by Fiona Murphy
She blinks fast. "No, you're right. I'm sorry too. It's just so embarrassing. I study for hours; my notes are insane. I'm constantly quizzing myself and studying with others in the program, and I'm barely treading water. Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. I'm exhausted all the damn time. Maybe I'm not good enough."
My arms are around her. "Hey, it's going to be okay. You are awesome. It's because you care so much that you put so much pressure on yourself." She's sobbing, and the pain I feel shocks me. It feels like forever since I felt this kind of pain. "Bethany, sweetheart, if you want to take a break there is nothing wrong with that."
Her arms tighten around me as she shakes her head. "If I stop, I won't go back. I have to keep going. I'm sorry for being a baby."
"You aren't a baby. Don't put yourself down like that. There's nothing wrong with admitting shit is hard, and you're having a tough time. I went through the same thing my entire four years of school. Between you, school, and work there were times I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come out. I never told you this, but I failed two classes that were requirements for my business degree. Retaking those classes made me feel like a loser. I also had to pay for them out of my pocket, that hurt even worse. I was taking money from our budget because I couldn't get it the first time. I'm sure other people are having as hard of a time as you are, but they're hiding it well."
Sniffling, she pulls away and nods. "In a few of my classes, the professor said people were failing one test or another, but none of the people I know will admit it's them. I haven't failed anything, yet. But it feels like it's just around the corner."
"Damn, that's sounds stressful. Do you maybe want to make an appointment with a therapist and have someone you can talk to about it? I'm not going to mention I'm incredibly hurt you haven't told me any of this until now." I get up to grab the tissues on the bedside table. I take a few before handing her the box.
She takes two then begins wiping her eyes. "I don't know. Paying to whine to someone? I felt like I couldn't admit to you that you were wasting your money on school and me."
"We all need someone to whine to without worrying our words are going to haunt us later. I want you to at least think about it. Your insurance Cesare switched you to is awesome and covers all of that. Cesare is going to talk to you later. He's already upped your allowance by another five hundred a month. I'm not sure if you noticed that. As far as he's concerned, you're already his little sister to worry about and take care of. Hence the whole him hiring you a housekeeper for Christmas. I am sorry he gave her a key to your place without telling you. I didn't even know he had it."
Bethany laughs. "I hadn't. I'm so careful with my money. I rarely check my balance. Also, with him having Jessica shop and pay for stuff on a credit card he's paying for it's not like I’m spending money on anything. I've made a few more trips to Starbucks that’s it. I have to say at the time I walked into my apartment to find her there, I was pissed. Within two weeks I wanted to kiss him for Jessica. Not having to worry about cleaning, laundry, and there always being food in the house, and not just microwave dinners, she's an awesome cook. I'll think about therapy."
"Will you think about it or are you just saying that for me to shut up?"
She throws back her head as she laughs. "Oh my god, I'm so going to need to be around for my niece. You are a next-level parent. Okay, I was just saying it, but now I will for real think about. I promise."
"Don't make me talk to Cesare." I threaten.
She stops laughing. "Okay, fine. I said I'd think about it."
Now I laugh. "Yeah, not so funny when he comes at you with all that bossy crap now is it?"
"Nope, not funny at all. I still want to go down on my knees in thanks for him finding you though. I can't remember a time when I've seen you so happy and glowing. Some people might think it's the baby, but it's not, it's him. Him being a billionaire is awesome but even if he weren't I know he would work his ass off to make you happy. And I'm not jealous at all. Okay, maybe a little."
I snatch the Kleenex from her as I clean up the tears she caused. "Yeah, I know. This last year has been amazing. I never thought I could be this happy. Sometimes I want to pinch myself. It’s not just Cesare; it's Dante and Enzo too. I have this whole family now. We make dinner together, then we sit around the table, and we talk about our day, the world, each other and it's home. I worried about us buying a house out here in Lake Forest but we still go up to the apartment and have dinner or we go out to a restaurant as often we did before. I also love the way Enzo and Dante will come out and spend the weekend or the day with us. They both have a guestroom here, so they don't have to drive back to the city late at night. I'm so lucky."
