“You guys barely have anything back here,” she complained as she grabbed a dusty bottle from the shelf. “It’s a disgrace.”
“Sorry we don’t like your fruity-tooty drinks, little sister,” Will said, rolling his eyes.
“You’d like them if you tried them,” she argued. “I don’t even have ingredients for a Long Island Iced Tea! What is wrong with you people?”
“Tequila, whiskey, and beer,” Tommy grunted like a caveman.
“Don’t forget vodka,” Rose said, holding up a bottle of flavored stuff.
“That shit’s for the women,” Will said.
“Weren’t you the one mixing that shit with orange juice at Tommy’s place two weeks ago?” I asked, stepping up beside Lily.
“That was one time!”
“Sure it was,” Lily said with mock seriousness, joining in on the joke. “Do you prefer the orange flavored vodka or the tangerine? I’ve noticed that they’re similar, but not exactly the same.”
“Fuck you both,” Will said, pointing back and forth between the two of us.
“When did you take up drinking?” I asked quietly, barely glancing at the woman beside me.
“College,” she replied with a shrug, her shoulder brushing my arm.
“She’s gotta keep me company while I work,” Rose cut in, sliding a drink in front of Lily. “Otherwise, I’d never see her.”
“That’s not true,” Lily protested. “We share a fucking bedroom.”
“I see that dirty mouth hasn’t changed any,” I said as Rose slid a shot glass full of amber liquid toward me.
“Some things never change,” she murmured, taking her shot.
I gave her a slight nod of acknowledgement, but the statement shook me more than I would have ever admitted. I quickly threw back the shot Rose had given me, some sort of mixture of booze that I couldn’t put my finger on but went down smooth, then turned and walked away. I wasn’t at the clubhouse to catch up with Lily.
I sure as fuck wasn’t going to try and re-start old shit when I wasn’t even sure what my life was going to look like now. Ashley and I had a pretty even split with Gray, even though we’d never made it official. Things changed from week to week, depending on who worked when and if I was going to be out of town, but it always evened out to Gray spending half his time with me and half his time with his mother.
I had no idea what I was going to do now. I’d never had to find a daycare for Gray, or worried about where he’d stay if I was out of town. Ash had worked as a waitress around my schedule at the garage so that we didn’t have to pay for childcare. Now, hell, I had no idea how I was going to make it work. I sure as fuck wasn’t going to leave my boy with strangers.
“Hey, man,” Grease called as I tried to move past his table. “How you doin’?”
“I’m alright,” I said for the millionth time that day.
“Good.” He glanced past me at the bar and grimaced. “How the hell am I old enough to have grown kids?”
“And grandkids,” I pointed out, making him scowl.
“The grandkids are a gift, it’s my own offspring I gotta worry about.”
“Seems like they’re doin’ okay.” I glanced behind me to find Rose high-fiving Lily across the bar top.
“Boys are easy, man,” Grease said with a shake of his head. “It’s the girls you gotta worry about. You send them off to college with their cousin, hopin’ that some of that drive’ll rub off on ’em, and they come back knowing how to tend bar.”
“Good skill to have,” I murmured.
“I’ll remind you of that when you have a little girl.”
“Don’t see that happenin’,” I said, moving away from his table.
“Hell, son, that’s what we all say.”
I just shook my head as I headed to one of the couches against the wall in the back. I’d left a book stuffed behind it earlier in the week, and now seemed like the perfect time to block out the world for a while. As I stretched out on my back on the fringe of the crowd, I couldn’t help but glance at the bar again. Lily was laughing at something her cousin had done, her head tipped back and her mouth wide open with glee.
It was a beautiful sight. I still remembered when she was in high school and had such a tough time dealing with all the shit that was being thrown at her. Losing her sight so young and then suddenly getting it back had thrown her, and I hadn’t blamed her. Everything she’d known over those blind years, even down to the way she’d interacted with other kids her age, had changed in an instant. I should have known back then that starting anything with her, no matter how platonic, wasn’t smart. She’d been adjusting to a world she no longer recognized, and if I was completely honest, I never believed she would have stuck with me. Gray just made the decision easier for her.
