"Well, she's right about that. It wouldn't look good for the two of you to be seen like this," Betty says. She then shakes her head at me.
“When am I going to stop living under her rules? When is she going to see that I don’t care about the public?” I ask her.
"Neither one of your parents will ever stop treating you like a child," Betty tells me.
I’m glad that she’s not the type to coddle me. There’s nothing worse than someone telling me that it’s going to be okay when I know in fact that it’s not going to be.
“What do you mean them?” I ask Betty, catching the word.
"They are both downstairs. Your mother isn't happy that she was woken up from her nap. It seems that your father hasn't left for the islands yet and he wants you to go with him. It's more of a demand than a request." Betty turns her back.
I get dressed quickly. It's too late to get into something else while Eliza gets back into her pants and sweatshirt.
"They are both waiting in the sitting room," Betty states as she unlocks the door and leaves it open.
It’s a warning that we better not be doing anything else. Growing up most of the time, I had to have the door open when I had a friend over.
“Are you going?” Eliza asks me.
When I look into her eyes, I can see the fear there.
"Not unless you're going with me," I smirk at her, letting her know that we are in this together no matter what.
Lovers. Friends. Relationship.
I’m not going to leave the room and have her stuck with no one. I don’t just abandon a ship, especially if I like that ship.
We go downstairs to the sitting room. I can already see the disgusted look on my father’s face while my mother tries to hide her smirk.
My mother doesn't like the way I'm dressed. However, she can see that it bothers my father, even to the point where he won't look at me.
"You need to get something decent on," he tells me.
“You don’t live here anymore. I didn’t think that you were even in town.” I look around and see that his little bimbo isn’t with him.
“You should get dressed dear.” Mother is calmer about it.
“Where is she? The girl that you had on your arm last night, what is she, my age?” I giggle at him.
"It wasn't funny last night and it's not funny now. You're packing your things and coming with me," he states, getting up from the sofa that he and Mother were sitting on together.
“You don’t get to come here and order me around like I’m a child. I don’t need to go anywhere with you.” I shake my head at him, putting a hand on my hip.
“It would be better dear,” my mother chimes in.
Since when does she take his side?
“And why is that?” I ask her.
“Your father and that ‘bimbo’ as you so call her are getting married in the fall and we both think that it would be nice if you would get to know her.” Mother decides to speak before he can even get a chance to.
“No. I don’t care.” I look over at my mother.
I need to tilt my head just a little because my father is blocking my view of her. Neither one of them know what to say as Eliza stands beside me. Eliza has her hands behind her back and her eyes on the floor.
“I think that you’ve carried this on far enough.” My father looks at Eliza and then back at me.
“Mother, let me know when he’s gone so that I can come back down and be civil.” I whirl around and leave the sitting room.
“Stephanie Keller!” My father’s voice is booming and that’s what stops me in my tracks. I stop so quickly that Eliza bumps into me.
I don’t turn around.
“What?” I refuse to look at him.
The room is quiet again and he knows that he's lost. He can't tell me what to do. He can't tell me how to live.
"What do you want me to say? I can't force her to go," my mother whispers to him. Soon, he is out of the sitting room and slamming the front door behind him.
"Why would you think that I would go, Mother?" I slowly turn back around. My voice is calm, and I plead with her.
She makes eye contact with me and then drops it.
"Why would you push me out of here so fast as if I were a disease? Neither of you live here. You're always gone, and he has his own damn mansion on the island," I point out the facts.
Chapter Fifteen
"Your father wants you to stop this." My mother nods her head toward Eliza.
"Eliza and I have always been best friends. If you guys were even here half the time, I would've already brought her by. He has no right to tell me what to do and he knows that," I hiss at her.
How dare she speak of Eliza as if she can’t hear nor speak.
"He thought that it was just a stage you were going through when you were younger. I tried telling him that it wasn't," Mother says, shaking her head sadly.
"There's something more that you're not telling me, Mother. Something that you're hiding." I walk back toward the couch.
"There's this man. He wants you to marry him. He says it will be good for business. I've already told him that you weren't going to go for it." Her voice is so low.
"You're damn right I'm not. Father can't hide who I am. You can't hide who I am." My voice is getting louder until Eliza's hand sits on my shoulder.
"You're not mad at her. You’re mad at him," Eliza whispers to me.
I don’t say anything further to them as I leave the room myself. I look at my mother, knowing damn well that this isn’t over yet.
Eliza doesn't follow me like I thought she would. I'm not going to throw demands at her. I don't like it. Why would she?
“You need to calm down.” I hear Betty’s voice before she enters the room.
"They need to take me for who I am. I am so tired of this. I have tried doing it my parents' way. To respect them," I point out to her.
Maybe not recently and that’s the look that I get from Betty.
“I left here when I could. I couldn’t wait to get out of here and you know it. I’ve been back not even two years and they want to change me back into a little girl and start all over again,” I whisper to her.