"You aren't lucky. You are finally getting the happiness you worked so hard for."
The knock on the door startles us both. Cesare calls through the door, "Alicia, are you two decent?"
Bethany laughs. "No, I'm naked go away."
I laugh as I slap her leg. "She's kidding. Come in." He opens the door, and he's not decent. All he has on is pajama bottoms. So damn gorgeous and he's all mine. Grover barks at us then climbs into Bethany’s lap, hoping to get some popcorn. "What, honey?"
"It's almost one in the morning. We need to go to bed. I don't want you falling asleep on me tomorrow or yawning while you say your vows."
"Cesare, I told you. It's bad luck. I'm sleeping in the room next door."
He doesn't say anything, just crosses the room, picks me up then nods at Bethany. "Get some rest.” He orders. Bethany laughs as she salutes him then goes back to cuddling Grover. “Luck doesn't have a damn thing to do with it. You don't sleep anywhere but with me."
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I don't even bother arguing. I didn't really want to sleep alone tonight. "Hmm... you aren't going to be able to carry me around much longer."
He frowns, I reach up to run a fingertip over those lines on his forehead. "Why not?"
"Because I'm going to be all big and pregnant, silly."
"Now who's being silly? You could be pregnant with triplets, and I'll still be able to carry you around. I might not spend hours in the gym every day, it doesn’t mean I haven’t maintained the body you love so much."
We're in our room. He sets me down on the bed with care. Strong hands clutch the fabric of the cotton nightgown and tears. I knew it was coming, and it still sends a thrill me. A shock goes through me at the way his eyes glitter obsidian as they run over my body. His pleasure clear that he loves my body. "Thank you."
"I'm sorry I bitched about the flowers and the food. You always seem to know what will make me happy when I don't even know. I'm so grateful for everything, for the flowers, for the house, for tomorrow which I know will be perfect. I’m grateful for our honeymoon, two weeks of just you and me in the sun in Greece. Most of all I'm grateful for all your love." I say the last in Italian, over the last year I'm almost as fluent as Cesare. We want to speak Italian at home with our kids the way he grew up. Cesare can never hide how much he loves when I speak his language.
His kiss is a light grazing of his lips against mine. "All I'm doing, my love, is giving you back everything you have given me.”
Christmas Eve
“Bethany, please give me my son. I need to put him to bed.”
Big brown eyes look up at me. “He’s asleep already. Please just ten more minutes. Lydia held him for like two hours, then Cesare’s uncle had him the rest of the afternoon. I hardly got to hold him at all today.”
“Fine, ten more minutes. But the next time he needs a diaper change you’re on it.”
Her eyes go wide. “Okay, okay. God, you’re so mean.”
Matteo is thrust against me. Cesare chuckles from the sofa where he’s watching us. I catch my son close, grateful he hasn’t woken up. “Brat.” I hiss as I take my son upstairs.
Bethany sticks out her tongue as she follows me. “I warned you. I’m not changing any stinky diapers. This nursery is insane. I bet Prince George doesn’t h
ave a nursery this dope.”
“Dope? Are you smoking dope?” I laugh. Quickly, I check Matteo to see if he’s wet enough I should change him. He’s dry. Although one of the few good things to come out of Matteo’s premature birth at thirty-three weeks is after spending two weeks in the loud, bustling NICU once he’s asleep no noise or amount of lifting or even changing his diaper will wake him.
“I wish, maybe it would calm my ass down. My therapist goes on and on about meditation every damn appointment. I am loving the yoga though, I should have started doing it sooner. But meditation just isn’t something I can do, shutting off my mind never happens.”
“I’m glad the therapy is working. I wish Dante would go to therapy. But no, men don’t do therapy. He’s going to fix his pain with drinking and women.”
