Stepping up behind him my hands find his hips again, pulling him back into me. This seems to be my favorite position with him. His ass pressed against my front. I know I said I’d be okay with not having sex tonight, but the sight of him in those ass-hugging jeans and bent over my bed has my cock standing up and taking notice.
When he covers my hands with his own, and pushes them away, my cock and admittedly my heart, deflate a little.
“Get in the bed, Toni.”
I cock an eyebrow, “You’re not getting naked?”
Kai sighs, turning back to me. “I’ll stay, but I think it’s best if I keep my clothes on and we just... sleep.”
“Or,” I start, fingering the buttons on his shirt until it is hanging open at his sides. Bending down to swirl my tongue around a nipple then suck it in my mouth before repeating the motion to the other one. I drop to my knees while kissing down his chest, along the ridges of his abs, and above his belly button.
I place a kiss over the bulge behind the denim while undoing his pants and hooking my fingers in the waistband of his jeans and briefs, yanking them down his muscular legs.
“Toni,” he warns even as his fingers glide through my hair until he’s urging me forward.
I grin, knowing exactly what he wants, and I give to him.
“Ah, fuck. Yes!”
***
My head is pounding like a son of a bitch when I finally drag my ass out of bed. The sound of foil crinkling under my foot makes me pause. The corner of a condom wrapper peaks out from under my toe, a liquor bottle sits empty between the nightstand and bed.
I hang my head, palms digging into my closed eyes, willing myself to remember what the fuck I did last night. I know Kai is no longer in bed beside me because I woke up sprawled across it, no way would I have been able to ignore another body in there with me. Unless… my ears strain to pick up any noise in the condo but there is none. No shower running. No smell of fresh coffee brewing. Nothing.
Pushing up off the bed I go to make my way to the shower but not before a note on the nightstand catches my attention. The handwriting as familiar to me as my own. My stomach drops.
T,
Wish I could say last night wasn’t a goodbye, but you and I both know you’ll always put them first. I’m not looking to be anyone’s second choice.
I’m sorry.
- K
P.s. There’s fresh coffee in the pot, I know how much of a pain in the ass you can be in the mornings.
I’m sorry.
I crumble the note in my fist, somehow finding myself sitting on the floor against the bed, elbows resting on bent knees, and head leaning forward. The note didn’t exactly come as a surprise. What is a surprise, though, is the pain lacing my heart at his words. Goodbye. That’s why he insisted we use a condom last night, he knew he was leaving anyway and wanted it as impersonal as possible. Son of a bitch!
He was right too. I could never put anyone above the Famiglia. Braxton and the men are the closest things I had to family, and even though I am just Braxton’s adviser, or consigliere, I can’t walk away.
Forgoing the shower, I head out to the kitchen after pulling on a pair of gray sweatpants. The smell of freshly brewed coffee instantly assaults my nose. Pictures of Kai standing in front of the coffee maker, leaning a hip against the counter, and grinning over at me start flooding back. I stumble at the memory of blue eyes twinkling in the late morning sun, mischief dancing in them as they rake down my naked chest.
I make my way over to the liquor cabinet, grabbing the first bottle my fingers wrap around and slide down the wall just as more memories of us in this kitchen start invading. And for the first time, I wish I had enough courage to walk away from the Famiglia, but even if I did there is no guarantee I’d be walking away with my life. Hell, I still might die. Braxton hasn’t come looking for me since that night in his office.
Klara
“WHERE THE FUCK’S Antonio?” I hear Braxton bellow from his office down the hall and I roll my eyes.
Lily giggles from her booster seat at the dining room table. “Daddy said bad word.”
“He sure did, Sweet Pea.”
“What the hel…honey is his problem?” Jess corrects herself after noticing Lily’s in the room. She places a plastic bag full of groceries on the kitchen counter.
“Antonio never showed up for work again today,” I answer, going around to help her unpack and start cooking the family dinner we host every weekend.
