“What we had? So much better.”
“Dream lost its shine now that you’ve achieved it?”
My head shook. “No, I still love what I do. I just loved us, you, that much more.”
He was staring at me, standing so close. My body felt like one aching bruise from having him so close yet accepting he was totally out of reach. I needed to finish packing and get out of here before I said or did something truly pathetic that would end whatever dignity I still had, and put him in the uncomfortable position of letting me down gently. Or not so gently, as I supposed he’d earned a right to.
“Are you not packing up your stuff?” I asked, indicating the two other boxes I’d brought along but wouldn’t need. “Isn’t this the last day we have on the lease?”
Soren slid into one of the mismatched chairs circling the table. Not his old favorite, I noticed. Instead, he’d picked the one that used to be mine. “It was. Until I renewed it for the next year.”
“You renewed the lease? On this place?” I thought he was joking until I saw his face. He wasn’t. “Why?”
He rolled his neck, staying quiet for a moment. Then his eyes wandered the apartment. “Because of the memories. Because it’s where I met you. Where I fell in love with you.” His brows squeezed together like he was reliving something painful. The emotion ran its course quickly. “Where we did something I didn’t think physically possible against that very wall.” Now he was smiling at the wall opposite us, his brow rising at me. “How could I just let someone else move in here with the history I have with that patch of wall?”
That wall. This table. This whole apartment. It was all connected to some moment, some memory. Some piece of us. “Soren—”
“Plus, I’m going to be making crap for the next two to three years minimum,” he continued. “So at least I know I can afford this place.”
“You just said you were the second pick.”
He blinked twice at me. “You really didn’t hear a word I said that night, did you?”
I gave him a sheepish look as I scanned the memory bank. Other than knowing there was a draft and that draft applied to him, that was the extent of my knowledge. “Would it make you feel better if I said, the better the sex, the harder I go out?”
“A little,” he grumbled, twisting the cap off the second bottle of water and sliding it across the table toward me. “So yeah, I’ll be making dick working my ass off for a minor league team for a couple of seasons minimum, but thankfully, my signing bonus will keep me well stocked in Nutter Butters and Pop-Tarts.” He patted his adored cookie package.
“So you got a signing bonus at least?”
“Seemed the least they could do for paying me fifteen hundred bucks a month for the next couple of years in this city.” He was smiling as he said it because I knew Soren wouldn’t care if they paid him in peanuts—he loved the game. He would have played for free.
“How much?” I asked before catching myself. “I don’t know—is that not a question a person should ask someone?”
“You’re not a person asking. You’re you asking.” Soren adjusted his black hat back on his forehead, still fussing with it like he couldn’t find just the right spot for it. I guessed it would take a while before this one was as broken in as his old red one. “Three and a half million dollars.”
My eyes went wide. “Three and a half million dollars? And you chose to live in this dump for a whole other year?” My nose creased as I scanned the small, outdated apartment.
“Where else would I go?” He paused just long enough, it was almost like he was giving me a chance to reply. “What about you? Have you moved into that flat in Paris yet?”
“Actually, no. I sold it. I decided after my contract ends with this client, I’m going to stay Stateside for a while.”
He was quiet, watching me pack. When I glanced up, I wasn’t expecting to find the expression on his face I did. He looked upset—tormented.
“Fuck irony,” he said, smacking his hands on the table hard enough it made it shake. “You and I both wind up back in goddamned New York in the end, and we’re no longer together to make it count.”
My eyes stung, but I forced a smile. “Yeah”—I nodded once—“fuck irony.”
Soren forced his own smile, lifting the package of cookies toward me. “Want a Nutter Butter? I’ve attempted a lot of self-soothing with these over the past month.”
“This calls for two.” I wrestled a couple from the package and took a bite out of one right after the other. Somehow, they’d become my favorites too. “I’m with a different agent now. I’m not working with Ellis anymore.” I finished my bite and packed the last couple of things away. “You were right about him. So right.” I took the roll of tape he was holding out for me.
“Good,” he said, watching me tape the box shut as his forehead creased again. “At least that’s one less thing I’ll have to worry about when I think about you.”
Unsure what to say next, I moved around the box to lift it. I’d come here planning on packing up so much more, but I couldn’t stay another minute longer. They rest would have to stay here, with him, because I couldn’t.
As I started toward the door, choking on the good-bye trying to rise, I heard him shove out of his chair. The sound of his footsteps followed me.
“Hey, Hayden?” His voice. This was the one I remembered. This was the one I heard in my dreams. “Before you go”—he paused for a fraction of a second—“I still love you.”
My heart. It couldn’t take any more. It wouldn’t survive this. Glancing over my shoulder, I knew how to say good-bye now.
“I still love you too.” Taking one final look at him, I finished the last few steps to the door.
“Then what are we doing?” His voice chased me, the sound of his feet doing the same. “Why are you moving out? Why are you walking away?”
The doorknob. It was within reach. Just open the door and leave.
My hand fastened to the doorknob, but I couldn’t twist it open. “I don’t know.”
Suddenly, he was there, right behind me, his hand dropping over mine on the door. “I don’t want you to go.”
His touch was my undoing. It had been before, and it proved it still was just now. Squeezing my eyes shut, I whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you again.”
His fingers forced their way between mine, removing my hand from the doorknob. “I’ll take my chances.” His fingers knotted through mine, our palms pressing together. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m not him.” He lifted our combined hands in front of me. “If this isn’t proof, I don’t know what is.”
“I know you aren’t him. I always knew that.” Warmth spread up my arm, nestling deep into the rest of my body. “My fear was bigger than my faith.”
