My Little Rock Airman

by Brittany Fichter

  “You’re a woman,” I said slowly.

  She snorted, nearly spitting her food out. “Last I checked,” she chuckled, wiping her face with a napkin when she’d swallowed.

  I laughed, too. “You know what I mean. I just…I’m trying to understand whether or not…”

  “Just spit it out, Allen.”

  Amy would kill me if she knew I’d asked another woman this question. But she wasn’t answering mine, so…

  “Is it normal for an engaged woman to not pick a wedding date?”

  She looked at me for a moment before her big, green eyes widened. And I felt rather sick as understanding filled her face and she looked down at her plate.

  “Well,” she said, toying with her serving of mac and cheese. “I mean, there are a lot of factors that go into planning a wedding. Venue, work schedules, family schedules, cost, dress, cake, catering…” Her voice trailed off. And she still wasn’t looking at me.

  “Isn’t it normal for most people, though, to have like…a few dates? Or even a month picked out?” I pressed.

  She shrugged slightly then sighed. “Every circumstance is different. But I guess that might seem a bit…unusual.” Her green eyes flicked up to mine. “Why? What’s going on?”

  “It’s Amy.” I dug into a big piece of apple pie, but it seemed a lot less flavorful than it had looked back on the serving table looked. “The weekend I proposed…back in February, she was so excited. She and her mom started making plans three minutes after she said yes. But every time I ask her now, she seems less sure about when she wants it.” I shook my head. “I don’t know. I just…when I proposed, I thought I’d be getting married. Not in a constant holding pattern.” I paused. “And I think it has something to do with Jade.”

  Jessie was quiet for several minutes, chewing her food slowly as she looked out at the dozens of round tables before us. I followed her gaze to where my parents were sitting with hers. They looked like they were having a good time. My dad was even ignoring his styrofoam cup of coffee.

  “How does Amy get along with Jade?”

  “What?” I turned to look at Jessie, and this time, she was studying Jade.

  “I was just thinking. Who’s Jade’s legal guardian?”

  “I am.” I’d made sure of that the day after Jade’s incident last spring.

  “Then,” Jessie said slowly, “there’s a good chance you’ll be responsible for Jade one day.”

  A moment passed before I realized what she was alluding to. “You know,” I said, “I never really thought about that.”

  “It could be nothing,” she added quickly. “But people with Down Syndrome range all over as far as their abilities and skillsets go when they grow up. Some can live by themselves and function quite well in the world like their neurotypical peers. Others have to stay with caretakers of some sort for their whole lives. I mean, I quite honestly can see Jade one day powering her way through the world like any of her classmates. But to someone who’s not familiar with needs like hers…” She shrugged. “It could be scary.”

  I’d been frustrated and angsty that morning while I’d waited on Amy’s reply. But now, I felt a weight on my shoulders that put my misery that morning to shame.

  “You don’t think that would make her want to call off the wedding, do you?” I heard myself asking.

  “I could be totally wrong,” Jessie said, holding her fork out at me. “So don’t quote me on that. I only bring it up because it’s something I’m trained to see a little more than the average Joe.”

  Stupid. I never should have asked that. Now it would drive me crazy until I talked to Amy myself. Forget texting. We were going to talk soon. Face to face. But until then, I was going to need more distractions than ever.

  “What about you?” I forced a smile and turned back to Jessie. “You have everything scheduled out. When’s your wedding?”

  Jessie stared at me for a moment. Then with a straight face, she stabbed a green bean with her fork and said, “Three years from now on October thirteenth.”

  I must have looked ridiculous because she began to laugh.

  “I’m kidding! Look at your face!”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past you.” Then I chuckled. “Okay, if the date isn’t quite in yet, what about all those things you mentioned? The—the venue and the caterer and the dress and the cake and all that.” I was teasing still, but the morbid part of me wondered if every woman but the one I’d proposed to had all this planned out.

  “I’m cheap,” Jessie said before taking a bite of a chocolate-covered strawberry. “So I’ll probably make my own cake with my mom.”

  “Sensible, as always.” I nodded my head.

  “The venue’s easy. That’ll be here.” She smiled up at the vaulted ceilings. “I knew I wanted to get married here the day I first set foot inside. And we’ll probably just ask people to do a potluck instead of catering.”

  “And the dress?”

  She gave me a sly grin.

  “No way.” I sat back and laughed. “You already have it picked out, don’t you?”

  She turned away, but I caught her blush. Then she mumbled something.

  “What was that?”

  “I said…I might have already bought it?” She grimaced. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because I’ve never heard of a girl who buys a dress before she’s engaged…or has a boyfriend, for that matter.” I leaned closer, hoping to make her blush again. For some reason, that was more fun than I would have imagined, the great Jessie Nickleby being embarrassed about…well, anything. “Unless you already have a guy picked out.”

  “No,” she chuckled. “No groom yet.” Then she sighed a little. “Just my beautiful dress staring at me from the closet.”

  “I’m just in awe.” I held up my hands. “You have my mom beat hands-down for planning. And the fact that it’s a princess dress only makes it better.”

