by M. Robinson
“Please consider being my date to the gala.”
“I already said no.”
“I’ll buy you any gown, any purse, any pair of shoes.”
“Thanks to my alimony, you don’t have to.” I wink. “It was good seeing you, Adam. I like your hair like that.”
Chapter Four
Adam
Out of everything I learned about myself in the last hour, the one that sticks out the most is that I’m not over Vanessa. I’ll never be over Vanessa. I knew that even when I filed for divorce and it’s even more apparent now.
“Did you tell her you quit your job because you were so damn depressed without her and couldn’t function?” my sister asks.
“No, Emma.” I shoot her a look. “And don’t you dare tell her either.”
“I’m not.” She scoffs. “I’m not getting involved.”
“You say that until she comes over and then you start spilling all the beans. How’d she know about Cindy?”
She looks away quickly. “Whatever, Adam. She’s my friend.”
“She’s my ex.”
“Whom you want to get back together with.”
“I never said that.”
“It’s very obvious.” Emma shoots me a look. “Maybe you should have told her.”
“I couldn’t. She wasn’t open to a conversation.”
“Maybe because you and Camila plotted this whole thing behind her back and she felt attacked.”
I sigh heavily and look outside, where my niece and nephew are playing with their dad. We had an unexpected snow day and they’ve been taking advantage all morning. I think about Vanessa and the baby that would have been four years old, had it survived the term. That loss was the main reason I wasn’t open to trying for more kids. It was heartbreaking and terrifying. After it was all said and done, I was just grateful to have my wife, but she didn’t feel the same. She wanted to keep trying until she got pregnant again and it was something I couldn’t, wouldn’t do. We went to couples counseling for nine months before calling it quits. Nine months of feeling guilt and shame and ultimately more heartbreak, so yeah, I took a job across the country and filed for divorce and lost the love of my life and my best friend in the process. And yeah, now I’m back and want her back as well. I just hope it’s not too late.
Chapter Five
Vanessa
I really didn’t want to come to this party, especially now that I knew that Adam was in town. Having mutual friends is kind of annoying when you get a divorce, especially when the divorce is only amicable to a certain extent. We wish each other a happy birthday, but otherwise, I ignore his calls and texts. We ask our friends how the other is doing, but otherwise act like we don’t care. Most of all, it’s annoying that I’m clearly not as over him as I pretend to be, and according to our family and friends the feeling is mutual. He’s been dating though. I have not. I mean, I hooked up with a guy in Europe. A hot soccer player who promised me a hot night and delivered, but that was it. It was a one-night stand and I was grateful it wasn’t anything more because at that point in my life, I had nothing left to give.
“Grab some food,” Uma says as I’m walking by the display of food she put out.
“I will.” I smile, picking up a plate. “Everything smells and looks amazing.”
“Jeff made most of it.”
“He made barbecue beef?” I raise an eyebrow.
“He makes better Korean BBQ than I do these days.”
“Well, I’m impressed.”
“As am I.” The voice is Adam’s and comes from behind me and my heart instantly speeds up to the point I think it’ll explode. I take a breath and turn to face him, getting ready to smile nonchalantly, but then I see him and I can’t. He looks so handsome in his Mets hat and grey t-shirt. Casual, but handsome as hell. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He smiles.
“I hadn’t seen you.”
“I was upstairs checking out the rooftop.”
“Oh. I forgot you hadn’t been. It’s nice, right?”
“Very. Peaceful.”
“Well, it’s still noisy.”
“Well, it’s still Brooklyn.” Adam chuckles.
“True.” I feel myself smile at the sound of his laugh, at the way his eyes crinkle and light up.
“Want to come up there with me?” he asks.
“Um . . . sure.” I look around. Our friends are all lost in conversation anyway and I know they won’t care.
On our way out, I catch Uma’s eyes and she winks and smiles. I don’t even bother to roll my eyes. They’re all dying for us to get back together and they’re not very quiet about it to me, so I’m sure Adam gets the same treatment.
“So,” he says once we walk out onto the rooftop.
“So.” I walk over and sit down on one of the beanbag chairs, which is more like a couch since up to three people fit on it. Adam takes a seat beside me and suddenly I lose my appetite because I’m so nervous, which is ridiculous, considering.
“Have you thought about being my date tomorrow night?”
“Adam.” I sigh and glance away, my eyes on the city before us.
“Come on, Van. You know you want to.” He sets down his plate beside mine on the table. “Please.”
“I don’t want to.” I meet his eyes. “I’ve been trying to forget about you for two years, Adam. Going as your date would be taking ten steps back.”
“I’ve tried to forget you too, but I think it’s safe to say that’s impossible.”
“You’re dating.”
“I was.”
“How long are you here for?”
He moves closer, our knees touching. “How long do you want me to be here for?”
“Don’t do that.” I look away, but he catches my chin with his hand and turns me back slowly.
“I want you, Van. I fucked up and I’m sorry and I know I don’t deserve another chance, but please, give me one.”
