by Janet Gover
First, breakfast.
She opened the fridge again and peered inside. It was almost empty. The kitchen cupboards held tinned food, and the freezer was full of what looked like steak and frozen vegetables. Steak was all very well, but there was a limit. If she was going to live here, she was going to have to buy her own groceries. She found a loaf of frozen bread and made herself toast as she consulted Google about local tradesmen. It didn’t take long to fill her afternoon with meetings. She closed the laptop with a feeling of satisfaction, and went to fetch Pascale’s sketches from her room. Before the tradesmen arrived, she needed to check the plans against reality. Some modifications would be needed, she was sure, but Pascale’s eye was good, and they wouldn’t be major.
Kayla decided to look at the outside first. With the sketches under her arm and a notebook to hand, she began at the front of the house, where the gravel driveway curved around the old fountain. This was one of the items on her ‘must do first’ list. Water was a valuable commodity, and the fountain had been a luxury when installed by her great-great-grandfather. During Kayla’s lifetime, it had run only on special occasions: birthdays and at Christmas. The bowl at the statue’s feet contained a small amount of dark and stagnant water left by a recent rainfall. The stone was stained and even cracked in a couple of places, but the fountain itself was elegant and whimsical. Ken had chosen it as a backdrop for his fashion shoot and she had no doubt that cleaned and glistening with water and light, it would be an equally suitable spot for bridal photos. A little smile found its way onto her face. Her mother had always loved this fountain and it would be nice to see it running again.
As she walked around the garden making notes about the work that was needed, her mother was never far from her thoughts. Kath Lawson had been the gardener. Kayla and she had spent hours together planting and trimming and weeding. Not just flowers, but also home-grown vegetables, but the vegetable patch was now just grass. Kayla stopped at the gate to the laneway and the stables. That part of the homestead was not going to be changed—she just needed to think about a nicer fence and shrubs to hide the machinery shed. She didn’t want to block the view across the paddocks down to the river flats; that was part of what made Willowbrook so unique. Nor did she want to block the view of the hills leading away from the homestead into the mountains in the distance.
Her eyes came to rest at the top of the nearest hill, where a single tree was highlighted against the blue sky. Her parents were buried there, but she had never climbed the gentle slope to their graves. After she woke in the hospital, they told her that her parents were already buried in the family graveyard—she had been too hurt to attend. And at only eleven years old, possibly too young as well. To this day, she wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing.
But it was time—well past time—that she climbed that hill.
She paused long enough to drop her notes back in the house, and then set off.
CHAPTER
32
It looked like Kayla was making her way to their parents’ graves. Liz pulled her mount to a halt and watched. She couldn’t remember her ever doing that before. Kayla might have gone there when her sister wasn’t around, but Liz didn’t think so. She hesitated. Should she let Kayla do this alone, as she had so obviously set out to do, or should she join her? They had never really talked about the past. Perhaps it was time they did.
When she reached the gravesite, Kayla was already there, sitting on the log that Liz had placed in the shade of the tree. Liz tied her horse to the tree and took a seat beside her sister. For a long time, they said nothing.
Kayla broke the silence. ‘I wish I could remember that day.’
‘Are you sure you want to?’
‘Yes … No … I don’t know. I want to understand what happened. I feel as if I’ve lost something important—those last few hours with them. The first thing I remember is waking up in hospital and being told they were gone.’
Liz was silent. This was another piece of the guilt she carried.
‘Why didn’t you tell me, Liz? Why did I have to find out from someone else?’
‘You know why—I wasn’t there. I’d gone to the other hospital with Dad.’
‘I know now. But back then, all I knew was that you weren’t with me when my whole world was ripped apart. I was eleven years old. I was frightened and I was hurt and I had no one. And then I wasn’t even allowed to come to the funeral. You took that away from me as well.’
‘I thought that after everything you’d been through … And you were in hospital. I just wanted to spare you one more trauma. I’m sorry if I was wrong.’
‘When I came home, I saw the new crosses up here, and I sat in my room and cried. I remember crying until I thought I was going to die. But I never saw you cry.’
‘Not then. No. I did my crying the day we laid them both here.’
Silence settled again, broken only by the sound of the horse stamping his feet against the flies.
‘Dad would have been proud of the way you’ve worked to save this place,’ Kayla said.
Liz shook her head. ‘But I haven’t saved it. If it’s going to be saved, you’ll be the one to do it. He always said you were the smart one.’
‘But you’ve kept it running for the past fifteen years. All alone.’
‘When I was really small he told me that whatever happened I must never sell the land. I promised him I wouldn’t. I broke that promise.’
They looked across the river to the church and the outbuildings that surrounded it.
‘Why didn’t you tell me that it was Mitch who bought the church and the river flats?’
It was a good question, and Liz didn’t have an answer. At least, not an answer she was prepared to give. That would open a can of worms she would much rather avoid.
