by J. Nichole
He nods his head. He looks down at my plate and says, “Looks like you are finished with your food. Ready to go?” When I called Kevin yesterday, he asked if we could grab lunch and visit the Botanical Gardens today. Not having much else to do today I agreed. It’s been years since I’ve been to the Botanical Gardens, and from what I remember it’s a neat experience.
“Yeah let’s go check out this garden.” After Kevin pays, we walk back to his car to drive the short distance.
When we enter the gardens, Kevin reaches for my hand and we walk hand and hand through the floral exhibits, stopping to admire the different floral sculptures and flower exhibits. Kevin speaks to some of the employees in passing, and initially I think it’s his southern hospitality. But then I realize his level of familiarity exceeds just a simple ‘hello.’ “Do you know them?” I ask after we pass a few employees who stop and speak to Kevin about the new exhibit on the other side of the garden.
“Something like that.” He leads me in the direction of the new exhibit. With Fall as its theme, the pumpkins and orange orchids are gathered to create a display worthy of Halloween. Beside the exhibit is a bench under a fully bloomed tree, the perfect spot for shade. He nods toward the bench and asks, “Want to take a seat?”
“Sure.” After walking around most of the garden my feet could use a break. “What type of work do you do?” When we first met, I didn’t have high hopes for seeing Kevin too often. I kept our conversation light. Didn’t ask many questions about his life.
“I run a non-profit for young men.” He turns his body on the bench to face me. Swiping at the sweat that had pooled around his neck he continues, “Not what I intended to do when I graduated but it’s the most satisfying job I’ve ever had.” He smiles and I know he’s genuine about his response.
“Did you start the non-profit?” Although the shade is blocking the sun, the heat is unforgiving. I feel like I’m back in Tallahassee in the middle of summer. I pluck at my shirt to keep it from sticking to my skin.
“No, I didn’t start it. It’s been around for many years. The founder is older and wanted to start transitioning leadership before he couldn’t contribute to the direction after his departure.” I nod my head as he describes his role, and the goals of the organization.
I disrupt him and say, “You’re really passionate about your work.”
He sighs and says, “After all these years. I really am. Enough about me. What is it that you do?”
I roll my eyes, not at him but at the thought of my day job. “I majored in business. Such a generic major, and my job is nothing I thought I’d be doing.” Kevin bites his lip. “Nothing I’m passionate about but it fits its purpose. Paychecks are reliable.” Shrugging I say, “Of course I’d love to be able to go on and on about my job the way you did and feel the joy you just expressed, but I just need to discover what it is that will fill that spot for me.”
Kevin puts his arm around my shoulders and, unlike before, I don’t feel a sexual attraction to him. Feels like I’m sitting here with a good friend, not someone I’m trying to get into bed with. Not someone who could scratch this itch that I’m sure will return at the exact point when I have nobody around. What’s going on with me? I’m tempted to touch my head and check for a temperature. “At least you recognize you want a change and you know you have work to do to figure it out.”
My head sways side to side. “Yeah.” I sigh. “Are you from here?” I ask leaning away from his arm to look at him as he answers.
“No, I’m not from Atlanta. Or Georgia.” Kevin stills and instead of telling me where he’s from he asks, “You?”
“Yes, I’m from Georgia. Born and raised. But growing up I lived outside of the city.” Before I can dig more into his story, a few kids run past us screaming, and our quiet moment is gone.
Kevin watches the kids run in front of us while their mom attempts to chase after them. When the mom loses, Kevin hops out of his seat and outstretches his hand to me. “There are a couple of other cool exhibits we should see before we leave today.”
I try to ignore my phone vibrating in my purse, but the persistence of the person calling is unwavering. I tug Kevin toward an exhibit with burgundy and burnt orange flowers. Leaning against the gate, I dig my phone out of my purse and shake my head when I see Big Daddy flashing on the screen. Before I can stuff my phone back into my purse Kevin asks, “Need to take that?”