Holding my stare, he took the box out of my arms and set it down against the wall. His hands found mine, one at a time, and pulled me to him at the same time he brought himself to me. When our lips connected, I felt all of the fear I carried melt away. In its place, courage swept in.
My head barely had a chance to haze from the kiss before he broke it, moving toward the door with me. “We need a redo. Let’s take this from the top. From the start.” He threw the door open, a grin on his face as he guided me just outside of the door.
“Take what from the start?” I asked, letting him place me where he wanted me.
“Just knock on the door like you’re showing up on that first day again.” He waved at the door, still hanging on to one of my hands.
“I didn’t knock on the door. You found me standing around its general area after you emerged from Mrs. Lopez’s apartment with your fly down.” I motioned down the hall. I guessed I had my answer as to who had applied that fresh coat of paint.
His eyes lifted as he stepped back inside. “Just play along. You’re ruining my whole vision of this.”
When he closed the door, though not entirely, I decided to go along with his crazy scheme. Rapping on the door, I waited a whole half se
cond before it flew open.
“I heard you were looking for a roommate with benefits.” Flashing a grin, I stuck my thumb into my chest. “I’ve come to apply for the position.”
He fought a smile as he reached for my hand. His eyes were lighter than they’d been when he’d first entered the apartment. “Hayden Agatha Hayes,” he said all solemn-like, his gaze intense, “will you be my roommate?”
My mouth twitched as I gave him a funny look. “Um, yeah?”
He leaned in to whisper, “You’re supposed to say ‘I do.’ Or, ‘I will’—whatever feels truest to who you are. Let’s try it again.”
Leaning back, he cleared his throat, flashing a wink when I shook my head. Crazy. I loved him for it too. Every last crazy, insane, irrational fiber of his being.
“Hayden Agatha Hayes”—his hand squeezed mine—“will you be my roommate?”
Standing up straight, I gave my answer just as formally as he’d voiced his question. “I will.” We stood like that for a moment longer before I glanced over his shoulder. “Can I come in already and get unpacked while you explain what this was all about?”
He slid aside to let me pass, flagging me inside. “Just practicing.”
“For what?”
He had the door closed the instant I cleared it. “When it comes time to ask you another question.”
My feet froze to the hallway floor. “Soren. I’m nineteen. I’m not becoming a teenage bride.” When I glanced back so he knew how serious I was, the grin on his face wiped the serious right off of me.
“Always ruining the romantic mood I’m trying to set.”
My finger lifted in a stern way, since I couldn’t hold my serious face. “I will not say yes until I’m in my twenties. You can ask all you want, but you’re not hearing a yes until I’ve officially reached that milestone.”
As he locked the door, his brows moved. “So I’m getting a yes?”
When I realized what I’d just given away, I groaned. “Soren . . .”
Both of us smiled. How many times had I sighed his name in that exasperated tone? Those were memories too. Good ones. Some of the best. As he took my hand and led me by the boxes, I realized we didn’t have to pack any of them and carry them away. They could all stay here—with us.
“Just come here for a minute. I want to reenact something over here, too.” Turning into me, his body pressed into mine, backing me up into . . . “Right here against this wall.”
My hands tied behind his back as he lifted me into his arms. “What is it with you and this wall?”
“It’s not the wall. It’s what I’m holding between me and it.” His arms secured around me tighter, feeling capable of carrying me through whatever challenges would come.
“Me?” Other than air, there was nothing between him and this wall he was so fond of. “The person who did everything you warned me not to and made a huge mess? The person who destroyed the great thing we had because I stumbled on a few pieces of paper and assumed I knew what they meant? The girl who let her fear of losing you be the very reason she did?” I had to take a breath. “Is that who you’re referring to?”
“You.” His lips touched mine. “Also known as my whole entire world.”
I gave him the most convincing look of apology I could, tying my legs around him tighter. I wasn’t letting go. Not for anything. “I’m sorry your whole entire world is such a hot mess.”
He chuckle rumbled in his chest. “If the person you love doesn’t want to make you breathe fire and pull your hair out every once in a while, she’s not the right one.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “And what’s your logic behind that?”
“Because I want her to love me so damn much, she wants to roast my corpse over a spit for lying to her—for even thinking I’m lying to her,” he added, catching the protest rising from my lips. “I want her to care about me—care about us—so much it drives her up a fucking wall.”
“Roast corpse. Up a fucking wall,” I counted off, debating a moment before giving a nod. “Accurate assessment.”
Soren pressed closer, like he was trying to leave his imprint on me. But he already had. Months ago. On the first day I moved in and knew all of my dreams were about to come true.
“Good,” he whispered against me, “because I feel the same damn way about her.”
Thank you for reading ROOMMATES WITH BENEFITS
by NEW YORK TIMES and USATODAY
bestselling author, Nicole Williams.
Nicole loves to hear from her readers. You can connect with her on
Facebook: Nicole Williams (Official Author Page)
Twitter: nwilliamsbooks
Blog: nicoleawilliams.blogspot.com
Other Works by Nicole:
MISTER WRONG
HATE STORY
TORTURED
CRASH, CLASH, and CRUSH (HarperCollins)
UP IN FLAMES (Simon & Schuster UK)
LOST & FOUND, NEAR & FAR, HEART & SOUL
FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS
STEALING HOME, TOUCHING DOWN
COLLARED
THE FABLE OF US
THREE BROTHERS
HARD KNOX, DAMAGED GOODS
CROSSING STARS
GREAT EXPLOITATIONS SAGA
THE EDEN TRILOGY
THE PATRICK CHRONICLES
Roommates With Benefits Page 29