“Like work work or work?” she asks, sneaking Lily an Oreo.
“Nothing to do with Luca Enterprises, I don’t think. Although, Antonio hasn’t showed up for work there this week either.”
“What’s going on?” Jessika asks, getting out a cutting board and knife for the vegetables.
“Kai left,” I answer after checking to make sure Braxton’s door’s closed.
“What?” Jess screeches and I shush her.
“You know, gossip isn’t really befitting of a lady,” Alessandro tsks from the kitchen door. Jessika rolls her eyes at her husband.
“You need to go talk to him,” I point the knife I was cutting vegetables with at him before indicating the closed door down the hallway.
“And risk getting killed? I think not,” Alessandro says, leaning against the counter.
“Then at least go check on Antonio and make sure he’s not drinking himself to death.”
“Momma, look!” Lily squeals, pointing at her upended smoothie that is now dripping down the edges of the table and the picture she ‘painted.’
Alessandro laughs, scooping her up from her chair, “Very nice Lily Bear.”
“Alex, I’m serious,” I say, silently pleading with him to fix all this.
Braxton and Antonio haven’t spoken in weeks unless absolutely necessary. After Kai left, Antonio went into avoidance mode and Braxton refused to apologize for making Antonio believe he had to choose family over love all these years. I wish my husband would get his head out of his ass and tell Antonio the truth about what he saw that day with their fathers but he just says that it’ll do more harm than good. I don’t agree. I think it’s done a world of harm if for twenty years, Antonio believed that he’d meet the same fate as that man because of who he loves, when nothing could be further from the truth. Hell, maybe if he knew he wasn’t the only one in the Famiglia to find men attractive this could all have been avoided too, and Kai would still be here.
“So am I, baby girl. He needs to make this decision himself.”
I place the knife down on the cutting board with a little more force than necessary and undo the apron around my waist. “Fu…Fudge that,” I announce slapping it down on the counter and stalking off toward my husband’s home office. I’m sick and tired of two grown men acting like teenage girls.
“You need to go check on your best friend,” I say, throwing open the door and not stopping until I’m standing in front of his desk with my hands on my hips.
Braxton doesn’t even glance up at me, just continues to look between his computer and the various sheets of paper sprawled over the wooden surface of the desk.
“And why would I do that?”
“Kai left him, Braxton,” I say, a little less fire in my voice.
Braxton pauses and for a moment hope starts to bloom in my chest that he’ll be the bigger person and go look for Antonio. That balloon of hope gets popped when he goes back to working.
“And that has anything to do with me how?”
I try really hard not to take his lack of interest and tone personally. When Braxton is hurt, he pushes people away the only way he knows how – by acting like nothing fazes him. We’ve been married so long that it shouldn’t affect me the way it does right now but knowing that one of his best friends is out there by himself and most likely drinking himself into liver failure while my husband refuses to acknowledge it, is not sitting well with me.
“Braxton De Luca, if you can sit there and pretend that Antonio means nothing to you afte
r a lifetime of friendship and loyalty then you’re not the man I thought I married.”
I turn for his office door but pause when he says, “He made his decision.”
“And so did you, but you are both wrong,” I respond, before closing the door behind me. I guess it’s true what they say, never send a man to do a woman’s job. After handing off the kids to Alessandro, Jessika and I jump into my car and head into the city. While Braxton may act like he doesn’t care, I won’t, and I refuse to see one of my friend’s hurting.
Antonio
“WHAT THE HELL died in here?” A female voice calls from out in the hallway. I should probably go check it out, but I don’t have the energy.
“Well, at least he’s not drunk. I don’t see any empty liquor bottles,” another says, this one closer than the other. “None in the trash either.”
Of course, they won’t find any empty bottles. I went through my entire liquor cabinet the first two days after Kai left. Somewhere between then and now, the cleaning lady must have come and taken them away, but I don’t remember. I only remember stumbling to my bed after the last binge and then not having any energy to move and go to the liquor store downstairs to replenish my stock.