“No, it can wait.” I turn to the flowers and try to distract Kevin from the phone call. “I’m pretty sure that Fall is my favorite season.” Although the heat today feels nothing like fall. “Actually, I love Fall when it feels like Fall.” I look at the sweat accumulating on Kevin’s forehead in small beads. “Damn global warming and all.”
“Right,” He says as he wipes at his forehead again. Unable to catch each bead of sweat he leans on the gate beside me and says, “It’s my second favorite. Spring would definitely be my first. A fresh beginning, decent weather that breaks the horrible winter.”
“Horrible winter?” I say in a high-pitched tone. “In Georgia?”
“Winter in Georgia is weak. But it’s still cold and dreary, dark most of the day.” Kevin reaches for my hand and asks, “Are you ready to get out of here?” I nod my head. “Your favorite season isn’t being as kind to us.” Walking out of the gardens Kevin asks, “Do you have plans for the rest of your day?”
Bryan and I didn’t commit to being in a relationship, or not seeing other people, but we did say we’d see what would happen. I told Kevin I was single, and that’s true. Kinda. I mean if Bryan called me and told me that he was on a date today I’d think his willpower to sustain the distance was not successful. I’d jump to all sort of conclusions about this thing we are doing being pointless. “I have a few errands I need to run.” I’d lie and say I needed to go grocery shopping but I couldn’t say that with a straight face.
“I know how that can be. The week is busy. Just when we thought the weekend was supposed to be filled with fun, adulthood rained on us like the plague.”
I chuckle to myself because that reality couldn’t be further from the truth. “Wise words.”
“If only it weren’t true.” He opens my car door and I climb in, thankful for the seat. “If you aren’t busy next weekend I hope we can spend some time together.” He looks at me as he straps in his seat belt. “You know, between adulting.”
Instead of verbally responding, I nod my head, but mentally consider how I’ll avoid his calls next week. For the first time, since I don’t know when, I don’t want multiple guys on my bench. I don’t feel like I need a backlist of guys to call when I need some loving. Bryan better deliver on his trip at the end of the month. If not, I’ll be kicking myself for this empty bench I’ll have.
Instead of running errands I look around my small apartment and decide to start cleaning. Although I don’t cook, I do clean. While I’m wiping my counter my phone rings and I dig through my purse to grab it. “Jennifer,” I yell into the mouthpiece before putting it on speaker to continue wiping the counter. “How are you?”
Jennifer laughs then says, “I’m good. Haven’t heard from you east coast chicks in a while.” Jennifer’s right, I haven’t called her in a while and we are way overdue for a trip. But unless she’s opening her pocketbook to come visit me, it’ll be next year before I have some spare change for another plane ticket. “What have you been up to? And why am I on speaker?”
“You’re on speaker because I’m in the middle of cleaning my house. I haven’t been up to much. I went out with a friend today.”
“Oh my, tell me more.” Jennifer and I were very close our freshman year of college. We stayed in the same small dorm room together, and our second year we moved out to an apartment where Laila and Monica joined us. I love Jennifer, but she strongly opposed me mingling with different dudes and it didn’t take long before I’d avoid her. “Was this just another guy or is this a potential boyfriend?”
“It’s our second time out together.
” I laugh and say, “And you’d be happy to know we haven’t had sex.” Jennifer gasps.
“Am I talking to a changed Nicole?” The sarcasm laced in her voice causes me to roll my eyes.
“It’s nothing serious. What’s going on with you and your boyfriend?” I ask focusing the attention back to her.
“He’s still around,” she sighs, “After moving in together I don’t know what I expected to happen, but whatever I expected hasn’t happened.”
Throughout our years at L. U. Jennifer went on very few dates. Rightfully so, she didn’t trust many guys. When she met Derrick, she surprised us all when they became inseparable senior year. “Have the flames burned out?” I hear old people say that all the time. After some time of being with the same person you have to keep rekindling the flame.