“How long are you here for?” I ask again, licking my lips.
“As long as it takes to win you back.”
For the first time in a long time, I ignore the little voice in my head telling me to question more or get up and leave, and I lean in and kiss him instead. He groans against my mouth and presses his chest against the palm of my hand, which is still up as if I was ever going to stop this from happening. Our kiss turns frantic, our tongues colliding hard against one another, our lips moving quickly and determined, bruising.
He pulls away suddenly, breathing heavily against me. “Come home with me.”
“Home where?”
“I’m staying in the Williamsburg Hotel.”
“A hotel?” I push my palm against his chest again, this time for us to sit up. “Why?”
“I’m not going back to my parents’ house.”
“Your dog is at your parents’ house.”
“That’s because you love her and I know you go there a lot.”
“How long have you been there?”
“Couple of weeks. I’m in the process of looking for a place.”
“Wow.”
“Come with me,” he says again, “please. I need you, Van. You don’t understand how badly I need you.”
“Fine.”
* * *
“I’ve never been here,” I say as we walk through the lobby. “It’s cute.”
“You’re cute.” He winks as we arrive at the elevator. He presses the key against the sensor and pushes the button to the penthouse.
“Of course you’re in the penthouse.” I shake my head. “How many women have you brought back here?”
“None.”
“None?” I shoot him a look.
“I swear.”
“What about Cindy?”
“I broke it off. I already told you that.”
“Hm.” I don’t know why I care, but I do, and when he grabs my hand as we walk out of the elevator and my pulse quickens, I realize I never stood a chance at forgetting him.
We walk into the room an
d I marvel at the views just for a moment because Adam is on me quickly, kissing me, pushing my hair back away from me face, pressing his toned runner’s body against mine. Our hands somehow begin to work at the same time, removing clothing, anything that stands in our way, and before I know what’s happening, I’m on the bed, completely naked underneath him and he’s no longer kissing me, but staring at me with wanton eyes as he brings a hand to my exposed breasts and thumbs my nipple.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“You’re just saying that because I came back here with you.”
“I’m not and you know it.” His expression turns serious. “I’ve always said that, even before we were together, I’d always said you were my dream girl.”
I smile, though even I feel like it’s a sad smile. We were friends in high school before we started dating in college and when we got together everyone including him was vocal about not believing I’d given him a chance. On our wedding night, he’d said I’d been way out of his league. Me, a Dominican girl from Washington Heights, out of his league. I’d always laughed it off, but I knew he meant it, and now, I definitely knew it. Adam had no reason to impress me or lie. He had me once already. Many times, actually, so lying would get him nowhere. Besides, I’d know if he was since Adam was not a good liar. I kissed him again as he finished undressing, and when I saw that only his boxer briefs were left, I sat up in the bed and helped him with those, exposing his long, thick, hard cock. I sighed. I missed that cock so much. I grabbed it and began moving my hand up and down, eliciting a low hiss from him. I pressed my mouth to it and he shook, biting out my name. When he felt my tongue on him, he gripped my hair.
“Van. I won’t make it and I need to be inside of you when I come.”
I shut my eyes and let him out of my mouth before looking up at him.
“You don’t know what you do to me.”
“I have an idea.” I smiled.
He shook his head with a chuckle. “Lie back.”
I did, giving him enough room. He spread my legs wide and dove between them, eating my pussy like he was starving for it, ripping two orgasms from me before I had to beg him to stop because I too wanted him inside of me when he came. I must have said it aloud, because he flipped me over and slapped my ass hard before opening my legs again and slamming inside of me in one swift motion that made me squirm and yelp, but only until he really started driving in and out of me as he alternated between touching my breasts, my clit, and pulling my hair, and I felt like he was everywhere all at once. Suddenly, he pulls out, and I begin instantly complaining. He flips me over onto my back and grips my inner thighs as he thrusts in again, grabbing the backs of my thighs and lifting me off the bed to get another angle. My eyes roll back and I’m sure nothing has ever felt this good. Nothing. He leans down and kisses me deeply, making my heart skip several beats as another orgasm rips through me, and this time Adam’s cock throbs inside of me and he comes apart as well.
When he finishes, he wipes me clean, something he always maintained throughout our relationship and that I definitely admired, especially when I had my one-night stand that time and wasn’t shown the same affection. We lie in the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms and the plush comforter, in silence as we look at the beautiful city outside.
“It’s so quiet in here,” I whisper after a while.
“Maybe we should get a place with a view like this.”
“Adam.” I sit up and look down at him. “This isn’t happening again.”
“Why not?” He frowns.
“We tried it, it didn’t work, we got a divorce.”
“I was stupid, we were young, and we let our pride get in the way.” He sits up as well, the comforter sliding down his chest. “We can try again.”
“There’s too much baggage.”
“No.”
“We buried a baby, Adam. And then you decided you were done. When I wanted to try more than ever, you said you could never try again.” Unshed tears burn as I recall that time. “Would you try again?”
