by Dakota Krout
Joe shuddered lightly as the three bald Dwarves that he could only distinguish via their facial hair flirted in deep bass tones. “I'm not sure how to react to all this. Should I-”
“Joe… bro.” Diane smiled at him uncomfortably, letting her arm drop away from Broski. “I don't know how to tell you this, but… you aren't our type. Maybe if you put on, I don't know, eighty pounds of muscle and start using a real weapon, instead of…”
She wiggled her fingers mysteriously to mimic spell casting, and Dudette joined in to finish the thought, “Beyond that, none of us feel very, um, tingly, around you ‘cause of, you know…”
Waving at her face, Dudette shrugged and kept going when Joe gazed at her uncomprehendingly, “I'm sure that you will find someone who is into the total hairless look, but you won't find a deviant like that in this party.”
Joe smiled and nodded, declining to speak any further. Confusion was one thing; accidental insults because he was voicing his thoughts was another. They spent the rest of the day clearing out three more large nests, then went back to their barracks. Joe had gained another eighteen hundred experience, and—strange rebuttals and cultural differences aside—was rather pleased with how the day had gone over all.
They dumped the corpses of the lizards into the collection bin, getting a raised eyebrow from the Drill Instructor. “You killed all of these? That's… well, looks like we have a new group record. Take these tokens to the Requisition Hall; you’ll get a bonus of characteristic training materials.”
“We set a record!” Broski fist bumped Diane, and the group started walking toward a small building that Joe had not yet seen. “Human bro, you ready for the chance to train your characteristics for the day?”
“I already maxed out my strength and constitution training for the day, but I can do any of the others!” Joe was eager to see how they did their training, and what sort of bonus they would be getting.
“I wanted the weapon reward.” Diane grumbled in a deep bass tone, trying to snuggle in close to Broski again.
“How do you max out your… ooh.” Dudette nodded at Joe with a knowing grin. “You mean what you can train in a day without materials. Do we have a surprise for you, bro. I think you are going to like the Legion a lot.”
They entered the building, which contained only one grim-looking Dwarf behind a bar. After showing their tokens, the Dwarf counted them carefully and pushed out four large mugs. The thick liquid inside of the mugs was suspiciously familiar, and Broski’s next words confirmed it.
“With the right stuff, you can double your gains in a day, bro. Let's hit the gym!” Broski clinked mugs with the others. “Joe, welcome to the way… of whey! Protein shakes, then squats! Bottoms up, dudes and dudettes!”
Chapter Seven
“Everyone, wake up!” In an instant, everyone was standing at attention at the ends of their beds. Their Drill Instructor walked along the rows, inspecting each person in turn. He stopped next to Joe, then turned and shouted at the Dwarf directly across from the human. “I'm early, but that's no excuse for looking so slovenly! Why are you disappointing our glorious Legion by letting your armor remain damaged? If I come back tomorrow and it is still in such a shoddy state, I'm going to make you go into combat wearing only a loincloth!”
“Sounds like a party, Drill Instructor!” The Dwarf was expecting to get punched in the face for his cheeky attitude, but instead the Drill Instructor let everyone catch a slight grin on his face. The collective clenching which the expression induced in everyone could have created a diamond under the right circumstances.
“You aren’t much, but this is not the absolute worst cohort we have ever had in training! Listen up! You have all been here almost a month, killing monsters for the glory of the Dwarven Oligarchy!” Joe’s eyes widened, and his hands started to tremble at the words coming from the bearded Dwarf’s lips.
“A… month?” Joe could not believe what he was hearing. It felt like he had only been here a day! He went to open his character sheet but froze as the Drill Instructor started bellowing again.
“Today, we are going to do something extra-special! Our unit has been selected to lead a raid on a minor fort! Everyone who participates in the successful capturing of a minor fort gains two hundred and fifty reputation with the Dwarven Council!” The Drill Instructor scanned the room with a wide smile. “I know none of you are sick of seeing my ugly mug, but I am sick of seeing yours! Start getting that reputation, and buy your way into the Legion proper!”
