by Harms, C. A.
“Maybe I should go?” It is a question, but it is impossible not to hear the hope in his voice. Hope that I will insist he’d stay.
The answer is yes, I do want him to stay. I’ve spent so long in what feels like a dark closet, pushing away and shutting out everyone before giving them the slightest chance to get close. All because being in solitude makes me feel safe. I am tired of living that type of life. Tired of being trapped in the bad memories from that night over a year ago.
When he begins to lift upward, I grab his arms and hold his body close to mine. A panic hits me, a fear of losing the intimacy of the moment. “Or you could stay for a little longer.” Looking into his eyes, I feel my heart lurch in my chest when he dips his head and his lips brush over mine.
Knoxville seems pleased with my invite.
“I’ll stay as long as you want me here.”
He still hovers, eyeing me as if he needs an invite to give me more of what had been making me cry only seconds ago. “Are you planning to kiss me? Or are you gonna keep staring at me instead?”
A grin tugs at the corner of his lips and I do the same in return.
“Always such a smartass.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”
“I definitely do.” The tips of his fingers skim over the exposed skin at my waist where my shirt is already rising. “More than I should.” I don’t get the chance to question him or even toss out another comment to push him further. Instead, I’m at a loss for words when Knoxville presses his lips to mine. All thoughts disappear; all I can focus on is the way he manages to tease and taunt me, leaving me breathless.
I knew he’d be a good kisser; he has the lips for it. Full and soft, and he is a master with his tongue. A gentle swoop, a simple suck on my lower lip, and I am nothing more than a puddle beneath him.
“I didn’t want to trust you,” I whisper the words into our kiss and he pauses, pulling back just enough for a clear look into my eyes. “I didn’t want to allow myself to feel safe.”
“But you are safe.” With a gentle brush of his fingertips along my jaw, I allow my eyes to close for only a second before looking at him once more. “And you always will be.”
Reaching up, I grip the back of his neck and pull him toward me so our lips are once again touching. I pray for the very first time in as long as I can remember that he is right. I wish for the chance to feel whole, I hope that he’ll be true to his word, and that I will never regret letting go of the force field I had built around me.
Chapter Eighteen
Knoxville
Touching her, kissing her…is the best thing I have ever felt. Like a jump start every time, one that flashes through my body like an electric wave of energy. Tinley was flawless, she was my perfect.
“We take this at your pace.” I kiss from her lips, along her jaw, and pause with my mouth near her ear. “Always at your pace, we go as slow as you want.”
“I don’t want to go slow anymore.”
“Are you sure?” Lifting my head, I look into her eyes. There is no hesitation there, only need.
“I’m more than sure.” Tinley lifts her hand to cup my jaw and without hesitation I lean into her touch. “I’m letting go of the brakes, Knoxville. I’ve been doing it far too long and as you said, with you I’m safe.”
I’m a protective man, one who will go to great lengths to keep those I love and care for safe. I’ve always been that way, one to step up and ensure everyone around me is safe, to guard them, to watch over them. Knowing, actually hearing her accept that she is safe with me pleases me. I thought I would have to fight her on this because Tinley is not an easy battle to win.
“I want to let go and just feel,” she whispers before pressing her lips to mine. “I want to feel you, us.”
Her words alone have me feeling like an adolescent boy ready to explode.
I am not a gentle lover, it hadn’t worked for me. I love letting go of the animalistic nature inside me. I am finding it next to impossible to keep those needs reined in but I know I have too. I have to play it safe with Tinley, or risk scaring her away. I am in physical pain as I hold onto my control and just accept the sweet soft kisses and touches she offers.
“I’m not made of glass, Knox,” she says, almost like she can read my thoughts. “Stop holding out on me. You feel tensed and stressed.”
“I said you’re in control.” Holy fuck what is wrong with me? I don’t ever willingly give control to any woman. Yet here I am, ready to give her everything.
“Let’s just meet in the middle and agree that we are both in control.”
“I like the sound of that.” Gliding my palm over her side, I begin to lift her shirt higher until her stomach is bare. Kissing along her jaw, neck, then across her exposed upper chest and dipped between her breasts. I’ve dreamed of kissing and teasing that creamy skin since the very first moment she drifted into my life.
I pause and watch as her chest rises and falls with each breath.
Skipping over the space where her shirt is bunched in the center, I place a kiss just above her belly button and she shudders beneath me. A soft moan escapes her, and I glance up to find her eyes are squeezed together tightly while she bites on her lower lip. Her cheeks are flush with arousal, and it’s my undoing, the drive that breaks my control.
One hand still gripping her hip, I use the other to untie the oversized pants she wears. They are so loose they fit her like a potato sack, her small body lost within them. I find myself wondering what she would look like in a skimpy little lingerie number and make special note to work up to that. Lace, a blue color that matches her eyes. Just the image in my head made my cock jump with excitement.