Rolling her eyes, “I cannot believe he’s spending Christmas in Ibiza getting drunk and laid. Poor Cesare, he puts up a good front, but it’s obvious he misses Enzo and Dante. Why does Enzo have to be a babysitter? Dante is a big boy.”
“It’s safer this way. Dante has a habit of getting into trouble if left alone while drinking, a broken wrist and concussion, buying a shitty building in a horrible side of town, losing his yacht in a card game, winding up in Timbuktu after spending the night drinking and wondering if it was even real. That poor pilot flying him there at three in the morning.” I shake my head in memory of Cesare getting the call asking if the pilot could come home or if he should stay until Dante told him to go home. “Besides, Enzo says the only thing they’ve been doing is sitting on the balcony drinking while Dante ruminates on women and if he should consider going into the priesthood and leaving it all behind.”
Bethany laughs so loud I look over to make sure she didn’t manage to wake up Matteo. “Dante Sabatini in the priesthood? Still haven’t met the guy and I can’t imagine a worse priest than him. Then again he has more depth than I thought he does. It’s been since Thanksgiving that he and the chick broke up. I kind of thought he would have gotten over it by now.”
“Yeah, maybe it was the way it happened though. Overhearing her bragging about how she had him whipped while fucking around on him. How she knew she was getting the ring for Christmas and she was going to cash in on him. Not to mention the way he defended her to Cesare and Enzo, him not speaking to Enzo for weeks and all that mess. Dante admitted before he left he wasn’t sure if he loved her, maybe it was the idea of her. I promised I wouldn’t tell Cesare, but it hurts Dante to see us so happy and he’s afraid he won’t ever have what we have.”
“Ouch, poor guy. With the whole family thing of Christmas with you guys all glowing with baby Matteo being a gorgeous little mini-me of Cesare. Yeah, I get that. I don’t even want kids and marriage anytime soon but seeing you guys together yesterday and today it’s made me a little envious.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh my god, don’t say you’re sorry. That’s hilarious. It’s no big deal. Like I said, I am so not ready for any of it. I think it’s a good thing though, to see what a healthy, loving relationship should be. If he had been paying attention, he should have seen that what he had wasn’t it.”
“That’s exactly what Dante said when he admitted seeing us together has him wondering if he’ll ever have the same thing.”
“Huh, I never thought men worried about stuff like that. Especially not dirty manwhores like Dante. Come on, I’m sleepy. Fair warning if you guys aren’t awake by the time I get up, I’m waking you up. I can’t wait to open my presents. It’s nuts how many presents are under the tree. So exciting.”
I laugh as Bethany runs down the hall to her room. Cesare is leaning against the wall in front of our bedroom. “Did you hear her? No morning cuddling. I think we should take our shower before bed, Mr. Sabatini.”
His eyebrows go up. Although I got the all clear from the doctor a few days ago the stress of decorating, planning today’s lunch for our friends and family had me simply asking to be held by Cesare. Cesare, as always was understanding, telling me that he was content to wait until I was ready. This morning I woke up very ready, only to wake up alone. I found him up seeing to our son’s needs. I shouldn’t be surprised but I kind of am at how much Cesare enjoyed taking care of Matteo. Since I wasn’t able to breast feed as Matteo wouldn’t latch, the doctor’s said it was common for premature babies. So Cesare was up in the middle of the night to feed or change the baby sometimes without me ever hearing our son wake up.
While Matteo was in the hospital, so were we. I hated the idea of going home without my son. At the end of the day Cesare was able to get me out the hospital and into the condo we hadn’t been in for months. Every morning we ate breakfast then went right back. I never thought to ask about work, Cesare never said a word about it. We would sit in the rocking chairs rocking the baby, skin to skin the way I read would help, talking about our plans for when we took him home, play fighting over the benefits and limitations of our son playing sports over pushing him into more academic pursuits. I fell in love with Cesare all over again during those days in the hospital, his strength, his love, his care all of it given with unending patience. Yes, I’m very ready.
