“Poor hair. That helmet really did a number on you.” Garrick deftly braided the detangled hair, something Rain didn’t always have patience for on his own but Garrick seemed to enjoy doing for him.
“That and the same bun days on end.” Rain laughed because that was better than letting the tenderness of the moment swamp him. “The soup is really good. Thanks for making it.”
“There are chocolate muffins from your grandma too. She’s worried about you, even if she won’t admit it aloud.”
“You left me some?” He raised an eyebrow, hoping to get another chuckle out of Garrick because being back here, bantering like this was as soothing as the soup and hair care.
“Come on. Cut me a break. I’m not that much of a chocoholic.” Finished with Rain’s hair, Garrick had moved to his side, big glass of ice water in front of him.
“Yeah, you totally are. But you’re cute about it,” Rain teased between more sips of soup.
“And I share.” Garrick rolled over to the counter and returned with two muffins, plunking one down next to Rain.
“That you do. You’re generous. It’s one of the things I lo—like most about you.”
“You still like me?” Garrick’s voice was serious, and that was all it took for the banter to evaporate and them to be right back in the awkward place, where there was both so much unsaid and too much that had been already said, all the baggage of their previous argument showing up like an unwanted guest.
“Yeah,” he admitted, voice as grave as Garrick’s, no more kidding around. “Not like I could hate you, not even if I tried.”
“That makes one of us. Maybe I hate me enough for both of us. I’ve been so damn mad at myself, but I simply couldn’t see an outcome where hating myself for letting you go didn’t happen.”
“And now?” Rain had been so sure that he didn’t have any hope left in him, but there it was, that bubbly sensation in his chest and tremor in his hands.
“Now, I’m still not sure. But I meant what I said at fire camp. I want to listen to you. Really listen.” Reaching out, he rubbed Rain’s shoulder, a contact as welcome as his words. “And I don’t have all the answers, not by a long shot, but I do know that I want to work this out. I missed you so damn much.”
“Me too. I missed you and I hated myself for missing you that much.”
“I’m sorry.” Garrick’s hand was as heavy as the emotion in his eyes, but Rain wasn’t running from either the contact or the intense feels. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Yeah, you kind of did,” Rain had to point out. “You thought it was the right thing to do and that you didn’t have a choice, but I told you it hurt, asked you to not, and you still pushed me away. Which made it hurt more, not less.”
“I fucked up. And I wish I had better words than simply another ‘I’m sorry.’ But I am sorry. Truly.”
“I believe you.” Rain couldn’t keep a yawn in any longer, belly full of warm soup and soul heavy with both this conversation and days’ worth of exhaustion catching up with him. “I don’t know where we go from here, but I believe you.”
“Do we need to have a map tonight?” Garrick laid his hand on top of Rain’s on the table. “We’re both wrung out. Can it be enough to say that we both want to work this out—whatever that takes—and that we’ll figure it out, together?”
Rain had to think for a moment because the urge to get all the answers was almost as strong as the need for sleep. But if they were going to have to talk, really talk, emotional heavy lifting, then he wanted to curl up in Garrick’s arms one more time first. If that made him selfish, so be it.
“Can I sleep here?”
“You have to ask?” Squeezing Rain’s hand one more time, he pointed toward the bedroom. “To bed. We’ll talk in the morning, promise. We’re both off, so we can go out with Cookie—”
“Cookie. Darn it. Forgot all about her. Do I need to find clothes for a fast walk?”
“Dad helped me with her when he dropped me off. No more excuses—bed.”
“Okay, okay.” Too tired to even worry about the dishes, he followed Garrick to the bedroom. But somehow after shucking his robe and climbing under the puffy bedding, his mind started racing, disjointed flashes of the past several days combined with future worries about him and Garrick along with the present awareness of Garrick stripping down to boxers and joining him under the covers. He shifted restlessly against the sheets.
“Problem?” Garrick rolled so that his arms were open for Rain to snuggle in against him, which was nice but only made the revving in his pulse that much stronger. Garrick smelled like his soap, no trace of fire, and Rain reveled in the clean, familiar scent.