It takes very little effort to release the tie on her waist and the pants gape open, giving me a small glimpse of what is beneath. I see a flash of red lace and my heart ceases. Doing my best not to come off as some crazed sex lunatic, I glide my hand on her hip lower and carefully begin to remove the pants.
“I thought about this moment often over the last few weeks,” I confess and give her a smile, still focusing on the skimpy and alluring silk and lace before me.
“You thought of gawking at my panties?”
Looking upward, I find her smiling back at me with one eyebrow arched. She is trying to be a smartass, but there is no way to pull it off when she can’t keep that grin of hers under control.
“Yes.” Without hesitation I respond to her sass. “I’ve dreamed of you in many different styles and colors, and let me just say my dreams aren’t even close. You are stunning.” Even that explanation isn’t good enough, but at this point I can’t think of anything else.
“I bet you say that to all the girls when you’re horny.”
If I’ve figured out anything about Tinley during our small window together, it’s that she will do and say just about anything to divert attention away from herself. She and her life are off limits; compliments aren’t something she easily accepts.
“You enamor me.” I see the very second her strong cover begins to falter. Her mouth grows slack and her shoulders sag against the mattress. “I would never say something to you that I didn’t mean. You truly knock me on my ass almost daily. You’re beautiful, strong, and confident. Nothing with you is a line just to get something I want, that I can promise you.”
Instead of a response with words, she offers a simple nod, and I place a soft kiss to the flesh just above the waistband of her panties. Watching her reactions only add to the excitement and intensity of the moment. If she bites her lip any harder, I know she’ll taste blood. Her small hands fist the sheets by her side.
My entire lower half is hanging off her small bed, my feet hitting the floor. I try to ignore the fact that I feel like I am exchanging foreplay in a fucking toddler bed, but I am not a small guy so it is a bit difficult.
Tinley parts her legs, and I take full advantage of the offer. Hooking my finger into the crotch of her panties, I pull them aside and again use every ounce of control
I have to act like a fucking man and not a horny teenage boy with raging hormones. This woman is what wet dreams are named for. Waxed, smooth, and inviting, her arousal is impossible to hide. When I trace the pad of my thumb over her swollen clit and downward, parting her, she bucks her hips upward and releases a needy moan.
“Does that feel good?” I continue to touch her, slowly, and fully aware of my teasing manner. “Me touching you, you’ve thought of it too, haven’t you?”
Tinley tries to fight it, but her resistance already gives me the answer I need. It doesn’t matter how hard she tries to convince me otherwise, I understand now that she wants me as much as I want her. The reason behind her need to act otherwise I have yet to solve, but I will, eventually. Because I won’t give up trying.
Leaning in with my eyes still locked on her face, I trail the tip of my tongue over her sex and relish in the image of her trembling body. A soft whisper of yes falls from her lips, driving me to continue. Applying just a little more pressure, I taste her, over and over, feeling her hips shift which only opens her to me more.
“Oh my…” The word “God” sounds much more like “gaaaahhhh.” Smiling against her, I continue to push her closer and closer to release. Watching Tinley let go, seeing her chance the pleasure, is intriguing. She is always so reserved, so straight forward, yet here she is falling apart with every sweep of my tongue.
When her hand touches the top of my head and she fists my hair, a small amount of pain shoots through me, like she is ripping a fistful of hair from my head. Within seconds she is moving herself against my mouth, taking control. I have never in my life seen anything hotter.
By this point my knees are touching the floor at the foot of her bed, and her entire body had slipped its way downward.
She trembles and shakes, grips my hair harder, and her back arches as she reaches her peak. “Mmm.” Her hips pump and my tongue continues to work her. “Yes, oh yes,” she cries.
I place a finger inside her and feel her ignite as I move in and out. Her muscles convulse around me and her hips pump faster.
“That’s it,” I coax her, “unbelievable.”
She tenses, and again fists my hair. It is worth possibly going bald.
I had told myself this would be enough, that making her come would be all I’d take, and now here I sit on the floor, watching her come back down from an orgasm that just shook her. My hands tremble, and I am harder than I have ever been before in my life. My mind is saying stop, but my cock is screaming out for his own release.
When her eyes finally open and she looks back at me, I climb up the bed slowly and hover above her. Her gaze shifts between my eyes and the hard, aching cock that is pushing against my pants. I imagine her talking herself through what just happened and what she feels will be the next step. Worrying her lip, she shifts her gaze back to meet mine and in that second I let my own needs pass.
“You can relax.” She scrunches up her brows. “We won’t be taking this any further tonight.”
“We won’t?”
I close the distance between us but only long enough to place a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. Rising once more so I can get a good look at her face, I shake my head. Instantly I see her body relax and the tension she was feeling fades fast.
“I want to…” Tinley pauses, worrying her lip.
“Okay, but just not tonight. Not here in this tiny ass bed. Are you sure this is actually meant for adults or…”
She looks past me toward the lower half of the bed. My feet are still hanging off the edge, one on each side, and where my arms are supporting the weight of my body against the mattress there is little room left. The woman is living in a closet with a toddler bed. Laughter spills from her and she lifts her hands to cover her face, her body shaking from the fit she is having.
