by Sarah Morgan
Izzy grabbed her backpack and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.
Chase stood at the door she’d just shut in his face, wagged his tail in a bemused fashion and whined slightly.
Flora was as confused as the dog.
“Don’t worry!” Having submitted to sunscreen, Molly sprinted across the room to him, wrapped her arms round his neck and kissed his head. “You’re coming with us. You’re going to be pirate dog. Say ‘aye aye, Cap’n.’”
Chase barked and Molly collapsed with laughter.
Flora glanced at Jack, wondering if he was going to go after Izzy. “Jack?”
“Mmm.” He grabbed sun hats and sunglasses. Flora could almost see him ticking things off on a mental list.
“When are we going, Daddy?” Molly was tugging on his arm and fidgeting.
Flora tried again. “Jack!”
He looked at her. “What?”
“Daddy?”
“Soon. In a minute.” He hushed Molly and focused on Flora. “What’s wrong?”
“Izzy.” She gestured with her head. “Are you going to talk to her?”
He glanced out of the window. “What about? Why?”
“Because—” Hadn’t he seen it? Was she the only one? “I thought she seemed subdued.”
“Probably shock that I remembered to put cheese in Molly’s sandwiches and not ham.” His grin was engaging and Flora couldn’t help but smile back, but it didn’t shift the feeling of anxiety toward Izzy. She wanted to say more, but Molly was virtually dancing toward the door with Chase bouncing next to her.
“Daddy!”
“Coming.” He looked from Izzy to Flora. “She’s fine. Probably my fault for mentioning college again. From now on I’m keeping my mouth zipped. I’m trying to do the right thing, but I’m not sure I even know what that is.”
He left with Molly, taking the chaos, the chatter and Chase with them.
Flora glanced through the window and saw Izzy sitting on one of the sunloungers, her shoulders slumped as she stared across the lake.
She turned, intending to mention it to Clare, but before the words were even on her lips Clare’s phone rang.
“What? You’re kidding. Mum!” Her face lost color as she listened. “Are you okay?—well, of course—that goes without saying. I’ll be with you in three minutes.” Clare ended the call and dropped the phone on the kitchen table.
“Problems?”
“My mother cut her finger chopping mushrooms.” Clare grabbed her bag. “She said it isn’t bad, but I know my mother. She wouldn’t be calling if it wasn’t almost hanging off. She’s probably lost her hand. Maybe even her arm. Damn. And Todd is so much better with blood and injuries than I am. I panic. Where are my keys? I can’t find my keys. I know I had them.”
Flora joined the hunt and found them next to a stack of old magazines. “Do you want me to come?”
“No, no, I’m fine—” Clare dropped her keys “—totally fine—”
“Are you safe to drive?” Flora retrieved the keys and handed them to her.
“Why wouldn’t I be safe?” Clare scanned the kitchen.
“You seem a little—distracted. What are you looking for?”
“Something in case she bleeds in the car. My mind is blank. You’re right, I’m distracted.” Clare pressed her fingers to her forehead and breathed. “This is called overreacting, isn’t it?”
“I think it’s called love. Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”
“Thank you, but no. My mother hates a fuss, which is how I know it must be bad.” Clare was hunting around the kitchen and Flora grabbed a fresh towel from the counter.
“Will this do?”
“Perfect. You’re a lifesaver.” Clare grabbed it and headed for the door, a slightly wild look in her eyes. “You’ll be on your own. I’m sorry—”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll finish off that planting we started yesterday.”
Clare was halfway to the car when Flora spotted her phone on the table.
She sprinted after her.
“You’re going to need this.” She dropped the phone into Clare’s pocket. “Call if I can do anything. Drive carefully.”
The door slammed. The engine revved and small stones flew as Clare accelerated along the drive to the Gatehouse where her mother lived.
Flora stared after her for a moment, and then walked back into the house.
Silence enveloped her.
The day, or at least the next few hours, stretched ahead but for the first time in as long as she could remember she was alone without feeling lonely. It seemed that the house retained the warmth even after the people had left. Or maybe it was Jack. Even when she wasn’t with him, she thought of him.
She cleared the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, swept the surfaces and floor until they gleamed. She allowed herself a brief moment to luxuriate in the pretense that this place was hers. Deciding that she’d earned herself another coffee, she made herself a cappuccino from Todd’s terrifyingly sophisticated machine and took it into the garden.
The lawn still wore the evidence of the day before. Water pistols lay abandoned next to Chase’s favorite ball and a half-inflated kayak.
Izzy was still on the sunlounger.
Flora approached cautiously. “Izzy?”
Those shoulders stiffened, but she didn’t turn. “What? What do you want?” Both words and tone crossed the line into rude but Flora ignored that because as well as anger and resentment, she heard a distinct wobble in that voice.
Izzy was crying. And she was trying to hide it.
Flora had done the same many times. She’d cried into a pillow, cried in the shower, locked herself in the bathroom.
She reached out to touch the girl’s shoulder and then pulled her hand back.
