“I’m sorry.”
As I’d noticed throughout dinner, and from what I knew of their relationship, I could see in his expression in that moment his genuine desire for the love of his mother, to have her in his life.
“Sometimes I have to remind myself it’s not what it once was. She’s gotten help. She hasn’t been using. And this…well, this is quirky compared to what it used to be.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, this nose is fucking gorgeous,” I said as I stroked my thumb across it. “And under your eyes is just fine too.” I kissed them gently, one at a time, before pulling away and gazing into his much calmer expression.
“And I don’t care if you’re a Donnie or a Dax…you’re still a sexy motherfucker.”
“I’m surprised I hadn’t already mentioned that about my name. Guess I just want to forget about that part of my life. Thanks for not making a big deal out of it.”
“Thank you for bringing your mom here. It means a lot.”
“I kept telling myself it was just to get her to quit harassing me about it, but I know the real reason.”
“Which is?”
“I wanted her to meet this pretty incredible guy I’m falling for.” He snickered, but then his gaze returned to mine, his dark eyes glistening with the porch light.
“I’m falling for you too, Dax Munro.”
There was something so exhilarating about confirming our feelings, yet so relaxing at the same time. This sensation stirred in my gut… Jesus, was this what butterflies felt like?
“It’s hard to be surprised by it when you are the way you are,” Dax added. “I never believed a man like you could really exist.”
“I didn’t know a man like you could really exist either,” I admitted. “But I’m glad you do.”
We kissed again, Dax relaxing in my arms, allowing me to slide my hand around his hip, to his ass, which I hoped to be inside of later that night.
As I pulled away from our kiss, I rubbed my nose against his. “The most beautiful nose ever,” I muttered, and he laughed.
A stray impulse seized control of me, and I added, “My boyfriend’s nose.”
His expression sobered, and he licked his lips.
What was I saying? I’d never had a boyfriend before. It was the first time, outside of the speculation in the media, that either of us had brought the word up in relation to what we were doing, and as I said it, it felt so fucking right.
“Yeah, your boyfriend’s nose,” he said.
Surely, by the fact that he was standing there, having come all the way to Fever Falls to visit me without a work-related reason, we were stating something we both already knew, but it meant the world to me.
Dax had taken me by storm, amid the chaos my life had become. What were we doing? I wasn’t sure, but all I knew was I wanted it so badly.
Our mouths magnetized together once again.
I hadn’t realized how good it would feel to use the word.
Boyfriend.
I had a boyfriend. I had Dax Munro, and he had me.
Why did that feel like fucking everything?
33
Dax
When I opened my eyes and saw Jace curled up against my body, his head resting on my chest, I thought it might be a dream. If it was, I didn’t want to disturb it, to rouse myself, so I enjoyed gazing down at him, appreciating what his weight felt like against me, how good, how right it felt when our breathing was in sync.
Gradually, as my thoughts collected, I remembered the night before, when he met Serena, and how incredibly he’d handled himself. When we established we were boyfriends.
I, Dax Munro, had a boyfriend.
How crazy was that?
He stirred against me, his eyes opening, and he shifted his gaze up to me, smiling, I hoped because of how enjoyable our evening together had been once we’d gotten to his place.
“Mmmm,” he said, affirming my confidence in what we’d worked up in the bedroom the night before.
“Still thinking about my dick inside you?” I asked.
“More like having my dick inside you, but the other was perfectly lovely too.” He winked.
“Ooh, it’s that signature wink from the commercial,” I teased.
“Nah. That one looks more like this.” He demonstrated the subtle difference between the one he had just offered and the one he’d shared with the world through the commercial, and I laughed.
“So relieved to know you have a wink saved exclusively for me.”
Mac approached the bed and got up on his hind legs, his front ones pressed against the top of the mattress as he stuck his tongue out and glanced between us.
Jace and I looked to one another, exchanging smiles before we forced ourselves to get up. We slipped into the shower, and afterward headed downstairs and worked together on breakfast. He made sausages while I prepared the quiche. I wasn’t much of a cook, but I’d picked up a few things in our time together, and had found this particular recipe online. We downed breakfast quickly before getting ready and heading down to the station.
Jace had asked me before I arrived back in Fever Falls if I’d be interested in participating in the annual fire-station car wash with him. The money they raised went to support the Fever Falls Equality Center. Jace had assured me it was a sight to see, but I couldn’t have realized how much until we drove up alongside the lot beside the station, which was jam-packed with vehicles.
The men and women were stripped down, all in sexy shorts, the girls in bikini tops. Zed was scrubbing the roof of a truck, and Ash turned the hose on him, which made Zed laugh as he retreated quickly, dipping his sponge in water and tossing it at Ash, who caught it effortlessly while continuing his attack.
Everyone was having a good time, and since the scene looked like the beginning of some epic porn film, a crowd had formed around the event, people holding their phones up to take pics and vids.
I had to ask. “Is it always like this?”
