I promised to fight the moment I stood up and took my vows. The problem is, I’m realizing Michael never did, and the only fight, the only battle he wants to win, is control. What’s worse, control of my mind. Maybe Erica is right. Maybe in manipulating me, he’s succeeding in stealing away the one thing that everyone takes for granted. Free will. To stand up for themselves. To know their worth.
Once upon a time, I used to know mine.
My gaze falls to the nightstand as I sit still and alone in the dark. The only sound is the steady rhythm of my son’s breathing as my mind wonders, takes in all Erica said and all I am refusing to allow myself to see. Dread fills me inside. A deep terrifying fear that I’ll never get me back. That I will never stop the torture, he puts me through, and I allow, put myself through even when he is gone.
Sitting up straight, I rummage through the nightstand until I come up with a pen and piece of paper. Scouting back on the bed, I take a deep breath and tell myself I am strong. I am courageous. Fearless. That I believe in myself, as I put the pen to paper and write a note. A testament. Proof that I can fall back on in the future of where I have been, how far I have come, and a pledge to myself to never ever stop fighting. To never stop believing in myself. No matter what it costs. No matter how hard the fight. To win. Always, for my children and myself. Because when all else fails. When the people that surround us let us down, all we’ll ever have is ourselves. That is the truth I believe in. That is the reality I don’t want to forget. The one thing he undoubtedly is stealing from me while simultaneously making me fear my own self demise.
Chapter 11
Justin
“Times up,” I seethe under my breath as my jaw ticks and I look up to meet the eyes of the man in front of me. “What’s it going to be?”
He goes to speak just as the door across the room opens and a man walks through. A man I oddly recognize, but can’t quite place. He keeps his head low as he walks our way and talks to a few of his men as he walks. But it’s when his eyes lift, they lock with mine, and I realize just who took Liam and what brought us here that a real fire ignites in my veins.
Instinct has me bolting forward, but like a weight around my ankles, Leo’s grip on my shoulder pulls me back down to earth and makes me realize now is not the right fucking time to lose my cool. I can feel the beat of my heart pounding out of control as I stare him in the eyes and he gets closer. His icy gaze one I remember from pictures that lined the walls in Rose’s house. But the feeling inside, the rage that boils out of control has me almost going back on my original thought to remain calm as I take a step towards him again only to be cut off by Leo who quickly makes his way in front of me.
“Antonio Diaz,” Leo says as he cuts me off and I hear the radio piece in my ear finally turn on and alert all three of us to a fact that Leo and I already now. Dylan’s voice comes over the line for the first time since we left the house as the camera he placed on Brittany’s broach gives him what he needs to make an ID. Facial recognition is a bitch.
“Michael Gables.” We hear Dylan say as my eyes catch a concerned look from Brittany nearby. “Declared dead after a car accident around one year ago. No body was found at the scene, just the burnt remains of the car he was driving home from the airport and two back molars first responders recovered from the rubble.”
My jaw ticks as the man comes closer and shakes Leo’s hand. All the while he holds my stare. All knowing. Expertly cool. And deliberately letting me know where I stand.
He knows. And something inside me suddenly crashes into place. The primal need to protect what is mine. To take back all that I’ve let every other person rip from my life, myself included.
“We have backup moving in, this technical shit here took longer to clear than expected since the bastard moved up the job,” I hear Dylan say as the man in front of us sizes up the situation in front of him, his eyes moving from Brittany to me, to Leo’s as he takes longer than the normal amount of time to shake his hand. Our earpiece was supposed to be working when we left the safe house. But with the clock ticking we forced ourselves to go and told Dylan to get the shit up and running as fast as he could.
“But Blondie,” Dylan says, the nickname he’s given his wife barely registering with my mind as Michael’s eyes dart back to mine and a slow smile graces the bottom half of his face. “We have a problem.” That does it. I look out across the room to the men now encroaching upon our space as my breathing quickens. “Rose, she’s gone. No one can find her. By the time I got word you were already walking in. Pam, the new driver, told one of the maids she stole away in the car. Said Leo gave her instructions to…” But I don’t hear the rest. My palms go sweaty as I glance around the room and my chest rises and falls with quick breaths leaving my lungs matching the beating of my heart. She’s here? A curveball in this game I don’t think I can take right now.
Michael, or rather Diaz, whatever the hell he goes by now, takes notice as his smile grows wider and he finally drops Leo’s hand. He cocks his head to the side and stares into my eyes. “Your man looks as if he can’t take the pressure.” He whispers low enough for only Leo and I to hear. “It’s almost as if, the stress, the burden, is too strong for one man to bear.” He takes a step closer, cutting Leo off in the process and looks me up and down. “Lies will do that to a man. The secrets we don’t tell a soul, not even our own. Do you have secrets, Amigo? Or do you want me to actually believe your sins. Your guilt. Isn’t too heavy to carry? No man is that lucky. Except maybe me.”