Chapter 19
Lily
Before I knew it, my week at home was almost over. I’d spent most of my time watching the lectures I was missing—thank God for the internet—and trying to keep up with my schoolwork between ferrying Charlie around and visiting my dad. They’d sent him home on day five, which seemed way too early to me, but what did I know? He could barely hobble around, so we’d set him up with a bed in the living room, and since the minute he’d gotten home, he’d been making everyone’s life miserable.
I wasn’t surprised when my Uncle Grease showed up to keep him company and my mom ushered me quickly out of the house, flipping off the front door as soon as it closed behind us.
“I love your father,” she said seriously as we moved toward his truck. “But if I had to stay there one more second, I was going to smother him in his sleep.”
I laughed and agreed. He’d been bitching non-stop about anything and everything. He wasn’t comfortable. He was bored. Why the hell was the house so cold? Why was it so hot? He was hungry. He was thirsty. He had to piss. He could walk to the bathroom on his own, goddamnit.
I’d been able to close myself in my room for most of it under the pretense of studying, but my mom hadn’t felt comfortable leaving him alone. I had a feeling she’d called Aunt Callie and that’s why Uncle Grease had shown up before my mom completely lost her shit. Hopefully, he’d be able to snap my dad out of the pissy mood he’d been in.
“Where are we going?” I asked, adjusting the beanie I’d thrown over my hair in our rush out the door.
“Callie’s. She’s having the girls over for lunch.”
“What girls?” I was in sweatpants and a paint-splattered hoodie of my mom’s, but I wasn’t really worried about it. I’d known all of my mom’s friends since birth, so it wasn’t as if they hadn’t seen me in my pajamas.
“Brenna, Amy, Molly, Hawk, Trix, and Rose. I’m not sure who else.”
“So pretty much everyone.”
“Yeah,” Mom said with a smile. “We usually don’t have the time, but for some reason, none of them were working today.”
“Sweet. I need to talk to Rose, anyway.”
“Getting ready to head back, huh?” Mom asked.
I nodded. My professors had been cool about me taking the week off as long as I got my assignments in, but I was pretty sure their lenience would disappear if I tried to stay longer.
I was being pulled in two opposite directions. I’d done well in New Haven. I’d found the place where I fit, and I’d become content there. But the thought of flying back across the country made me nauseous.
During the week, I’d been able to hang with my cousins and their spouses. I’d watched Charlie play basketball and had driven her to school. I’d hung with my nephews and kicked their ass on the old school Nintendo. I’d helped my mom with shit around the house and I’d been able to take some of the load off her shoulders with my dad.
If I was completely honest with myself, I felt happy for the first time in years. I don’t know if I’d just been too young when I left, or if I’d changed, but I was coming to realize that I was a homebody. I liked hanging with my family and spending time at the clubhouse. I liked knowing everyone and
feeling comfortable even in my pajamas.
“Your sister’s coming home tonight,” my mom said as we pulled into Aunt Callie’s packed driveway.
“What?” I turned to look at her, my mouth hanging open.
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “She called this morning and said that she was getting in at nine tonight and asked if someone could pick her up.”
“Not it!” I practically yelled, startling her.
“Don’t be an ass,” she chided.
“I am not picking her up,” I said shaking my head. “I’m an adult now, and you can’t make me.”
“Oh, you think?”
“Mom,” I whined.
“Lucky for you, Cam said he’d go grab her.”
“Good. He can do it.”
“She’s changed, you know,” Mom said as we got out of the car. “A lot.”
“I literally haven’t talked to her in years except when she calls on Christmas morning,” I pointed out. “She hasn’t changed that much.”
“Well, it’s not like you act like you even want to talk to her,” she called over her shoulder as I followed her to the house.
“She freaking left!”
