look away. “There could still be a way for the two of you.”
The hope that flared was the worst sort of pain. He couldn’t help but cling to it, even knowing it was false and would wreck him. He didn’t have much strength left to face each day, he couldn’t handle chasing rainbows.
“How, Az? What could possibly change that would enable us to physically be together without our power getting involved? Can I give it all away? Do you want it?” The tray nearly toppled when his hands reflexively jerked into fists.
“The Ruby Rod.” Az placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Your father used that Rod to anchor his own power, perhaps it would work for you?”
“His Rod that hasn’t been seen since I was a child, you mean? That Rod?”
“Your mother…”
Cass held up his hand cutting off his words with a gesture. He’d heard enough about her from Andrus. He was not in the mood for more fairytales.
“I’m just going to go to bed,” Cass said, moving the tray of food and standing. “I’m tired.”
He wandered back into his bedroom without further word to Azadiel, exhausted. He hadn’t said a word to anyone about how exhausted he’d been since his near decapitation. Since she’d left him.
He lingered in the shower, spacing out and letting the hot water run over him, trying to grasp onto a thought. He needed to feed. The thought of it made him sick to his stomach.