“You alive over there?” the first voice asks.
“No,” I grunt from under the pillow covering my head. Wishing it were true.
“Alright, come on, big guy. Let’s get you in a shower because you smell worse than the walking dead,” the second voice says, at the same time the pillow is lifted and bright sunlight streams through the window directly across the bed.
“How do you know what they smell like?” I mumble, refusing to move when two sets of hands start struggling to get my shirt off.
“Well, I can’t image they smell any worse than you.”
When the hands go to the waistband of my pants, that’s when the current situation breaks through my subconscious and I jerk up and away.
“What the fuck! Klara? Jessika? What the hell are you doing here?”
“Trying to talk some sense into you, preferably after you shower though cause man, you reek.” Klara scrunches her nose, waving her hand in front of her face.
“Fine,” I concede because after knowing Klara as long as I have, I know she doesn’t give up easily. “I’ll go shower, but the three of us are going to have a talk when I’m done.”
They both nod, eyeing me expectantly when I don’t immediately make a move toward the bathroom. Jessika raises an eyebrow and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I’m a two-hundred-and-something pound man being manipulated by a couple of chicks. Truth be told, I’ve seen what Jessika can do with a knife and I don’t want to get anywhere near that Russian’s bad side.
Twenty minutes later, I’m showered and even managed to find a clean pair of jeans and shirt to throw on.
“Okay,” I say, finding the two women in my living room. “Talk.”
Klara hands me a black coffee as soon as I sit down and I’m grateful for the gesture, but wince when the warm liquid hits my stomach and bile rises. After days of not eating, my body is slightly mad at me.
“You need to go after Kai,” Klara starts. No prelude, no warm-up nothing. Just straight to the point. Fucking A.
“And why do I need to do that?”
“Because you’d be an idiot not to,” Jessika chimes in from the recliner. Kai’s recliner. Memories of coming home earlier this winter to him curled up in it with a knitted blanket, the glow of the fireplace highlighting his features while he slept, begin playing through my mind.
“What she said,” Klara holds back a barely concealed giggle, rolling her eyes at her own lame joke before continuing. “And it’s about time you start putting your own happiness first, Antonio. You’ve given up enough of your life for this organization. It’s time for you to start putting what you love first… starting with Kai.”
“He left, Klara,” I sigh, placing the coffee mug down. “And he’s not coming back.”
“He will if you want him to,” Jessika speaks up. “Frankly, you’d be an idiot not to. We all saw the way you looked at each other at the barbeque. You’re in love but too scared to admit it. For the longest time, you used the organization as an excuse as to why you couldn’t fully have you what you really wanted. Well, you don’t have that excuse anymore, Antonio, and yet here you are, sitting with us while the love of your life is out there somewhere and you’re not even willing to fight for him.”
“I won’t always be able to keep him safe,” I admit.
“Shouldn’t that be his decision to make? Braxton had the same excuse for why we couldn’t be together in the beginning, but I refused to allow that to be the thing that kept us apart. Now we have a beautiful daughter and another baby on the way. The fear of never knowing if you’ll always be around to protect him doesn’t go away, Antonio, but wouldn’t you rather want to take advantage of the time you could have than regret not taking the chance?”
“It’s up to you, Antonio. Your secret’s out there now. Although, I don’t know if it was ever really a secret to begin with since we all had suspicions. Anyway, my point it that the only thing holding you back from what you want now, is you. Stop standing in your own way.” Jessika gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze on her way to the door to wait for Klara.
“I expect you to be at the next family dinner. With or without Kai, but I’m hoping it’s with him by your side,” Klara says, joining Jessika at the door and then just as suddenly as they arrived, they’re gone, and I’m left sitting alone in my condo wondering what the fuck just happened.