“And what exactly did you do, two and a half years ago?” she asked, raising one eyebrow. My mouth snapped shut as she swung open the front door without knocking and walked inside.
It was different, I told myself as I followed her into my aunt’s kitchen. Cecilia had taken off and hadn’t come home. I’d come home. I’d made sure to talk to Charlie and my parents and Cam at least once a week. I hadn’t cut them out of my life the way she had. I hadn’t made my parents wonder how I was doing because my phone calls were so vague that it bordered on insulting. I’d—
My thoughts all flew out the window as I saw all the women standing in the kitchen, their hands flying around as they gestured and laughed and talked. Hawk was making some sort of lewd gesture that made Molly blush and slap her, and Trix was laughing so hard that she was bent at the waist, bracing herself with one hand on the counter. Old Amy’s eyes were watering as she laughed at Molly’s reaction, and the bracelets on her arms jingled as she patted her back consolingly.
Brenna and my Aunt Callie were looking at something I couldn’t see beyond the counter. Then Brenna bent over, and when she came up, it was like the entire world stopped.
I couldn’t see or hear anything but him. I couldn’t breathe, or speak, or move.
He was tiny, but I’d already known that. I’d seen Leo holding him in the club, and he’d looked even smaller then, but he’d been asleep. When I’d seen him before, I hadn’t known how his little hands moved, patting and gripping Brenna’s t-shirt as she talked to him. I hadn’t seen how long his eyelashes were, or how they framed dark brown eyes exactly like his dad’s. I hadn’t been able to tell that his hair was long, sweeping his shoulders in soft curls, or the way he impatiently brushed it out of his eyes so that he could watch Brenna worshipfully.
I hadn’t really seen him before.
And now I was.
I had never believed in love at first sight. It was silly. Love, real love, was knowing someone and understanding them. Or at least that’s what I’d thought.
Now, I knew it was real, because looking at that tiny face, with the bowed lips and the dark brown eyes and the high cheekbones, I fell wholly and irrevocably in love with a child I’d never spoken a word to. In an instant, I was fully in his thrall, willing to do anything to keep him safe and happy.
“Who that?” he asked shyly, pointing at me.
I took a step forward, then stopped as I saw his hand clench on Brenna’s sleeve.
“That’s Lily,” Brenna said, smiling. “That’s Charlie’s older sister.”
“Charlie?”
“She’s at school, baby. Maybe we’ll see her later.”
He continued to stare at me, his eyes wide and thoughtful, then lost interest and laid his head on Brenna’s shoulder, popping his thumb in his mouth.
And the world started to spin again.
“Cute, huh?” Rose said groggily, coming up behind me in pajamas, her hair a rat’s nest and her breath something out of a horror movie.
“How are you just waking up?” I asked as she pushed around me to get to the coffee pot.
“She’s still on Connecticut time,” Hawk said dryly.
“Right,” I said. “Which means it’s almost four o’clock.”
“I’m a night owl,” Rose muttered, making a shooing motion at me behind her back.
“Or a vampire,” Molly said. “Ugh, don’t talk until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
“So much hostility.” Rose shook her head as she reached for the creamer sitting on the counter.
We migrated toward the living room once everyone had their lunch and drinks, and I somehow ended up on the floor in front of a couch, squished between my mom’s legs and Aunt Callie’s.
“It’s so nice having a day off from the hospital,” Molly said, taking a bite of her food. “We’ve been short staffed for a month.”
“Oh, that sucks,” Hawk replied.
I watched as Brenna put Gray down on the floor and fed him tiny bites of her sandwich. He was like a baby bird. He’d take a bite, walk away a few steps to pick up something on the coffee table, then set it back down and go back to Brenna when he was ready for another bite.
The conversation flowed around me, with everyone talking about kids and husbands and work, but I ignored most of it as I watched Gray. He wasn’t all Leo, the way I’d originally thought. I could see parts of his mom in there, too. When he tipped his head back and I saw his face in profile, and when he smiled, that was all Ashley. Leo’s genes were dominant, though, and there wasn’t any mistaking them for anything but father and son.
