by Nora Phoenix
Lars leaned back in his chair, his head full of all the implications. “You love him. You love all of them.”
“Yes, so very much. I never thought it was possible, but I do. I’ve loved Lidon forever, I think, but it took Palani and Vieno to make it work. We work as a foursome, somehow. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle.”
Lars pondered it, and for the first time, he saw it. He saw the beta inside his brother’s alpha body, saw his kind character and his care. It made it all the more incomprehensible that he’d left them behind.
He tried to push down the anger that bubbled up again, but it wasn’t easy.
“Why did you leave us?” he finally managed, his throat constricted.
“Oh, Lars, I never meant to,” Enar said, and Lars heard the emotion in his voice as well. “I never expected him to… I thought it was me. I thought he hated just me because I was such a disappointment to him. I even figured it might be easier for you both with me out of the picture. It’s what he told me, that you hated me too, that without me, you could be a happy family. I didn’t know, I swear.”
He sat for a long time, letting that answer marinate. Enar waited patiently, not inclined to rush in with more explanations or a defense.
“He started making inappropriate remarks when Sven was fifteen,” he said, meeting Enar’s eyes head on. “It wasn’t fun before that what with Mom gone, but it was more a matter of disinterest and us being completely ignored by him. After that, it went downhill fast.”
Enar’s gasp floated through the air. “Fifteen? But that’s way before he could’ve smelled him. That means it wasn’t the gene.”
“No, it wasn’t. It started when he developed. Sven was a boy one moment, and then he wasn’t anymore, and Dad noticed.”
“I failed you,” Enar said, his voice breaking. “I swear I had no idea, but I should have checked.”
Lars took another fortifying breath. “Yeah,” he said. “You should have.”
“They never loved me,” Enar said after a long pause. “Even as a boy, I felt their constant disappointment. Lidon would come over to play, and Dad would make snide remarks afterward that that was what an alpha acted like. I stopped asking Lidon over and went to his house instead. It got worse in high school, when my absolute lack of alpha powers became glaringly obvious.”
Lars frowned. “You can’t compel?”
Enar shrugged. “A little, but I hate it. And my compulsion seems to be more effective at regulating emotions, like helping patients to stay calm.”
Huh. He’d never realized his brother’s powers were so weak. “You kept up a good front.”
Enar closed his eyes for a second, then let out an audible breath. “I was so scared you and Sven would reject me too, so I tried to be as alpha as I could manage. But the last time I saw you, you were so cold and indifferent toward me. I thought he’d poisoned you against me. He told me, you know, that he wanted me to stay away because I was a bad influence on you two, that you hated me.”
Lars couldn’t hold back the anger inside him. “The last time we saw you was at Mom’s funeral. I was trying not to fall apart, you idiot!”
He rose from his chair, too worked up to stay still anymore. “Mom wasn’t exactly mom of the year, but at least before she got sick, we were taken care of to some degree. The last year before she died, we were already on our own. I worked a side job and took care of Mom, and Sven ran the household, all while Dad was at his job twelve hours, fourteen hours a day.”
He saw Enar grow still in his chair, the horror in his eyes palpable. “Oh, Lars,” he said.
“It got worse after she passed. We basically fended for ourselves. I worked two jobs because he wouldn’t always remember to leave us any money to buy food.” He met his brother’s eyes. “They didn’t love us either.”
Enar shook his head, tears on his cheeks. “I didn’t know. I thought it was me they hated.”
“And then Dad started to notice Sven, and things became unbearable. It was weird remarks at first, things that made Sven uncomfortable, though he waited too long to tell me because he didn’t want to worry me. When he was sixteen, Dad tried to kiss him, but he backed off when Sven pushed him away. He became more persistent after that, and I quit my jobs, too scared to leave Sven alone with him. It worked for a while, though that’s when Sven’s nightmares started. Dad seemed to wait for something, content with little remarks, touches here and there. He tried to kiss him again once, but I happened to come home, and he let him go. I didn’t know what to do, since we had nowhere else to go.”
