by P. Jameson
I did want her.
I wanted my friend. I wanted to rewind time to when we were little and only a wall stood between us instead of the wasted hate that drove us apart. I’d give fucking anything to go back to then, and just freeze time.
But I also wanted more of her. I wanted her past laid out on the table for me to pore over every detail. Every hard moment that I wasn’t there for her. Every good one that I didn’t get to hear about. Every smile and tear and breath.
Worst of all, I wanted her future. I didn’t want to lose one more minute of time with her.
I wanted so much more than I was willing to admit. Even to myself.
And I couldn’t have one fucking hint of it.
The sound of water boiling over on the stove tore my thoughts away from Rielle’s question. “Shit.” I dove for a towel and lowered the flame at the same time.
The sound of her laugh coming from across the room did something funny to my chest. It wasn’t so different from the giggle I remembered. The one that was amused by my dumb jokes and impressed with the slight-of-hand tricks I showed her.
“Is dinner ruined?” she asked, still snickering.
“No, but I can’t promise it won’t be by the time I’m finished.”
“I can help…”
“Stay there,” I commanded, switching the pot to a new spot on the stove so I could clean up the mess.
“But I’m already up.” This time her voice sounded from directly behind me.
I spun, coming face to face with her in the close space. I took up most of it and she stepped backward, bracing herself with on hand against the counter.
“Whoa, alpha,” she murmured, looking almost straight up to meet my eyes. “You move too fast.”
She had no idea how fast I could really move.
“You shouldn’t be in here.”
Her gaze lowered to my chest and if I wasn’t mistaken…
A blast of carnal desire rocked the space between us, sending my inner wolf into a tailspin of desire. Mine. The omega is mine. I set my jaw, clenched my fists. I wouldn’t touch her. Not like this. But for a moment, I let myself look at her the way I wanted to. Not like a medical professional. Not with evaluation of her circumstance. But as a man.
My omega was a beauty even under the harsh light of the kitchen. Dark hair framing her soft cheeks. Lips that were full and parted to let hot breath escape.
Her eyes moved downward settling at my waist long enough to have my body reacting. My cock grew rock hard, pressing against the front of my trousers. Her breath came faster, causing her chest to thrust forward. Beneath the loose shirt she wore, her nipples hardened to form peaks.
“I think…” Even the tone of her voice had transformed into something new. Something that rubbed along my skin like a caress.
Her hand left the counter, slowly closing the space between us as her eyes came back to my chest. Shit. If she touched me, I couldn’t know what my reaction would be. I should stop this. Now.
“Evander, I think…”
I stepped closer.
I fucking stepped closer. I did it without even thinking, as if pulled by instinct I could never hope to deny.
Her fingers made contact with my stomach and her shoulders sagged like she was relieved. She traced the ridges of my muscles through my shirt and I gritted my teeth to keep from growling at the soft touch.
“Something’s wrong,” Rielle whispered.
This time her words weren’t silky. They were confused. Panicked. And concern bled through all my desire.
I wrapped my fingers around her wrist to steady her. “What is it? Withdrawal symptoms?”
She shook her head, moving even closer to press the palm of her other hand to my chest. “No, not that. The juice is the farthest thing from my mind.”
She lifted her face to mine, her worried eyes piercing my heart. Comfort her, my wolf demanded. I needed distance, space so that I didn’t do something to scare her, but I listened to my animal and curved my hand around her cheek.
“Tell me what’s wrong, Rielle.”
“I don’t know exactly. It’s like…” She swallowed and somehow our bodies inched closer. “It feels like my heat is starting, but it’s weaker than normal. And… and I…”
Her heat. Of course. That’s why her scent was changing and those pulses of desire were a palpable thing. I didn’t think it would be possible for some time, with the way the juice suppressed the animal side of her.
Mine, my wolf howled inside. Instinct warred with my oath to help her and the secrets I was keeping.
“The drug suppresses your animal instincts. If you’re going into heat… well, I don’t know if it will be like it was before.” My voice was gravel. Images of her sprawled on my bed writhing with need filled my mind, making it hard to think about the medical side of things.
“I…” Her eyes went wild. “I need a safe place. I need a bunker. Somewhere to wait it out.”
I frowned. “You will wait it out here. Under my care, and nowhere else.”
“You don’t understand. It will get bad. You’ll… you’ll be compelled to… service me. You and every other male in the vicinity.”
A flash of hot anger whipped up my spine. “None of them will touch you,” I vowed.
“Evander…” Her eyes roamed my face. “What will happen to me?”
There was no way to answer her question. No way to assuage her fears. The same helpless feeling from when we were kids threatened to overwhelm me, but things were different now.
No Division. No vengeful king. No wall between me and my omega. None except the one we both built to keep our hearts safe.
The one I was planning to tear down, brick by brick.
I brushed my thumb across her cheek. “I don’t know. But I promise I will be there with you, the entire way.”
