by Katie Ashley
“Oh,” I murmured, trying not to let my mortification reach my cheeks. I then proceeded to try to look anywhere but at Rev.
“You asked for it.”
“I know. Trust me, I’m sorry I pressed you for the information.”
After a few seconds of embarrassment hung over the table, a laugh came bursting out of me before I could stop myself. When I finally dared to look over at Rev, he was staring wide-eyed at me. I continued laughing, unable to catch my breath. It was like some emotional dam had broken within me, and this was the way everything was getting out. It sure beat crying.
“Annabel?” Rev questioned cautiously once I got hold of myself.
I dabbed my eyes with a napkin. “I’m sorry. I guess it was just the absurdity of the moment. Here I am having a breakdown because I had been thinking we were flirting with each other, not to mention we are two adults who just died a thousand deaths from talking about erections.”
When Rev realized I hadn’t totally lost my mind, he smiled. “I guess we were being a little uptight.”
“Yes, uptight seems to sum up exactly how I’ve been reacting to my feelings. I’m going to take your advice and push the thoughts away. Most of all, I want to lighten up. Despite what happened to me, I’m lucky to have gotten out of there.”
“More than anything, you need to be kind to yourself.” After taking a sip of tea, he said, “I know when you asked what the plans were when we get to Georgia, I said it was up to you.”
“You did.”
“I would make one suggestion. It’s one I hope you will take.”
He certainly had my interest piqued now. “What is it?”
“I want you to see a therapist as soon as possible.”
My stomach churned a little at the prospect. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in seeing a therapist. It was just that I didn’t want to have to dredge up everything that had happened to me and relive it with a perfect stranger. At the same time, I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life dealing with the fallout of emotional issues I tried to bury. So I nodded at Rev. “Yes, I will.”
I could tell he was a little surprised at how easily I consented to his suggestion. “My sister-in-law is a teacher. She works closely with a lot of health-care professionals. I can ask her to recommend one without going into your story.”
“Thank you, Rev. I would appreciate that.”
He smiled. “You’re welcome.” He then jerked his chin at my plate. “Now eat some more steak.”
Despite rolling my eyes, I didn’t bother arguing with him. Instead, I chowed down on my steak and sweet potato, which were delicious. I managed to put a lot away until my overloaded stomach began to protest. I set my fork and knife down on the plate and eased back in the booth.
Rev motioned out the window. “Look.”
I followed his gaze across the street from the diner where the twinkling, multicolored lights of a small carnival, including a Ferris wheel, stretched high into the sky.
“When we were kids, Bishop and I couldn’t wait each year for the fair to come to town. It was set up just down the road from us, and we used to save our money up so we could go every night.”
I smiled at him. “Sounds like fun.”
His brows shot up. “Did you ever go to a fair as a kid?”
Shaking my head, I replied, “I always wanted to go, but my parents . . .” I grimaced as their words echoed through my head.
“What?”
I twisted my napkin in my lap. “My parents said only low-rent people went to the fair, and I would catch something from them.”
Rev barked out a humorless laugh. “Well, I’m pretty sure they were right about my family’s low-rent status, but we never spread any diseases.”
I stared down at my plate, wishing I had answered him differently. In that moment, I hated my parents even more. I hated their hypocrisy of acting like they cared for the poor by having thousand-dollar-a-plate fund-raisers, but at the same time staring down their noses at anyone who wasn’t in their social class.
Even though it wasn’t the sufficient apology he deserved, I whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“But—”
Rev shook his head. “You’re not your parents, Annabel.”
“I know.”
“Good.” He reached around to get his wallet out of his pants. After tossing out some bills, he grinned at me. “I think it’s time you went to your first carnival.”
“Seriously?”
“Sure.”
“But since I’m still healing, I can’t ride anything.”
“We can still walk around and take in the sights.”
I had to admit the prospect definitely excited me. “Are you sure we have time?”
Rev smiled. “We’ll make time.”
I laughed. “Okay, let’s do it!”
We made our way out of the diner, looked both ways before hurrying across the highway, and then inched our way up the line to the ticket booth.
Once we got inside, I was momentarily overwhelmed by the crowd. So many strangers. So many strange men. In spite of the heat, a chill passed over my skin.
As if he could sense my apprehension, Rev drew me close against him. “Anytime you want to leave, you just tell me.”
Although part of me would have preferred to turn around then, I knew I owed it to Rev—and to myself—to try to stay. I was safe with him. No one could hurt me as long as Rev was around. And in some small way, if I did stay, it would be a victory of overcoming my fears. “I will,” I replied.
As we walked around, I battled the sensory overload I found myself in—the noisy chatter, the smells of popcorn and funnel cakes, the screams from people on the roller coasters and other rides. Each time I would meet the eyes of a strange man, I would burrow closer to Rev. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind.
“What was your favorite part of the fair growing up?” I gazed up and tried to focus on him rather than the crowd around us.
“That’s a tough one. Even though they’re kinda cheesy now, I really loved the rides. The bigger the adrenaline rush, the better time I had. But I also liked playing the games.” He smiled down at me. “As I got older, I would try to win something to give to a girl.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
He laughed. “Yeah, that was my idea of being a suave Casanova. I had a lot to learn.”