“Izzy—”
“Fuck off!” Izzy flew to her feet, her hair whipping round her face. Her eyes were red from crying, her cheeks soaked and streaked with the evidence. “Can’t you get it into your thick head that I don’t want you around? Just fuck off and leave me alone.” She shoved Flora, then grabbed her backpack and ran across the lawn. She stumbled twice, righted herself, arms flailing.
Can’t see where she’s going, Flora thought, pulling her soaked T-shirt away from her body. Most of her foamy cappuccino was now on her body or on the lawn.
She put the empty cup down and sat down hard on the sunlounger Izzy had just vacated.
Family life, family life.
But her heart ached for Izzy.
She wanted to go after her but that would be stupid, wouldn’t it? Izzy had made it clear she hadn’t wanted to talk to her and the fact that Flora had witnessed the tears she’d been trying to hide wasn’t going to endear her to the girl anytime soon.
She sat, with no idea what to do next. A butterfly danced across her field of vision, a swirl of color against the deep blue of the lake.
There was no sign of Izzy.
Flora stood up. Shielding her eyes from the sun, she squinted along the trail, and then moved closer to the water so that she had a better view of the boathouse.
Nothing.
Anxiety gnawed at her. She felt a rush of frustration toward Jack. She’d known something was wrong. He should have checked on Izzy before he left.
Jack hadn’t seemed worried, but Flora was sure that he was missing something big.
Slowly she scanned the path that led along the side of the lake. Had she gone into the forest?
What if she swam on her own and got into trouble?
Flora would never be able to forgive herself. She was willing to endure more abuse just to be sure Izzy was all right.
She had to check. She had to.
She probably wouldn’t even announce herself. As soon as she found Izzy and reassured herself that she was okay, she’d come back to the house and focus on the garden.
She returned to the kitchen, and stuffed a few provisions into a bag. Should she change her T-shirt? Deciding the
re was no time, she locked the back door and headed through the forest to the boathouse. As she drew closer, she could see no one had been near it. It was locked up and quiet. There was no sign of Izzy.
But she’d definitely walked in this direction, so where else could she be?
Flora skirted the side of the boathouse and stepped onto the dock, trying not to look down at the water shimmering beneath the planks.
In the time it had taken her to walk from the house the sky had grown darker. The only sounds were the call of a bird and the slow lazy flap of a heron’s wings as it left the riverbank.
Flora scanned the lakeshore into the distance, and then turned to look at the island. It nestled in the center of the lake, an oasis of green and tall trees in the huge expanse of water.
Its only inhabitants were a few rare species of butterflies.
There was no way Izzy would be there.
She was about to resume her focus on the shoreline when she saw a flash of blue among the trees. Izzy’s shirt. Izzy had gone to the island? No, surely not. How would she have got there?
And then she peered more closely and saw a little yellow boat hauled high away from the waterline.
Flora’s heart almost stopped. Izzy had rowed there? Was she really that desperate? Poor Izzy. Poor, poor Izzy. She’d taken herself to a place where no one would look for her. A place away from everyone.
Now what?
Flora glanced over her shoulder, wishing she had reinforcements. Jack and the gang would be gone all day, and Clare was unlikely to be back for hours. What if Izzy didn’t have hours? She’d been so upset.
Flora checked her phone, but as usual there was no signal, which was normally blissful but right now made her want to hurl the device into the lake.
No signal to call for help. There was just her.
Why hadn’t she learned to swim? Or at least row a boat?
She glanced at the island again but the flash of blue had disappeared. She imagined Izzy, desperate and alone, staring into those waters.
Flora turned her head and looked at the remaining boat, tied to the dock.
No. No way.
But what if Izzy did something terrible? She’d never forgive herself. And even if she didn’t do any of the things Flora’s imagination was currently conjuring, there was still the fact that she was feeling alone.
Flora knew how awful that was and suddenly it was important to her, terribly important, that Izzy knew she wasn’t alone.
She breathed deeply. How hard could it be to row a boat? You sat in it and paddled. You didn’t even need to touch the water. If she kept her eyes up she wouldn’t even need to see much of the water.
Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, she dropped her backpack into the boat that was moored on the other side of the dock.
Her fingers fumbled and slipped on the knot as she tried to untie it, as if her body was trying to stop her doing something that was undeniably foolish.
Was she seriously going to climb into this boat and try to row herself to the island?
Yes, she was. She wasn’t going to leave Izzy by herself, when she was desperate and upset. And yes, she knew she was probably going to be yelled at. Izzy would probably accuse her of all kinds of things and she wouldn’t be able to beat a hasty retreat because there would be water between herself and freedom, but she was doing it anyway.
She stepped gingerly into the boat, felt it wobble and plopped down hard on the seat.
“Ooh—” She clutched the sides. Breathe, breathe. These things were designed to float. Why would it sink? If it was going to sink, it would have sunk already when it was tied to the dock.
Gingerly, confining herself to small movements, she retrieved the paddle from the floor and gripped it tightly. Eyes straight ahead. Don’t look down. Don’t wonder how deep it is.
The island wasn’t that far. All she had to do was row steadily and not make any big movements.
She pushed the boat away from the dock and wasted several minutes moving aimlessly in no particular direction while she figured out how to paddle and steer. Finally she was away, making slow progress. It was unsettling how close she was to the water. If she’d been given the choice of vessel she would have picked a cruise ship, or at least a large yacht.