***
It takes me a lot longer than expected to make the drive to Hamilton, and even more time trying to fight slow drivers after I got off the busy highway. After Klara and Jessika left, I decided they were right and tracked Kai down to his house. It should have surprised me that he would leave his job at Luca Enterprise and move home after whatever we had ended, but it didn’t. Deep down I knew that if things went south between us, it would be hard seeing him around the office every day and knowing that he would no longer be sneaking into my office during random times to ‘check-in.’ I’ll be the first to admit that after finding out he quit, my mood plummeted. Even Lauren is giving me a wide berth at the office.
I breathe a little easier as soon as I pull into the driveway but the minute I step out, a crushing weight descends on my chest. My palms become clammier the closer I get to the front door, beads of sweat form on my forehead with each knock that goes unanswered, and it has nothing to do with the sudden heat we’re currently getting at the beginning of April and everything to do with the person inside the house.
Then Kai’s big, blue eyes are staring up at me in shock from behind the partially opened door and all I want to do is drop to my knees in front of him and beg for his forgiveness.
“What are you doing here, Antonio?”
He looks fucking edible with his hair all mussed like he’s been running his fingers through it all day and evening, gym shorts hang low on his hips, and droplets of sweat run down his naked torso. I want to lap at each one until the moisture is gone and the only thing he smells of is me.
I start to answer him when footsteps sound behind him, followed by a voice I’ve never heard of before. A man a couple of inches shorter than me but taller than Kai appears behind him. Confused green eyes that are too bright against his olive skin stare back at me.
Before the logical side of my brain has a chance to step in, I growl and push my way through the door. Puffing out my chest in triumph when it forces green eyes to take a couple of steps back, away from Kai.
Kai steps between us halting my progress toward the stranger. The warmth of his hands pressing against my chest is enough for me to momentarily forget why I am descending on the other guy like a hunter on its prey.
“He’s my trainer.”
It takes a couple of seconds for his words to sink in but when they do, the green cloud of jealousy dissipates only leaving behind the need to stake my
claim on a man who still has no idea of the depth of what I feel for him. If he thinks this has an expiration date, he’s wrong. I plan on making him a Moretti.
“And he’s straight,” Kai adds with a teasing grin.
My face heats at the animalistic motives of my actions. I run a hand through my hair to stall while I look for the right words to say that don’t make me look like even more of a possessive asshole.
“I’m uh -” I clear my throat and try again, extending my hand toward him, “I’m sorry about that.”
He laughs, accepting the handshake. “It’s all good. I’ll see you later, Kai.” He picks up a gym bag I hadn’t noticed before, and proceeds to walk out, leaving us alone in the entryway to Kai’s house.
“What the hell was that?” Kai rounds on me, hands on his hips.
My mouth waters as I take in the sharp lines of that damn v. I barely hold back a groan of protest when it gets cut off by the waistband of his shorts. When he says my name in that way that has me remembering long, stormy nights in Belize spent in my bed with his legs draped over mine, his shallow breaths across my chest as he sleeps, I remember why I came here.
“What are you doing, Toni?”
I pin him to the wall of the entryway with my hips, my hands resting on either side of his head. “I want you. I need you, Kai.” I don’t bother masking the pain in my voice this time. I already came to the conclusion in the car on the way here that I was done hiding what I wanted from Kai… from myself, from Braxton and the Famiglia.
Kai’s mouth opens and closes like he’s about to speak but I can’t bear to hear him tell me I’m too late. So, I do the only thing I know has the potential to distract him and kiss him.
The second my tongue finds his and sucks, Kai moans, gripping my hips and pulling me closer. I rake my fingers through his hair and fist a bunch at the nape of his neck, pulling his head back and baring his throat to me.
“I’ll do it,” I rasp after licking a line up his throat to his ear. “I’ll come out. I want you. I want us, and I don’t want to hide anymore.” I nip along his jaw, kissing the corner of his lips and when he gasps in shock, I lick my way into his mouth. He mumbles about needing to tell me something, but I’m so far gone that if I don’t feel his skin against mine soon, I may lose it.
Dark Illusion (Famiglia Book 3) Page 15