My gaze caught the glittering lights of the Ferris wheel. “I can wait here if you want to go on some of the rides,” I offered. Secretly, I would die a thousand deaths until he returned, but I was willing to do it for him.
Rev immediately shook his head. “I’m fine.”
“Well, the least you can do is play some games. You know, for old times’ sake and all.”
With a smile, Rev said, “Yeah, I guess I could.” He then led me over to one of the booths. The game was set up so you won if you could hit the bull’s-eye on the target.
The guy behind the counter eyed Rev’s cut before handing him the toy gun. I could tell by his expression he didn’t much care for Rev playing the game—as if wearing the cut gave him an unfair advantage or something. If Rev noticed it, he didn’t let on.
Instead, he focused on the target in front of him. His first shot pinged against the center of the bull’s-eye, knocking it down. “Great shot!” I exclaimed.
“What prize?” the man asked.
“It’s the lady’s choice,” Rev replied.
I laughed. “Really?”
“Of course.”
“Hmm,” I murmured as I gazed up at the stuffed animals on display. A cute brown and white dog caught my eye. “I’ll take that one,” I said, pointing to it. The man took it down and then handed it to me. “Thank you.”
“Come on. Let’s try some other ones,” Rev said.
“Ah, I’ve created a monster, huh?” I teased.
“Yes and no. I fully intend to have you play some as well.”
“Me?” M
y voice squeaked.
He grinned. “Why not?”
“Rev, I wouldn’t even begin to know how to shoot,” I protested.
“We’ll find you one that doesn’t involve shooting.”
“One thing I haven’t told you is I’m not very athletic.”
“I’m not sure I’m too surprised to hear that.”
I smacked him playfully on the arm. “Hey now.”
“Here. Let’s try this one.” He motioned to a booth where smaller children were picking up floating ducks to match prizes.
“I don’t think I’m so bad that we have to start at a kiddie booth.”
Rev laughed. “Okay, okay. You pick one.”
I gazed around at my choices. “How about that one?” Across from us was a booth that boasted milk jugs. To win you had to toss a ring over the top of a jug. I figured it couldn’t be that hard.
“Looks good to me.”
After we walked over, Rev paid the man for some tickets. I was handed three rings. My first attempt didn’t even make it to the milk jug. The next smacked against the bottom. And after I put some oomph into the third, it went flying behind the jug. When I dared to look at Rev, he gave me an innocent look. “Want to try again?”
“Sure. Why not?”
Once again he paid and I was handed the rings. Once again I managed to get them nowhere near where they were supposed to be. “Again?” Rev asked.
I shook my head as I fought the embarrassment I was sure was tinging my cheeks. “No, I want to find the nearest concession stand. I plan to drown my inadequacies at carnival games in some cotton candy.”
Rev laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”
It wasn’t too hard locating the food. We simply had to follow the delicious smells wafting through the air. I decided on a corn dog and fresh lemonade along with my cotton candy. Rev ordered a funnel cake and a beer.
When he once again got out his wallet, I sighed. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
I frowned. “I just hate you’re having to pay so much for me. I’ll be glad when I can find a local branch of my bank and have some money of my own.”
“I don’t mind paying.”
“I know you don’t. It’s me who minds.”
“If it will make you feel better, I can start you a tab.”
“Smart-ass.”
While we ate our food, we walked around the other side of the fair, taking in the rides and various booths. As dusk started to fall, I became a little apprehensive. There was something more menacing in being around strangers in the dark versus the daylight. Every little noise from the rides made me jump.
When a man who had clearly had too much to drink bumped into me, a scream burst from my lips before I could think better of it. Rev rushed forward, grabbing the man by the throat and pinning him to the side of one of the booths. “What the fuck are you doing hitting her like that?” Rev demanded as his broad chest rose and fell with harsh pants.
The man’s blue eyes widened in fear as he took in both Rev’s imposing size and the menacing expression on his face. “N-Nothing. I swear.”
Feeling ashamed at my overreaction, I tentatively reached out to touch Rev’s arm. “It’s okay. Rev, he didn’t mean anything by it,” I said softly, trying to calm him down. This hair-trigger-temper side of him wasn’t something I was used to seeing, and if I was honest with myself, it was a little alarming.
Whether it was because of my touch or my reassurances that I was fine, I didn’t know, but Rev calmed down enough to release the man. He apologized repeatedly as he stumbled away from us. For a few seconds Rev refused to look at me. When he finally did, his features had returned to normal. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
He shook his head. “No, it isn’t. I scared you, which is the last thing I wanted to do.”
I closed the gap between us. “I would be lying if I said that scene just now didn’t alarm me.” Staring up into his apologetic blue eyes, I added, “You just seemed so different.”
“In my world, I have to be violent to get things done.”
Although there was regret on his face, his tone was matter-of-fact. I realized then that there was so much more to Rev than I had originally imagined, and I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know everything.
“Guess we better head out,” Rev said, breaking the tense silence between us.
