by Janet Gover
She saw Mitch on the far side of the driveway. He too was watching the newlyweds drive away. Were his thoughts the same as hers? From this distance, she couldn’t read his face, hidden as it was in the shadow of his broad-brimmed hat. They rode to the homestead at the same time, but not together. They were separated by a stretch of graded gravel, and their memories.
When they reached the house, the clean-up was well underway. Chairs were being packed into vans, crockery and glasses and flowers too. And, as always, Kayla was at the centre of it all, like a policeman directing traffic. She looked over when she noticed Mitch and Liz and gave a thumbs up. Liz nodded and turned her horse towards the stables.
In thoughtful silence she and Mitch bedded their horses down, then came the moment they finally had to speak.
‘Deimos has all the potential in the world,’ Mitch said. ‘You’ll do well with him. But be careful, he seems to be developing a tendency to pull to the off side.’
‘Yeah. I’d noticed that too,’ Liz said.
Mitch hesitated. ‘I guess I should head home now.’
‘Why don’t you come back to the house? We’ve been out for hours. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. I could go a cold drink too.’
If he was surprised by the offer, he didn’t show it. ‘Thanks.’
By the time the two of them had walked to the homestead, the clearing up was almost done and Kayla was bidding farewell to her helpers. The chef was the only one not racing away. He leaned on his car, obviously waiting for Kayla.
‘Well, that went really well,’ Kayla said as they approached. ‘Sorry you didn’t get to meet Beth and Vince.’
‘Who?’
Kayla laughed at Mitch’s puzzled face. ‘Our celebrity bride and groom. You’ll see the official pictures in a magazine soon. Thanks to you, there won’t be any unofficial pictures.’
‘Glad to help out.’
‘Well, I’m off. Lachie and I are spending the night in Scone. I’ll be back tomorrow for a final check of everything before I head back to Sydney. There was a bit of food left over. It’s in the kitchen. You two should eat it tonight. It’s some of Lachie’s finest and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.’
‘Okay.’ Liz waved her sister and Lachie off.
As their car vanished, a slightly awkward silence settled over Liz and Mitch.
Liz was the first to move. ‘Let’s see what they’ve left for us. Kayla’s boyfriend is a pretty good cook.’
Kayla’s crew was good at their jobs and not a trace remained of the wedding, except for what was in the new refrigerator.
‘Well, it seems we have wine as well as food,’ Liz said as she studied its interior.
‘Just cold water will be fine for me,’ Mitch said. ‘I have to ride home and feed up.’
‘Come on, one glass won’t hurt. And you have to taste this food. It looks wonderful.’
She placed plates on the table, along with a chilled bottle of white wine. It didn’t take long to find two wine glasses—Kayla had installed a small stock of them. Standing at the table, Liz poured the wine and pulled the covers off the food.
‘These look really good.’ She picked up a small piece of what looked like toast, with something yellow and green on it. She popped it in her mouth. ‘Oh, that was really nice. Try one. Or have one of these things with—is that raw beef?’
Mitch shrugged, ate one and then nodded. ‘Yep. Raw beef. Tasty though.’
Liz laughed and took a mouthful of wine. She was aware she was acting strangely. And she was aware that Mitch was watching her, his brow furrowed in confusion. She drank another mouthful of wine. She had to, because she just realised what they were doing. She and Mitch were eating a wedding breakfast together. Something they had not had the chance to do all those years ago.
It had been a mistake to ask Mitch to come inside, but she didn’t know how to ask him to leave. Or if she really wanted to. Suddenly, it was all a bit much for her, and she found the nearest chair and sank into it.
‘Are you all right?’
She nodded dumbly.
‘You stay here. I’ll make sure your animals are bedded down for the night. And then I’ll head home.’ He walked to the door. ‘Bye.’
‘Thanks for today.’
‘My pleasure.’
‘It was my pleasure too,’ she said, too softly for him to hear. The door closed behind him and she was alone again.
CHAPTER
55
The school is a collection of red brick buildings set in neatly groomed grounds. Liz has no idea exactly how old they are, but they exude an aura of stability and history. She likes that—it’s what Kayla needs right now. Liz parks her car in the designated visitors’ spot.
‘It looks nice, doesn’t it?’
Her sister doesn’t reply. With a sigh, Liz gets out of the car. A sign points to the school office. She sets off in that direction, but after a few steps, she stops. Kayla is still sitting in the car. Liz turns around.
‘Come on, Kayla. We need to go and check you in.’
‘Why do I have to come here?’ Kayla’s voice quivers. She’s close to tears. ‘I don’t want to! I want to stay at my old school.’
Liz sighs. ‘Kayla, we’ve talked about this. You can’t stay at home. I have to look after Willowbrook all on my own now. I can’t look after you at the same time.’
‘I don’t need looking after. I’m almost twelve.’
Liz has to bite her tongue. She knows how capable Kayla is. She doesn’t want her sister to leave Willowbrook, but she also knows that no one, least of all the authorities, will accept that an eighteen-year-old is her best possible guardian. Liz is determined that Kayla will not be taken away from her. She made a promise and she intends to keep it. If that means boarding school then they’ll just have to cope. Both of them.