“Oh yeah. And it’ll get even busier. If you’re thinking about keeping your shirt on, think again, because they’re gonna wanna see all that Sexy Donnie Gee is working with.” He reached over from the wheel and pinched at my abs.
“Sexy Donnie Gee.” I chuckled. “Now there’s a nickname I can get behind.”
We parked and joined the crew around the car wash, and I could tell by the spectacle that we were going to be getting some views online. I’d figured there’d be press around to snap some pics of Ash Carmichael and Hottie Firefighter, but short of having the local news present, this was about as much coverage as the event would need to generate online interest. One of those rare instances that seemed to orchestrate itself, that didn’t need to be coordinated with thousands of dollars to set up the perfect photo op, though considering how perfect it was, I figured anyone who caught wind of this would think it had been so cleverly planned.
While the crowd with their cameras made me uneasy at first, like with everything else, I slipped right back into the habit I’d developed in my childhood.
Jace and I stripped down along with everyone else and started cleaning cars with Ash and Beau and some of the other guys at the station. My blossoming relationship with Jace made it easy to forget the cameras and the attention, since he was distracting enough to make everything else background noise. We relaxed into the fun, something which was pretty effortless considering how silly we all felt because of the spectacle.
Jace and I scrubbed down an SUV together, him working on the back window while I worked on the front, and he gazed at me, casting that affectionate look on me, warm eyes glistening in the sunlight now sparkling across his impressive body.
“Oh, Daxy Boo!” I heard behind me, and the enjoyment we’d been sharing transformed into anxiety as I turned to see Serena standing amid the crowd, dressed in a blouse and skirt nice enough to convince me she somehow got wind of the press and made her way down.
“Oh, Jesus,” I groaned. “I’ll be right back.”
�
�It’s all good, Dax.” Jace was trying to console me, but I found myself growing increasingly agitated the closer I got to her. She was all smiles, the cameras turned on her as she made herself the main attraction.
“Mom.” I hooked an arm around her, and as I pulled away, I shook my head enough to cast some of the water on my bangs on her. She blinked, my assault effectively focusing her attention on me. “Glad you could make it,” I said, drawing her away from her audience.
“I’ll be right back, everyone!” she announced.
As we got out of earshot of the crowd, I asked, “How did you know this was even happening?”
“Nance mentioned it last night when you guys went out on the back deck. She said how glad she was that you guys were doing this, so I just figured—”
“That you would use the opportunity to get yourself a little spotlight action. Is this what you came down here for? To get some photo ops with us? Is this all just a publicity shoot to you?”
“Well, I did hope to maybe turn a few heads, but I didn’t come to Fever Falls for that. I genuinely wanted to see you and Jace.”
I eyed her suspiciously.
“Dax!” she said, her mouth gaping. “You are my son, and I care about your life. Do you expect me to just be invisible now that you’re getting publicity again? That’s not how family works.”
“I don’t think you get to be the one to tell me how family works.”
But…she had a point. I couldn’t ask her to be in my life and at the same time to totally avoid the spectacle it had become.
“Just let your mother enjoy a few selfies for the day,” she begged. “Please.”
Despite my irritation, I could see her genuine desire to have just that…and knowing her past, knowing how far she fell, I had to concede.
Regardless of all the times she hadn’t been there for me, she had worked hard to bridge that gap. Besides, maybe she deserved a day of being the center of attention. Hell, it might get some of the attention off Jace and me.
“Okay,” I said. “You can stay, but be on your best behavior.”
“When am I not on my best behavior?” she asked with a wink. “Don’t answer that.”
She hugged me before returning to her new amateur paparazzi entourage.
I shook my head as I returned to Jace, who was spraying Zed, which seemed to be the theme of the day.
Zed and Jace shared a laugh before Jace caught me in his periphery and turned, his expression shifting to worry. “You guys okay?”
“I’m less annoyed than I was before, but I think that’s about as far as we’re going to get.”
I watched Serena put on her show, posing for pictures, flashing her signature smile, reminding me of her golden days in the limelight. I was glad I let her have that, if only because it was her at her most natural.
And only a cruel universe could have led us both to where we were now—me in front of the camera, the place I wanted to be least, and her always trying to get in front of it, continuing to chase the ever-elusive dream.
* * *
“Wow, looks like Serena worked up her angle,” Carter said as I chatted with him on the phone on the way back to Jace’s place.
“You’ve already seen it?”
“Yeah, she’s trending on Instagram along with Jace and the other hottie firefighters of Fever Falls. Elliott would have been pissed if you hadn’t worked this car wash to your advantage, but clearly, you did.”
“Very unintentionally.”
“Keep being as unintentional as possible, then, I guess.”
I laughed. “Anything exciting happening on the West Coast?”
“Well, I contacted Brant, that hot agent at WME, and plan to go out with him.”
“Oh, a date?”
“Gross. Who said anything about a date? Being in a relationship has changed you, Dax Munro.”
“Yes, it has,” I acknowledged as I snuck a glance at Jace, who had his hand on my thigh as he drove us back to his place. His bangs were still damp from the car wash. “And it’s official now, but don’t tell the press.”