Chapter ten
Rielle
It would’ve been so easy to switch off the stove and back Evander against the counter. But I didn't because I was starving for so many things. Not only the sauce that was simmering in the pot. I wanted this man to take care of me. I wanted him to protect me. But more than that, I wanted to make his face light up when he saw me, like I was the best part of a day that had been full of so many unspeakable things. I wanted him to tell me silly jokes because he knew they made me less sad. The sadness never totally went away. Not yet, anyway. But I still believed that one day it could.
He said he’d take care of me. Because he was a medical professional charged with my care, and if anything happened to me, Zelene would have his head served on a platter with a side of this sauce. Not because he was having feelings for me.
It was duty, not desire.
But I wanted the fairytale.
The heat might not be the same, but it was making me crazy. I wanted Evander to be my prince. The boy I had never stopped dreaming about, even though the dreams changed through the years. From friendship, to a partnership, to the much more sinful things I was thinking about doing to him at this very minute. I wanted him to be my perfect mate, my forever mate, and it wasn’t just my impending, unpredictable heat talking.
It was the little girl who never stopped believing her prince was coming to save her.
I was setting a standard for Evander that he couldn’t possibly live up to, and that wasn’t fair to either of us.
Maybe I should just let him service me if the need arose to get the image of the perfect prince out of my head once and for all.
It was time to save myself.
So I pulled away from him and slid my body onto the stool at the counter. I wouldn’t admit that my muscles were already exhausted from this little bit of activity, or that another wave of heat was surging through me. It didn’t feel right. Evander had said that the juice could’ve altered or suppressed my heat.
What if that meant I’d never find my mate, because he wouldn’t be able to feel my presence deep inside his soul? That no wolf would ever feel the undeniable need to claim me? That every
single prince that ever crossed my path would be able to walk away from me?
Evander slid a plate of spaghetti in front of me, snapping me out of my funk.
“Do you want some cheese?” he asked.
I blinked as he stood in front of me with a block of cheese and a grater.
“Sure,” I finally said. “I’m surprised you made this.”
“Didn’t think I could cook?” There was a new edge to his voice. One that told me he was already affected by my heat. He moved forward and the shredded cheese fell on my plate. “Tell me when.”
My insides rumbled, and it had nothing to do with the plate of delicious smelling food in front of me.
“That’s good.” The amount of cheese he’d piled on would be considered obscene in the Badlands. “I figured you could cook. It’s not hard. And you fixed me. I’m surprised because the king didn’t allow pasta to be served in the castle. He considers it peasant food. Not that omegas could get their hands on it.”
“I don’t agree with everything His Majesty does.” Evander took the stool next to me and picked up his fork, but he didn’t start eating right away. Was I supposed to wait for him? At the castle, no one started eating until the king gave them permission. “You didn’t need fixing, Rielle. You’re perfect just as you are.”
My first instinct was to argue with him, to point out every flaw I had. To give him a reason to walk away. But I really didn’t want him to do that. “Thank you.”
“The king doesn’t know what he’s missing,” he said as he twirled the spaghetti around his fork. I watched with fascination, because I’d never seen anyone do that before. It made eating the long strands of pasta a lot less messy. “I wanted to make you something that was easy to eat, because your belly isn’t used to food anymore. And I wanted to make something comforting, and we used to have this a lot when I was growing up. It always made me feel good.”
It had nothing to do with me being his patient. He just wanted to me to feel better. The idea warmed my heart.
“It’s delicious.” I tried to mimic the move he’d made with his fork, twirling the spaghetti, but it wasn’t as easy as he made it look.
Evander watched me with amusement.
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve got sauce on your chin.”
“Oh.” I grabbed the napkin and dabbed it against my skin. “That’s classy.”
“It was actually kind of adorable.” He was getting closer again. Maybe that was something that alphas just did. Omegas paid attention to personal space, because it was all we could call our own. But alphas had no problem taking what didn’t belong to them. “How are you feeling?”
“Good.” Real food made all the difference. The stuff they’d pumped into me kept me alive, but this made me feel it. Or maybe it was the company. “How long do you think I’ll be here?”
He knit his brows together in confusion, like I should know the answer to my question already. “As long as it takes for you to get better.”
“But you don’t know what happens after this. What kind of effect the juice would have on me. So what if you never think I’m ready to go back to the castle? It’s so weird to say that.”
“Do you want to go back to the castle?” he asked.
I shrugged. I didn’t know what I actually wanted. I’d spent so long fighting to survive that I never dared to look past that. Sure, I had the silly fantasy of meeting my prince, but that’s all it was.
“We will see how you progress through your heat,” he said.
My inner muscles clenched. There was no way Evander would be able to let my heat pass without interference.
Translation—rutting my brains out.
Deep down inside, he was a wolf, and his wolf would need to take care of the situation. I took a deep breath, doing my best to ignore the temperature surging inside me.
“What if I have to stay with you forever?”
“You don’t have to do anything. Rielle.” He set his utensils down and sighed. “I’m not here to force your hand. If you leave, I can’t guarantee what happens to you. If you have a setback. If there are subtle signs the juice changed things. I’ll miss those, and you could be back at square one.”
I definitely didn’t want that.
