by Brook Wilder
This is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, places, events, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
Sinful Haven copyright @ 2019 by Brook Wilder and Scholae Palatina Inc. All rights reserved. This is an Advanced Review Copy, and no part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embedded in critical articles or reviews.
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BOOKS IN THE ROUGH JESTERS MC SERIES
BOOK 1: SAVAGE ANGEL
BOOK 2: BROKEN BEAUTY
BOOK 3: CORRUPT HONOR
BOOK 4: RUINED MERCY
BOOK 5: SINFUL HAVEN
BOOK 6: TAINTED DESIRE
BOOK 7: OUTLAW VIRTUE
BOOK 8: WICKED LEGACY
BOOK 9: SHATTERED GRACE
SINFUL HAVEN
Chapter 1
Elisa
Ten Years Ago
I swung my legs back and forth on the bed as I watched my brother throw a pair of socks in the duffel bag. “How much else are you gonna put in there?”
Will grinned. “What? Do you think I’m packing too much for a year?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I think you need more underwear.”
He pushed at my shoulder lightly. “I’m gonna miss you kid.”
I rolled my eyes while he resumed packing. I wasn’t a kid anymore. I was nineteen years old and about to start college in a few short months after taking a year off to save some money up. “You know, when you come back, I’ll be done with my first year of college.”
“My baby sister, a college kid,” Will responded with the shake of his head. “I can’t believe they let you in.”
I knew he was joking. He had been my biggest supporter, pushing me to get good grades in school so I could get into the University of Texas nursing program. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a nurse, to help others. I wasn’t sure what I wanted my focus to be yet, but I was excited to start my career. “Hook ‘em horns.”
Will just chuckled and I savored that laugh. Though I wouldn’t outwardly show it, I was worried about him going to Afghanistan. This was his second assignment in the five years he had been in the army and at twenty-six, Mom was starting to pester him for grandkids.
Instead, he was going overseas, to fight the war that had already taken so many lives. I really didn’t want him to go. I was so proud of my brother, so proud that he had chosen a life of service for our country, but he was still my brother.
They could send someone else, but not him. Well, they were sending someone else with him, someone I felt differently about, though almost as strongly. “Where’s Damian?” I asked casually, hoping my voice didn’t give anything away.
“He’s coming by later,” Will said as he rifled through his dresser for something. “We are going to go get- uh, go enjoy our last night.”
I smirked, my face still hot despite my age. I knew what they were going to do. Will might still see me as his kid sister, but I wasn’t. But my face wasn’t hot because of his near slip up. It was because of Damian. Gorgeous, tall, dark-haired Damian with a grin that could light up a room and a body no woman could ignore.
Including me. I’d had a crush on him for years, though I knew he didn’t feel the same way. I was just his best friend’s kid sister.
“Why the long face?”
I met my brother’s gaze. “What?”
“You look like you lost your best friend,” he stated, throwing a shirt at me. “Don’t tell me you’re going to miss me that much.”
I slid off the bed, my heart heavy at the thought of him leaving tomorrow. From Texas they would go to California for training and then from there, to enemy lines. “Of course I won’t miss you.”
“That’s my girl,” Will grinned as I laid the shirt on the bed. “Don’t be stealing my clothes either. I know you took my sweatshirt.”
I had, mainly because it smelled of him and I didn’t want to lose the warmth I felt whenever I put it on. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, shooing me toward the door. “Alright. Out. I have to get ready for tonight.”
I paused at the door, drinking in the sight of my brother in this safe place, my throat constricting with tears. He had to come back safe.
I wouldn’t know how to live without him.
***
Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, a thump and a chuckle outside my room woke me up. I hurried to the door and wrenched it open, fearing the worst.
Instead I found Will being helped down the hall by Damian, his steps unsteady. “Is he drunk?”
Damian looked over at me and grinned. “Yeah, just a little. Sorry. Did we wake you?”
“Yeah, just a little,” I grumbled, taking Will’s other arm and slinging it over my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get him to bed.”
Carefully, I helped Damian get Will to his bedroom, lowering him onto the bed. Already Will was nearly done for, mumbling as I cushioned his head with a pillow.
“Sis,” he slurred, a sloppy smile on his face. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I answered, my throat closing up. “Come on Will, go to sleep.”
He nodded and turned over just as Damian got his shoes off and covered him with a blanket. “He never could hold his whiskey.”
I pressed my finger to my lips and motioned for him to follow me out of the room just as Will’s snores filled the air. “What did y’all do tonight?” I asked once we were in the hall.
