When I began to gain a sense of self and learn a little more about the world, I learned that I was an unnecessary existence in the eyes of my mother.
Soon enough, I was three years old. Someone claiming to be my father told me I would move in with my brothers — born to a different mother, apparently. But I was unwanted and unneeded there, too.
At first, they would call me names like “son of a prostitute” and “whoreson.” And when I injured my brothers with my magic, they called me “monster.” I spent my days alone in my room, doing as little as I possibly could. I pretended that I didn’t exist.
Yes, that was how I had lived. I lived alone, in that room, never making myself known to anyone. I was unwanted. I was not needed by anyone. And that was why I wouldn’t mind even if I were to disappear in this cold, dark place.
I was afraid of the darkness at first. I shivered and cried. Tears flowed down my cheeks. But now... it almost felt comforting. Soothing. I felt like I wouldn’t mind at all if I were to just dissolve into the darkness without a sound.
I was unwanted, unneeded, right? What did I live for? To be abused? To put up with extreme acts of violence...? That would hardly be worth living for. Just as that thought crossed my mind...
“...Keith.”
I felt like someone said my name.
It was my name, I guess. The name that was given to me. But few called me by it...
Who could it be, I wonder? It was such a familiar voice.
I looked around me... and yet, there was nothing but an endless expanse of darkness. Perhaps I was just imagining things.
Yes... it must have been nothing more than my imagination. There was no one in this world who would so gently say my name.
I curled up once more. I stilled my breathing. I would disappear, melt into the darkness, just like this.
“...Keith.”
That voice, once more. I could hear it much more clearly now.
“...Who is it...?” I replied to the unseen voice in the darkness.
I looked around again. As I expected, there was no one there. However, I soon heard that voice again.
“Keith, wake up!”
It was a voice I had heard before... somewhere. It was a very, very familiar voice. And yet... I did not know who it belonged to.
“...Who? Who are you?” I asked again.
“Keith, it’s me! I’ve come to get you!”
Come to... get me? Nonsense. No one would do that for me. After all, all of them abused me. My mother, father, even those brothers of mine, born to a different mother. Who is this person...? It’s no good. I cannot remember a thing.
I held my head in a mixture of confusion and frustration. Indeed, I was abused. I was mistreated. I was cast aside like trash. And yet... I felt like I was forgetting something very important every time I heard this voice. Just as I thought I would remember... the darkness snatched that thought from me.
“Keith... hey. Open your eyes...”
That voice desperately called out to me, again and again.
Ah... do I have someone like that, too? Someone who would say my name in such a fashion...?
I want to remember. I want to know... But the darkness hindered my thoughts. It tempted me. That it was fine to never remember, that it was fine to just sink into the darkness as I was. It would be much easier to just surrender, as opposed to thinking about it all... or so I thought.
“Keith!”
That voice. It simply wouldn’t stop. As if it was telling me not to go there. Not to go into the darkness. Should I surrender myself to the darkness... or should I listen to the voice? I did not know. I was at a loss.
It was then that a single speck of light appeared in this world of darkness. What... is that? I kept staring at the light. As I did so, it slowly expanded. Slowly but surely... the memories returned to my mind.
“Hello, you are Keith, yes? Welcome to the Claes family.”
The spring when I turned eight, that was what I was told as I was brought before a woman and a girl with aqua-blue eyes.
“Call me Big Sister!” the girl had said, beaming at me. And then she took me outside the house, and taught me many, many things.
Even so... I ended up accidentally hurting her with my magic. I was unable to control it. I was sure she hated me after that. I would be mistreated and abused once again, I was so sure.
The girl, however... forgave me. With a smile on her face. And then she said to me the words I wanted to hear the most.
“Let’s stay together from now on!”
Ahh... how could I have forgotten?