“Tired. So tired. But my brain won’t shut off.”
“Oh, I know the cure for that.” Garrick waggled his eyebrows at Rain before he pulled him closer. Giving Rain ample time to object or roll away, he slowly lowered his mouth, gracing Rain with the sweetest, softest kiss he’d ever known. “This okay?”
“More than.” Rain tugged him down for another kiss. God, he’d missed this man so much, been so worried he’d never have this again. First the argument, then the fire. The fear had been real, and he pushed all of that into the kiss, into the way he clung to Garrick. He needed this on some primal level, had needed it for days, and now that he was getting it, all he could do was moan and kiss Garrick harder.
Luckily, Garrick seemed to need it every bit as much, claiming Rain’s mouth with aggressive nips and licks that had Rain writhing against his big, hard body. Wanting to lose himself in this, he rolled to his back, taking Garrick with him. They didn’t kiss like this very often, Garrick on top, but Rain loved it, loved all his heaviness and bulk and the way it chased out every rogue thought until the only thing he knew was this kiss, this moment right here.
“Still good?” Garrick asked as he kissed his way across Rain’s still-scruffy jaw to tease his ear and neck.
“Fuck, yeah.” Rain wasn’t as sensitive there as Garrick but it still felt electric, each little lick a fresh wave of arousal. Shifting on the bed, Garrick kissed a determined path down Rain’s neck and chest, pausing to flick at each of his nipples with the tip of his tongue, little teases that had Rain groaning. But then Garrick continued south, licking down Rain’s sternum, sexy intent clear in his eyes.
“Hey, I didn’t mean—”
“I did.” Garrick dropped a kiss right above Rain’s underwear, hooking his fingers in the silky purple fabric. “Damn. You are so fucking sexy in these. Please?”
“I’d kinda rather something for both of us.” Rain’s gasp as Garrick continued to lick along his waistband called him a liar. Did he want Garrick’s mouth? Well, of course. That was like asking if he wanted frosting on his cake. But getting oral had always made him feel weirdly on display and like he should be doing more for the other person. For all he liked showing off, being this kind of focal point made his neck itch. Want battled with unease in his gut.
“This is for me too.” Garrick stroked his thighs, big thumbs caressing Rain’s hip bones. “I’ve been dying to do this. Trust me?”
“I do,” Rain said quietly, relaxing by degrees under Garrick’s intent gaze, his warm breath that close to Rain’s cock an undeniable turn-on. “I just like getting you off too.”
“You do. A lot. If anything, our sex life is always about me, what I’m up for, what I can do, and what I need. Let me do this for you? Please?” He lightly kissed Rain’s straining cock through the thin fabric. Yeah. Rain wanted this, wanted to see what Garrick had in mind, and that want trumped his initial reservations, made him groan.
“Like I could say no with you asking all sweetly to suck my cock. Do it.” Plenty into the idea now, he helped wriggle out of his underwear when Garrick tugged them down. Laughing, Garrick peppered the shaft of Rain’s cock with little kisses.
“Been a while since I did this,
so tell me if I do it wrong.” Still teasing, he traced a meandering path along the underside of Rain’s cock, barely there touches that had Rain struggling not to buck his hips and had him moaning softly.
“Ha. You know exactly what you’re doing. And no such thing as—fuck.” He lost track of what he’d been about to say as Garrick finally took him in his mouth, tight, hot suction that was the definition of perfection. “That. Just do that.”
Humming happily, Garrick swallowed his cock deeper, setting a slow, shallow rhythm with a lot of tongue action. And okay, it was hard to worry about being the center of attention when it felt so damn good, little bursts of pleasure that skated up his spine. Garrick seemed to know exactly how to tease all the most sensitive places, and his hands stayed active too, one hand holding Rain’s cock steady while the other roamed all over his torso, dual onslaught.
“Fuck. Damn. You get any better...damn.”
“Good?” Garrick looked up, eyes sparkling.
“Fuck you. You know it is. Too good.”