“I’m not in a big hurry to get back to the Badlands. Wait, Tavia and Dagger are rebuilding the Badlands. You said the wall was gone. What else has changed?”
Maybe I did want to go back and see what Tavia had done. I wished I could’ve been there to help her. I had some ideas about what the omegas needed.
His gaze fell to his plate. “The beta uprising has put the Reconstruction plans on hold.”
“Of course.” I scoffed. “Omegas get pushed to the bottom of the priority list. Again.”
“That’s not the reason they stopped building. We all decided, your friends included, that it would do more harm than good for the omegas to see their brand-new territory attacked if another war broke out. Plus this gives us more time to determine what the needs of the omegas actually are in this new Luxoria.”
We all decided...your friends included… That shouldn’t have hurt. I’d been in a coma. It wasn’t like they could ask me my opinion. But I wished I could’ve had a say. It was my home too.
Once I got better, and I was making a complete recovery—that was a non-negotiable promise I made to myself right then and there—I wouldn’t let people make up my mind for me anymore. This new Rielle got what she wanted.
And right now, she wanted an alpha to call her very own.
“So, say I have to stay here forever.” I paused to read his expression. There was slight amusement, and that undertone of desire that had been smoldering between us ever since I’d come into the kitchen. The taste of that would linger on my tongue much longer than the delicious dinner.
But he didn’t shy away from that idea of me staying.
“Eventually you’ll want to take a mate.”
There was the zing of surprise I’d been waiting for. “Yes, I will.”
Another tug on the scar tissue in my heart. I wouldn’t be the poor little compromised omega living with Evander and his mate. Like his own personal house servant.
Hell no. I was a member of the queen’s court. My days of servitude were over.
It felt good to be a little pissed off. I was feeling better. I had a shred of a plan. That was all we ever had in the Badlands. An idea, a whole lot of hope, and nothing to lose. Right now, Evander wanted me to stay with him indefinitely and he eventually planned to take a mate.
I wanted that mate to be me.
Good thing that he left that stupid heart rate monitor machine behind in the clinic. It would’ve alerted him to the next step in my plan.
What if I made a move? Would he take me seriously, or would he think it was the heat making me illogical and brush me off? Or worse, the juice addiction? Lock me up for my own good until all the urges passed? Would he think I couldn’t be fixed?
Or was I more afraid that he’d take me seriously? He’d ride through my heat with me, and I’d get what I’d wanted? A strong, caring alpha to call my prince.
I didn’t know who I was without the dream of my prince. But I was about to find out. Because it was about to either blow up in my face or come true.
Sliding off the stool, I was between Evander’s thighs. Heat even more delicious than the meal he just made me rose from his groin. The juice might have succeeded in suppressing my heat for a little while, but I was pretty sure it was back in full force.
I had to play this cool. Like he hadn’t set my body ablaze with raw sensation and feral need. Because if he thought I didn't have my senses about me, he might push me away.
As long as I still had control over my body and my emotions, I wouldn’t let him push me away.
I’d never made a move on a man before. My hands were on his thighs, and the strong muscles tensed under my touch. Not the kind of tensing that told me to stop. The kind that told me I was doing the right thing. I l
eaned forward, and my impossibly hard nipples scraped against the fabric of my shirt. It sent a shiver through me.
Focus.
Then I realized that my heat might be different after all. I might have it, but not lose control. And those kind of feelings plus control equaled power.
“Rielle,” Evander groaned.
“Please.” I had no plans of begging him to kiss me. “At some point, you’ll have to do this. I want to know what it feels like when you want to kiss me. And… you do want to.”
The hard outline of his cock against his trousers negated any argument that he didn’t want to. I slid my hand higher on his thigh, but not close enough to touch him.
I finally understood what it was like to be in control, and I liked it.
His gaze was pure fire, and his lips parted. Leaning in to take this kiss was the most terrifying thing I’d ever do.
Evander’s hand came up behind my head, cupping my nape. He brought me closer, and that control no longer belonged to me. I was okay with that. Brushing his lips against mine, he didn’t kiss me. Not yet. He pulled away slightly, drinking me in.
“If we do this, I can’t tell you what happens next,” he said softly.
“You never could.” I could barely breathe. “That’s why I’m here.”
His lips were on mine. That was what happened. It was no timid kiss as he slid his tongue against the seam of my lips and parted them. He came inside, and our tongues tangled.
I ran my hands up his thighs, and he groaned in my mouth when I stopped on his cock. The kiss intensified as I ran my fingers over the outline. That thing had to be made of stone.
The heat in my body skyrocketed. There was no way he couldn’t feel it. I moaned against his cheek as he broke the kiss, his hungry lips moving against my jawbone and falling to my neck.
No, I couldn’t let him think I’d lost control...
An explosion rattled the windows. And since most of the house was made of glass, it shook me deep down to my soul. The sound of the metal legs of the stool scraping against the floor was more startling than Evander backing away from me.
“What was that?” I wiped my hand against my face, horrified when it came away slicked with sweat. There was no denying my heat now.