‘I guess I forgot. It wasn’t a good time. We were suffering from drought, and we had that Hendra virus scare. The horses were quarantined. Everybody here was holding their breaths waiting for the worst to happen. And I was so ashamed.’
‘Of what?’
‘Of letting Dad down.’
‘Are you ever going to tell me what happened with you and Mitch?’
That question again. Kayla wasn’t going to let it go, but Liz couldn’t tell her. To tell her that would be to reveal fifteen years of lies and deceit.
‘What do you mean? We were kids. We grew out of it.’
‘Don’t play innocent with me. You and Mitch had something more than a teenage crush. I remember walking in on the two of you in the stables at the showground.’
‘When?’
‘That year.’
‘Oh.’
‘Given the size of the crush I had on him, you were lucky I didn’t tell Mum and Dad just to get you in trouble.’
‘Yeah, but that would have got Mitch in trouble too.’
‘It must have been a real pain having your little sister moping around behind you like that.’
Liz smiled at the memory. ‘It was a bit.’
‘So, are you going to answer my question? What happened to you and Mitch?’
‘He went away.’
‘I know. That surprised me. I thought he would have stayed on Willowbrook to help you. He already practically lived here.’
‘But he didn’t live here. He was Dad’s employee. That’s all he was. Okay, I might have had a thing for him as a teenager, we both did. But so what? We were all kids. When his dad got work in Queensland, he went with his family.’
Kayla was frowning and her piercing blue eyes seemed to look past Liz’s words into the truth that she was hiding.
‘But he came back.’
Liz hadn’t known he was coming back. She’d been struggling financially then too. The bank had threatened foreclosure unless she raised money the only way she could—by selling off a parcel of land. She had barely glanced at the papers as she signed them. It wouldn’t have told her anything anyway, because Mitch had hidden his identity behind a company name. It was only
after it was done that she had found out who now owned a piece of her heritage. She had seen it as a betrayal. Even now, she winced when she remembered the things she’d said to Mitch when he came to tell her he was her new neighbour. She had made the most terrible accusations. She knew that she had deliberately created a rift between them because his return from Queensland terrified her—the only way she could stand to have him so close was to hate him.
If she told herself enough times that she hated him, maybe one day she really would.
‘I didn’t have time for—’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Liz. Okay, you were busy. But that doesn’t mean you cut yourself off. And Mitch would have helped.’
‘Busy?’ Liz gave her emotions full rein. It was so easy to get angry. Far easier than facing the truth. ‘Busy? Kayla, I don’t think you have any idea how hard it was for me. Dad wanted you to have every chance for the future you wanted. I gave up so much so that you could get an education.’
‘I never wanted any of that. I was still a child, Liz. I’d just lost my parents in horrible circumstances that I couldn’t even remember. And you sent me away. Have you even the slightest idea how much that hurt? How much I hated you for that? How much, sometimes, I still hate you for that?’
Liz leaped to her feet. Anger had always been her defence. ‘And I was only eighteen. I was too young to care for a property and a child. I did the best I could for you. If that wasn’t good enough—’
‘I’m not saying that.’
‘Yes, you are. I failed you and now I’ve failed Dad as well … I had to sell the river flats and now Willowbrook is being turned into some sort of party place. And someone else is paying for that too.’
The words were too harsh in her ears. Liz felt shame and anger and self-loathing close an icy fist around her heart. She crossed swiftly to where her horse stood and swung into the saddle.
‘I’ve got horses to exercise and repairs to do. I’ll be late this evening.’
CHAPTER
33
Mitch braked as a kangaroo appeared out of the twilight and bounded across the road. Where there was one there would be more, and he was travelling too fast for safety. He’d seen what hitting a roo could do to a car and its driver, not to mention the poor animal. He flexed his fingers on the steering wheel and forced himself to concentrate. He was on his way to meet Sue for the first time since before the Willowbrook photo shoot. She’d been pleased when he’d rung that morning to suggest they meet up at their favourite pizza place in Tamworth. Up till now they had pretty much taken turns making the hour and a half drive between Tamworth and Scone, but he was more than willing to volunteer this time. He was feeling a bit guilty about neglecting her.
And he was feeling even more guilty about Liz.
Not that there was anything to feel guilty about. He’d seen more of Liz in the past two weeks than in the last couple of years, but nothing had happened between them and it never would. He and Liz were in the past. She’d made it clear more times than he could count that there was no place in her life for him.
He accepted that.
He got to the restaurant and noticed that Sue’s Toyota was already in the car park. He saw her the moment he walked through the doorway, head down, checking something on her mobile phone, her blonde hair falling forward and hiding her face. He watched for a few moments as her fingers, long and tipped with red, danced over the phone. They looked delicate, but Sue was in no way delicate. She would never run a property alone, but she had a different kind of strength. Everything about her was different from Liz, from the flash of red on those nails to her pretty amber eyes and the way she welcomed people into her life. Especially the way she welcomed him.