“I guess you can say that. We have our routine, and I don’t know.”
“Sounds like y’all need to shake it up a bit. You still want to be with him, right?” My phone dings with an incoming call and I look at the screen and see Big Daddy, again.
“I do want to be with him. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But I guess being an adult isn’t as thrilling as our college years.” My laughter echoes through the apartment. “Or maybe it’s just me.”
“Oh no honey. I’m sitting here on a Saturday, after a day date, cleaning my apartment. This adult life is nothing to brag about.” My phone dings again and I say, “Do you remember Chris’ brother Bryan?” When she doesn’t respond affirmatively I say, “He came down a couple of times while Chris was on campus. When I was up visiting Laila, he was there.”
“Wait, I think I know where this is going. You fucked Laila’s brother-in-law?”
“Brother-in-law… girl. No, we didn’t fuck in New York. But we kept in touch, and he surprised me with a visit here in Atlanta.”
“He surprised you with a visit?” The excitement in her voice returns. “Sounds kinda serious.”
“I think he wants to be serious, but…”
“Nicole, I get it. You have lived life footloose and carefree for years, avoiding commitment at all costs.” I nod my head cause Jennifer is absolutely right. “But if I can settle down and trust Derrick, then I know you can. If Bryan is a good dude I think you should give it a try.” She laughs. “Tell dude who took you on a date today it was nice but don’t keep him around.”
“Oh, Jennifer. When did you become so wise?”
She cackles. “I’ve always been wise. You just didn’t want to hear any of my antics.” She’s definitely right about that because in college, anything she said or offered up on my personal life was ignored. “I need to go find Derrick. As I’ve been sitting here, I realize we need to liven it up a bit. I’m going to pull on a sexy dress and we’re going on a date.”
“Get it girl! Have fun.” After hanging up I finish cleaning my kitchen and grab a glass of wine. A call to Bryan is going to need some liquid courage.
With my legs propped up on the coffee table, my phone to my ear, and my glass of wine in my hand I listen as Bryan’s phone goes straight to voicemail. I hate when people call you but don’t answer when you call back.
Nicole: Call me when you can.
Chapter Nineteen
Bryan
The sterile white walls and smell of disinfectant is making my time sitting in the waiting room intolerable. I stand to take a walk to the cafeteria, again. Between the five of us, the coffee and snacks have been flowing and will probably continue until he’s out of surgery. “Anyone want anything from the cafeteria?” I ask.
My mother looks at me, her face weary, and says, “Baby, I think we’ve had plenty.” She looks at my brothers and says, “Maybe you all should go home and rest for a bit.”
I hold my hand up and say, “Absolutely not. Ma, we aren’t leaving you here alone. I just need to take a walk.” She nods and leans back in her seat. “I’ll walk down to the cafeteria. Call me if you need me.”
I thought the day I walked away from the family business was tough, but getting the phone call from my mother yesterday telling me that my father had a heart attack broke me. Chris, Laila, and I hopped on the first available flight from New York and we’ve been at the hospital since we landed.
Before I could even gather my thoughts the first person I tried calling, multiple times, was Nicole. When she didn’t answer, I gave myself a reality check. We aren’t in a relationship. Still seeing where this thing is going doesn’t give me unfettered access to her.
“Bryan, let’s go outside. The fresh air would be good for us.” David places his arm around my shoulder and we walk toward the hospital exit. “I wish Mom would have come with me. She refuses to leave the waiting room.”
“Dad has to be okay, man. What will she do if something happens?”
David closes his eyes, re-opening them with moisture present. “I don’t want to think about what any of us will do without that man.” We find a bench near the entrance and take a seat.
I shake my head. “I’m glad the last time I was home we had a good conversation, but had I known it could have been my last time with him I would have stayed longer. I would have soaked in his wisdom.”
