“The debt you speak of is a big one. You may never repay it, Luykas.”
“I still need to try.” He was going to repay her for it. He was going to repay her father and brothers. Even her mother had given him so much, long before Maevana was even born.
And he would live with the blood bond. He had to. He couldn’t leave that cunt in her head like that. It was a death sentence.
He would know.
36
Rainev
Rain couldn’t sleep, and it wasn’t because of Mave and Matesh. He listened to his father snore and just stared blankly out into the dark. He knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep until he was too exhausted to think or move. Every time he tried to close his eyes, that day in the pits came back.
During the escape, he’d been focused on leaving, surviving, getting out of the Empire with his family. Now, he was stuck on a ship, in the middle of the Aegan Sea, and all he could think about was those dirty males. Those betrayers of what their people were about. Those violators of his belief in good men.
He had been tired after that fight with the gryphon, and they had grabbed him and pinned him before he even had a chance to realize what was happening. They hadn’t even given him a chance to fight. They beat him, and they promised everything they were going to do to him.
They figured if he was strong enough to kill a friend of theirs on the sands, they were going to have to teach him his place. And if he survived it, they were going to keep him after Mave and Matesh were dead.
I was going to be their bitch for eternity.
He was down when Mave and Mat came roaring into the small room. He had lost, and he’d known it. He’d been outnumbered, outmatched, and he had been trying to convince himself it would all be okay. That he could survive it. That he was strong enough to look at himself after it would be over.
It hadn’t been. Nothing was okay. He wondered, even as he was across the room from his father, if anything would ever be okay again.
His father. Gods, if he knew, Rain would never be allowed to leave Olost again. He’d be left in a village and hidden, safe like his father wanted.
He couldn’t handle it anymore. He shoved himself up and nearly ran out of the room, needing the cool night air, needing to be away from the tight confines of the cabin. It was dark and enclosed like that small room in the pits that night.
Rain crossed his arms over his chest as he made it under the stars. He’d missed them. He’d missed flying and shifting while being in the pits. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been affected by it.
His beast was clawing to leave him now, knowing it could escape into the skies. It had been silent on him for the entire time he wore that collar. He’d been more preoccupied with surviving the pits than wondering what was going on with his wyvern. His wyvern had been practically missing from that place in his heart where it lived within him.
Now it begged for his attention. Demanded he burn things down in a violent way Rain had never experienced before. He felt almost like he had a monster inside of him. It had been deliciously pleased when he’d let it out and unleashed hell on the Elvasi ships.
It was angry it had been a victim too. It wanted revenge. Bloody, vicious, and hateful revenge.
He couldn’t handle the rage he felt. He looked down from the sky, barely restraining the snarl. His jaw cracked as the wyvern tried to burst free. His tail flicked around, wanting to grow long enough to cause destruction.
Stop, he begged his beast. There was no one to hurt except their family. He couldn’t let the rage out on the boat and he couldn’t fly high above without someone keeping an eye out for him in case he went down.
It listened, but only barely. It didn’t relent in how it felt, but it relented trying to force the shift.
The wyvern and Rain were one being and also two. Rain’s mother had explained to him ages ago, when he shifted for the first time, when they realized he’d gotten the wyvern form mutts did when they were part Andinna.
The gods of the Clans of Zira fought against each other constantly, and the humans who prayed to them split apart, fighting as well. In an effort to be the dominant god of the area, the gods combined human and animal souls in an effort to create the most powerful warriors. Some saw it as a gift, but Rain sometimes saw it as a curse.
They were forever tied, merged. There would always be a mirror in his heart, his human soul versus its animal half. One soul, two halves. Two halves that sometimes wouldn’t agree. Hence the curse of it.
“Young man, why are you up here?”
Rain turned to Leshaun and sighed. “Why are you up here?” He didn’t want his near-grandfather coming after him right now.
“I heard you. I spoke to Luykas earlier tonight and haven’t found any sleep. I heard you come up and decided to see how you were doing.” Leshaun’s tone was gentle and calm. Rain closed his eyes as the older male walked closer. “How are you?”
“Angry,” he admitted softly. “So angry.”
“Would you like to tell me why?”
“No,” he whispered. He didn’t want to say it out loud, not again.
“Let it out and fly. I’ll watch. Just don’t hurt the ship.”
He didn’t need another word. He undid his pants, the only thing he was wearing, and kicked them off. He ran for the rail and threw himself off the ship. The shift came instantly and he was a wyvern over the sea a moment later. He pulled up and shot straight towards the night sky. He went so high that the ship was a tiny dot below him.
When he figured they might not hear him, he roared, and a ball of fire triggered in his throat and lit up the night sky.
Rain let the wyvern get its anger out. His anger.
If he’d had his wyvern, none of it would have happened. They would have feared him. They wouldn’t have taken advantage of him being smaller than the rest. They wouldn’t have wanted to hurt him. They would have respected him like they did Matesh, who they had only beaten with the intent to kill. They would have feared him like they did Mave.