‘It’ll be much more fun here.’ Liz hopes the brightness in her voice doesn’t sound as forced to Kayla as it does to her. ‘There’ll be new friends to meet. Here in the city there’ll be all sorts of outings that we could never have in Scone. Museums and shows and art galleries and so on. You’ll love all that.’
‘Ginger will miss me.’
‘I’ll take good care of him, I promise. And in the holidays you and I can go riding together.’
Kayla shakes her head and Liz sees the glint of tears in her eyes.
‘Come on!’ She sounds far more brusque than she intended, but she too is fighting to keep the tears at bay. She’s doing that a lot these days, and she’s only winning the fight because she can’t afford not to.
Kayla gets out of the car and the sisters walk up the stairs to the imposing entrance. The school administrator who greets them is kind and motherly. There is sympathy in her smile for these two orphaned girls. Liz hates that sympathy. So does Kayla. She pulls a lock of her hair over the scar on her temple. The scar will fade in time, but right now it is still as raw as the loss in her heart.
‘I know you’ll be happy here,’ the administrator tells Kayla.
Kayla doesn’t respond.
‘Shall we go and get your things?’ Liz suggests.
At the car, they remove two suitcases from the boot. The larger case is full of the new uniforms and books and sports gear from the list sent by the school. They were expensive. The school is expensive too, but their father left an insurance policy. It will be enough. Just.
The second case is smaller and contains a few cherished possessions from home. The school doesn’t allow too many personal items, believing they only encourage homesickness.
Following the teacher’s instructions, Liz and Kayla take the bags to the boarding house. Kayla will share a dormitory with three other girls. The girls aren’t there now, but their beds are neatly made with identical covers. Each of them has a small cubicle for their personal possessions, and a desk. Kayla’s is bare.
‘You’ll soon feel at home here,’ Liz says as Kayla unpacks. ‘And you’ll make new friends. I bet you won’t even want to c
ome back to Willowbrook for the holidays. You’ll probably be off with your friends visiting the beach or something …’
Kayla’s face remains stony; her misery is palpable.
When the unpacking is complete, they make their way to the main building and Liz’s car. As they walk along the pathway, several girls come past all wearing their school uniforms. They barely glance at Liz, instead inspecting Kayla as one would look at a lizard that had crawled out from under a rock. They note every aspect of her clothes and her hair.
‘You’ll fit right in, once you’re in uniform,’ Liz says, with a hint of desperation in her voice.
Still Kayla doesn’t speak.
They reach the car and stand in awkward silence.
‘Please, Lizzie. I don’t want this. Can’t I come home with you? Please don’t send me away.’ It is a plea from the very depths of Kayla’s unhappiness and it breaks Liz’s heart.
‘I’m sorry, Kayla, but this is how it has to be.’
Liz bends to give her little sister a quick hug, then opens the car door and gets inside. She starts the engine and backs out of the parking spot, leaving Kayla standing alone. Liz waves with a brightness she does not feel and drives to the school’s impressive gates. In the rear-view mirror she sees a little girl struggling with the loss of her parents and now abandoned by her sister. How she wishes it didn’t have to be like this.
Kayla watches the car disappear, tears streaming down her face. ‘I hate you,’ she whispers.
CHAPTER
56
Liz arrived at the Rosedale Horse Complex in Murrurundi mid-afternoon on the day before the King of the Ranges event. She parked her truck and set up the portable yards that would hold her horses for the next four days. Deimos pranced down the ramp from the back of the truck. He lifted his head and neighed, receiving answers from some of the other horses already at the complex.
‘Settle down.’ She stroked the colt’s nose as she shut him into his yard. ‘You’ve got a big job ahead of you. Don’t waste your energy showing off.’ He didn’t pay any attention and she really didn’t blame him. She knew pretty much how he was feeling.
She installed Zeke into the yard next to Deimos. He was an old hand at this sort of thing and would be a calming influence on Deimos. Now all she needed was something to exert a similar calming influence on her.
It didn’t take her long to get her camp ready for the weekend. She would have to leave once each day to drive back to Willowbrook and care for the rest of her horses. It was a burden, but she’d handle it because she had to. She couldn’t afford to hire someone to look after the place for the four days, and there was no one she could just ask.
There’s Mitch.
She ignored the small voice at the back of her mind. Mitch was competing himself and didn’t need the added burden of helping her.
But if you shared the work of both properties it’d be so much easier … for both of you.
‘Hi, Liz.’ A passing breeder tipped his hat at her, dragging her treacherous mind away from a path she did not want to take.
‘Jack.’
‘Groups and timings have been posted,’ the man informed her. ‘You’re in my group. Vet check at four thirty.’
‘Thanks. Good luck.’
‘You too.’
As the man disappeared into the crowd, Liz set out for the stewards’ tent to check in. There, notice boards displayed all the groups and their starting times. Liz was handed a bright orange vest to designate her group. She slipped it over her head, tied the tapes at her side and went to check the board. Mitch was also in the orange group. That meant she’d be seeing a lot of him this weekend as the competitors assembled for each event. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. When they were young, she and Mitch often competed against each other, but they’d been friends back then. It was true that they were spending more time together now, but whatever he was to her these days, he wasn’t the friend he used to be. And this competition was too important for her to be distracted by wondering just what he was.
