It’s the truth. I never imagined I’d experience this much happiness again after my world fell apart. Just being in my bed with a gorgeous woman in my arms is a fantasy I never thought would come true. Especially one that I care about; one that I’m getting more attached to with every second that passes.
Maybe it’s silly to her. I don’t care. This is all I need. I love the peace and serenity of this moment.
Listening to Ainsley’s breathing get shallow is like beautiful music in my ears, and it isn’t long until she’s asleep in my arms. I’m still not that tired, but there’s no way I’m going to wake her up, so I close my eyes and try to sleep. I don’t know how much times passes, but I doze off for a little while until I feel her moving, which causes my eyes to open.
“I know it sounds bad considering how good the dinner you made for me was, but I’m a little hungry.” She sighs.
“There are plenty of leftovers.” I rub my eyes and sit up. “Unless you want dessert.”
“I didn’t think you made desert.” She raises an eyebrow.
“I could have something delivered.” I shrug and get up to retrieve my phone from my pants. “What do you like?”
“You can get dessert delivered here? Our only options are pizza and Chinese food. Damn, I may have to move to the city…” She leans against me once I sit back down on the bed.
I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth unless it was something that came from my grandmother’s kitchen. I must have burned off every calorie I ate if I have a craving for it right now.
“How fast will it get here?” She points at an ice cream sundae. “That sounds really good, but I don’t want it if the ice cream is going to be melted.”
“It shouldn’t take that long.” I add it to my cart and scroll down the screen. “I wouldn’t mind some ice cream myself.”
I place the order and drop my phone on the table. Ainsley lifts up and kisses me the instant it leaves my hand. We make out on the bed for several minutes before I finally pull away so that I can get dressed. I’ve had enough time to recuperate and would forget all about dessert if we kept going, but there will be plenty of time for that before the sun comes up tomorrow morning.
Ainsley goes to my office to retrieve her things while I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a drink. I don’t even have a taste for it; I just do it out of instinct. I stare at the whiskey in my glass for a second, then dump it out in the sink. I’ve used it as a crutch for quite a while, but I don’t feel like I need a crutch right now.
“I may have to call my mom.” Ainsley sighs as she walks into the kitchen. “She sent me like ten text messages.”
“Is everything okay?” I turn to her and raise an eyebrow.
“Yeah, she’s just ticked off because I didn’t come home last night. I texted her this morning, but I’m sure she thought I’d be home by now.” Ainsley sits at the table. “I’m going to text her and see if that will get her off my back.”
“She didn’t know you weren’t coming home?” I sit across from her.
“We don’t talk as much as we used to.” She shrugs. “I told her I was going to a party; I just left the rest of it out.”
“Damn, Ainsley.” I shake my head. “I bet she's more worried than ticked off.”
“Yeah.” She sighs. “That was really shitty of me, wasn’t it? I’m going to call her.”
Ainsley walks back to my office, and all I can do is stare in disbelief until she disappears. I couldn’t imagine what would be going through my head if Kiana left for a party and didn’t come home. I might not win father of the year anytime soon, but I’d hope that she would tell me if she wasn’t planning to come home for the entire weekend. She would tell her mother; at least one of us would know where she was.
The ice cream arrives while Ainsley is on the phone with her mother. I set everything up on the table and wait. The conversation doesn’t seem to be a short one. I’d hate for her ice cream to melt. I’m two seconds from putting it in the freezer to be safe when my office door opens, and Ainsley returns to the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” I look up at her.
“Yeah, I apologized.” She sighs and sits next to me. “I’m sure she’s tired of hearing those from me by this point, but she’s okay now.”
“You should treat the people who love you a lot better than that.” I pick up my spoon and open my ice cream. “You’ll regret it one day.”
I know I do. All of the times I told Kiana I was disappointed in her when she was doing her best. All of the times I wasn’t supportive of Hudson when he was excited about an accomplishment that didn’t seem that impressive to me. I dug my own grave, and I get to lie in it every day. I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone.
“I always regret it.” She nods, and I see a hint of sadness in her beautiful emerald green eyes. “I keep waiting for her to give up on me, but she never does.”
“You don’t want that. Trust me.” I look down and sigh.
“I know.” She picks up her spoon. “I’ll talk to her when I get back tomorrow.”
“You may not walk the straight and narrow like you said, but that’s one thing you can fix; you should do it while you still have a chance to do so.” I dig my spoon into my ice cream and take a bite.
I might not have a lot of sagely advice to give anyone, but I’m an expert on this. I have more regrets than most and a long list of missed opportunities. Ainsley has her fair share, but she doesn’t realize what it’s like to truly hit rock bottom. I’d like to save her from that fate.
“On a more positive note, this is really good.” Ainsley looks down at her ice cream sundae and smiles.
“Yes, it is.” I lean closer to her. “Although I’m going to want another kind of dessert when I’m done with this.”
“You didn’t get enough already?” Her lips spread into a devious grin.
“Not at all.” I place a kiss on her neck and lean back.
“What am I in trouble for this time?” She pushes her spoon into her sundae.