Carter audibly, and incredibly overdramatically, gasped.
“And speaking of which, don’t go mentioning that to your WME trick, because I know for a fact they’re in bed with Glitz & Glam.”
“So while I’m in bed with WME, I’m really having a ménage with Glitz & Glam? Got it.”
“Pretty much. Now I’m gonna get back to my boyfriend, and I’ll be sending you and Elliott some ideas for those silly other clients we have to deal with on the side.”
“Oh my God, you just said the B-word like it was nothing. That’s it. I don’t even know you anymore. I quit.”
“Later, Carter.”
“Send me the deets on the wedding.”
I was laughing as I hung up.
“I like hearing you say boyfriend.”
“Apparently, you aren’t the only one. But the only one who matters, as far as I’m concerned.”
He smiled, but then his expression turned serious. “Are you cool? With your mom showing up today like that, I mean? It clearly bothered you. A lot.”
“If I thought she’d come down to see me or to bring attention to the good work you were doing—or for any reason other than herself—I would have probably been thrilled.”
“But…” Jace offered the segue for me.
“You saw her there, taking those pictures with everyone, dressed for a red-carpet premiere, ready to get a little something for herself. In the back of my mind, while all this has been going on, I’ve been worried she would find a way to use it to her advantage, without regard for you or me. She’s done it in the past, and I’m not eager to see it happen again.”
“That makes a lot of sense, but I do think she loves you. She’s your mother.”
“She loves me. I know that. In better times when I was a kid, when she was around, if I was having a bad day, she’d say, ‘Let’s get out the face masks,’ and we’d do these homemade facials and she’d make herself a cocktail and me a bowl of ice cream. We’d watch a movie together, and she’d work to make me laugh…just as hard as she works to charm a room full of people. When she did give me her attention, she had the power to bathe me with all the love in the world. But that almost made it worse when it all went away.”
“I know the feeling,” Jace said. “Doubt I mentioned this, but I was on the football team in high school.”
“A big man like you? Say it ain’t so!”
“Big everywhere it counts,” he teased before his expression turned serious again. “Crawford couldn’t make it to my games because he worked Fridays. I was good, or I felt like I was good. Eventually, he managed to swap nights with another guy at the station to come see me, I think because he could tell how proud I was whenever I’d catch him up about it. Of course, the night he came to a game, I fumbled and fucked up in just about every way possible, and we lost 77-13.
“Needless to say, I was devastated, because I knew his schedule, I knew that was the only game he’d likely be coming to all season, and I’d fucked it up. When I met him in the stands after the game, I didn’t even want to face him. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But he slung his arm around me and said, ‘Looks like I’m gonna have to find someone to swap shifts with so that I can prove I’m not bad luck.’”
Jace’s chin quivered, his eyes luminous as he choked up slightly. “The next game, we stomped the other team’s ass, and I scored two touchdowns. He never missed a game after that. I guess he saw how important it was to me. Crawford could just read a person like that. And it must sound stupid how much it mattered to me when he came to my high school football games, but it meant the world to me.”
“That’s not stupid at all.”
He nodded, twisting his lips into a frown. “But then we lost him. This man who gave us all that love…and then the rug was ripped from right under our feet.”
I could feel his pain once again, the despair of his loss as he spoke the words. Mine felt so triv
ial in comparison to what he’d experienced, because at the very least, I still had a chance to have moments where I could feel what I hoped was Serena’s love.
“Anyway,” he continued, shaking his head like he didn’t want to fixate on that morbid thought, “I can imagine what that was like with Serena, when she was having issues.”
“Even when she wasn’t, sometimes it was just these things she did that got in the way. This selfish, showy part of her nature is the reason why we had so many problems when I was a kid. I don’t want to be a tool she’s using to get back to a moment she wishes she could freeze in time, one that can never be what it once was. At the same time, because of our lives and all that’s happened, I’m not sure I can tell the difference between her trying to be in my life and her trying to get back to that moment…a moment that was so toxic and destructive for us.”
We pulled into the drive of his townhouse, and he put the truck in park, twisting his body toward me as he took my hand. “Dax, I got lucky as far as parents go. Maybe not at first, but it came around for me. I’ve seen a lot of shit through my friends and their relationships with their parents, and I can tell you, the worst thing is when a parent can just walk away without giving thought or care to the ones they leave behind. But Serena’s here, and she was back in your life before all this, so she does want to be here for you. She’s not perfect, but who is? I can tell she’s got issues, but I do think she really loves you, if that’s what you’re struggling with.”
I appreciated his words, and while I could understand what he meant, it didn’t change my frustration with the parts of her that had betrayed me…time and time again. And how everything happening now brought back those moments when I was Lil’ Donnie Gibson and she was trying to desperately ride on my coattails.
He unfastened his seat belt and leaned in to me. I did the same so we could share a kiss, which as usual, eased me right up.
#BURN (Fever Falls Book 2) Page 22
