“That doesn’t seem like a lot of sleep,” Sam said.
Derrick shrugged. “Six or seven hours a night, and sometimes a nap in-between. It’s not ideal but doable. And I wouldn’t give up these days for anything.”
I waved the waitress down. “We’re ready to order now.”
The waitress took our orders and brought our drinks, but much to my chagrin, the men started right where they’d left off as soon as she was gone.
“So you and Jessie have had quite a bit of time this summer to get to know each other,” Sam said a little too casually. Where was he going with this?
Derrick nodded. “We have.”
“Has she shown you her list?” Sam paused. “The dating one?”
I wanted to sink into the bench and just melt into the aquifer beneath it. Or any underground river that was willing to take me away.
“What do you guys want to drink?” Madison asked in a loud voice. “I want something with salt on the rim.”
“She has.” The smile didn’t move from Derrick’s face. “It’s quite a list. No airmen. No huge debt, no smoking.” His eyes glinted dangerously. “Not making a move.”
Sam’s face reddened as Derrick stood and went over to talk to the band’s pianist, and Sam took a fierce bite from a breadstick. While Derrick was up, my phone buzzed. I looked down to see a text from Madison.
You have some splaining to do.
I groaned quietly as Derrick walked back. But instead of sitting down, he held his hand out to me.
“Wanna dance?”
Did I? Yes, actually. Yes, I did. I wanted this handsome man to take me dancing. For once, I wanted to have fun…and maybe even flirt a little. I wanted to chuck that rule about airmen right out the window.
Also, I desperately needed to get away from that table.
I could feel Sam’s eyes burning a hole in my back as I took Derrick’s outstretched hand. I was doing it. I was going to dance with Derrick Allen. But as I stood, I heard Sam’s voice.
“What are you doing?”
Guilt flooded me, but before I could answer, Derrick leaned forward and winked.
“Making a move.” Then he pulled me toward the little space that had been cleared right in front of the band, where he put one hand on the small of my back and took my hand with the other.
If my mind hadn’t already been spinning in circles, it was going into overdrive now. I had to take back some control of the scene.
“That was—”
“Smooth?” He wriggled his eyebrows.
“Unnecessary. This isn’t a war.”
“Really?” He stared down at me, and I did my best not to be captured by those startling eyes. “Are you sure about that?”
“Not that it matters.” I tossed my bangs out of my face. “Neither of you qualify anyway.” Light. Keep it light.
“And yet, here you are.” A small smile played on his lips. “And you haven’t objected yet.”
“Maybe I’m just trying to have an adventure,” I said breathlessly. “You know, you’re not as awful as you used to be.”
His grin widened. “I try.” Then he leaned down until his breath was hot on my ear. “And just think,” he whispered, “if you were still following all those rules, you’d probably be at home right now, studying.”
He was right. That would be exactly what I would be doing. Because if I was honest, I wasn’t following the rules today either. But as the world continued to twirl around us, and his hand stayed warm and firm on my back, I couldn’t help wondering. How many days like this had I missed because of those rules? How many more would I sacrifice?
As always, however, my inner pragmatist couldn’t be silent.
And what will you do when he has to leave and he takes your heart with him?
“You know what?” Derrick glanced over my shoulder at what was probably an irate Sam. I felt bad for leaving him like that, but not bad enough to stop. “Let’s order our food to go. There’s something I want you to see.”
I nearly said no, but the unsated hunger in his eyes kept my mouth shut.
“Do you trust me?” he whispered again.
Did I trust him? I trusted him not to drive me off into a ditch every day as he insisted on chauffeuring us around. And I knew him well enough to trust him not to do anything villainous or dastardly when we were alone. But did I trust him with my heart? Because I was rather sure that was exactly what he was going to ask for. And when all this was said and done, and I was in my right mind again and not thinking under the influence of his gaze or his arms, what would I think of such trust then?
“Take a chance,” he murmured. “Before you say no, just see what one night of adventure can bring.”
Slowly, I nodded and let him lead me from the dance floor. And this time, he didn’t let go of my hand.
“You wouldn’t let me eat for this?” I clutched my to-go box as he pulled into a dark parking lot beside the river. “You know, if this were a story, this would be a ‘The Big Dam Bridge would be the perfect place to get rid of a body’ kind of story.” I cringed even as I said it. Somebody had gotten a kick out of naming this thing.
“Don’t be getting any ideas, Miss Hangry.” Derrick got out, holding his own to-go box. Once the car doors were shut, he pulled two long bags from the trunk and locked the car and reached out his hand. I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but I slid mine into his anyway. I’d already gone past nine at night without my dinner, and I was in one of the best places in the city to die quietly, had he been a villain of sorts. I might as well let him hold my hand.
We made our way up the bridge, styrofoam food boxes in hand. I’d driven over this bridge a million times. In fact, we’d been on it today on our way to dinner. But now we took the sidewalk that was part of a long trail used for hiking and biking. Derrick stopped us at the very top. The sounds of water passing through the dam beneath our feet was a bit alarming at first, but after half a minute of listening, it was actually quite soothing.