“Elf Death!” The Dwarves and Joe shouted in unison. Joe shook himself abruptly; why… why was he just going along with everything? He had so much that he needed to-
Skill increase: Mental Manipulation Resistance (Beginner 0). You have broken through the training compulsion of the Dwarven Legion! Wow, look at that! Even when something is to your benefit, you find a way to mess it up!
Joe went pale as he finally broke through the light compulsion that had been placed on him as soon as he’d joined the Dwarves. He looked back on his choices over this last month, grimacing at what he had done. He… had devolved into a total… Bro. Yet, as far as he could tell, the only negative was the loss of time and how much he cringed when he thought about how he had been acting. Joe tried to help himself feel better by reminding himself that, as far as he was concerned, looking back at your past and shuddering at your actions was the best sign of personal growth.
He had made incredible gains with his statistics, but still, he looked at his characteristics in confusion. Shouldn't he have gotten… more if he were here almost a full month? A month of training should have given him a hundred or more total points, and he had gained less than a third of that.
Name: Joe ‘Tatum’s Chosen Legend’ Class: Reductionist
Profession I: Arcanologist (Max)
Profession II: Ritualistic Alchemist (1/20)
Profession III: None
Character Level: 22 Exp: 274,676 Exp to next level: 1,324
Rituarchitect Level: 10 Exp: 45,000 Exp debt: 14,714
Reductionist Level: 0 Exp: 0 Exp to next level: 1,000
Hit Points: 1,573/1,573
Mana: 1,571.54/2,152 (581 reserved. 10% of maximum from both Exquisite Shell and Retaliation of Shadows. 7% from Neutrality Aura.)
Mana regen: 44.54/sec
Stamina: 1,337/1,337
Stamina regen: 6.36/sec
Characteristic: Raw Score
Strength: 89 -> 129
Dexterity: 104 -> 129
Constitution: 85 -> 125
Intelligence: 138
Wisdom: 118
Dark Charisma: 80
Perception: 113
Luck: 59 -> 60
Karmic Luck: -1
Joe started carefully reading through all of the notifications that he had received—and not bothered to check—over the last few weeks.
Constitution has reached the third threshold! Bonus calculating… this is a characteristic that is not class relevant and has been increased through daily training. Calculation complete! Every point of constitution gained after reaching the third threshold will grant you an additional five points of health!
Strength has reached the third threshold! Bonus calculating… this is a characteristic that is not class relevant and has been increased through daily training. Calculation complete: 5% of your maximum stamina (rounded down) will be applied to your total health pool!
Perception has reached the third threshold! Bonus calculating… calculation complete! Cooldown reduction has been increased by 5%!
Current Cooldown Reduction: 15%!
“What is going on? I got past three thresholds and I didn't even notice? Not a single increase in mental characteristics? What have I been doing?” Joe’s mumbling unfortunately summoned the ire of his Drill Instructor, who grabbed him by the head and chucked him toward the doorway. The Dwarf had realized early on that punching or shooting at the human caused an attack to come back at him. However, throwing did not seem to trigger the r
etaliatory strike. It had been a good lesson for both of them.
“All of you, get moving! We are going to be marching past a newbie cohort, so show them what proper training looks like!” The Drill Instructor followed them as they hustled outside and pulled out their shiniest weapons or gave their armor an extra buff to make it especially reflective.
There was no light beyond torches in their sconces at various intervals, as it was not even four in the morning. They started marching, following a route they had not taken before. The reasoning was explained soon enough, as they passed a group of extremely confused-looking Dwarves: a newly respawned cohort. Their Drill Instructor was shouting at them and firing bolts through their lines. It brought memories back to everyone in Joe’s platoon, and they would have chuckled fondly if they had not been trying to show how very impressive they were.