“Trouble?” I raise an eyebrow. “You were begging me not to give you your second spanking earlier. I went easy on you.”
“I’m not complaining about that. I liked it.” She takes a bite of her sundae. “But if we’re going back to the bedroom…”
Ainsley is tenacious. I can’t deny that. I’ve seen how much it turns her on, but I wish she got that turned on when I pulled her into my arms. That certainly does it for me. Those pouty lips—those gorgeous curves—fuck, I don’t need more than that. Just thinking about being inside her is enough to make my cock get hard sitting at the table. But I’ve made a life out of not giving other people what they need, and I won’t do that with Ainsley.
“Well, I did stay out all night without telling anyone that I wasn’t coming home…” She tilts her head slightly.
“That’s true.” I let out a sigh.
“I know you said that you didn’t want to be my daddy, but you could be my guardian, or maybe an upset uncle.” She shrugs.
Now I see where this is going. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out.
“You like to be punished for things you’ve actually done wrong, don’t you?” I narrow my eyes.
“That does make it a lot more realistic.” She looks down and blushes.
“So last night…” I tilt my head inquisitively. “Being out of dress code? Drinking? Smoking?”
“I’ve never gotten in trouble for being out of dress code before, but I obviously was last night.” She nods. “The other two—yeah, I’ve gotten in trouble plenty of times for drinking and smoking. Not so much recently. I think my mom has chosen which battles to pick at this point.”
“But you get turned on by it?” I tilt my head in the opposite direction as I try to make sense of everything.
“I don’t know why.” She looks up at me. “I just do.”
“Earlier tonight when I punished you for cheating on a math test. That wasn’t really one of your fantasies was it?” I lean ba
ck in my chair.
“It isn’t one I would have come up with, but I’ve definitely done it. Not math, per say, but I cheated on a few vocabulary tests.” She lifts her hand to her lips to hide her smile.
The fantasies she has are all grounded in reality. They’re not concocted from thin air. Damn, this truly is an emotional thing for her. She gets off on having someone who cares. Her mother does, but she’s just an authority figure to rebel against. Ainsley’s needs are rooted deep inside her, and they have tangled into her very essence to the point they’ve manifested as sexual desires. There may not be any way for her to untangle it.
Part of me worries that she’ll never be able to have a normal relationship, but I drew her into this. All I can do is let it play out.
“Okay then, young lady.” I try to gather my thoughts and firm up my tone. “After you finish your ice cream, you need to go wait for me in the bedroom. We’re going to have a long talk about you staying out all night.”
“Yes, sir.” I see a flicker of excitement in her eyes.
We eat the rest of our ice cream in silence. She’s practically trembling in anticipation. I can’t believe she’s so excited to get another spanking after what I gave her earlier, but she clearly is.
I watch as Ainsley leaves the table and decide that pouring out my drink earlier was a mistake. My head is a mess now, and I need one. Ainsley is such a mystery, and every time I feel like I’ve gotten something figured out, I get thrown another curve ball. I didn’t realize how deep it all went, but I’m starting to see what is beneath the surface.
I’m outside of my comfort zone. I tried to get into it, and what we did earlier was incredible, but it’s going to be difficult for this to continue to be the core of our relationship. I want to go back to bed and make love to the beautiful woman that I’m falling for. That isn’t enough for her. She needs to be punished before that can happen.
Another issue is that no matter how many times I punish her, there’s still going to be something missing. We’re putting a band-aid on her real fantasies—Principal Brooks, guardian, upset uncle, whatever. What she’s really after is the one fantasy I’m not sure I can give her. She wants me to be her Daddy. It makes more sense now. She’s never had that. It’s always going to be the missing piece until she does.
That’s so difficult for me to wrap my head around. Maybe I’m just being selfish. I definitely don’t see my daughter when I look at Ainsley. I got spooked earlier because it came out of nowhere and triggered something in me, mostly because I wasn’t expecting it. Ainsley is trying to let go of that, but I see the need burning in her eyes. I don’t want it to be a barrier in our relationship. Maybe I can try it. If nothing else, she might be able to get it out of her system.
I push my chair back and stand up.
There’s a gorgeous woman waiting on me in the bedroom, and that’s the only thing I should be thinking about. Does it really matter what she calls me? I’m still the same person—the man who gets to hold her in my arms when it’s all said and done. That’s all I care about. If I’m going to put her needs first, then I may have to open myself up to things that may make me a little uncomfortable. I can do it for her. Just once.
If she needs a Daddy, that’s exactly what she’ll get.
Chapter Fifteen
Ainsley
I’m dwelling on my guilt. The conversation with my mother didn’t go well. I played it off because that’s what I do best, but she’s far from okay with me staying out all weekend without telling her what I had planned. All I had to do was let her know when I was walking out the door, and it would have been fine. She might not have liked it, but she would have known what I was doing. Part of it, at least.