“The only sin I’m aware of,” I say, taking a step closer and meeting him toe to toe in our own sick game. “Is deception. Betrayal. Fucking disloyalty, at the hands of those you’re supposed to trust most. I don’t have that fucking problem.” I hiss as his eyes never leave mine and my breathing begins to settle down. An awakening does that. When you finally see the truth. Finally can see what is real through the bullshit and lies life tries to throw at you.
“You don’t, huh? You sure about that. Something tells me you hold more baggage than anyone else in this room.”
For the first time in my life the words of another doesn’t even phase me as I stand tall and force the past from my damn thoughts once and for all. “The only loyalty I’ve ever had to anyone before now is my damn self, Amigo. It threatened to be my demise. But you know what,” I seethe as I take a step forward and he waits patiently for me to continue, his disgust for me radiating off of him just as much as my loathing for letting him take even one more breath fills the space around us. “You’re really only deceiving yourself if you believe the lies everyone tries to fill you with. The lies that take root, cloud your vision, until you can’t see the truth anymore. But I found a way. I’ll always find a way. Being loyal to myself doesn’t mean denying the truth, but it doesn’t mean believing the bullshit lies either.”
The room is still as I have an unexpected stand-off with the man in front of me. No movement. No voices except our own. The calm before a storm as my future collides with a dangerous past and all that matters most in my life, all that will ever matter, is how I react in the present.
Michael gawks at me, an annoyed laugh escaping his lips. “And what did you see when all those lies cleared?”
His question makes me pause for a moment as my vision focuses. What did I see? Her. Always her. My everything. My beautiful Rose in a life of darkness blooming when she didn’t believe she ever could. Believing in life, in love, when everything inside her told her it was impossible. Standing her ground and holding my hand even when I had demons of my own. I saw her light. Her heart. A person I wanted so desperately to believe I could be, until she showed me the one thing that I’ve been running from my entire life.
I already am that man. I just had to believe it for myself.
“That I protect what’s mine, no matter the fucking cost.” I hiss as I take a step closer. “I’ve done my best to do it in the past, and hell if I will let anything in the future threaten what I care about most without going down wi
th a fight.”
“Hmmm,” he says, looking toward the floor and taking one more step closer so that I can feel his breath against my skin when he releases a heavy sigh. “Sort of like,” he whispers as his eyes raise and lock again with my own. “Over my dead body, huh Amigo?”
“Something like that,” I quietly agree, although the only body that will be lying finally useless to the world is his, and I’ll be damned if I won’t make sure of it myself this time.
“That can be arranged, I always did prefer suffering to any kind of happiness. Makes life feel more… alive. Don’t you agree? Teetering back and forth, playing with the hands of death. With fate. Life.”
He pulls me in quickly towards him when I am at my weakest. When all I can think about is the way he played with Rose. The way he is trying to pull the strings now with Liam. His gun is quickly drawn and forced against my temple before I have a chance to grab my own. But he doesn’t miss a beat. He pulls my own from my side and slides it across the room, to the backdoor away from everyone and completely out of reach.
“One fucking move. One breath. Give me any damn reason and I’ll end your reason to live,” he hisses out as he stares me in the eyes and I know he is talking about way more than just my life that he holds in his hands. It’s Liam’s and Rose’s and so much more as my heart races and I pray to God Dylan wasn’t right and Rose isn’t somewhere nearby.
In the scuffle the men behind him have drawn their weapons to protect their man from the fucking army I have brought with me. Some they can see, Leo, Brittany. The others, hopefully closing in right now, he can’t. And the knowledge that I have the upper hand gives me the extra bit of clout I need to stand tall. Our backup might just be our only hope at escaping any of this with the way this meeting quickly hit the damn fan.
“I’ve already lost my reason to live a long time ago, Diaz,” I hiss out, using his real name as I feel Leo and Brittany close in on both sides. Guns drawn, ready to do whatever is needed to protect me, themselves, and get us all out of this alive. “I was dead to the world, and I fucking liked it. Enjoyed the suffering. But the funny thing about lies, deceit, damn hypocrisy is, one day you wake up and realize the power to live again was always yours to begin with…”
I look up as movement across the room catches my eye and I see her. My Sunshine. My breath stills as she inches her way through the closed door and I fight with myself, not wanting her here and needing her to be out of harms way.
But they haven’t seen her. They don’t know she is there, and so I look to the floor and she catches my eye right before she stoops low and picks up the pistol that was flung in that direction just a few short moments before. My heart speeds up as I watch her pick it up with trembling hands and I force my gaze back to the man in front of me.
She shouldn’t be here. It shouldn’t have to end like this. She was mine to protect, and fuck if I am not going to do everything in my power to make sure she’s not hurt. Out of the corner of my eye I see her raise it and take aim, her voice a chilling statement that reaches deep into my chest and sparks every last bit of my soul back to life.
“You just have to believe it for yourself.” Her voice catches the man in front of me off guard and he falters slightly as he spins around, giving me the perfect opportunity to reach for the gun in his hand. A shot rings out, followed by another, but I don’t hear it as I fight to the damn death with the bastard in front of me as he pushes me to the side and attempts to keep his grip on his weapon.
Life. Death. Fate.