“Today, you are all going to keep killing monsters for the glory of the Legion! Just like you have all week! I want you… stand at attention! Your senior brothers and sisters of the Legion are coming through!” They got close enough to hear what was being said, and the sloppy formation went rigid as Joe’s cohort passed by. They passed the newbies, and the formation returned to normal, but then Joe heard a strange scene play out. “Disgusting showing! I’m ashamed to be in charge of turds like you. Now, all of you, I want you to make it up to me by getting twice as many kills as yesterday! I want you all to look at this human and feel bad about yourselves! He got three times as many Flame Lizards as any one of you.”
Joe risked a glance back, and his heart leapt. The unknown Drill Instructor was standing in front of a familiar figure. “You! Jaxon, is it? Killing is good, but you need to learn discipline and how to follow orders! Starting today, no disemboweling! Clean kills only, you got that?”
“Craw… but Drill Instructor-” Jaxon’s petulant words drifted on the wind, but after that, they were too far away for Joe to catch anything else. He started to laugh; Jaxon hadn’t changed a bit… except he was apparently making sad dinosaur noises instead of normal human ones when he was upset.
The formation continued to march. An hour slowly passed, then two, and the Drill Instructor called out softly. “Company… halt!”
After getting everyone to face him, the Dwarf looked around with a troubled expression. “After today, there is a chance that we won't see some of you for a long time. Wherever we go, whatever we do, know that we will always be brothers and sisters in arms. Today is going to be a life-changing experience for some of you, and for those that come out unscathed, know that this is something that you will not have to go through again. Company… charge!”
The Drill Instructor’s words were a potent, heady mix designed just for this group. A small fort came into view in the distance, and the platoon charged at the main gate directly. Something about the situation struck Joe as wrong, but he had no idea why. Attacking the main gate? No, that was something these battle maniacs would definitely do. They were alone? See above: battle maniacs. No, something the Drill Instructor had said…
“Won't have to go through this again? But attacking forts is the way we get the most…?” Joe’s feet pounded the ground even as his mind whirled into action for the first time in weeks. “Something is wrong… it's a trap!”
Joe tried to stop, but he was carried along by the remainder of his platoon even as he shouted at them to turn around. They reached the main gate and blew through it without any resistance. When the last of them, the Drill Instructor, had come through the gate as well, a heavy portcullis slammed closed behind them. Somehow, their trainer had not come into the area fully, instead remaining just outside of the open area the rest found themselves in. Laughter rose from all around them, including from the Drill Instructor. He shouted one last phrase, sending the platoon into an outright panic.
“Welcome to the Officer Selection course!”
Chapter Eight
Before the platoon could get too wild, another voice rang out and made them stop what they were doing. For some, that included attacking the wall, while others were digging, and a few were even attempting to send themselves to respawn. “All of you will immediately halt, get into formation, and prepare for selection! Some of you will become Officers today, and there is not one pyrite-blasted thing you can do about it!”
So much whining came from the group that the Dwarf speaking to them actually covered his ears. “I know, I know! None of you want to crack the seal on the unused space between your ears; that is why you don't have a choice! Or is it…”
The clearly high-ranking Dwarf came into their range of vision, and Joe glimpsed a smile playing around his lips before returning to stoic grimness. “Perhaps you are just not up to the task? All right; in that case, if you think you are too weak and pathetic to become an Officer, and you’ll give this opportunity to someone else without a fight, I'll open the gates right now! Any takers?”
No one moved, and Joe would have applauded the Dwarf if he thought he could get away with it. The Dwarves around him seem to be having an existential crisis, staring at the ground, their hands, or each other as their ideals clashed. On one hand, there was no way they wanted to become an Officer! On the other… a female Dwarf piped up, “Officer bro, I’m not weak! You can send these other flawed specimens home; I’m at peak performance! They don’t deserve the chance!”
“Dudette-!” another Dwarf called at her in shock.
Before he could finish his outburst, a full dozen of the other mustachioed Dwarves spoke up in unison. “What do you want?”