“As an omega, Sven would’ve been brought back immediately,” Enar said.
“I went to college, and Sven would wait for me on campus after his classes had ended, so he was never home alone. I looked into omega safe houses, but they’d only take him.”
“You had already fallen in love with him,” Enar said.
Lars winced as he remembered his anguish in those months, feeling like the world’s biggest perv for falling in love with his own brother. He’d fought it so hard, but in the end, it had been a lost cause.
“When did you start seeing each other differently?” Enar asked, but there was no judgment in his voice.
“I don’t know how and when it happened, but one day when I was seventeen or so, I realized that I loved him. He says he’s always loved me, even before that, so I don’t know. Even the thought of being apart from him was agonizing.”
Enar nodded. “You’ve mated,” he said softly. “Sometime in those years when you fell in love, the two of you mated. It’s what happened to Vieno and Palani as well.”
Lars’s heart skipped a beat. “Mated? I thought that was an alpha thing.”
“No, it’s not. It used to happen a hell of a lot more, but it’s possible between omegas and betas as well. The four of us, we’re all connected with fated mate bonds. Lidon’s alpha recognized Vieno as his mate, and so did mine, and we both wanted Palani. I hadn’t accepted I was a beta then, and I struggled with believing I belonged with them, but now there’s no doubt in my mind. We’re all connected on levels I’ll never understand.”
Something clicked in Lars’s head, something he’d wondered about from the day he’d met Grayson. The inexplicable connection he’d felt with him, even when he’d been convinced he hated him. The easy way Sven had accepted the alpha despite his experiences with their father. The way Grayson seemed to be able to read them, connect with them.
“Dammit,” he said as the truth sank in. “Grayson and us, we’re mates.”
He looked to Enar for confirmation, though he already knew the truth. “We think you are.”
Lars swallowed. “Does Grayson know?”
Enar hesitated for only a second. “He didn’t want to tell you because he felt it would pressure you. He wanted you to make your own choices.”
It was classic Grayson. He’d never pressured them into anything, had always given them the choice. He’d chosen to keep this information to himself, knowing it would have made it all but impossible for them to refuse his offer. Lars’s stomach swirled, all warm inside.
But he wasn’t done with Enar yet. He had to know the whole truth. “You didn’t know that Sven was adopted?” he asked.
“No. I was shocked when you told me.”
“You must have noticed Mom being pregnant with him. Or not, as the case was.”
“She was pregnant, no doubt about it. Hell, I remember her being sick all the time. I don’t know what happened or how Sven ended up with us.”
“Do you think you could find out?”
“Does Sven want to know his birth parents?” Enar asked, and Lars had to respect him for not going behind Sven’s back.
He nodded. “He does. We both would like to know, just to get some answers, you know?”
“I can make some calls, see what I can find out.”
“Thanks.”
It was a long time before Enar spoke again. “Did Dad ever assault him?”
“No. He groped h
im a few weeks before you showed up, said some lewd shit about his heat and that he’d better hurry up.”
It hit him as he spoke. “He knew. He knew Sven wasn’t his son. He must’ve known for a while.”
“I think so, yes. And he knows Sven has the gene, though I’m pretty sure he didn’t know that until Palani’s blog, which drew a lot of attention to the gene and the symptoms of being a carrier.”
Again they sat in silence, though it felt lighter to Lars.
“I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am,” Enar whispered finally. “I failed both of you, and I am so sorry. I should’ve never believed him when he told me you didn’t want to see me, but I was so broken. I don’t want to make excuses. I just… I’m sorry, Lars. More than you’ll ever know.”
Pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Enar, who had been bullied by their dad until he’d lost all faith in himself, until he couldn’t bear to go back to that house, to face the man again who’d made his life hell. Enar, who had missed the signals from Lars and had seen them as confirmation his brothers hated him too. He’d acted out of self-preservation, and that Lars could understand like no one else. The wound in his heart closed a little, but he still bled.