But the sight was what took my breath away.
The bridge, which was aglow with white and blue and purple lights, lit the night air like magic from runaway fairies. When I turned around to see why Derrick was so quiet, I found two folding chairs set out, and him in one of them.
“Have a seat?” He patted the empty chair beside his.
I grinned and sat.
“Gladly.” I took the plastic fork he offered me and dug into my chicken piadini. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so hungry. For several minutes, we simply sat there, eating, and my muscles began to relax as the warmth of the food filled my belly. Likewise, Derrick just ate his dinner, too, like it was any other day, rather than the most romantic day I could have imagined in my entire life.
“Sam wasn’t happy when we left,” I finally said. Then I eyed him. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
The glint in his eyes was answer enough. But what he said took me by surprise.
“Why do you have those rules anyway?” He shrugged as he folded another piece of his pita bread. “I mean, I’m fine with you using them as an excuse not to date pocket-protector Teacher Man—”
“Sam does not wear pocket protectors.”
“But,” he held up his hands, “I’m curious as to why you came up with them in the first place.”
I sighed, tucking a curl behind my ear. Was I ready to tell him this? Then again, we were so far in now, what did it matter? “My dad took a job here the month before I started my freshman year of high school. While we were getting all settled, just before the school year started, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.”
My throat tightened as I remembered. “I started high school with a mom in chemo, and my dad working every extra hour he could squeeze in to help make up for the medical costs.” I shrugged. “Having a mom in that kind of position changes how you see things, I guess. I decided during my freshman year that I was going to work hard enough to get all the scholarships I could so my parents wouldn’t ha
ve to pay for college and could focus on medical costs instead. And as soon as I was in college, I decided to get a master’s so I would be indispensable to whoever wrote my paychecks.”
Derrick’s chewing slowed, and since my eyes had adjusted to the low light, I could see him frowning thoughtfully. “But your mom got better, didn’t she?”
“She did. But it was a long fight, and we nearly lost her several times. Then it came back last year.” I shivered, despite the warm, humid air. “She’s technically in remission, but she still has to go back for checkups quite a bit.”
“And that scares you.” It wasn’t a question.
I drew in a shaky breath and twirled the food around with my fork. “The rules are my anchor. I made them up so I could confidently start a relationship that would be stable, should I ever actually find one I could start. That way, if something happens, and my dad loses his insurance or something like that, I can not only pay for my mom’s treatments, but I can take care of both my parents, and I’d be sure to have a guy who would support me in that.” I paused. “It’s why I have to get this degree.” My food was getting cold, and it didn’t taste nearly as good as it did when we started eating.
“But…” Derrick looked out over the river. “Is that what they want you to do?”
“Does it matter?” I stabbed the chicken.
A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke again.
“You know,” he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. “When my dad had his latest heart episode, it terrified me. I’d just moved out here, and now I had to make sure that I was Jade’s legal guardian. My parents didn’t ask me to take that responsibility, but I knew that Jade needed me.”
“Were they always like this?” I asked, glad to have the conversation off of me. “So busy, I mean.”
“Actually, they were really involved when I was little. My dad coached my baseball team, and my mom came to all our games and practices. Then their business took off about the time I turned eleven or twelve. And as soon as we had money, they suddenly got everything they wanted.”
“But not what you wanted.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I got extracurricular lessons galore and trips to the Bahamas and exposure to all sorts of culture they thought I’d been deprived of before we could afford it.” He looked down at his styrofoam box, which was empty now. “When Jade came along, it was a real shock. They thought they were done having kids since they hadn’t been able to have any more after I was born. But by then, they were so set in their fast-paced, workaholic lifestyles that they just couldn’t give it up.”
“So you know how hard it is,” I leaned forward, “to be what others don’t think you need to be.”
“I do.” He leaned forward, too. “And I think there has to be a way for you to live your life while helping them the way they need.”
I gave him a wry smile. “You mean have my cake and eat it, too.” I laughed a little. “You sound like my mother.”
Instead of answering, he stood and took the box from my hands and laid it on the ground before pulling me to my feet. My breath hitched as he kept my left hand in his and pulled me close with his right.
“Your mother,” he said in a low, gravelly voice, “is a smart woman. You should listen to her.”
“My mother doesn’t know what is good for her.” I fought to keep my voice even as the heat from his body reached mine as we stood just inches apart. Being this close to him was messing with my focus.
“Neither do you.”
I made a face at him, but his grip on mine only tightened, and the intensity in his eyes didn’t diminish.
“Tell me,” he breathed in my ear. My knees nearly gave out. “What would you do now if your mother had never gotten cancer and was perfectly healthy?”
“I don’t know.” I really didn’t. I was too mesmerized by being this close to him.
“Use your imagination.”
“Well,” I swallowed, “I…I suppose it sounds glorious and frightening at the same time.” And it did. All the possibilities. My safety net of excuses gone.
