I had locked myself away in my heart... but Katarina smiled at me. And then, she told me that I was beautiful, despite the fact that I hated how I looked, and how I was stared at because of it. I found salvation in Katarina’s words... and was finally able to become someone new. In fact, I was only where I stood now because I had met Katarina, all that time ago.
And now, that very same person, who meant so much to me... had left on a journey. Katarina’s adopted brother, Keith, had run away from home. She had left in search of him.
The disappearance of Duke Claes’s son was not something to be taken lightly. It could not be made public, and only a small number of people could be involved in the search... I knew from the very beginning that this was no normal disappearance.
I was not strong, unlike Jeord or Maria. I wielded no power of any kind... even if I were to follow, I would only get in their way. Even I knew that much. However... understanding it logically was one thing. Coming to terms with my feelings... was another.
I had wanted to go, too... and my heart was filled with swirling emotions because I could not accompany her. And then there was another point of concern... Maria was fine, but to think that Jeord would follow her on this journey...
I mean Jeord Stuart, of course. Third crown prince of the kingdom, and Katarina’s fiancé. When I first met Katarina she was already engaged to him, and he had always stuck close to Katarina back then, too. Although I sometimes felt like he was a little mean or mischievous... I understood that Jeord wasn’t a bad person.
But... to just take Katarina all for himself! I could not agree with that! I could recall the numerous occasions in my childhood when I felt frustrated at Jeord for doing just that. And then... from what I heard, he intended to take Katarina’s hand in marriage immediately after her graduation from the academy! If that really came to pass, Katarina would become fully monopolized by Jeord...
No! I won’t accept that, I just won’t! I have to do something to... interfere! With those thoughts in mind, I formed an alliance with Mary, who felt the same way, and we did everything in our power to foil Jeord’s plans.
Maybe it was because of all our hard work...? Katarina had never noticed Jeord’s feelings toward her all this time... but it would appear that she had recently come to understand. With that, Jeord’s attempts at expressing his feelings greatly increased in intensity and frequency... and it was a most difficult time...
To leave together on a journey now, of all times! If anything happened between Jeord and Katarina on this trip... if Jeord really took her hand in marriage, then I would never be able to see her again! Ugh, that was unacceptable, just unacceptable! I could not find it in myself to give Jeord my blessing!
After all, my heartfelt wish was for Katarina to become my sister-in-law! If that were to happen, I would be able to live with her forever. For that to happen, I’d really like Big Brother to work a little harder... ah. About Big Brother...
My older brother, Nicol, was a most beautiful person! Not only that, he was sensitive, considerate, and gentle. Anyone would be proud to have him as an older brother. Due to his beautiful looks and peculiar aura, Big Brother was very popular with people of any gender. However, I also knew that he always had feelings for Katarina.
And yet...! Big Brother simply would not approach Katarina in any way! After all, if Nicol would really put his mind to it, anyone and everyone would fall prey to his charms! Yes, even Katarina! She would become all but entranced, too! No matter how much I told my brother to work harder, he would only shake his head... and say what he usually did. “It would be most inappropriate. She already has a fiancé.”
Despite my brother’s alluring looks and charms, he was actually a very straight-laced, serious, and somewhat rigid person on the inside. To begin with, what was all that about her “already having a fiancé”? Perhaps that was true for Jeord, but Katarina hardly saw him in that light. To me, this was the perfect opportunity, the best chance!
Katarina was straightforward, gentle and kind to everyone... everyone liked her, of course! She herself, however, did not seem aware of this in the slightest. Even Jeord, who had been ferociously attempting to woo Katarina ever since they were both children, never did get his feelings for her noticed.
“I’m only Prince Jeord’s fiancée in order to fend off other women!” Katarina would always say such things. Any normal person would think this is impossible. Certainly, only Katarina would seriously declare something like that.
Katarina also really loved romance novels. That was how we came to know each other, after all. She would always read many wonderful stories about love and romance, and we would often get into passionate discussions. “The knight in this story is so charming! Ah, that prince, too, I could fall for him in a heartbeat!” Katarina would say.
However, when it came to discussions about our real lives... “Well, I don’t really have much luck with love and all that, you know?” she’d say, much to the surprise of everyone around her.
I once asked her why, only for her to say, “Well, I’m just a villainess at the end of the day, right?” I could not understand what she meant at all.
In any case, it became clear to me that Katarina was, for some inexplicable reason, firmly rooted in the belief that she was not fated to experience matters of love, romance, and the like. Though now things were different, since she had noticed Jeord’s feelings toward her.
However, Katarina’s mind was filled with thoughts of Keith right before they set off. It even seemed like she had all but forgotten about noticing Jeord’s feelings before... but there was the risk of her remembering everything if they traveled together for all that time! If that happened...
Ugh, I could feel those emotions swirling around inside me again. I simply could not stay still, and I soon found myself idling around in my room. After all, Mary did say, “This is Prince Jeord we’re talking about. Swift moves are to be expected.” If... If anything were to happen to Katarina during that trip...!