“You know,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling in the darkness. “A little bit of this. A little bit of that. Nothing that will get us arrested.”
His grin was infectious even though I was acutely aware I was standing in front of my crush with a set of short pajamas on and no bra.
In my dreams, it was always the other way around; him in less clothing.
“I probably should get going,” Damian was saying, his voice soft. “We got a long day ahead of us.”
“You should just sleep here,” I blurted out.
His eyes went wide and I cursed myself for letting that be my pickup line to the man I had crushed on for years. “I mean, you shouldn’t drive home like this. Sleep it off.”
“Are you blushing Elisa?”
I was, dammit. This was going all sorts of wrong. I had thought about the moment I would profess my crush on him and ask if he wanted to, well, you know. I was sure Damian had girls throwing themselves at him all the time.
But I wanted to be different. I wanted him to see me as more than just Will’s little sister or a one night stand. I wanted to be the girl he thought of while he was gone, the one he wanted waiting for him when he got back.
I wanted to be so much more than I was to him.
So, I took a leap of faith and pressed my lips to his, feeling his start of surprise under my lips. He tasted like beer and something spicy I couldn’t place, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind.
When his hand cupped the back of my neck, I sighed with happiness. Yes! This was what I wanted. This was what I had waited for.
I stepped closer, wanting to press my body flush against his, but Damian tore his mouth from mine, taking a few steps back instead.
Dazed, it took me a second to process what was going on.
He ran his hand over his shorn head a few times, clearing his throat. “I, hell Elisa, I didn’t mean to do that.”
He hadn’t done anything. I had. “It’s okay, really.”
&
nbsp; “No, I shouldn’t be kissing you,” he continued, as if I hadn’t even said my piece. “I mean, Will is gonna kill me.”
I stepped forward, touching my hand to his arm. “I kissed you, Damian, because I like you.”
He chuckled, stepping away from my touch once more. “Come on, Elisa. You can’t like me. I’m no good for you and besides, you’re my best friend’s sister. I could never cross that line.”
My heart sank. He didn’t want me. I had just professed my feelings for him and he didn’t want me.
“Aw come on, don’t look at me like that.”
I shrugged the horrible feeling in my chest off, trying to act nonchalant about it. “Hey it’s okay. I just thought since you were leaving, but it’s okay, really.”
“Elisa,” he stated but I was already headed back toward my bedroom. “Take care of my brother, Damian. Bring him home.”
He said something but I was already ducking into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I waited until his footsteps passed by my door before I sank to the floor, my silent sobs racking my body. I had just made a complete fool out of myself with the one person I loved more than my brother. I had kissed Damian and he had rejected me like I was some girl off the street!
A sob escaped me and I covered my mouth, knowing I had to pull myself together. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about this, especially not Will. I needed him to focus on keeping himself alive.
And Damian, too. Maybe by the time they got back, he wouldn’t remember how I had made an absolute fool out of myself.
Chapter 2
Damian
Ten Years Later
“Hell no! You are gonna shoot your own damn foot off if you hold it like that. Give me the damn gun.”
The prospect handed it over and I put the gun on the table, wondering where in the hell this guy thought he knew how to shoot. “Have you ever shot a gun before?”
He puffed out his chest. “Hell yeah I have. I’ve shot a lot of guns before.”
Translation, no guns shot and just another hot-headed asshole wanting to be part of a biker gang he couldn’t handle. With one swift motion, I knocked his ass out, stepping over his body as he snoozed on the concrete floor. “Anyone else want to lie to me today?”
The rest of the prospects, five in all not counting the one who would be on his way home after he woke up, shook their heads quickly. Good. I really didn’t feel like punching anyone else. “Get back to work. I want those guns emptied.”
There was not even a grumble as they all turned back to the range, ignoring their partner who still slept at my feet. Shit. Chains was gonna kill me for this. I think this was the tenth guy I had thrown out of the club in a month, but if I couldn’t trust them to have my back out there in the thick of things, then I didn’t want them in the club.
I was the sergeant at arms for the bike club, the Rough Jesters, and had been for nearly five years. My club name was Machine Gun, mainly because I was in charge of weapons and training new prospects, vetting them to see if they were up to snuff on what the club needed.
Maybe I took my job too literally, but hell, I didn’t want to get shot in the back by my own guy.
My former prospect started to move around and I sighed, motioning for one of the other guys to help me get him to his feet.