“Hindsight is twenty-twenty. It’s times like these when people realize they have to slow down and live in the moment.” David hits his knee. “Whatever happens we have to move forward with that goal.” He wipes at his face. “I just hope we have more time with him.”
“If only we could control time.” Leaning back on the bench, I let myself rest with the air clearing my mind. David and I sit side-by-side until his phone begins to ring. He walks away to take the call.
David sighs and I look up at him, with the sun shining brightly behind him, I have to squint my eyes to see his face. “Word got out to the staff at the firm. That was Reese, asking if we needed anything.” David rubs his face where his stubble is growing. “What will we do at the firm if something happens to Dad?”
“You and Chris will be able to pull it together.” Even without my dad, I have no intentions of returning to the family business. “But let’s not think about that.”
My phone dings alerting me of a text message and I pause when I see Chris’ name. I’m sure if he had bad news he would have called and not sent a text message. I take a long breath before reading the message.
Chris: You should come back to the waiting room.
“That’s Chris. He says we should get back to the waiting room.” David follows behind me as I walk briskly through the halls of the hospital. When I see her sitting next to my mom I look from her to Chris and mouth to him, “What’s she doing here?” Chris’ eyebrows raise and he shakes his head. “Shelby?”
Shelby places her hand on my mom’s knee and looks at me. “Bryan.” Neither of us make any moves.
“How did you know we were here?” Seeing Shelby sitting amongst my family doesn’t anger me as I would have expected. My mouth forms into a smile, maybe for the first time since we rushed to the hospital.
Shelby turns to my mom and whispers to her before rising to stand in front of me. “It didn’t take long for the news to spread about your father, Bryan. He’s respected here. The entire city is praying he pulls through.”
With my hands stuffed in my pockets to avoid touching her, I look for an empty set of chairs. “Let’s take a seat.” Shelby follows behind me to the chairs in the corner of the room.
“Your mother said you all are still waiting on the doctors to give you news on the surgery.” I nod my head. “I asked her if you all needed anything. I can imagine what y’all are going through.” Shelby lost her father years ago and although we weren’t together at the time, my mom kept me posted. After he passed away she moved back in with her mother. “The waiting is the worst.”
“It is.” It’s worse than the waiting I endured after Shelby and I broke up in college. I waited thinking she’d change her mind. Thinking that she’d rally behind my goals and aspirations to leave college and become an artist. Thinking she’d ge
t over the idea of us being the perfect couple, me working for the family business and she working for a local law firm. I waited for a few weeks, then months, then finally I gave up. Today I’m not giving up on my dad; today I’ll wait till he comes out of surgery; till the doctor comes into the waiting room and gives us good news. I’ll wait till he’s fully recovered. I’ll stay here in Tennessee and wait till he returns to the firm, better than he left.
“Bryan,” Shelby places her hand over mine sitting on the armrest. “Thank you for the art you sent.” I sent the art to prove to her that she shouldn’t have dismissed my dreams. I sent it to her to prove had we stayed together we could have still been that perfect couple. I sent it to her to be a reminder that you should follow your dreams and not give up on them. I didn’t send it to her for anything more than that.
“You’re welcome.” I don’t want Shelby to think she owes me anything. “Thanks for coming by.”
Shelby looks at me before standing. With her hand on my shoulder she says, “Let me know if you need anything.” She turns to leave and I watch her walk out of the waiting room. Before my mind can drift into the what-if scenarios I sit beside my mother.
“Patience is a virtue that is escaping me today.” One day I’d love to have a woman as virtuous as my mother. Her patience with my father and us boys over the years has been nothing short of amazing.
“Ma, you haven’t even left this seat since we’ve been here.” I wrap my hand around hers. “You have the patience of Job.” She smiles and although it only lasts for a second it brings a smile to my face.
“Oh, Bryan. This is the ultimate test.” Her eyes grow wide and I follow her gaze to the entrance. The doctor in his blue scrubs and white jacket walks toward us.