Perhaps it was because I had read a few too many romance novels up until this point... I could not stop my imagination from running wild. If anything, I could feel it all slowly getting worse.
A scene from a recent novel I had read comes to mind... of one knight of the princess’s royal guard, proposing to the very same princess he served right before their journey reached an end. At night, the princess was unable to fall asleep no matter how hard she tried, and so she wandered outside her room... A drunk accosted the princess, and she was saved by that same knight. The princess would then fall for the knight, and their bond would deepen over the course of their journey.
However... once that journey was over, the two would never be able to meet again. She made up her mind — she would become bonded to the knight before returning to the royal castle, and on a night close to the journey’s end, she made her way to where the knight stood...
“...Nooooooooooo! You mustn’t!!” I screamed, envisioning Katarina as the princess, and Jeord as her knight. As I did so...
“I do not know what it is that one mustn’t do, Sophia. However, the sun has set. Avoid raising your voice in the dormitories.” A somewhat exasperated voice came from behind me — I turned around quickly, only to see my brother Nicol.
“B-Big brother!? Why are you here...?”
For some reason, he had a most exasperated expression on his face. “To deliver something the council has requested of me. Work, of course. I thought to visit you as well, Sophia, and so came to the dormitories. You would not respond no matter how many times I called out to you. You would do well to... address your daydreaming tendencies.”
“A-Ah... my apologies...” Big Brother’s stern warning caused me to inadvertently withdraw into myself. It was as he said, though... I did have a habit of daydreaming. I would get lost in countless fantasy worlds in my mind. I myself hardly noticed, of course... but sometimes I really did become unaware of my surroundings in the process. I... had to be a little more careful.
Big Brother’s expression softened upon seeing my embarrassment. Perhaps he was being considerate. “Tell me, Sophia. Why were you pacing in irregular circles, alone in your room?” he asked.
It would seem that he was worried about me... Big Brother really was a gentle person. I told him about everything — about how lonely I was after Katarina departed on her trip, and how I was worried that she was together with Jeord.
“I understand you being lonely due to Katarina’s journey. However, Katarina is Jeord’s fiancé. Is their bond deepening not a good thing?”
Although my brother responded in such an orthodox fashion, his words did not match up with his expression. Many would say that Big Brother’s expression hardly changed, if at all. I, however, knew better — I was his little sister, after all, and he could not fool my eyes. While what Nicol said was right... he could not hide his expression of sorrow.
“Come now, Big Brother, you’re worried as well, aren’t you? You’re only putting up a brave front... you should really be more honest with yourself!” I said.
“What are you talking about, Sophia?” he replied, all the while with a somewhat difficult look about him.
Just as I was about to start a back-and-forth with my stubborn brother, a visitor showed up at the door. It was Mary — one of my close friends, and another member of the student council. She had brought us a letter from Katarina.
Written in it were Katarina’s observations on her journey, and the sights and sounds she experienced. There was not a single word about Jeord — I suppose nothing had happened between them.
I heaved a deep sigh of relief, before glancing sideways at my brother. As I expected, he, too, seemed relieved by these developments. Sigh... He really wasn’t very honest with himself, sometimes.
~The Troubles of Nicol Ascart~
The reason I decided to assist Jeord in his absence was a simple one. He was my childhood friend, and I had agreed to assist the student council with some of its affairs, because the council’s members were each becoming very unwell.
Unwell they might be, they were by no means ill. They were all simply very depressed, or collectively had something on their minds. As such, they were unable to focus on their work.
I knew of the cause. Katarina, whom I adore, had left on a journey — without them in her company. However, she did not do this for fun. She had only left on a journey due to the sudden disappearance of her brother, Keith. She had departed in search for him.
The sudden disappearance of Duke Claes’s son was a sensitive matter. It could not simply be made public. Even if a smaller party made the search more difficult, a large group could not be dispatched without attracting attention.
In addition, those left behind were all members of the student council. They had tasks of their own, especially now that the graduation ceremony was this close. It would not be acceptable for seniors such as them to suddenly drop all their responsibilities and leave the academy.
This was why Katarina had no choice but to depart with a small group of companions. Those left behind knew this fact as well. Even so, they found it difficult to keep calm in the face of these developments. The existence of Katarina served as their motivation... she was a special person to many. That much I understood well.
Yes. I, Nicol Ascart, thought of Katarina as a special individual, as well. I first met her when I was accompanying my sister on her visit to Claes Manor. Meeting Katarina was a salvation of sorts for Sophia — and for that I am eternally grateful. However... before I knew it, I, too, was a slave to Katarina’s charms.
Although people claim that I have a certain charm that draws people to me, I feel that such a statement would be best reserved for Katarina. After all, I find myself impossibly attracted to the person known as Katarina Claes.
However, she already had an official fiancé during out first meeting. She was engaged to none other than my childhood friend, Jeord Stuart, the third crown prince of the kingdom. I had not seen Jeord for a while. When we crossed paths once more, he had completely changed — he had completely fallen for Katarina.