His arms go around my waist, pulling me close. “Are you sure, my love? It’s been a long day.”
“Hmm... I’m sure. And it’s going to be an even longer night.”
“I missed you.” He whispers in against my mouth as he swings me up into his arms.
“I missed you too. I love you.”
“I love you more every day. I didn’t think it was possible, but it’s true.”
“Hmm... I think you’re going to need to show me.”
“All you have to do is ask.”
I hope you enjoyed this story. If you did please, please leave a review.
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The next book in the series is His Dirty Promises featuring Dante and Bethany and can be purchased through this universal link:
https://books2read.com/u/47zpNq
His Dirty Promises (BBW Romance)
Dante Sabatini. Billionaire, manwhore extraordinaire—and my new next-door neighbor. Two years ago, my sister married his brother. Over the years I’ve heard all about him and seen his pictures everywhere, yet between me away in school and Dante’s hectic... ahem, “social life,” we keep missing each other. Until the day I move in across the hall from him. Nothing could have prepared me for Dante Sabatini in person. He’s more gorgeous than a photo could do justice—and more of an a$$hole than I thought was humanly possible.
Oh yeah, and he wants me. Me? Plus size, virgin, twenty-four to his thirty-five, nobody to the models and actresses he’s been with. Seriously? Only the jerk refuses to take me up on my begging to learn everything I can under his expert tutelage. We’re family now, and there’s too much at stake when we crash and burn he insists.
This guy is giving me whiplash and driving me crazy. We’re only five hundred feet from each other, but we’re separated by so much more. All I want is some fun, no promises or hand-holding necessary. Once I get what I want, will we be able to survive everything that comes our way... or will we crash and burn, hurting the people we love the most as we do?
His Dirty Bargain
My biological clock has been pounding. Any minute now, I'm going to hit buy on the sperm that's been sitting in my online cart for the last six months.... any minute. I want to be a single mom. The last five years without a man have been the best years of my life. Except, I do want kids, six if I had my way. But if I’m doing it alone, I can’t really afford more than one.
At least what I need I can get off a website. I had no idea men had biological clocks too, but Enzo Sabatini proved otherwise. The control-freak billionaire married a gold-digging womb to get the children he wanted, and not s
urprisingly it blew up in his face. With the ink barely dry on his divorce that lasted longer than his marriage, I'm tasked with finding him a new place to live. I can't believe it's really heat I see in his eyes when he looks at me. I'm nothing like his usual women, plus size compared to size zero.
Shock is an understatement when I see the ring. I can barely process his insane proposal of me getting the dream house and the multifamily property I want in exchange for at least ten years and two kids. Wait, what? What kind of effing proposal is that? It's not a marriage proposal, it's a bargain—one with limits and terms and signed off by lawyers. I don't care how hot he is; he's lost his mind.
So why do I say not yet instead of no? Is this going to be the biggest mistake of my life, or is there any way we can make a happy-ever-after from this dirty bargain?
His Fake Fiancée
Ivan Volkov is a wickedly intelligent, ruthless, and devastatingly gorgeous billionaire with a sexy British accent. He also owns the company I work for. The plan was simple: get his attention to show him I was the one behind all my boss’s awesome proposals that have been making the company hundreds of millions of dollars for the last three years. I’m the one who should be in the big office making a six-figure salary.
It worked. I definitely have Ivan’s attention. He’ll put me in the big office with a six-figure salary—once he’s done with me. He needs a personal assistant until he can find a replacement. It won’t be long, he assures me, no more than a few weeks.
Close proximity to Ivan Volkov for a few weeks? Sure, I don’t need my dignity. I wasn’t using it anyway. No matter how many times I tell myself to stop staring at him with lust, I can’t.
Volkov turns down the offer I never even made; he saw me staring, he’s used to it by now. An unrepentant user of woman, all he wants is for them to satisfy his need, then be on their way. He can get that satisfaction from any woman. The money I make him isn’t worth losing when he’s done with me.