“Excellent.” Garrick seemed to take his words as a challenge to redouble his efforts, sucking hard while his hand jacked the base of Rain’s cock. The movement of his fingers made his balls tingle, made his legs start to tense. It had been too long and much as he wanted to savor this, his body seemed to have other plans.
“Damn it. Close. Don’t wanna...” Words were failing him, moans and whimpers escaping instead as Garrick did this thing with his tongue around the head of Rain’s cock that had him clutching the sheets to avoid grabbing on to Garrick.
“I want you to. Get close. God, I love your sounds.” Garrick upped his game even further, faster strokes of his hand and mouth, tighter suction, and he moved to using his free hand to play with Rain’s balls and the patch of skin beyond them, skirting close to his rim and making Rain moan more with the memory of how good Garrick fingering and fucking him could be.
“Garrick. Please. Need to—fuck.”
“That’s it. Come for me. Do it,” Garrick pulled back long enough to urge. As he went back to sucking Rain, he used his tongue to milk the underside of Rain’s cock, glorious pressure that made his vision blur and every muscle tense.
“Oh God. That. Right there. Gonna...” He didn’t get much more warning than that out before he was coming. He expected Garrick to pull back, but Garrick stayed with him, stroking him through the climax and swallowing around his cock, a sexy, lewd noise that coaxed out a last wave of pleasure.
“Too sensitive,” he gasped at last, pushing at Garrick’s meaty shoulder.
“Good?” Garrick had a wicked, knowing smile as he returned to lying next to Rain.
“Damn you. You finally did it.” Rain’s voice was sleepy, his whole body heavy and lethargic now, orgasm having chased the last of his restless thoughts away. “I’m dead. Done in. But I owe you—”
“Nothing. You don’t owe me anything. Just you, here. That’s everything. All I need, promise.”
“Gonna hold you to that.” As his eyes fluttered shut, Rain wanted to believe him in the worst way, wanted to believe that he could be everything Garrick wanted, everything he needed, wanted to believe that they could be that for each other. He wanted to believe that they could work things out, that Garrick was right and that they could figure out a future together. He wasn’t sure he trusted that as much as Garrick did, but as sleep claimed him, he clung to the idea that maybe, just maybe this could work out.
Chapter Twenty-One
Plop. Garrick woke up to sixty-odd pounds of dog wiggling her way between Rain and him, interrupting a sexy dream and causing Rain to make a startled noise and roll away from Garrick.
“Cookie! I was having such a good dream too.” He shoved at her bulk but couldn’t move the stubborn beast. In the dream, everything had been back to normal between them, no big talk looming, no hard questions or lingering awkwardness, and he wouldn’t have minded staying in that happy, floaty place a little longer.
“Oh yeah?” Rain opened an eye. “Tell me about it?”
“It’d be more fun to show you, but I think someone isn’t going to let up until we take her o-u-t.”
Proving him right, Cookie wiggled, tail thumping against the mattress.
“I think she can spell now. Why couldn’t you rescue a dumb and lazy dog instead of this one who thinks she’s part rooster?” Sitting up, Rain stretched, covers pooling in his lap, and bare torso giving Garrick all sorts of ideas that he wasn’t going to be able to do anything about.
“I’ll start the coffee if you want to get dressed and find the leash.” Still in boxers from the night before, Garrick transferred to his chair.
Cookie leaped off the bed, racing out of the room.
“Damn. I think someone missed me.”
“She’s not the only one.” Garrick squeezed Rain’s bare ass as he passed.
“Good. Can I borrow a T-shirt? I think I’ve got shorts here somewhere.”
“Help yourself. We need to get you your own drawer.”
“Careful. I might go getting the idea you want to keep me around.”
“Hey.” Garrick pulled him into his lap. “I do want you around. A lot. I’m not offering to be nice or practical. I want you to keep stuff here. I want you here, as long as you want to stay. I fucked up in thinking I could let you go without it gutting me.”
“Yeah, well, walking away, that gutted me. I’ve done a ton of thinking since our fight, and you’re not the only one who fucked up, but I can’t deny that you hurt me when you pushed me away.”