I'm not mad at her. She knows this.
“I’m surprised that no one on the outside has heard about this. That none of your girlfriends had gone to the media.” She raises her eyebrows.
“That’s because I never told them who I really was. I never spoke about this life here at the Keller Mansion. Why would I?” I throw my hands up and let them fall to my sides.
I’m smarter than that. I want to live my own life out of these gates. Yet, I come right back because I feel the need to take time for me. To not want to work hard to get the things that I want. I can see that Betty is telling me the same thing.
"Is it worth it to stay here?" Betty asks, hugging me to her.
"I want them to accept me," I whisper.
Maybe that’s the reason why I came back. I want them to respect me for who I am. Not for who they want me to be. I hug Eliza so tightly as I feel the tears spilling out of my eyes.
“Things aren’t going to get better without talking about them. You know that,” Betty whispers as she lets go of me.
I can see that my mother has entered the room and Eliza is following right behind her. They both look at me—one with disappointment and the other with concern.
“What?” I ask them both.
Eliza doesn’t answer me.
“We want a normal daughter. That’s what we want.” Mother tries once again.
"Don't you have a plane to catch tonight too? You don't want anyone finding out that I'm a lesbian. That I've never had a man before in my life? That's what you're thinking." I nod my head up and down firmly.
"Something like that," my mother says. She agrees with me.
My mother has the nerve to agree with me.
"Maybe if I didn't have a father who failed me from day one, I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't want to go to
women for comfort," I hiss at her.
"That's not my fault." My mother refuses to believe that.
"It is though. You're the one who married him. You both had me. You act like you're perfect," I tell her, stocking out of the room.
There has to be something that they've messed up on. I have my secrets. Everyone has their secrets. What about them? The public thinks that we are one big happy family, even though they live in different places. Even though they know my parents are divorced. I know about those secrets. I don't know what they are hiding among themselves. There are times that I see them staring at each other, as if they're going down memory lane. My mother glares at him for no reason.
I want a little bit of proof that they aren't as perfect so that I can throw something different in their faces. No one follows me up the stairs as I go to my room and slam the door tightly, warning everyone that they’d better not come into my room without knocking.
I put my hands behind my head and slowly feel my eyes closing. Rest is what I need. Maybe when I wake up, everything will be different.
My father will be on his plane back to the paradise that he misses. My mother will be flying off for another job that needs her so badly on the silver screen and they can both leave me the hell alone. That’s what they can do.
If they have any secrets at all, I can just imagine all of them being exposed.
Maybe one day I’ll expose everything that I know deep inside this mansion about how two people had a child. But, money was more important that they couldn’t find time to raise their daughter.
Chapter Sixteen
It’s not until I get out of the shower and into my pajamas that I hear a knock on the door. I don’t hear anyone on the other end speak out.
I refuse to speak at all.
“Your mother is gone.” I hear Betty’s voice finally.
"You can come in," I tell her turning on the light, wondering where Eliza is already.
She opens the door and Eliza’s not with her. I look over her shoulder.
"Eliza went to sleep over an hour ago," Betty assures me, giving me a sad smile.
“Was she mad?” I ask, biting down on my lip.
“I don’t think so. I mean maybe a little sad that you left her downstairs with us, but she survived.” Betty laughs.
“You were the one who always took care of me when they went on their trips. I wouldn’t see them for months and then when they were home it was hell. Why is it that you can accept who I am, and they can’t?” I sigh.
"I accepted you for you. That's how I got through it myself. Then when your mother found out, all she did was cry." She claps her hands together and sits down at the vanity table.
I can see that she has more to say. There’s something that she wants to let roll off her tongue, but she struggles with the idea.
"You've known my parents since they were dating and when they purchased this place. Even when they got married," I tell Betty.
"Yes, on most of it," Betty tells me softly, looking down at her hands.
I look down at them too. I see that her knuckles are getting white.
“What is going on? Why are you so tense?” I ask her.
Betty looks around the room as if we're going to get caught talking to each other about something that’s highly forbidden.
"I'm not going to do anything that would make you lose your job," I tell her softly she makes me feel as if someone's listening in.
"They were never married," she tells me, clearing her throat and waiting for me to lose it.
“What do you mean, they were never married?” I ask her. Not sure that I even heard her right.
“It was because your mother was pregnant with you. Neither one of them wanted to be married. Not at such a young age. They wore the wedding bands, but no one ever called them out on it. No one ever asked to see the documentation,” Betty sighs.
“What about my grandparents?” I ask her.
"What about them, Stephanie?" Betty asks me.
It doesn’t matter about my grandparents because they’ve never come around to see me. Which means they knew all along that it was a sham too.
“Is that why I’ve never met them? The reasoning because I’m a bastard?” I ask her. I don’t need her answer. I can see the pain in her eyes.
“It’s all right. I’m going to be okay.” I smile at her.