A noble lady who was officially engaged to my childhood friend. If it were a political marriage, perhaps... but Jeord really loved her. To even think of pulling the two apart — unforgivable. There was nothing I could do. Nothing but suppress the feelings I had for Katarina with all my might.
I had to do this. I had no choice but to do this, I told myself. Sophia, however, had found out about my feelings, and often tried to spur me on. Sophia was fond of Katarina, as I was. She believed that she would be with Katarina forever if the two of us were wed.
While Sophia was a gentle and good girl, she had a tendency to daydream. She often gave in to her over-active imagination. In the past, that was all she used to do — dream. Perhaps it was due to the influence of her friends, but Sophia had recently taken to actually putting her plans into action. It is something I should be glad about. However, her efforts to unite Katarina and myself were most troubling.
One such incident occurred a while ago, at the school festival. Sophia insisted that Katarina and I should play the role of lovers, re-enacting part of a play. I performed quite poorly then. Katarina, who had accepted her role without hesitation, whispered into my ears words of love. I had to deliver similar lines too. Under normal circumstances my logical reasoning would hold me in check, but my emotions got the better of me.
Before I realized it, I was holding Katarina’s body in my arms. I never wanted to let go.
Soon enough, I regained control of my faculties, and quickly released her. However, the burning flame in my heart did not cool for quite a time. In truth, I knew. It was not the fault of my sister, even if she did spur us on. The responsibility lay with me, with my lack of self-restraint...
Upon my graduation from the academy last year, I started seriously preparing to inherit the family name and title. I followed my father around, assisting him in his work. At my current pace, I would have no issues taking over father’s duties. To that end, however, I had to soon find a fiancée of my own.
I was already eighteen. Regardless of my relatively young age, there were calls for me to quickly decide on a fiancée. Perhaps I should have been grateful that there were many noble ladies who were willing to take my hand.
Amongst them, there were quite a few who met all the conditions required by my family. I had even met with some of these women in person. I kept it all a secret from Sophia, of course. She would have many opinions if informed about my activities.
Honestly speaking, however, I would always compare these noble ladies I met... with Katarina. If it were Katarina, she would do this. Or perhaps she would do that — those were the first thoughts that would enter my mind.
No matter the noble lady I met, thoughts of Katarina would surface from the depths of my mind. I could not bring myself to meet with them after that. Thankfully, my parents seemed to have noticed that I had certain complicated feelings toward marriage. While they never rushed me or made any demands of me, I understood that this could not possibly go on.
That was why I made up my mind to finally cut loose these emotions I had harbored for so many years. As such, if Katarina and Jeord left on a journey, and grew closer during it... I would finally be able to bury these emotions for good. Or so I thought.
I had come to the academy to deliver some completed work I had done for the council, but found myself visiting Sophia. She had been very down since Katarina’s sudden departure. In fact, Sophia was pacing around rapidly in odd circles.
“I understand you being lonely due to Katarina’s journey. However, Katarina is Jeord’s fiancé. Is their bond deepening not a good thing?” I said.
“Come now, Big Brother, you’re worried as well, aren’t you? You’re only putting up a brave front... you should really be more honest with yourself!” my sister replied, somewhat rebelliously.
“What are you talking about, Sophia?” I replied, attempting to sound natural. I was shaken within, however, at the f
act that my feelings were so easily revealed.
Logically, I would like for Katarina’s relationship with Jeord to deepen — so that I may give up and let go. Emotionally, however, it was not the same. I wanted to shout, from the bottom of my heart, that I did not want them to go any further than they already had.
As my logical conclusions and complicated feelings continued layering themselves in my mind, I attempted to keep up with my sister in conversation — the very same sister who, at some point, had learned to speak her mind. It was then that a member of the council appeared; Mary Hunt, a letter in her hands.
Written within, in Katarina’s characteristic handwriting, were records of her enjoying the sights and sounds of her journey. From the general tone of her descriptions, it did not seem that her relationship with Jeord had deepened in any meaningful way.
I found myself relieved at this development... which only served to further complicate my churning emotions.
~The Exertions of Raphael Wolt~
I tidied up the various documents I’d been checking and placed them on my desk, then sighed. With this, my work was finally all done.
All I had to do was look up, however, and I would be greeted with a mountain of work — work that never seemed to really be done. Ugh... I let another huge sigh escape from my lips, without even realizing it.
This was a room in the Magical Ministry in the department I belonged to. Under normal circumstances, my department always did have more work than others — but the workload I faced now was simply incomparable. This was because my superior, and the most senior individual in this department, was absent.
The reason why our department got so much work in the first place was because this person was terribly impressive. My superior, Larna Smith. From her demeanor and appearance, it would seem that she was a noble — but I did not know much other than that. Her intense curiosity about magecraft and her well-known capabilities saw her propelled to the top echelons of the Ministry, eventually even becoming an executive of sorts. In short, my superior was very good at what she did, but was a little bit of an eccentric.
My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!, Volume 4 Page 17