“I can’t.” He swallows, looking away momentarily. “It hurts too much.”
“I know. I was the one on that delivery table, you know. I was the one who . . .” My voice breaks. “I was the one who had to deliver her, knowing she was already gone. You don’t think that completely messed me up?”
“Of course I know that, and I hate that it tore us apart the way it did instead of bringing us closer. You didn’t have to take down that nursery. You didn’t have to tell every single person we knew that there would be no baby coming home. You didn’t have to talk about it the way I did. I can’t go through that again, Van.”
“Then there’s nothing to talk about.” I swallow, wiping my eyes before my tears have a chance to fall.
“You can’t mean that. We were fine just the two of us. Why would you want to potentially go through that heartache more than once?”
“I don’t know.” I glance at him and meet his eyes. “I truly don’t know, but I want to try again.”
He shuts his eyes and lets out a breath.
“I’m sorry, but this just won’t work. We’re not meant to be.”
“Damn it. Don’t say that. We’re absolutely meant to be.” He reaches for me and sets a hand over mine. “I’m not meant to be with anyone else.”
“If that were true, you’d give me what I wanted.”
He lets go of my hand and I take the opportunity to get up, gather my clothes, and go to the bathroom. It’s beautiful, but I realize it doesn’t have a door at all. The tub is practically in the bedroom. The only section that has a door is the toilet, so I take my clothes there and sit down as I begin to cry. I’m not sure how long I’m in there, but the knock comes faster than anticipated and I’m still naked, so I stand up and start getting dressed.
“Van.”
“Just stop, Adam.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to give you what you want,” he says, “I would love nothing more than a family with you. I mean that. You’re the only woman I’ve ever met that I truly want that with. I just . . . I’m scared, okay?”
I finish getting dressed and wipe my face again before opening the door. “I’m scared too but I really want this. Even if I don’t give birth and I end up adopting, this is something I want.”
He’s silent for a moment. I brush past him and continue looking for my things as he follows me around the hotel room. When I have everything, I turn to him with a small smile that I’m hoping will ease his mind. He looks sad and tired and confused.
“It was nice seeing you tonight. This was . . . very nice.”
“Van,” he says when I’m by the door. “Go with me to the gala tomorrow night.”
“No.”
“Will you be there?”
“Maybe.” I open the door.
“Please go.”
I sigh. “We’ll see, Adam.”
I let the door shut between us and walk over to the elevator, riding it down in silence. Even my thoughts are muted. The only thing I feel are my heavy limbs and sore core, a reminder of where he’s been and what we did. A reminder that I haven’t done that in so long. Too long.
Chapter Six
“You slept with him?” My sister’s voice booms so loudly over my phone that I lower the volume and look around to make sure no one in Bloomington heard her.
“Yes,” I whisper. “It was . . . awesome, but then I went home and went to bed sad and woke up just as sad.”
“I’m sorry.” She’s quieter now. “Maybe it’s a sign? To give him another chance?”
“Or not to.”
“You know he left his job in California?”
“No.” I stop walking right by the evening gowns and frown. “He didn’t say that.”
“He left his job to move back here and fight for you.”
“How do you know this?”
“He told me. He came over the other night and had drinks with me and Warren and kind of spilled the beans and then begged us n
ot to say anything, but since you slept with him, I figured it was okay.”
“Well, he didn’t tell me any of that.” I keep walking and start looking through the racks. “Jesus, some of these dresses cost more than my rent.”
“I told you to borrow one from me. I have these dresses that these designers send and I don’t even go anywhere.”
“You go to a ton of galas and things.”
“Not anymore.”
“You haven’t been to one in two weeks, Cami. I don’t think you can say you don’t go anymore.”
She laughs. “Either way, you don’t have to buy yourself a dress.”
“I know, but I want to. I look forward to this gala every year. Besides, I have a wedding to go to in a few months, so I might as well get something and wear it to both events.”
“You know everyone will be photographed in the Morelli mansion. Bishop’s Landing will be filled with the who’s who of, well, everything.”
“They’re not going to want to photograph a third-grade teacher.”
“They did last year.” I hear the smile in my sister’s voice. “We were the talk of the town last year.”
“Hardly.” I laugh. “Haley Constantine was the talk of the town last year.”
“Well, that was because she’d just gotten together with Leo. Of course all eyes were on her, but still, they did take photos of us.”
“Right.” I pull out a red dress. “This is pretty.”
“What color is it?”
“Red.”
“What kind of red? Deep or bright?”
“Deep.”
“Oh my God. Go try it on and FaceTime me. That’s so your color.”
“’Kay. I’ll call you back soon.” We hang up and I do as I’m told.
In the fitting room, I take off my clothes and try on the dress. It’s gorgeous, almost the color of red wine, with a modest neckline and a deep plunge in the back. I call my sister, who answers quickly, eyes wide when she sees me.