“What happened?” he asked, touching his jaw.
“I knocked you the fuck out,” I answered, stepping back once he was steady on his feet. “You’re done, man.”
He glared at me but thankfully didn’t say anything as he moved toward the door. The last thing I wanted to deal with today was a foul-mouthed kid trying to prove himself.
After a few minutes of target practice, I called off the rest of the prospects and inspected their targets. Most looked pretty good so I sent them to the main room to get a drink. Another week of torturing them and then I would be putting them on bikes to weed out the men from the boys.
I fucking loved my job.
“Machine Gun.”
I turned to see our newest recruit, Sabrina, standing in the doorway. Sabrina was a genius when it came to computers and she had come on board recently after hooking up with another bike member, Crankshaft.
They were disgustingly all over each other, but I was glad to see Crankshaft happy for once. “Yeah?”
“You’re in charge, right?”
I gave her a quick nod. The rest of the council, including Chains, Ironsides, and Crankshaft, were at a roundtable meeting with Hell’s Bitches - a woman’s bike club, and the local police chief. Normally MCs and the police didn’t mix, but the police chief just happened to be married to a former Jester member and she was willing to attempt to make a mutually beneficial arrangement work.
So when the others were out, I was the low man on the totem pole. “Why?”
“There’s a girl here,” she answered, fidgeting. “She says she needs to talk to the leader and, well, Chains isn’t here.”
“I got it,” I answered. It was likely just some chick lodging a complaint about her significant other’s time at the club. Surprisingly, we got that shit a lot. The MC wasn’t a pastime. It was a full-time job most couldn’t understand.
She nodded and walked away, leaving me to tug at the long sleeves of my shirt and slide my vest back on. Normally, I didn’t like to do this kind of shit. I was more of a grunt work type of guy, dealing with the prospects and handling other transactions.
I followed after Sabrina who waited for me near the door.
“I put her in the conference room,” she said. “Just in case.”
I gave her a flash of a smile. “Thanks. If I scream come running, okay?”
Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Yeah okay. Like you need help with anything.”
“Yeah you’re right,” I winked then sauntered down the hall to the meeting room. With Chains married to the president of the Hell’s Bitches, Widow Maker, we used the room far more than we used to, attempting to keep both clubs on the same page.
That was far more important these days since we were on the brink of a war with the Mexican cartel.
Walking into the room, I forced myself to smile. I didn’t smile much these days and I imagined I looked like I was fucking constipated more than warm and welcoming. “You wanted to talk to someone?”
The woman, whose back was to me, turned and I was struck by a ghost from my past. “Elisa?”
“Damian,” she said in a rush, surprise evident in her voice. “Oh my god. Is that really you?”
I fought through the searing pain in my chest, a pain I hadn’t felt in a long time. “Yeah, it’s me. What are you doing here?”
She suddenly looked nervous, which gave me a chance to take a good look at her. What was she? Like twenty-four? Twenty-five? Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her classic features and sharp gaze reminding me of someone else, someone I thought about every single damn day. “Are you the president of this club?”
“The president is out,” I said, my voice harsher than I intended. “You got me.”
“I’m sorry,” she answered. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I don’t even know where to start really.”
Hell, I didn’t either. God this was Elisa. I hadn’t seen her in ten years. “Why don’t you sit down and just let it all out.”
Elisa did as I asked, and I chose to stay upright, not even wanting to get close to her right now. Dammit, why her? Why now? I wanted to walk out of the room, feeling as if the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe.
My reaction, well warranted, wasn’t because I had slept with her and then left.
I’d never touched Elisa in any way other than, well, I had kissed her once. That memory was still seared into my brain.
Along with a million other reasons I shouldn’t even be in the same damn room as she was. I had failed her on all levels a guy could fail a girl.
Not only Elisa, though. I had failed her parents, her grandparents, the entire family that had treated me like a son nearly a
ll my life.
***
I walked off the plane and into the cold rain, not caring that it was soaking through my fatigues. The sky was dreary as it had been the entire ride back to the base and while the other officers offered me a seat in the cockpit, I had stayed in the back.
With Will.
Pain flared in my body as I stood there, waiting for them to roll out the flag-draped coffin containing the remains of my best friend, my own tears mingling with the rain. I had cursed, screamed, and cried over the last two weeks so my body was numb to anything right now. I had no feelings, no emotions even with the tears running unchecked down my cheeks. None of this mattered. Will wasn’t gonna come back. He was gone and that was his body in that coffin.