  “It was an online sale! If I didn’t bid on it, someone else would have!” She rolled her eyes. “Not that it matters. I don’t have a groom yet.” She glanced at my plate. “Hey, are you going to eat that cornbread?”

  When my family finally left the church that afternoon, I felt strangely lighter, despite my talk with Amy. Oh, I hadn’t forgotten, and I would mull on that later until I went stark raving mad. But for now, as I glanced back at the white and red-brick church, I knew without a doubt that I’d found someone who without a doubt, understood. On many levels. And for just a few moments, I would bask in that glow.

  18

  Doubts

  Jessie

  Madison shook her head at me. “We’ve only been out of school for a month, and you look like you’re about to burst with excitement.”

  “You know what the best part of these conferences is?” I asked, thanking another vendor as she handed me a book.

  “It wouldn’t be the free stuff now, would it?” Sam laughed as I slid the book into my canvas bag. It hit the bottom with a satisfying thump.

  “Please and thank you.” I grinned as we paused at another stall. This one had buckets full of plastic letters covered in foam dots. “And don’t make fun of me. You guys have been to these things before. This is my first time.”

  “Neither of us is as cheap as you are, either.” Madison rolled her eyes as I happily snatched a packet of the letters from their sample table.

  “Master’s degrees are expensive. Ooh! What’s that? Let’s go over there!”

  The Back to the BASICS conference hadn’t been cheap. I wouldn’t have even bought a ticket if our school hadn’t sponsored the whole lower elementary team. But now that I was here, I swore to myself never to miss another conference again. I’d never seen so many free supplies in one place. Besides, as much as I was enjoying Derrick and Jade, (or rather, Jade, as Derrick wasn’t really an option) it felt weird to be away from my classroom for so long. Being here felt right.

  Derrick had been great about letting me go for a few d
ays, not that I doubted that he’d mind having his sister all to himself. His parting words had been, You might as well go. I’ve had to look at your face for the last nine days straight. I smiled to myself as we stopped at another booth. Things had already been better since the diamond mine. But after our conversation at church last Sunday, I felt like we finally had common ground.

  How were they doing today?

  “So,” Sam said, dragging me from my thoughts. “How’s your summer going with Jade?”

  “I couldn’t be happier. She’s doing great. I think I’m going to be able to start her off with a lot of the general curriculum this year.” We weren’t supposed to talk about students’ IEP’s (also known as individualized education plans), but since our school did a lot of shared time between teachers and classes among grade levels, Sam and Madison were both familiar with Jade’s particular needs.

  “That’s fantastic.” He stopped and studied a table’s stack of multi-colored letter wheels before shrugging and throwing one into his bag. “I was sure her parents were going to work you to death when you first told me about how they made you nanny for the summer.” He glanced at me. “You know, if you wanted some help, I could come over sometime and help tutor her to give you a break. Since I got my math endorsement, I’m dying to try some new techniques that I’ve learned, and I think she might be the perfect guinea pig.”

  “That’s really sweet of you,” I said. “But I think we’re good. She’s just starting to get the stuff I’m giving her now.”

  “Well, just so you know, the offer stands.” He gave me a warm grin. “Oh, before I forget, what did you think of the book I gave you?”

  “I’ve only just started it, but I think it’s fascinating,” I said, grateful to be talking about something else. The last thing I needed was for sweet Sam to show up at Jade’s house. Derrick would love that.

  “You’re going to own this degree. And when the partiers,” he poked Madison, “rag on you for studying, you can tell them I said that.”

  I laughed. “Well, thanks.”

  He glanced over at the food court, where instead of educator booths, food stands had been set up. “I’m going to grab some nachos. Anyone want a pretzel or something?”

  “I’m good,” I said, and Madison said the same. The moment he was gone, however, she turned to me and arched one perfect eyebrow.

  “I told you he likes you.”

  “He’s just being helpful.” I intently studied a table covered in building bricks arranged in patterns.

  “Girl, he offered to come over and help you by working for free. No teacher just randomly offers to drive to a student that isn’t his own and work for free on his summer break.”

  I hefted my bag to my other shoulder. “I don’t know—”

  “You want a sure test?” She smirked. “Mention Derrick and just watch. You’ll know then what he thinks of you spending every day with a hot guy you’re not dating or married to.”

  “How do you know he’s hot?”

  “Because of the way you blush when I ask you what he looks like. Here, give me your phone.”

  I’d been looking up a textbook publishing house on my phone, but Madison snatched it away and pulled up my pictures. I felt my face get hot as she immediately scrolled to and landed on one of the…two dozen? How had I taken that many pictures in just one weekend?

  “This him?” She held the phone out.

  Meekly, I nodded.

  “Now look me in the eye and tell me that this man is not hot.”

  As I stared at the picture, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that. Because even though I wasn’t interested in him…in the slightest, it was impossible to deny. Not when his workout shirt and basketball shorts showed what they did. Because the man might be on the wiry side, but the muscles he did have were sharp and contoured well on his calves and shoulders and neck and his trim waist—

  “He’s engaged,” I blurted out. “It’s not like he’s hanging out at the house all day for me.”