With that, I remembered. All of it, everything, all at once. My capable and noble stepfather, and my gentle and loving stepmother. The kind and caring servants, too... my dear friends, who accepted me with all of their being. And the person I loved most in the world... my adoptive sister, Katarina Claes.
It was true. Up until that spring when I turned eight, I did not mean a thing to anyone. But I was different now. Now, I had many people who cared about me. Important people. Should I disappear... they would surely mourn me.
I had also made up my mind that I would stay next to Katarina, and I would do everything I could to protect her. And so, I couldn’t just disappear. I could not simply be swallowed by the darkness.
I raised my head — and before I knew it, I was enveloped by a warm, soothing light. The darkness that I had been lost in before... was now all but gone.
As I slowly opened my eyes, awakened by that gentle sensation... her face came into view. The face of the person I loved the most. Her aqua-blue eyes stared straight into mine. Large tears were falling from her eyes.
I found myself cradled in Katarina’s arms. She was the first one to hold me in such a way... ever since I had become aware of myself. It happened when I tried my best to catch Katarina as she fell from a tree, and then lost consciousness from the impact. She held me so tightly. And just like now, tears flowed from her eyes as she continued to worry about me. It was then that I first understood the kindness and gentleness of others. My chest felt warm, then.
Ah... I’m dreaming about my childhood. Although Katarina did do that a lot as a child, my stepmother was somewhat strict with her as we got a little older. As time passed, she eventually stopped hugging me so casually.
However... Katarina was much older in this dream. In fact, she looked just like I remembered. Even the soft sensation of her skin felt different. It was nothing like when we were children. Was this just a dream of my desires, then? After all... I was incredibly envious of how Prince Jeord touched Katarina however and whenever he pleased, on account of him being her fiancé.
“...Big Sister...” I said.
“Keith!” Katarina sounded happy. She held me tightly. “I’m so glad you’re okay... so glad...!” she mumbled, burying her tear-streaked face into my chest.
Katarina never really did grow very tall. To think that we would be embracing like this, at such a distance... Ah... what a blissful dream. I hadn’t had any such pleasant dreams as of late.
“Keith, are you all right?” Perhaps Katarina found my blissful silence strange. She looked at me with a surprised expression. Her glistening, aqua-blue eyes... so lovely. How else would I describe them?
If this were reality, I would not be able to handle the embarrassment. I would surely have pushed her away. This was just a dream, though... and so I guessed a little more contact wouldn’t hurt. To make up for what I could not do in reality...
“Keith?”
I placed a single hand on Katarina’s face, before placing my lips against her tear-stained cheek. As she stared at me, frozen in place... I slowly moved my lips toward hers.
Soon enough, my lips were against hers — her lovely, pink, adorable lips. They were softer than I’d imagined.
For a while, I thoroughly enjoyed the softness of her lips, before finally pulling away. Her face was flushed red, and she was frozen in one of her amusing expressions.
Ahh... Katarina
really is adorable, just as I’ve always thought. In fact, she was probably more adorable than anything I had imagined, or was capable of imagining.
“Ah... what a nice dream, truly...” I muttered as I felt my eyelids become impossibly heavy.
It was a little strange for me to feel sleepy, considering that I was already in a dream... but there was little I could do to ward off the sensation. Soon enough, I felt myself sinking into a deep, deep sleep...
★★★★
Huh? What was that? What just happened?
I was frozen in place, unable to comprehend what had just happened, as usual.
Hmm. Let’s go through the chain of events leading up to this point. First, I thought of tilling the fields back at Claes Manor to increase my magical powers... no, that was a little too far back. Let’s try this again. After all, it would take a long time to summarize events from my childhood up to this point in time.
Ugh, that wasn’t it! Remember, Katarina! Think of what just happened a while ago! Firstly... we got to this room, and found the missing Keith. But Dark Magic had been cast on him, and he wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I called to him. That was why Larna and the rest left in search of the individual who cast the spell. Only Jeord and I were left in this room.