Instead, he’d been without the one thing that made him strong. And he had proven himself to be incredibly weak. Helpless. Needing to be saved.
He turned and dove back down to the water, letting himself fly next to the ship with his back claws grazing the water. He was as long as the ship from snout to the end of his tail. Even as a wyvern he was lithe, but he was still powerful in this form.
He considered staying in it. He wouldn’t be the first Clan to do it. Just let the animal take over. No one would hurt him if he could breathe fire all the time.
Then he thought about Mave. She was just finding her freedom. He wanted to be there with her as she learned about their world, their people. He didn’t want to miss that. He thought about all the males that had raised them. He’d be abandoning the only family he had to hide from his own fear.
He would need to get stronger, but he couldn’t do it as a wyvern. He rose up over the ship and shifted to human just before he landed on the deck.
Leshaun walked to him, holding out his pants. “I could see the fireball from down here. I won’t pry, but you’ve never been a violent man, Rain. Even at your angriest, you’ve always been one to smile first.” Leshaun sounded concerned. “If this is about your father…I know he coddles you. It will take him time. I am the same way with Matesh, and he’s even older and more experienced. We don’t want to lose the only thing we have left of those we loved.”
“It’s not him.” Rain couldn’t be angry with his father for caring about him. That wasn’t the problem. His only worry at that moment concerning his father was how he was going to react when Rain put his plan in motion.
“Okay, Rainev,” Leshaun relented. “I’m going back in. You stay on the boat, okay?”
“Sure,” he answered. When Leshaun was gone, he thought about his intentions. He was no longer going to put on a fake smile and pretend everything was okay. He was going to fight back. He was going to get stronger. He wasn’t going to fear. He was going
to become feared.
Rain hadn’t been violent before. He was about to be. He felt a single-minded drive to become just as strong a warrior as Mave. He was going to dedicate himself to getting strong, better.
No one was going to hurt him again.
Next time, he was going to hurt them first.
37
Mave
Waking up next to a male was a new experience for Mave. A warm body next to hers was something she never thought she would enjoy feeling in the morning. She crawled out quickly, though, hoping not to get too comfortable. She needed to go and consider her new world, this new freedom and what led her to it.
She snuck out without waking him, thankful for that. She needed a moment alone, to find her thoughts. She didn’t stop in the dining area, going straight up to the deck, where sailors were shouting at each other and the sea air was unfamiliar, but refreshing.
She didn’t speak to anyone as she leaned on a rail and looked out over the water, just taking in the sights.
Freedom. An open expanse. She had never seen so much of the sky, or so much water. She’d never heard sailors like the ones on the ship, laughing as they worked. A few seabirds she didn’t recognize, had never seen, flew over the ship as well. As she watched, the tug in her chest decreased. It was still very faint, but it somehow got weaker.
“Mave, how are you this morning?” a male voice asked. She turned to see Luykas and resisted the urge to bare her canines at him. The tug had told her he was close.
“I was fine,” she answered.
“Really. How are you?”
She narrowed her eyes on him. “Angry with you still. Happy about this.” She waved a hand over her face. “Conflicted.”
“I can understand that. For the tatua, they look wonderful. No one will ever question whether the Company accepts you. We do. We’re not ones to judge you based on what happened to survive. Look at Bryn.” He sighed, looking away from her after that, his gold eyes going to the sea. “As for the blood bond…I’m sorry.”
She had to make a choice. One that she would need to stick to.
“Thank you. I’m mad at you, but…thank you.” She looked down now as well. “Without it, without you, I would have lost…”
“No. You wouldn’t have lost anything,” he cut in, turning to give her a hard stare. “You would be dead, and who knows what’s in the afterlife? You know who would have lost something, Mave? Matesh and Rain.”
She felt like her heart just got ripped out of her chest.
Skies. I didn’t even think of them.
“And you did the best you could to protect yourself from something you couldn’t stop, but forgive me, this isn’t all about you. I said it yesterday. We didn’t want you to die. Zayden saved you for Rain. I saved you because I loved and respected your father as my own.” His gold eyes softened. “You are already a part of this family because of those things. And we weren’t ready for you to die.”
“I’m sorry.” She had never felt such a deep shame. She hadn’t even thought about how she would have left Rain and Mat. She had been selfishly angry. She’d been so mad at him for her reasons that she didn’t stop to think about why Rain and Mat weren’t mad at him for their own. She’d never had people who would miss her before. And they would. She knew they would, and she’d been so wrapped up in herself that she wasn’t seeing the gift Luykas had given them by helping her live. “Would you tell me about it? The blood bond?”
“Yes. First, our heartbeats. They feel layered, don’t they?”
“They do. Are they in sync?”
“Yes, unless something happens. If yours speeds up or slows down, mine will try to catch up. I’ll know that physical change in you and it’ll probably start the same one in me. Like an adrenaline rush. Or pain.”
Heat rushed over her face. “Or pleasure.” She remembered how her heart had beat, how her body had felt with Matesh the night before. She glanced up at Luykas’ face. Dark circles were under his eyes.