“Okay,” I murmured. As I clutched the dog he had won me tightly against my chest, I let him start leading us out of the fair.
Just before we got to the exit, Rev abruptly stopped. “Can I have just a few more minutes?” he asked.
“Of course.”
He took my hand and led me over to one of the few booths that were close to the exit. I watched as he handed over some tickets and then started to play. It wasn’t a shooting game, but Rev still managed to master it.
When the guy asked what prize, I half expected Rev to turn to me. Instead, he pointed to a green alligator wearing a pink tutu and ballet slippers. When he turned back to me, he wore an accomplished smile.
“Just who is that alligator for, Casanova?”
He laughed. “It’s for my niece, Willow. She’s a ballerina.”
I stared at him in surprise at that; he had never mentioned having a niece. From his tone when he spoke about her, coupled with the fact that he had gone to the trouble to win something for her, it was obvious he loved her very much.
“How old is she?”
“Six going on sixteen.”
I smiled at his summation. “I bet she’s crazy about you.”
“What makes you say that?”
“If you’re as kind and devoted with her as you are with me, then she would have no reason not to be crazy about you.”
With a grin, Rev replied, “I can’t speak for her, but I do know I’m crazy about her. She’s been such a blessing to my family since she came to live with us a year ago.” At what must’ve been my surprised expression, Rev proceeded to tell me all about his niece’s tragic early years with a drug-addicted mother, her mother’s murder, and how she came to live with his older brother, Deacon.
“Poor thing,” I murmured as we started out of the exit.
“She’s the most amazing little girl. Smart, funny, and sweet. Resilient as hell. You’d never know by seeing her now that she’d ever been through such hard times.” He cut his gaze over to mine. “I can’t wait for you to meet her.”
His words sent a surge of warmth through my chest. I couldn’t help feeling grateful he wanted me to meet the niece he adored. Suddenly it felt like we were as connected as we had been during most of this trip, and the discomfort I’d felt when he confronted the guy back at the carnival disappeared. Now our bond seemed even stronger.
“I can’t wait to meet her, either.” I motioned to the alligator. “And to see her reaction to her present.”
“It’s not much, but I know she would be pissed if I was gone and didn’t bring her back anything.”
“She’ll adore it.”
Rev stared down at the alligator. “I just hope I have a kid like her one day.”
I sucked in a harsh breath—hearing him state his desire to have children felt the same as if someone had punched me in the gut. In truth, it was more like someone drove a dagger into my chest. I had once spoken with the same conviction about children as Rev had. I guess it wasn’t too surprising he wanted a family—the vast majority of people did. It was more about the way he had said the words, the desire that resonated in his tone. There was not a doubt in my mind that he would make a wonderful father.
While I could hear Breakneck’s words that it wasn’t impossible for me to be a mother, it did little to make me feel better.
Thankfully, we arrived at the car then, and if Rev realized how his words had stung me, he didn’t let on. I was glad he hadn’t. I’d always hated having someone’s pity, especially Rev’s.
After Rev started the engine, the physical and emotional exertions of the day caught up with me
, and I nodded off. I awoke to Rev pulling me to him. “Come on, Annabel.” Before I could protest to give me a few minutes to wake up so I could walk, he was lifting me into his arms.
Panic overcame me when I felt myself floating. My eyelids snapped open, and I furiously took in my surroundings. My chest rose and fell in painful, panicked breaths. It took everything within me not to scream as a flashback overcame me.
Sensing my distress, Rev began murmuring softly to me. “It’s okay. It’s just you and me. No ghosts of the past allowed.”
Tears stung my eyes at the kindness of his words and the fact that he was carrying me into the motel room so that I didn’t have to exert myself. I curled my fist tighter into his shirt. Somehow his strength was enough to ward off the flashbacks. I wasn’t back at the motel with the Diablos. Instead, it was Rev, and only Rev, with me.
After he kicked the door closed, Rev asked, “Do you want to change?”
Since I could barely keep my eyes open, I replied, “Just sleep.”
“Okay.” He eased me down onto one of the beds and pulled the cover from the other side over to wrap me up. “Sweet dreams, Annabel.”
“Same to you,” I murmured before sleep once again overtook me.
Naked after his last attack, I lay on my side with him pressed against me. As his fingers skimmed over my back, I prayed that even though it was early in the evening, he would fall asleep.
He had been gone most of the day. Business meetings of some sort. He had returned, finely dressed in one of his thousand-dollar suits and reeking of alcohol.
“Go put on my dress shirt,” he commanded.
Since I always did just as he asked, I slipped out of bed and padded silently across the cool marble floor as I went over to the chair where he had tossed his shirt. Quickly, I slid it on and buttoned it up. Because of his height, it reached my knees.
With a flick of his wrist, he beckoned me to him. “Come here.”
I drew in a breath of trepidation, but immediately went back over to the bed.
Mendoza stared up at me, drinking in my appearance from head to toe. “Mmm, you look sexy in my clothes.” He shoved his hands into my hair and jerked my head closer to his. Within seconds, his lips were moving frantically against mine.