  “Mm-hm,” Madison said. “You keep telling yourself that.”

  “But—”

  “Look, here’s how you test Sam. Just mention Mr. Good Looking here and see what Sam’s reaction is. Or better yet, show him the picture.” Her eyes gleamed.

  “I most certainly will not.” I snatched my phone back as Sam walked back up.

  “Here. I know you didn’t want anything, but I got you ladies each a lemonade and pretzel bites anyway.”

  “Thanks.” I took the snack from him with the sinking feeling that maybe Madison was right. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Sam. I mean, no, he hadn’t asked me out. But he was still a very sweet friend.

  “Hey,” he said, checking his watch, “the TESOL demonstration is coming up soon in the third classroom. Want to hit that one up?”

  Madison and I both agreed, and we made our way toward the presentation, eating and drinking as we went. On the way, Madison decided she had to go to the bathroom, so we waited outside.

  “So, how’s the beast treating you?” He grinned. “Did he come weeping at your feet, begging you for forgiveness when he saw that you don’t actually eat kids?”

  I laughed, but it sounded uneasy even to me. “Actually, we’ve come to more of a compromise. At least, for the moment.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, well…” I swirled my straw around in my drink. “I found out that something…something happened with one of Jade’s previous caregivers. So there was a reason for all his crazy interrogation. I mean, yeah, it was still stupid. But…I guess he’s just not quite as horrid as I thought he was at first.”

  Sam nudged my shoulder with his elbow. “You know they have a name for this. It’s called Stockholm Syndrome. Spend too much time with someone, and you start to like them, even if they are colossal jerks. And you’ve got to admit it. He’s a colossal jerk.”

  “He was.” I kept my eyes on my straw as it squeaked against the lid. “But he’s a little more relaxed now. We’re actually kind of…having fun sometimes.” I thought back to the weekend and how much fun we’d had at Burns Park.

  “Fun.” He chuckled. “I’ll believe that when I see it. I just think you’re too nice for your own good.”

  “No, really. He’s not been that bad lately.” I would be the last person on the planet to say Derrick Allen was perfect. But after the last few weeks, it just felt wrong to have someone badmouth him to my face without saying something.

  Madison rejoined us and grinned wickedly. “Do you have pictures? To prove all this fun?”

  I turned to glare at her, but Sam tilted his head.

  “Do you?”

  “You don’t want to see pictures.” I folded my arms.

  His eyes widened. “So you do have pictures of him.”

  I scoffed. “With his sister.”

  He gave me a wry smile. “Then let’s see them.”

  I gaped at him. “Are you for real right now?”

  “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He held his hand out.

  “You can’t be serious.” Why were men so awful? And why was Madison so evil for that matter? I needed to get a new best friend.

  “I am because you’re not telling the truth.” Sam smirked, the left side of his mouth pulling up slightly higher than his right.

  With a huff, I unlocked my phone and handed him the picture Madison had pulled up before.

  The smile briefly melted from his face. Then he handed the phone back and checked his watch.

  “We’d better go if we’re going to make the next session.” He grinned again, but it didn’t reach his eyes this time. “You ladies coming?”

  I rolled my own eyes before following. Madison grabbed my arm and whispered, “Well, if you had any doubts, that should take care of them.” She gave me a knowing look and set off to catch up with Sam. And it was all I could do to take my phone back and follow miserably behind.

  19

  Coward

  Derrick

  I slowed to
a jog as my workout music turned into Amy’s ringtone. If I was honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer it. Because there was no telling what the outcome might be. Jessie had been gone to some warehouse thing all day, which meant I’d had Jade to myself, and I had work in five hours. Did I really want to deal with this right now?

  The phone rang again, and I knew better than to ignore it again. Slowly, I came to a stop and answered.

  “Hello?” I’d barely been running. Why did I sound so breathless?

  “Hey, Derrick.”

  Well, she sounded…not angry. That was a start.

  “Hey.” I ran a hand through my sweaty hair. “I wasn’t sure when I’d hear from you.”

  “Yeah. About that. Look, I’m sorry for being so snappish. I was coming down with the stomach flu when I called you but didn’t know it until about an hour later. Not that it excuses it, but I just wanted you to know. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “I’m sorry you were sick.”

  “Yeah.” There was a long pause. Giving up on my morning run, I sighed and walked over to one of the little ponds just off the trail. “What’s up?”

  “Oh! Right. I got your gift.” She giggled.

  “My gift?” I racked my tired brain, trying to remember when I’d sent her a gift.

  “The pink chinchilla?” She chuckled again. “You swore you couldn’t top the checked fish, but I think you’ve officially found the ugliest stuffed animal in the entire world.”

  I chuckled, too, as I remembered. We had an ongoing competition to see who could find the ugliest stuffed animal. The contest dated back to before we were dating. Man, it felt good to laugh with her again.

  “Now you can look at it every night before you go to sleep,” I said, stretching my calf muscles.