“I’m glad you find this funny.”
“Hilarious.” It is a mumbled mess, but I hear it. Pulling her hands away, she again glances between us and does her best to hide her giggle. “I agree it’s small, but it works for me. I don’t think it’s meant for apes.”
Without a second’s pause, I grab her side and begin to tickle. Hearing her laughter echo throughout the room even louder than before makes my chest swell. There is no better sound. For weeks I fought to get my chance, then again to prove I’m not the man she thought all men are. Now that I am here, now that she let me in even if it is just a small fraction, I am going to take advantage of it. I want to be the guy she can rely on, the one she trusts. I want nothing more than to be the one responsible for all her smiles and laughter.
“Stop!” Tinley shifts beneath me only she can’t get away. “Okay,” she squeals through her laughter, “you’re not an ape. I give, oh my god.” A snort drops from her nose. Her eyes widen in surprise and this triggers another outbreak of laughter.
All the while I simply watch, not wanting to miss a single second. She is so beautiful, not just on the outside but also on the inside. Now I just have to find a way to make her realize it.
Chapter Nineteen
Tinley
“Someone is smiling a little more than usual.” I ignore Nora as she sits down in the seat at my side, until she nudges my arm, forcing me to look at her. “Please tell me that happiness has everything to do with the man from the bar.” Her comments trigger a flash of memories from last night. “And tell me he is as amazing in bed as he looks like he would be.”
My silence does nothing to tame her. It only makes her grow more persistent and loud.
“Those eyes, and those hands,” she growls, and I can’t stop smiling. Nora reminds me so much of Naomi. She makes me miss the girl I grew up with and who I called my sister through most of my life. The one I dismissed as if she had something to do with what Rob had done to me. It wasn’t fair, I understood that, but everything about that part of my life reminds me of where it led me. It reminds me of the impressionable, weak girl who found herself in a place where she allowed a man to destroy her.
“I bet he can go on and on for hou—” I hold up my hand to stop her and scan around the class. A few other students are looking in our direction, some with curiosity, others with distaste.
“Will you lower your voice?” I place my hand on the tabletop next to my notebook and take in a deep breath. “Not that it is any of your business, but I haven’t slept with him.”
I don’t have to look at her to know she is confused. Her body remains frozen in place at my side and I can practically feel her eyes burning a hole in my head.
“He’s pretty great, and he makes me happy. He makes me laugh and okay, I’ll admit that he is a really great kisser, but he is also a good man.” I’ll keep the rest of what we shared to myself. It is mine and only mine. I can feel my cheeks flushing and I fight the urge to squeeze my thighs together from the visions in my head. Knoxville looking up at me, his mouth hovering over my most sensitive spot, and that knowing smile on his lips just before he dips closer and my body starts to hum.
“Great kisser, huh?” Nora laughs and I shift my gaze in her direction. Instantly I understand that I’d given her all she needed to know by simply getting lost in my own head. “If I was kissing,” she air quotes the word, “that man, I’d be keeping him all to myself too.”
I don’t give her anything in return, just look up toward the front of the classroom as the professor walks in. The moment she opens her mouth and begins the lecture, I allow myself to once again get lost in memories of the night with Knox. Eating dinner and laughing while drinking wine. Snuggling while watching a movie, and the way he made my body feel when he started to touch me.
I fully expected to have sex with him; I wanted it. But as my past always does, it creeped in at the worst time and I found myself drowning in the fear. What surprised me most is that he could read me, like he knew my thoughts and he put me before his own needs. That has to count for something. Correction…it counts for everything.
* * *
Knox: Dinner tonight?
It h
as been two days since I’ve seen Knoxville. I fought so hard to keep him away and now I find myself missing him after such a short time. That is both exciting and terrifying.
Me: I have to work until 3.
I am scheduled at Griffin’s for the afternoon rush they get every Sunday right around the time most people get out of church and are in search of something to eat.
Knox: How’s 5?
Me: That depends. What are you feeding me?
It is a welcome change to flirt.
Knox: Whatever you want.
I want more of what we shared at my place. I fight my smile, tucking myself behind the soda machine so I can text a little longer before I am interrupted by a customer who needs something. I just want a few more seconds to enjoy this. Before I get the chance to respond, my phone vibrates again with another message.
Knox: I thought I would cook for you, at my place.
My heart races as I read over his message a few times. I’m not attempting to find my way out of his invite, but I am trying to come up with a response that doesn’t sound as eager as I feel. Somehow sending a message that says, “forget the dinner, just eat me,” seems inappropriate. But in my defense, he is really, really good at that.
I find my cheeks heating once again.
Knox: Or we could go out?
He had taken my silence as a denial. My hands shake as I quickly try to redeem the moment.
Me: No, dinner at your place would be perfect. I was just a little surprised at the offer to cook for me. Didn’t peg you for the chef type.
Knox: I have skills.