He slowly rose. “I don’t want to stay this angry, you know? I’ve been mad at you forever, and it’s not how I want to live. But I can’t forgive you just like that. We needed you, our big brother, and you left us. It hurts. It really hurts.”
Enar’s head dropped to his chest, and a sob escaped him. Lars felt his eyes well up. “But wounds heal, and if you give me time, I’ll get there. Just…don’t push, okay? Grayson does enough pushing, trust me.”
“Th-thank you. Take your time,” Enar said, his voice barely audible.
Lars wanted to walk away, but a heartbreaking sob from Enar nailed him to the ground. How could he leave him like that, so alone and so broken?
He saw something move in the shadows, and then Palani stepped closer. He’d been there that whole time, looking out for Enar, Lars realized, and it filled him with warmth. His brother was lucky to have found love like that, so loyal and so steady.
“Thank you,” Palani whispered to him, and Lars nodded.
He walked away, looking over his shoulder once as the sob turned into a wail that broke his heart. Palani held his brother, kissing his head and whispering soft words Lars couldn’t hear. When Grayson appeared from the shades, he all but jumped, his hand flying to his heart.
Grayson grabbed his face with both his hands, and Lars thought he was in trouble until he saw the endless tenderness in the alpha’s eyes. “I am so proud of you. You did good, my sweet boy. You did good.”
Lars sagged against him, exhausted from all the emotions. “Thank you…Sir.”
He was so close to surrendering to him. So freaking close.
26
They were in the living room, lounging on their large couch, all four bodies connected in some way. Vieno loved that closeness they always had, and after Sando’s explanation, he understood the source of it. They needed each other, more than they had even realized themselves. It made him love his mates even more.
They were trying to come to a decision on what to do about the election fraud thing. Vieno wasn’t upset that they hadn’t informed him when they first found out. He understood that they wanted to protect him, and he appreciated it. If they’d given him the choice, he would’ve wanted them to wait to inform him.
“The public needs to know,” Palani repeated his strong conviction. “The belief in the fairness of our democracy is the very foundation of our society. If our democracy is based on a lie, people have the right to know.”
“I agree,” Lidon said. “But there isn’t enough evidence to go public. Yes, I agree that what you discovered points toward fraud in the polls and that it suggests the CWP is attempting election fraud. But your proof is circumstantial, and you know it. We have no irrefutable evidence, and we need that to go public with something this big.”
“I know, but we don’t have the time. Voting starts in a few hours,” Palani said.
“All the more reason not to act hastily. If it turns out we are wrong about this, if this plan they have to rig the elections somehow doesn’t work, we will have endangered the democratic process. Besides, even if we consider what you discovered as evidence that they have falsified the polls, we still have zero concrete evidence they’re committing fraud in the actual elections.”
Vieno thought Lidon had a good point, but he had something to add himself. “Can I suggest we look at this from a different way as well? Let’s say we did have enough evidence that the CWP is committing fraud in both the polls and the actual election. What happens if we come forward with this? What if people believe us, and the whole conspiracy behind the CWP, the gene, the whole nine yards goes public? How will this affect current policies toward omegas?”
Enar cocked his head, looking pensive. “You’re saying that things might get worse if the CWP loses the elections.”
“Yeah. I know it’s an ethically gray position I’m taking here, but can we at least agree that their political viewpoints are a hell of a lot closer to what we think is desirable for our society and for omegas in particular? How much worse are things going to get should the AWC rise to power? Honestly, I don’t even want to consider it.”
Enar, sensitive as always to Vieno’s mood, squeezed his hand. “Good point, little one. I don’t think we can expect any positive change from the AWC.”
“As much as I understand where you’re coming from, does that mean it’s okay for us to support the CWP despite their methods?” Palani asked, and Vieno saw the struggle on his face. “I mean, they’ve done some morally repulsive things, creating the gene among the most horrific examples.”