The farther she traveled from the dock, the more vulnerable she felt. She glanced down and then wished she hadn’t as panic gripped her by the throat. The water below her was deep and dark. She tried not to think about her mother, and how she’d been in deep water when she’d drowned. Too far out of her depth to save herself.
The sky had darkened and a few spots of rain hit her shoulders. Clare had warned her that the weather was changeable and she’d been here long enough to have witnessed it herself, but she wished it hadn’t chosen this moment to change from sunshine to storm.
The surface of the lake grew rougher and the water slapped hard against the sides of the boat, testing her nerve.
If she was still alive at the end of this, she was going to kill Jack.
“It’s fine, it’s all fine, it’s going to be fine.” She talked to herself, soothed herself, kept her eyes fixed on the island.
It didn’t seem to be getting any closer, but she hoped that was her imagination.
She kept paddling, wondering if she was doing something wrong. Was she going backward? No, the boathouse was far behind her now, which gave her hope but also a sense of panic. There was no turning back. No changing her mind and now she knew she couldn’t, she badly wanted to. What was she doing? She couldn’t swim, had never rowed a boat and Izzy didn’t even like her.
A larger wave hit the side of the canoe and showered Flora with water.
She gave a yelp, froze and almost dropped the paddle in her panic, but realized instinctively how dire it would be to lose her means of rowing so she gripped it tightly. If she survived this, she was going to learn how to swim. She’d been rowing for so long her arms felt like lead. She’d had no idea it would be this far. The wind whipped up and the lake went from being glass smooth to bouncing waves.
Why had she thought this was a good idea?
Even though she was fairly sure Izzy would be glad to see the end of her, drowning was taking people-pleasing to a whole new level.
She kept paddling, motivated by the fact that the island seemed much closer. She peered into the trees, looking for Izzy, but there were no signs of life.
What if she’d made a mistake? What if the flash of blue hadn’t been Izzy? There was no way Flora would have the energy to paddle back to the shore. She’d be stuck on the island by herself.
It was so close now she could see the pebbles on the shore. Just a few more strokes of the paddle and she’d be there. She felt a lift of her spirits and then the waves smacked hard against the side, soaking her and rocking the boat violently.
She gave a scream and clutched the sides, dropping the paddle in the process. She made a grab for it but doing so unbalanced the boat and it capsized, plunging her headfirst into the lake.
First came the cold, then the shock. Sound was muffled. Water filled her ears. She thought this is it. I’m going to drown.
She swallowed a mouthful of water, thrashed and flailed and then she felt hands grab her and pull her to the surface. She gasped in air, thrashed around a bit more.
“Put your feet down!” Izzy’s voice penetrated her water-clogged ears and Flora felt relief punctuate panic. Izzy was alive! She was fine. Flora had found her. She didn’t even care that Izzy was yelling at her.
“Holy crap, Flora! Stand up!” Izzy half dragged her onto the stony beach, away from the snapping water and lay down panting next to Flora.
For a moment neither of them spoke.
Flora stared up at the sky checking that she really was still alive and then Izzy’s face appeared above her, contorted with anger, and she knew she was still in her usual world.
The world where Izzy couldn’t stand the sight of her.
“What were you thin
king?” Izzy exploded. “You hate water!”
It was a reasonable question, but Flora couldn’t answer. She had water in her ears and panic in her heart. It was racing so hard she wondered if she was having a heart attack.
She could hear Izzy yelling, and feel her hands gripping her arms. She was yelling something about life jackets, and something else that Flora didn’t understand. Her lack of response must have finally got through because Izzy drew breath.
“Are you okay? You look green. You’re breathing really fast. I think you should try to slow down. Sorry I yelled but you frightened the shit out of me.” She pulled Flora to sitting. “One of my friends gets panic attacks. Press the side of your nose. It will stop you taking in too much air. No, wait—” She scrambled to her feet and raced away, returning moments later with a paper bag. “Good job I made a picnic. Breathe into this.” She put the bag over Flora’s mouth and nose and encouraged her to breathe slowly.
After a few minutes the dizziness faded and Flora’s heart stopped racing. At the same time she noticed that the wind had dropped and the sun had come out. The lake sparkled in the sunshine but looking at it made Flora shudder.
There was no way she was going near a body of water ever again.
“So you didn’t answer my question.” Izzy slung a towel round Flora’s shoulders and squatted down next to her. “What were you doing in a boat on the lake?”
Flora coughed a few times. Had she swallowed the whole lake? “Looking for you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because you were upset. I was worried about you.”
“I was fine. Totally fine. And I can’t believe you followed me when I swore at you.”
“You were crying. I wanted to check on you. I wasn’t even going to tell you I was there, but then I noticed a flash of blue on the island and knew it was your coat. And then I panicked in case you—” She stopped, not wanting to voice what she’d thought.
“In case I what?”
“I don’t know. I was probably being crazy, but it’s so isolated here. Such a horrible place, surrounded by water, and I thought maybe you—”
“You thought I was going to harm myself?” Izzy’s eyes widened and she rocked back on her heels.