But no matter how much or how loudly I called to Keith, he didn’t react at all! And so I got really angry and said, “Why? Why does Keith have to suffer like this?!”
And then I felt that mirror that Jeord bought for me heating up. And then I touched it, and felt that I could do something about that black mist-snake. Hmm. Actually, I do remember tearing it apart and crushing it with these very hands... and then Keith woke up, and then...?
“Auuuggh!” I held my head as a weird sound escaped my lips. I could see the events that had just occurred replaying in my mind, in real time.
When Keith had opened his eyes, he’d called out to me in a feeble voice, and then for some reason, placed a hand on my cheek. That was fine and good. At least, up until that point.
But then, what happened after! Keith placed his lips against my cheek and then... he k-kissed me!!
In my confusion, I didn’t know how to react, and could only stare blankly with my eyes wide. But then, Keith...! He looked at me with that pretty face of his, with an expression like he was ready to melt! And he just kept staring at me, just like that! Just thinking about it was enough to almost cause my head to explode.
And that sensation, too! I never thought that someone else’s lips would be so soft. Wasn’t that my first kiss? Hmm? Wait... why does it feel like I’ve felt something like that before?
In fact... is the feeling of someone else’s lips really a first for me? Why does it feel like I’ve experienced this before? And... whose lips?
“...Katarina. Are you all right?”
A voice called out to me as I remained lost in my thoughts. I turned around, only to see Jeord standing behind me, with an expression of displeasure on his face.
“Y-Yes!” Still shaken, I managed to squeak out a response.
Jeord stepped forward, inspecting the now-sleeping Keith — the very same Keith who had just done something baffling, and then fallen asleep again.
“That was... quite the reaction, from what I could see. Perhaps a side effect of the magic being dispelled. He is most likely simply sleeping.”
“I... see.” I was so relieved that the magic had been dispelled. But what just happened was way too intense. I still couldn’t get my thoughts together.
“However... even if he was half-awake, he really went and did it, I see.” Jeord placed a hand on my chin.
In my confusion, all I could do was gape. Could it be...?! Just when I thought Jeord’s face was a little too close for comfort, I felt that same soft sensation on my lips once more. The thing responsible, of course, was another person’s lips.
With a soft sound, Jeord drew away. “A disinfectant, you see. You are mine after all, Katarina. I cannot simply overlook another man trying to snatch you away,” Jeord said, sulking like a child.
I suddenly remembered everything that I had forgotten — all at once.
That’s right... that kiss just now wasn’t my first kiss. My first kiss was taken by Jeord a while ago... and on top of that, he even proposed to me, saying that he loves me!
I had forgotten about all that in the chaos of Keith’s disappearance. But how could I have forgotten something like that...!
Then Jeord, who was still sulking childishly, said, “Hmm. It would seem that my feelings were not appropriately conveyed. Perhaps one kiss isn’t enough? Then shall I do it again...?”
What terrifying words! I immediately shook my head. “No, I remember all of it! I’m fine, just fine,” I replied, desperately.
Jeord seemed a little disappointed at my response. “Is that so... I see.”
From there, my confusion continued to build. What am I going to do? What am I supposed to do? I was in a panic! Jeord kissed me, said he loved me, and then... but then Keith, why did he...? It was no good. There was simply too much at once.
Ugh, my face feels like it’s on fire! My heart won’t stop beating either! I can even hear it! Augh!
“Woof!”
And on top of all my confusion, a mysterious sound joined the fray. Of course.
“Woof woof.”
I had no idea what was going on anymore. I couldn’t grasp this situation at all. What was all this woofing during this tumultuous time?
...Wait. What?! The mystery sound came from very close to me. It obviously sounded like a puppy of some kind, but there shouldn’t have been anything like that in this room.
Glancing toward the source of the sound, my eyes fell upon the remainders of the black snake, which I had compressed into a ball earlier. The sound had come from within that mass.