“Is there going to be a service?” Amy asked, catching my attention. “I kept waiting to hear, we didn’t want to miss it.”
“No,” Brenna said quietly, her mouth tightening. “Her mother had her cremated without saying a word to Leo, and she said she’s not having a memorial or anything.”
“Daddy,” Gray said, nodding.
“Figures,” Hawk mumbled.
“She doesn’t owe him anything,” Trix said reluctantly. She glanced at me and quickly away. “They weren’t together. But it would’ve been nice to know what her plans were before she made them. At least for the little you-know-who.”
We all glanced at Gray, who was taking the rarely used coasters out of their little holder and then putting them back in one-by-one.
“We could still have something small at the club,” Aunt Callie said.
“I’ll talk to my son,” Brenna replied. “But I’m not sure he’d want that. He’s pretty overwhelmed as it is.”
“I can imagine,” my mom said, finally joining the conversation. “None of this can be easy for him.”
“He doesn’t talk to me,” Brenna admitted.
Conversation came to a standstill as Gray wandered toward me and handed me a coaster, a shy smile on his face.
“Thank you,” I said with a smile.
“Elcome.”
Then he walked away and the conversation resumed.
The next time he brought me a coaster, the chatter stayed constant, but I knew without looking up that everyone was watching us.
He brought me all of the coasters, then came back for each, one-by-one, as he put them away again. That happened over and over, and each time he said a few more words to me. I couldn’t understand most of it, but I nodded my head seriously and replied anyway, and that seemed to appease him.
Lunch was over and everyone had settled in to drink coffee and chat when Gray plopped down, straddling my lap, and stuck his thumb in his mouth. His head was resting right over my heart, and without hesitation I reclined a little and put my arm around him so that he’d be more comfortable. It only took a few minutes before he’d fallen asleep.
“He likes you,” Brenna said quietly.
“New boobs,” Trix joked. “He’s alread
y had a go at sleeping on all of ours.”
“Not true,” Rose argued, waving her hand. “I haven’t held him.”
“That’s probably because you’re not… nurturing,” Hawk said with a laugh.
“I am, too! I’m very nurturing. Tell them, Lily.”
“She’s very nurturing,” I said dryly.
“See?” Rose said with a huff. “It’s not surprising that Gray went to her. If he’s anything like his dad, he’s already half in love with her.”
“Rose,” I hissed, glaring.
“Oh, come on,” Rose said in annoyance. “We all know it’s true. No use pretending. We’re all friends here.”
“Right,” I said through clenched teeth. “Actually, I need to talk to you. We need to figure out when we’re flying back to Connecticut.”
“Damn, the week’s over already?” she said, her shoulders slumping. “That went quick.”
I nodded. “You don’t have to go when I do,” I said. “If you can get more time off, you should.”
“No way,” she replied stubbornly. “Where you go, I go, Jack.”
“Oh, come on,” I said, lowering my voice as Gray shifted on my lap. “Seriously, stay if you want to. I have to get back to class, but you don’t.”
“Not happening.”
Before our conversation could turn into a full-blown argument, Molly and Hawk stood up. “We gotta head home,” Molly said. “Reb gets out of school soon.”
“And she’s my ride,” Hawk said, pointing her thumb at Molly. “Thanks for having us over, Callie.”
“Anytime,” Aunt Callie said, getting to her feet to hug them. “Bring Rebel over for dinner this week. I just got some dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.”
Soon, it was only Brenna, Aunt Callie, and my mom left in the living room with me and Gray. I carefully stood and walked to an empty couch, fully intending to lay Gray down on it, but at the last minute, I changed my mind. Instead, I laid down on my back, keeping him snug against my chest. Almost instantly, my eyes felt heavy. The kid was like a furnace, and between the lunch I’d just had, the heat, and barely getting enough rest for the last week, I could feel sleep pulling me under.
Craving Lily Page 20