His words echo through my mind as another shot rings out and he stumbles out of my grasp. Looking up, I notice three men on the ground and another raising his pistol to cover his boss as he flees the room through a side door. My eyes catch hers and I duck the bullets they shoot in the process as I race and stumble across the room to get to her side as quickly as possible.
Mine. All fucking mine. And I won’t let anyone take her away from me for as long as I live. I’ll protect her until my dying day and even fucking after it, if God allows.
Another shot rings out as I reach her side and crouch with her behind a large armchair across the room. “Are you hurt?” I yell, as more gunfire erupts around us causing her to flinch. But I don’t even blanch at the noise. I have every damn thing a man could ask for and even so much more as she looks in my eyes and shakes her head no.
My world. My fucking light. My everything. Like I’ve awaken from a bad dream I pull her to my side and do the unthinkable. I forgive myself. I let go of all the hurt. The anger. The weight that has been my damn ball and chain to a life I don’t want, not any longer. I forgive myself for everything in my past, and everything her beautiful soul saw through. And I thank God we’re both alive and know if it’s the last thing I do, I will get Liam back. I will protect them both. And I will end the hell that has come back to haunt us and finally send it back where it came from, forever.
Chapter 12
Justin
“Hold your fire!” I hear Leo shout as the two men, the devil himself and the only demonic soul he has left to guard him, make it out of the room seemingly unharmed and I curse under my breath.
“Blondie, fucking answer me,” Dylan’s voice calls over the earpiece. “Talk to me Britt, before I lose my ever loving mind! Tell me you are OK, damn it!”
“I’m OK,” her breathless response comes a moment later and I can physically hear the relief in the exhale her husband lets out. “I’m OK.” But I look up and catch her eye. Her blue irises are frozen in fear, moments before she pulls her hand away from her side and I see the blood that stains her clothes.
“Fuck!” Leo shouts, causing Rose to flinch as I stand and pull her up to my side. He crosses the room and asses her wound before pulling her back to the bar top and motioning for me to get the doors secure.
Like I’ve done this too many times before to even count, and I fucking have, I pull Rose after me as I make our way to the door closest to us and push a bookcase on its side. It lands perfectly as all the items on top tumble to the floor and I kick it back further to block the door from being pushed open. Grabbing her hand, the one still shaking and making my heart break as I clutch it tight, I make my way to the other door across the room and pick up a gun from one of the deceased men laying in the middle of the mayhem. Stashing it at the back of my waist behind my belt, I grab the other gun from his partner and pick it up quickly as I pull Rose behind me once more and tell her to stay low when we reach a couch on the other side of the room.
“Stay here, Sunshine,” I plead as I kiss her lips and taste the fear on her beautiful mouth. Curling her shaking fingers around my gun, the one she picked up and used moments before, I give her a nod and she understands and nods back. Fight. “Don’t move, OK. Promise me?” Her eyes, a mixture of disbelief and trust, haunt me as she crouches behind the couch and I make my way to the door to listen for any sign that we are in trouble.
“He wouldn’t dare,” Leo hisses out, knowing what I am listening for as he helps Brittany on top of the bar. Pushing several bottles out of his way, they crash to the floor and shatter to pieces. All but one, as he pops the top open with his teeth and instructs Brittany to lay back flat. “At least I don’t think he is that stupid.”
He takes her earpiece and silences it before he puts in in his pocket. Raising his gaze he nods his head motioning for me to do the same. “Dylan, I am going to have to go radio silent here for a moment while I tend to your wife.” I hear her husband curse on the other side before I shut off my connection. “I promise you, she’s in good hands. I won’t let anything take her from you. You have my fucking word!”
Brittany’s screams drown out the sounds of anything else as Leo shuts off his own device, takes her hand away from her blood stained side and pours a bottle of 100 proof vodka on her wound. She is still breathing heavy as I then watch as Leo rips her dress in three long strips up the side of her thigh and quickly works to make a solid rope as he weaves the fabric back and forth like a braid bef
ore reaching in his pocket and clicking open his switchblade. Cutting the object from her bodice, he hands it to her and I watch as she takes it with shaky hands.
“Bite down on this,” he insists with concern lacing his tone. Not concern for what he is about to do, I’ve watched him do shit like this a million times. But for the woman who took a fucking bullet for Rose and I, for Liam, and I know would do it again if it meant saving a soul. I watch Leo’s hands move, the ones covered with her blood, and he motions for me to come closer. Making sure the door is locked, I pause for a moment and catch Rose’s eye before making my way across the room. Brittany takes the bottle of vodka next to her and drinks like a man on death row before she sets it down with a thud on the counter to her side and grabs the edge of the bar so tight her knuckles turn white.
“On three,” I hear Leo say as I reach his side and he looks me in the eyes. Brittany places the rope in her mouth and bites down hard. Anxiety etched across her face and the sense of urgency for us to finish what has only just begun evident as I lean over her.
“What happens on three,” I hear Rose call out, questioning us at a time when there is no way in hell we’ll answer with the adrenaline coursing through our veins.
Awakening Page 12