The complex was starting to fill with people and horses. Liz found Mitch’s truck and campsite, but he wasn’t there. She was walking to the stewards’ tent when she saw him. He was standing near the bar, talking to a woman.
Liz’s steps faltered.
The woman was blonde and pretty. On her, jeans and a T-shirt looked feminine and flirty. She was even wearing make-up and the sunlight caught a glint of silver dangling from her ears. Make-up? Here? And dangly earrings? The woman obviously had no idea. What the hell was Mitch doing talking to a woman like that? She wasn’t even wearing riding boots.
The woman laughed. It was a light, joyful sound and it made Mitch smile. Then he kissed her.
Liz wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. The kiss was just a peck on the cheek, but that didn’t matter. She felt as if her heart was being torn from her body.
A snatch of their conversation reached her ears.
‘… missed you.’
‘… you can always just call me.’ The woman touched Mitch’s arm, her body language making her meaning clear even to Liz. Mitch’s eyes followed her as she walked away.
Somewhere deep inside, Liz wanted to go after her and tell her to leave Mitch alone. Mitch wasn’t free to kiss anyone’s cheek. He was—
He was what?
He was approaching her, frowning at the emotion he could no doubt read on her face.
‘Liz …’
‘Who was that?’ She’d wanted the words to sound light and uncaring. That’s not how they came out.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve never seen her around here, but you’re good friends, obviously.’ How horrible she sounded, but she couldn’t stop herself.
‘Sue is a friend.’
No, she’s not. Liz wanted to shout the words. I’m your friend but you don’t look at me the way you looked at her.
Not any more.
‘She looked like she was more than a friend.’ The words were out before Liz could stop them. She watched with something close to horror as Mitch’s expression hardened.
‘That’s none of your business, Liz.’ His body was taut and she could see a darkness in his face that rattled her. She’d seen him angry before, but not like this. This wasn’t anger. It was as if he had totally closed himself off from her. A blank wall had risen between them. A wall that she was suddenly afraid would never come down.
‘Did you forget what we did all those years ago? What we were to each other and the promises we made.’ She wanted to shout, but the words came out as a whisper.
‘No. I’ve never forgotten. But you seemed to. You pushed me away, Liz. When you decided that your guilt was more important than your future—than our future. A horrible, horrible thing happened that day, but it’s not going to ruin my whole life. I deserve some happiness. Maybe I’ve moved on, Liz. You should think about trying it.’
‘I can’t just forget what happened. What I did—we did.’
‘No. But I do think it’s well past time you stopped punishing yourself. And me. I’ve had enough, Liz.’
This time it was Mitch who walked away.
As he disappeared into the crowd, Liz felt as if her whole world had suddenly fallen out from beneath her feet. Her hands were shaking as Mitch’s words echoed in her head. I’ve had enough. Suddenly the people around her and the noise and the commotion of the event were all too much. A wave threatening to engulf her. She had to get away and find somewhere she could clear her head. Somewhere Mitch’s words would not overwhelm her. Somewhere she could hide while she fought the tears.
She pushed her way through the throng with no idea of where she was going, until she found herself standing on the edge of the arena, staring out over the empty paddocks of the cross-country course. She would walk the course. She’d be alone out there and maybe she could force her mind away from Mitch and the words that were echoing through her mind. Work was her answer and her shelter. It always had been. Nothing m
attered except for Deimos and this weekend’s competition.
Stop punishing yourself.
Was she really punishing herself? Mitch too?
The long grass brushed against her legs as she walked, but she didn’t feel it. She didn’t feel the cracks in the dry earth or the heat of the sun on her skin.
You pushed me away.
An obstacle loomed in front of her: several tree trunks stacked to form a cross-country jump. Without conscious thought, Liz climbed the logs and sat facing away from the busy arena and campground and Mitch.
He was right. About so many things. And now it was too late.
I’ve had enough.
When he was with that woman, the pretty one—Sue—he looked happy. He’d laughed and smiled. He’d looked relaxed. He’d been like that with Liz once. They had been like that with each other. And over these past few weeks, she had found herself wishing they could be again. Damn Kayla and her weddings, making all the memories return. The bad memories, and some of the good ones too. How wonderful it had felt when Mitch looked at her like that, and laughed with her, and kissed her. The realisation struck her with an almost physical blow. She was jealous of Mitch for moving on. And of Sue for being the one he had chosen to do that with.
She still loved Mitch. She always had and she always would.
Liz felt as if someone had snapped the chains that were holding her in the past.
It wasn’t too late. She had started to mend the rift with Kayla. It was time she finished that, told Kayla all that she couldn’t remember about that day. She should do that with Mitch too. If she went to him and told him everything, told him about the nightmares and her desperate need for him, a need she had to deny while her father’s last words haunted her, maybe she could undo the mistakes she’d made. She had to.