He smiled. “That sounds a lot like a fairy tale. But come on.” His voice grew deeper once more. “What keeps you from living life as it is now? Instead of living life five or eight years in the past? What are you so afraid of?”
“In truth?” I whispered. The possibilities were endless. Losing my mom. Losing my dad. Losing my dad’s insurance to pay for my mom’s treatments. My dad working too hard. Failing at teaching. Not making it through the master’s degree.
Falling for a man I knew I shouldn’t have.
“So much,” I whispered again.
He closed the last few inches between us until I was pressed against his chest. And as if that weren’t enough of a shock, he touched his lips to my temple. I closed my eyes as he placed a gentle kiss on my skin. I wanted to fly and melt at the same time, though I’d be happy if walking were still an option after he released me.
I’d never been kissed, but if it was anything as nice as this, I might just pass out when I got my first real kiss. The most romantic gesture I’d ever seen on the big screen had been in the movie when the beast had touched Belle’s hair. But in this moment in time, Beauty and the Beast had nothing on Derrick.
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll never live?” he whispered. I stared at him, unable to move or even speak. He just gave me a small smile, folded up the chairs, threw the boxes away in a nearby trash can, and held out his hand before leading me back to the car.
We didn’t speak the whole ride back. But just before I got out of the car, something inside me, something crazy and foolish, decided to carry this whole charade one step further.
“You asked me once if I have an outlet or something.”
He cocked his head. “I did?”
I nodded. “You said I was way too put together to be normal.”
“I’m still under that impression, but try me.”
“When I’m mad, I write letters.”
“Letters?” He made a face. “By hand?”
“Yep.” I stared out at the stars. “I even have a special pen reserved just for the occasion.”
“But like…do you write them all the time?”
I tossed my hair out of my face. “Whenever I’m mad. It keeps me focused and out of trouble until I calm down.”
He scoffed. “Like you would ever get into trouble.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’ve known me for how long now, and you doubt the poor choices made by my temper?”
His eyes twinkled. “Did you ever write me one?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t tell. I don’t actually send them. No, wait. That’s not true. I sent one in sixth grade to the boy who had made fun of my hair. My mom nearly died of embarrassment.”
“You are something else, Jessie Nickleby.” He laughed and shook his head as I got out of the car.
“Hey, Derrick?”
“Yeah?”
I paused and laid my hands on the edge of the window, which was rolled all the way down. “Thanks. For everything tonight.”
He gave me a funny smile. “I told you I wasn’t all a beast.”
“I’m glad.”
He paused before putting the car into drive. “Me, too.” And then he was gone.
32
Decisions
Jessie
Just as Derrick had promised when we made the deal, a car full of women showed up on my front drive the next afternoon. I waved goodbye to my dad, grabbed my purse, and went out to join them. Before I could get in, a woman with thick, brown hair and a bright red shirt stepped out of the driver’s seat and grinned.
“Jessie, right? I don’t know if you remember, but I’m Kim. We met briefly at the picnic.”
“That’s right.” I smiled shyly and gestured to the car. “Where do you want me to sit?”
“We saved the passenger seat for you. Hop on in.”
“Thanks.” I slid in and put my purse in my lap, where I c
ould clutch it and hopefully, release all the tension that was squeezing my body to death. I was fairly comfortable with meeting strangers, but going shopping to spend lots of someone else’s money on an expensive dress and probably equally expensive shoes was a new one for me. I turned tentatively to wave at the three women in the backseat.
“Thanks so much for taking me,” I said to Kim as she buckled up again. “I’ve been to my fair share of staff meetings and dinners at my school, but never anything as fancy as a ball.”
“Oh, we’re happy to have you.” Kim shifted gears, and the car, which was probably older than mine, started to move. As she did, she sent a conspiratorial glance at the backseat, and the women all grinned back. “I don’t know if you remember, but my husband works with Allen at their shop. And that’s Maria on the left side, Liz in the middle, and Tori on the right.”
“Do your husbands all work in the shop as well?” I asked.
Maria nodded. She had long, dark, wavy hair and big brown eyes. “Yes, but our husbands are currently on the dayshift. They switch around every so often.”
“Except mine. He’s on swing,” said Tori, a thin, petite woman with blond hair cut in a bob. She looked like she could have stepped out of a department store magazine. Everything about her looked more put together than I had felt in my entire life.
Liz made a face. “Swing is the worst. When Tom had swing, nobody ever got any sleep in our house.” The other women all nodded in agreement.
“So,” I said, squeezing my purse handles. “What are we doing today?”
Maria answered. “Well, considering how all of us but Tori have kids, and how little we generally get out of the house without them, we’re going to be thorough in our search for dresses, shoes, and accessories.” She winked at me. “And possibly frozen yogurt.”
The drive was a lively one. The women, who I gathered hadn’t seen each other in a while, seemed to have plenty of news to catch up on with each other. I listened in eagerly as I tried to make sense of what life in the military really did entail because I couldn’t help wondering how close it could really be to my own.
My Little Rock Airman Page 20