I'm not going to let the bombshell news get me down. I was only fuming earlier that I wished I had something to throw in my parents' faces when the next time they tell me what a disgrace I am to the family. The one who could make the Keller name drowned in the ocean if you were to hear them speak. Yet, they have been living a lie all my life.
"I would like to be alone," I tell Betty softly.
“I’m sorry Stephanie. You know that I didn’t want to tell you this. Maybe it’s why we’ve never had this type of conversation before. If we were close, I always had something to do. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Betty hugs me to her before she passes me.
"I know. It feels like the only ones who don't want to hurt me are you and Eliza." I laugh a little as I feel a tear slip out of my eye.
Betty leaves the door open only because I hear Eliza’s door open across the hall.
“Did you have a nice nap?” Eliza asks me.
“I feel a little better now. I think I’m going to walk around the grounds though. You want to take a walk with me?” I ask her.
Eliza is in a pair of white sweatpants and a matching tank top. I can see that her nipples are hard but right now I’m not turned on.
“Sure.” She nods her head at me and waits for me to get off the bed.
I think that she’s waiting for me to get dressed. I don’t care how I look even if there were reporters outside. I don’t care how they take pictures of me.
What are they going to do? Catch me doing something "normal" with my hair a mess and no makeup on my face?
I almost laugh at the thought. That would send Mother into an early grave. I laugh thinking that the only thing my parents haven’t put on me since I’ve been back home is a curfew.
"You know, sometimes I wish that I could just run away," I tell Eliza, wanting to get the frustration out.
“I think that you’ve done enough of that. Trying to be someone that you’re not. Trying to push off the family that you do have,” Eliza tells me.
Eliza doesn't even think about what she says which makes me comfortable. The more I think about it. I believe that Betty might be wearing off on her.
Chapter Seventeen
It seems that Eliza has forgotten the rule of being out of the house though. She takes my hand in hers and holds it tightly.
"You know that we can't do that out here," I tell her, tugging my hand away from hers.
I can’t see the hurt in her eyes, but I can feel the vibes that are coming off her.
“If I can’t have you in public, then we shouldn’t have each other at all.” She stalks away from me.
I watch as Eliza goes to the gazebo. I don’t know what to say to her. None of this is her fault and yet I'm the one hurting her more than anyone else. I know that Eliza wants to hold me that she wants to show her love for me outside of the mansion. I can't do that. As much as I want to, we can't. That’s something she has to realize.
Now that I'm back home I can't just hold hands with a woman. I can't have a "normal" life. There were rules when I came back and this was a big one. Never mind having sex in the house. I wasn't allowed to do that either because it wasn't "normal" if it wasn't with a man.
I have no speech for her when I sit beside her on the swing. It seems like it's come full circle. We were having this conversation this morning.
"I want everything you want," I tell Eliza.
"You don't or else it wouldn't matter to you who saw us," Eliza points out to me. I feel the heat in her voice this time though. It’s not so soft and innocent anymore.
"Do you know how many nights I longed to be with you? How many times I've
seen you get your heart broken? I'd tell myself that this time was going to be my time. That I could show you what it was like not to have to deal with men who broke your heart?" I ask her so softly.
I struggle with myself. I want to hold Eliza's hand. I want to show her just how much I care about her. It takes everything I have to keep my hands to myself.
"And yet, you sit here and show me that you're like every other one. Men didn't hold me unless they wanted sex. Boyfriends wouldn't hold my hand out in public. Not even Kevin who was supposed to love me. The one who was better than all of them. You show me that it doesn't matter if I'm with a woman or a man. I can still feel the same way," Betty explains to me.
I can hear the tears in Betty's voice. Her tears aren't falling from her eyes though. I can see that as she stares at me. Her eyes are ice cold toward me.
“Okay, I deserve that. I already told you that when I came here my mother told me that there were rules that I had to follow. If she had been the one who walked in on us instead of Betty, we wouldn’t be here right now,” I tell her, wishing she would understand where I’m coming from.
"You don't like it here anyway. You hate it here," Eliza flatly tells me.
She’s right. I have to hide my heart, the way I feel about everything here. I can’t be the normal woman that I had set out to be when I did leave.
"I'm going to bed. Are you coming?" I ask her. There's no point in going around in circles over this.
“No, I’m going to my room.” She shakes her head, but she doesn’t move. The silence between us is breaking my heart.
I get up, wanting to kiss her on the cheek. Wanting to touch her in a manner that shows her we’re going to be all right. No matter what, we're going to be together. It's just taking more time than I would've liked.
Instead, I get up from the swing and make my way toward the mansion. I thought I could go to her with all this.
The new issue that has come up. I pushed her away. Now, it feels like we're further away than ever before. That wasn’t the intention.
Going up to my room, the mansion is quiet. I don't even see Betty roaming the halls like she usually does. I go into my room and cry myself to sleep for the first time in a long time.
True to My Heart Page 5