“I’m with Palani here,” Lidon brought in. “I have a hard time supporting them after what we know about what they did.”
“It’s not black and white,” Vieno said quietly. “And I’m hesitant to bring this up, but you also need to realize that it’s different for you guys. As much as I know you support omega rights, you come from a different place. There’s a position of privilege that you all have that gives you a different perspective.”
He bit his lip, struggling for how to put this into words without offending his mates.
“I don’t have the luxury of rejecting my support for a political party that wants to improve my rights just because I can’t condone their methods. And I think I have a little more right to speak on this than you guys because I am an omega, and moreover, I have the damn gene that they created. I am, so to speak, a victim, though that’s not a term I like to use. And I’ve suffered because of it in ways that I haven’t processed entirely. So yeah, there is a lot that I blame them for, and I’m angry about that. But I’m just as angry about the everyday injustices committed against omegas. We suffer every day in big and little ways that none of you ever have to deal with, not personally. And the idea that a party would rise to power that wants to curtail my rights even further, that wants to fortify the position of alphas and fuck everyone else…”
His voice grew thick with emotion, and he forced himself to swallow to lessen the pressure on his throat.
“I hate what they did with the gene, or rather how they did it. I hate that they used unsuspecting mothers as lab rats. I hate that they subjected me and countless others to effects we still don’t know. But I can’t hate their ultimate goal. I can’t hate that they want to return to a society that was so much more fair than the one we have right now. I can’t hate that they want to bring back something magical, something we’ve all felt humming in our blood from the moment we got together. I can’t hate that, regardless of everything else.”
He leaned back against Lidon’s arm, which had been around him that whole time. It tightened now, a wordless reminder that his mate supported and loved him.
“I hadn’t looked at it that way,” Lidon admitted. “Though I’m not sure what you mean by privilege.”
�
��Alpha privilege,” Enar said. “It doesn’t mean our lives are perfect or that we never have any struggles, but we don’t experience certain struggles simply because society sees us as alphas. My case is a little different, of course, but we enjoy a lot of privileges simply because of the fact that we are alphas. Palani, for instance, had to work a lot harder as a beta in his job because many of his coworkers were alphas, so he was automatically seen as a little less. But even Palani never had to deal with some of the injustices Vieno had. That whole thing about his parents wanting to marry him off, that would’ve never happened to the three of us, only to him. That’s what he means by privilege, and it colors how we see things, especially ethical things like this whole election fraud case. For us, it’s a little easier to take a black-and-white approach because we won’t be as affected by the outcome as he is.”
Vieno sent him a look of appreciation because he couldn’t have explained it better himself. And it was even stronger coming from Enar, who until recently, had been an alpha. Or at least, had always been perceived as one.
“I admit I’m struggling with this,” Lidon said. “So I hope you’ll give me some time to process this and think about it, and maybe ask some more questions when I’ve had time to let it sink in.”
Vieno climbed onto his lap, then cradled the alpha’s face with both his hands. “One of the things I admire in you so much is your willingness to learn. You may not be the most progressive thinker, but you are always willing to listen to other perspectives and to learn from them. I respect the hell out of that. Besides, I know your heart in this. You’re a good man, Lidon Hayes, and I love you so much.”
Lidon let his forehead rest against Vieno’s. “Sweetheart, you know how much I love you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.”
Vieno kissed him, knowing they both needed that physical connection at this point. He stayed on Lidon’s lap after, not wanting to lose that sense of intimacy just yet.
“As much as it pains me to let it go for now, I think after everything we’ve said, the right thing to do is to keep this to ourselves until after the elections or until we have more evidence,” Palani said, sending a warm look in Vieno’s direction. “Thanks for sharing your perspective, baby. In our desire to protect you, we sometimes forget how valuable your input is. That, too, is privilege, and I’m sorry.”