Once again, I’ve turned my guilt into a fantasy. It was the first place my thoughts went when he said we were going back to the bedroom. It’s not supposed to be that way. I should have been excited about the other things we did in his bed. Instead, my emotions are clinging to something else. That feeling I had when I was over his knee for the very first time—being whole, being complete, not being totally broken.
Lawson saw right through the veil. He peeled back the layers until I told him the truth about my fantasies. Now I’m about to live out another one. I’m sitting on Lawson’s bed waiting on him to come through the door and deliver my punishment. I’ll do my best not to make it just about me. I’ll try to be what he needs too—after it’s over.
The minutes pass. They’re stretched out and elongated as I savor the internal torment before the physical storm.
I finally hear his footsteps. I don’t know who he will be when he opens the door, but regardless of the role, he’ll still be Lawson. That’s who I want, no matter what he lets me call him.
“Ready to discuss what you did? Staying out all night? Not telling me where you were going before you left?” He steps into the room with the same intensity he had when he was Principal Brooks.
“Yes…” I blink a couple of times as I look at him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to call you.”
“There should be a sir after that yes.” He walks to the bed and sit. “Until you tell your daddy how sorry you are.”
I’m immediately hit with a wave of confusion that makes my heart race. Am I hearing things? Did he really say that? I want to ask questions, but I don’t know how to get the words out. I didn’t expect him to be my daddy when he walked through the door. I thought it was off limits, and I was willing to accept that.
“I…” I feel completely tongue-tied when I try to speak.
“Well, what do you have to say for yourself, young lady?” He narrows his eyes and glares at me.
I’ve fantasized about this moment more times than I could count, with no real face to go with it. Just a constant swirl. All of that seems to come into focus. Lawson listened to what I said while he was peeling those layers back. He understands it. He understands me. He’s fully outside of his comfort zone because he wants to give me what I need.
How did I get so lucky to find a man like him?
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I look down at the floor. “It won’t happen again.”
It rolls off my tongue so easily. I’m supposed to be in trouble right now, but I’m filled with so much exhilaration that it’s hard to keep a straight face.
“When you do something like that, it makes everyone who cares about you worry.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “It’s selfish and it’s unfair. You’re better than that.”
“Yes, sir.” I nod.
Lawson pulls me back into the fantasy before I can escape it. I’m snatched into the headspace I belong in right now. I should’ve been more considerate before I left to spend the weekend in the city. I should’ve been open and honest about it. I shouldn’t have made my mother worry so much. It really was selfish and unfair.
“I’m sure you understand that I have to punish you for what you did.” Lawson sighs.
“I know.” I feel the fantasy close in around me, and the emotions come with it.
“What do you think that is going to be?” He tilts his head slightly.
“I’m going to get a spanking, aren’t I?” I look at him nervously.
“That’s right.” He motions to me. “Stand up.”
“Yes, sir.” I comply with his request.
It doesn’t feel quite as exciting as it did the last time. It feels too real. I didn’t anticipate that when I was setting myself up for another trip across his knee. It’s been emotional every time, but there was desire interlaced with it. I don’t have that same connection with it right now. This feels like actual punishment. It’s what I asked for, but I was in a different headspace then.
“Over my knee.” Lawson guides me into position and pulls up my dress before I even get settled.
There are no sexy remarks about the fact I’m not wearing panties. No further discussion about what is going to happen. He doesn’t trace my ass or tease me at all. The first thing I feel is the sting of his hand.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“Ow!” I wince. The spanking is harder than the last one.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“I’m sorry, Daddy!” I whimper and feel tears start to well up in my eyes.
No response from Lawson. Just the sound of his hand landing on my skin.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
This spanking hurts. I’m not in the right place mentally for it. He threw me for a loop when he said he was my daddy. It isn't what I imagined because the desire isn’t getting pulled to the surface like it did before when we were having fun in a somewhat playful environment.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“Okay, that’s enough! Please!” I throw one hand back to try to block his while my other hand wipes away a tear.
Lawson lets go of the grip he has on my waist, and I pull away from him. I feel embarrassed and confused. The expression on his face resonates the exact same thing. Everything is so wrong emotionally. I don’t know why or how to explain it to him.
“Give me a minute.” I pull my dress down and walk toward the door.
“Wait, Ainsley…” Lawson stands up. “Talk to me.”
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head and wave him off.
I leave the bedroom and lock myself in the bathroom. The tears stream down my face immediately. They’re not driven by pain; the spanking didn’t last long enough to make me cry like this. It’s a pure emotional eruption without proper cause.
I craved punishment. Real punishment. That was exactly what he was giving me. He was even letting me call him Daddy. I was excited at first, but then it just didn’t work. I feel like an absolute mess. I don’t even understand my own fantasies or what kind of desires I have. That was supposed to be my ultimate fantasy, but it turned sour once I got trapped in it.
“Ainsley, you can talk to me.” Lawson gently knocks on the door.
Despite the emotional sundering I’m dealing with, it doesn’t seem fair to close myself off from Lawson. I stand, unlock the door, and sit on the edge of the bathtub.
Don't Call Me Daddy (Once Upon a Daddy) Page 10