Sue looked up and saw him and immediately put the phone away. That was something he really liked about her. People first. Always.
He walked up to her and bent to kiss her. Just a swift kiss on the cheek.
She smiled at him as he sat opposite her. ‘It’s good to see you,’ she said.
‘Sorry about the last few weeks,’ he said. ‘I’ve been caught up in stuff happening.’
‘I was worried.’ She grinned. ‘When you emailed about that fashion photo thing, I thought one of those models might have whisked you away from me.’
‘Not likely. But the photographer did suggest …’ Mitch raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
‘Oh, really? I thought you said the photographer was a guy.’
‘He was.’
Her laughter was like the rest of her, straightforward and without artifice.
She plied him with questions about the photo shoot as they ordered pizza and wine. Then she started talking about a case that had come into their clinic this week. Sue was a vet nurse. They met when she was volunteering at a local campdraft, and she had the kindest heart and soul he had ever known.
‘… shooting native birds is illegal. That poor cockatoo. We’ve saved him, but we won’t be able to release him back into the wild with that wing.’
He watched her face as she talked. He liked being around Sue. Her love for life cheered him when he was down and he laughed a lot when he was with her. He liked her heart and her mind and her body. He liked her very much, and that was the problem. He liked her, but he wasn’t in love with her. He should be—he wanted to be. There were worse things in life than waking up in bed next to a beautiful, loving woman.
And one of those worse things was being dishonest to a beautiful and loving woman.
Their conversation faltered as they ate and didn’t pick up again afterwards.
Finally, Sue leaned back in her chair. ‘What’s wrong?’
Time to confess. ‘Sue. I think—I mean, you’re special. To me. But I think, maybe, this isn’t right for us.’
She closed her eyes for a very long time. When she opened them again, there were no tears. He was thankful for that, but it was more than he felt he deserved.
‘This doesn’t really come as a surprise,’ she said softly. ‘It was three weeks … I guessed there was a reason.’
‘It’s not—’
‘Uh-uh.’ Sue shook her head. ‘No explanations and definitely no clichés.’
He stopped talking. He didn’t know what to say next. Sue folded her napkin and placed it on the table beside her empty plate. She lifted the wine glass and took one small sip. Mitch thought her hands were shaking a little, but he wasn’t sure.
‘Is there anything I can say?’
Sue shook her head and smiled a sweet, sad smile. ‘No. I think I always knew this wasn’t long term. I hope she knows how lucky she is.’
Mitch frowned. ‘What?’
‘This girl you’re carrying a torch for. She must be pretty special.’
Mitch lowered his eyes to look at his clasped hands.
Sue got to her feet. ‘Well, I wish you luck, Mitch. See you around.’ She kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the restaurant without looking back.
Through the window, Mitch watched her cross the car park, get in her car and drive away. He dug in his pocket for his wallet and left a pile of money on the table. As he walked to his car, he told himself he’d done the right thing; Sue deserved someone who loved her, and he wasn’t that someone. It didn’t make him feel any better.
He drove out of town, the white lines on the road shining in his headlights. He thought about those years in Queensland. The years after Liz’s parents died and she sent him away. He’d been angry and hurt, and he’d chatted up every pretty girl he came across. He realised now how badly he’d treated some of them. He was sorry and ashamed. He’d been very young, but that was no excuse. Even then, he’d known better. He was trying to do the right thing by Sue, but a small voice at the back of his mind was asking him if he hadn’t just made a mistake in giving her up for a dream that was long gone.
CHAPTER
34
It is very cold for July and the frost crackles under Mitch’s feet as he sprints through the grass. It’s after midnight on a mo
onless night. He doesn’t want to risk bringing his car too close to the house. Mr or Mrs Lawson might see him. He has to talk to Lizzie. It has to be just the two of them … and it has to be tonight.
He slows as he approaches the house and ducks around the back. Lizzie’s room is on the top floor, but that’s okay, he has a good throwing arm. He picks up a couple of small stones and carefully pitches one at Lizzie’s window. Then another. The window slides up and she peers out before he throws the third. He can barely see her, but the light above the door is always on. That’s enough to see her wave before she vanishes. Mitch backs away from the house in case her parents are still awake, but he doubts it. Like everyone else on the land, the Lawsons get up with the sun, work hard and go to bed early.
The door opens silently and Lizzie slips out. She has pulled jeans on over her pyjamas and grabbed her father’s warm coat from the peg beside the door. She’s not a fool though, and is wearing thick socks and boots. She hurries over to Mitch. He puts his arms around her and kisses her, a long, passionate kiss that leaves both of them gasping.
‘Come on.’ He takes her hand and they fade into the shadow of the trees then start running in the direction of the stables.