“...Eh? What?” I stared blankly at the black ball. It seemed to be... moving, forming itself into a new shape. Is that snake thing back again?! I steeled myself, and was ready for anything... but the new shape that the ball took was...
“...A puppy?”
Where the black mass once was now sat a black puppy — an adorable one, too.
“Wh-What?!” I could only guess that this puppy was formed from the black thing I’d torn off Keith! Why is it a puppy now? One thing after another... nothing makes sense!
Both Jeord and I seemed at a loss for words as we stared at the newly-materialized puppy. And then its eyes and mine met, and the puppy made a beeline for me.
Up until now, every single dog I had encountered in my life saw me as a mortal enemy. So I was prepared for anything... but then the puppy wagged its tail in joy as it approached me.
“Wh-Wha...” I could only stare on in shock.
Jeord’s reaction was different from mine. “Are you all right, Katarina?!” he said, moving to peel the puppy off me.
“H-How cute...!” I said, hugging the puppy automatically.
“...Huh?” Jeord made a funny expression due to his surprise, but that didn’t really register in my mind.
After all, I was incredibly moved! Ever since I was born— no, even in my previous life before this one, I had always been disliked by dogs. I loved animals, of course, including dogs, and I had no idea why they hated me. I was popular with the monkeys in the zoo and the mountains behind my home, for some reason, but dogs were always hostile toward me.
Petting a cute puppy this way made me feel like an ancient war had ended. Mutual enemies had finally put down their arms. Ah... I was finally able to feel a dog’s soft fur. Hugging a puppy was really a dream come true. I had lived all these years, and a lifetime before, disliked by dogs. And now this day had arrived!
I continued ruffling the puppy’s fur. It never once even bared its teeth at me. At long last, my dream had been fulfilled! I held the puppy tight, spoiling it in all the ways I could. The puppy seemed to enjoy this, if its rapidly wagging tail was anything to go by. Ahh, so soft! So adorable. It was like I was dreaming.
; I could so easily lose myself in this newfound world, with my puppy, myself and... well, I guess it was just my puppy and me. Just as I was about to continue enjoying myself, mysterious laughter interrupted me.
“Hee hee...”
It was a clear voice, ringing out like a bell. I assumed that it was Jeord making a strange noise after being left out of the good time I was having with my puppy, but that was not the case. In fact, Jeord positioned himself before me and the puppy with his sword drawn and his expression grave.
He seemed to be glaring in the direction of the door. I followed his gaze, only to find a woman standing at the room’s entrance. At a glance, she seemed to be a black-haired girl of around my age. The laughter probably came from her.
“What an interesting one you are... really,” the black-haired girl said casually. It seemed like she was looking right past Jeord and his blade.
What a mysterious girl. Even though she seemed close to me in age, the way she laughed and smiled seemed almost childlike.
We continued to stare at the girl cautiously as she continued speaking. “But... after all that effort. I wanted to do a Dark Magic experiment and make a familiar of darkness, but I see that you’ve claimed it for yourself, hmm?”
“Familiar of... darkness?” I repeated after her blankly, unable to understand.
“That puppy. I used the Dark Arts on your brother and made that familiar. But I see you have dispelled that magic too.”
“E-Eh?! This little thing here is a familiar of darkness? W-Wait! So you’re the one who cast Dark Magic on Keith!”
“Why yes, that’s me,” the girl said, her expression not changing in the slightest.
How... How terrible! I couldn’t believe that the perpetrator that Larna and the others had been looking for all this time would turn up on their own. From what Maria and Sora said, this person commanded immensely powerful Dark Magic. Would we be okay, facing such a foe?
I grew more uneasy, regarding the girl more cautiously than before. But she didn’t seem to notice or care. “But then... how did you manage to take it for yourself? How mysterious... you don’t have a drop of Dark Magic in you, from what I can see...” the girl mused, placing a hand on her cheek.
My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!, Volume 4 Page 13