“I’m sorry.” Chest aching, Garrick pressed a kiss to his neck. “I want you to trust me again. I want to do what it takes to get back to that place. I know it’s going to take time and probably some space too, but I’m willing to do whatever you need to regain that trust.”
“Thanks.” Rain dropped his head against Garrick’s shoulder briefly before Cookie was back, dragging the leash Garrick’s dad had left on the kitchen counter. “Okay, okay, silly dog. I’m getting dressed.”
He pushed off Garrick’s lap and went to rifle through the dresser. Garrick missed his closeness but was okay with a reprieve from the heavy talk.
“Not that I don’t miss your ponies, but I like seeing you in my shirt,” Garrick said a few minutes later when they were both dressed and in the kitchen, Rain in an old triathlon shirt over his own silver shorts.
“Okay, caveman.” Rain kissed the top of Garrick’s head, and for a moment at least, things between them were back to a light, easy place.
They set off toward the park at a fast clip, Cookie pulling Rain ahead and making conversation tough until they reached the pull-up obstacle along the park path.
“You don’t have to do a full workout,” he told Rain, who was eying the bar. “God knows you’ve been working hard the last week. Go easy on yourself.”
“Maybe I don’t want easy.” Frowning, Rain rattled off an impressive ten pull-ups before returning to Garrick and Cookie.
“What do you want?” It wasn’t lost on Garrick that he probably should have started with that question back during their initial argument. He’d made a lot of assumptions, assumptions his conversation with his dad had underscored, but now he was much less sure. More importantly, he was trying hard to not let his own fears get in the way of listening to Rain, actually trusting him, the way he wanted Rain to trust him as well.
“That’s a good question.” Rain walked farther, face creased as if he was thinking hard, before collapsing onto a bench near the sprinkler pad. “I know what everyone expects me to say—you included.”
“Maybe fuck others’ opinions. You’ve never let people stop you from doing what you want in other areas. And yeah, I’m guilty of assuming I knew best, but I’m willing to be wrong here.” Garrick parked next to him, letting Cookie flop at their feet.
“Good.” Rain’s mouth quirked, but his e
yes stayed wary.
“Also, if it helps, I don’t think there’s an answer that’s necessarily a deal breaker for us as a couple—that’s the part I wasn’t seeing clearly before. It’s not all or nothing.”
“How do you figure? Seems to me like there’s a really clear choice—here versus there, you versus alone.” Rain kicked at a rock near the bench.
“Maybe we’re both thinking about this wrong. It doesn’t have to be so black and white. I meant what I said the other day—me and Cookie, we’ll wait for you, as long as it takes. Go, chase the opportunity. There’ll be a place here for you when the season ends.”
“You hate long distance.” Shrugging, Rain studied the opposite side of the park where two women were jogging, perfectly in step with each other, each footfall synchronized like a footwear ad. Why couldn’t he and Garrick find the conversational equivalent of that kind of synergy?
“Well, I didn’t say it would be easy. Or preferable. But it also doesn’t have to be a permanent state of affairs. There’s a universe where you get the job, love it, and maybe I come to you.” He’d been thinking about that option for days now, but saying it aloud for the first time, his pulse still sped up. “I’m not tied to the smoke jumping job anymore. Dispatch or fire admin type jobs are going to be easier to come by wherever you land next.”
“But you love it here. This is where you grew up. Your dad is here. It’s your home. You’ve got your dream bachelor pad.”
“You’re not wrong about loving it here. And it would be complicated to move, sure. And it’ll always be home, but I also don’t want it to be an excuse for not going for what I truly want.” Taking a deep breath, he took Rain’s hand, squeezed it. He could admit now that when he’d been younger, he’d clung a little hard to those excuses, and he wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. “And what I want is you. Us. A chance at a future. That’s why I mean it when I say that I’d follow you. If you need to go, I’m not going to be the thing stopping you, but I would like to be the person at your side for the ride.”
High Heat (Hotshots) Page 25