Joe shook his head when he realized that every single squad had at least one member named ‘Dudette’. The Officer spoke up calmly, rolling right over all the shouting troops. “First test is attention to detail. Drop as flat as you can get.”
“Oof!” Joe knocked the wind out of himself with how quickly he slammed his body to the cobblestones below. An instant later, half of the platoon had something knock into them hard enough to send them flying toward the outer wall of the fort.
“Well, that’s half of them disqualified.” Joe probably only heard the mutter because his perception had increased above the one hundred point threshold. “You think I should send in the war golems? Not yet? Stone spikes in their head? Alright. Let's see how fast they can get up with all their gear on.”
The voice of the commanding Officer erupted once more, “Stand-”
Joe was on his feet in an instant, as the rest of the words escaped the bearded mouth “-up!”
An instant later, a metal-tipped stone spike erupted from the ground where his head had been. Looking around, Joe gulped at the sight of corpses pinned to the ground everywhere around him. The second voice coming from somewhere came once more, “Pretty decent reaction speed on these ones, and we’re down to ten now. Check the dexterity on that one after this. Do the skill test; doesn't matter how well they can follow orders if they can't do anything.”
“Good. For those of you still here, it's time to figure out if you are worth anything to the Legion’s Officer Corps. We don't need Officers that can only fight. Crafting, building, leading, strategizing… these are all important factors!” The Officer spoke out an instant after the other voice had finished, leaving Joe wondering just who it was that could order this clearly decorated Officer around. “Gather around me now. It's time for… the test!”
Joe scanned the group, finding that he recognized none of the surviving Dwarves. He thought back to his party and shrugged lightly. He’d had fun with them, but clearly something had been very wrong with the training environment. If he got out of there and spent time around more highly-specialized professionals, Joe wasn’t going to be upset if he didn't already know the people he was training with; he liked meeting new people. The Officer started walking down the line, holding up a slate.
The powerful Dwarf would touch the slate to each forehead and mumble a few words. Joe could hear him clearly, as the Dwarf was not trying to hide what he was doing. “Leadership at the Expert level… locked until
level thirty. No crafting; strategizing at Beginner ranks, starting at twenty-five… combat is the only way back for you. Disqualified!”
Just like that, the Dwarf he was testing was tossed toward the entrance of the small fort, and the Officer moved down the line. “Weapon smithing at the high Expert ranks, locked till twenty-three? Not bad… oh, a weapon-specific profession unlocked at twenty-five? Welcome to Candidacy!”
The Dwarf he was speaking to went pale, then was tossed by an unseen force deeper into the fort. The Officer continued down the line, “Disqualified… abyss, absolutely disqualified… disqualified, you’re in, in… huh. A human?”
“Yes, sir.” Joe saluted casually, knowing that the Officer was used to casual or blatant disregard for the rules from the troops. At least he was not expected to slam his forehead into the person testing him.
“Well… this affinity slate isn't going to work on you, now is it?” The Officer put away his testing device and pulled out a pad of paper and a quill with a grimace. “That shows us the skills and talents that can be regained over time if one of our people comes back to us. Sometimes it's just too far away to bother trying to regain it. Most of the time, in fact. How about you? Leadership skills? Crafting? What have you got that would make you a good Officer Candidate?”
“I've been learning how to create buildings, and-”
“How cute, humans making buildings.” The Dwarf snorted and struck a line through his paper. “Anything else? Don't you want to be an Officer? You seem like the type that would enjoy… I don't know, just sitting in a dark room and thinking for a few days straight?”
Joe opened and closed his mouth, trying to speak a couple of times, but not knowing exactly what to say. It was a bizarrely effective insult. “My base class is a Ritualist. I have taken up ritual-specific smithing, alchemy, enchantment, matrix creation, and my first specialization was as a Rituarchitect. I can bring up any building, provided I have the blueprints and materials, or bring down any building, given enough time. My second specialization was directly approved by my deity, and I am a champion of that same deity. I also have healing spells at a decent skill level.”