“I can ignore things fairly well. I’ll be fine.”
“Will I feel it from you?” she asked.
“Always the right questions,” he groaned. “No, you shouldn’t. I…blocked it with sorcery. I’m not sure it’s permanent, but it seems to be working for now. I didn’t want you to be punished with it. I knew when I made the bond what sort of things came from it, and I had to think fast to stop it from affecting you too much. I’m hoping to find a way to mute what I get from you as well, so that your feelings are private.”
He’d done that for her.
“So you want us to have normal lives with…this.” She gestured between them, meaning the strange tug that was in her chest. She tried to ignore it. “Find ways to ignore it. Block it.”
“Why wouldn’t I? Blood bonds are normally done between the closest people, to give them even more of each other. An ultimate acceptance of the other. We barely know each other.”
“Are our lives tied now? Will I die if you do, or-”
“No!” Luykas even chuckled as he answered that. “Thank the Skies, no.” He sobered quickly. “But there are consequences of loving someone you have a blood bond with. The person’s blood is in you now, and it’s part of you. And when the other person dies, it dies, taking something of you with it, in a way. Some have described it as losing a piece of themselves. Many don’t survive through the depression after it.”
Mave let that sink in. This was all good to know. Terrifying, but good information.
“It’ll make teaching you our magic easier, since I can now use your blood and you can use my blood.” Luykas leaned in closer but didn’t enter her personal space. “You have strong blood, like your mother, so it’s good that I’ll be able to take control from you if something goes wrong.”
“But I can take control of yours. Wouldn’t it just balance out?”
“I’m better at magic than you. If you ever steal from me, I’ll know you don’t need my training at all.” He smiled now, enigmatic.
She took it as a challenge. One day, she would be better than him at blood magic. A promise to herself.
“Can I ask a stupid question?” he murmured, still watching her.
“What?”
“Why Matesh and Rain?”
She was silent for a long time, considering that. Their names. Their smiles. Their ear tags. Her want. Her need to have someone, anyone who would just give her a chance.
But it boiled down to two words. “Small gifts,” she whispered.
“Excuse me?” He frowned at her.
“Small gifts. I’ll explain it later,” she said, louder so he wouldn’t press for more, shaking her head. Her stomach made an uncomfortable noise. “When’s breakfast? No one was up when I came out here.”
“Right now. You’ve been out here staring into the ocean for a long time. I came out to get you, actually, and figured I could sneak in an important conversation.” He smiled, that enigmatic thing she didn’t know how to feel about. “Matesh still isn’t up. Impressive.” His eyebrows even went up suggestively as he made the comment.
He’s teasing me. Of course he is. Of all the males!
“Funny,” she hissed. She walked past him and went back below deck, finding most of the Company in the dining area now.
Rainev looked up to her and grinned. “They look good, Mave.”
“What do?” she asked, confused.
“Your tatua,” he reminded her, tapping his forehead. “They suit you. They look beautiful.”
She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten already. She touched her cheekbone, remembering the night before. Not her romp with Mat, but the biggest gift anyone had ever given her.
“Sit down, girl, and eat. No reason to stand there. We can all gawk seated.” Leshaun walked around her and she realized she was in his way. She hurriedly found an open seat next to Rainev and smiled at him.
“They do look good, don’t they?”
“A true Andinna,” he agreed.
Nevyn piped in, agreeing, while
Varon made wild, fast hand gestures. Leshaun mumbled about how Matesh had done too much. Alchan just watched her and when she met his eyes, he lifted his glass in a small toast.
“Welcome to the Company,” he told her.
“Thank you.” She swallowed her emotions.
“So, what are we going to do to pass the time on this fucking boat?” Nevyn asked, falling into a chair on her other side. Varon was with him, and she began to realize those two were probably never separated.
“I figure we start immediately on her training. That should help us get her up to speed before we get to Olost.” Luykas sat next to his brother as he spoke. “We can get her to passing Andena, test her weapon skills, and begin getting her flight-worthy.”
They went on to keep talking about her, the training, and the future. She was just glad she felt included, no matter how hard the work was going to be. Years of being the best gladiator had never gotten her this, everything she had ever wanted and never dared hope for. Years of hard work for nothing except survival. All she’d had to do was take a chance to get close to two unknown males.
“How are you feeling, big sister?”
“Excited. I never thought falling from grace would feel so good.”
38
Trevan
Trevan sat in the dark cell, chained and waiting. He knew he would be executed. He was amazed he was still alive. He just hoped it was worth it. He hoped those Andinna were free. Hundreds of years gathering what information he could about how they lived, the schedules of the gladiators, the guards, who was in charge - all for one night and three free Andinna.
Only three.
It was worth it. If they were free, it was more than worth it. Especially the Champion. Mave. She had been so brutalized by the world she lived in. He hoped she saw the sky and would one day fly in it. A lifetime of slavery, a lifetime of battle for the entertainment of those who just wanted to see her bleed, see her dead. She deserved the sky, in his opinion.
The Gladiator's Downfall Page 39
