by Fiona Cole
I’d been so engrossed in my messages, I hadn’t heard her come in.
“Nothing.”
I sat up and laid my phone face down on my desk, trying to give a neutral smile. It didn’t work because Alex plopped a bag of food on my desk and slowly cocked a brow. Thankfully, she decided to let me off the hook. I was sure it would come back around again before she left, but I had a reprieve for now.
“Erik’s in a meeting, so I thought I’d bring you some lunch. Besides,” she said with a slow smirk. “I want the deets on Voyeur. It had to be good if we didn’t see you for the rest of the night.”
A manic giggle slipped free, and I rubbed my thumb along my brow line, trying to hide my wince.
“Uh, oh. What happened?”
I breathed in as deep as my lungs would allow and expelled the whole story in one single ramble. By the end, my eyes were screwed shut, and my shoulders were by my ears. When Alex stayed silent, I cocked an eye open to find her slack-jawed in a chair.
“This is crazy, right?”
She finally blinked, taking her own deep breath and seemed to process my word vomit. “I mean, if it helps, then it doesn’t matter if it’s crazy.” She held my stare, her blue eyes stark against her pale skin and dark hair. “How much do you want this, Hanna?”
Fire burned up my throat, stinging the backs of my eyes. I had to swallow more than once to get the words past the lump threatening to choke me. The same lump that had been choking me for years. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to be alone. I want to feel someone touch me and enjoy it.”
Alex got up and rounded the desk, leaning against it and gripping my hand tightly. “You’re never alone.”
Her hand anchored me from getting lost in my emotions. I held tight until the fire subsided. “Thank you.”
She pressed a kiss to the top of my head and rounded back to her seat before pulling container after container out of the bag. Drool almost fell from my lips when I saw the sushi and eggrolls. This girl sure knew the way to my heart.
“Does Erik know?” she asked around a mouthful of white rice and salmon.
“God, no.” I pointed my chopsticks and glared. “And he won’t find out, right?”
She held up her hands. “Not from me, but I also won’t lie.”
“Fair enough, I guess.”
We both leaned back and propped our feet on my desk, enjoying the food in silence. At least, until Alex had me almost choking on my bite.
“Do you like Daniel?” The question rang of false innocence. It said, I’m not asking for any specific reason. I won’t have any reaction, no matter how you answer.
It lied.
Playing it cool, I shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes as I stared at my chopsticks swirling wasabi into my soy sauce. “He’s nice.”
Her snort had my eyes snapping up. “Nice? Nothing about Daniel is nice. Hot, hard, sexy with sharp edges and a smile to melt your panties.”
“Do you need privacy?”
“I’m good,” she said with a wink.
“Don’t let Erik hear you say that. He’d probably kill Daniel on principle.”
“Well, he knows I have eyes, and anyone who denies thinking Daniel is hot, is a liar, liar, pants on fire.”
“I guess I see it,” I muttered.
“You’re so full of shit,” she laughed.
“Hey,” Sean said, popping his head around the door. “Is now a bad time?”
Alex and I dropped our feet and sat upright. I may have brushed my hair back and wiped at my face to make sure nothing was lingering. “No, no. Now’s fine.”
“We’re just having some girl talk,” Alex explained, turning to him. “Sean, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, fully stepping through the door. “Good to see you again.” He returned Alex’s nod before placing files on my desk. “I just wanted to drop these off.”
Alex bobbed her brows behind him, distracting me. “Yeah. Great. Thank you,” I stuttered, heat rising into my cheeks.
One side of his mouth kicked up, revealing a dimple I wanted to press my finger into just to see how deep it went. “I like your shirt today. It matches your eyes perfectly.”
“Oh, um…” My hand skimmed over the material as I tried to think of a response. “Thank you.”
Alex made sexual hand gestures behind his back, and I thought I’d overheat any moment.
“It was good to see you outside the office at the party. Maybe we can do it again some time.”
Alex nodded so aggressively I thought she’d fall out of the chair. I was surprised that Sean hadn’t turned around to see what my eyes kept flicking to.
“Yeah.” His eyes lit up, and the usual prick of panic forced me to establish an out. “Maybe,” I quickly added, dimming his excitement.
“Great. Just let me know when.”
Alex made sure the door closed this time after he left, and as soon as the door clicked in place, I sagged back in my chair like I’d just run a marathon.
“Daaaaaaamn. He looks even better in a suit than that polo last week. Not as good as Erik, but not bad.”
“Ew.” I cringed but laughed.
The truth was that Sean did look good in a suit.
The truth was that I did want to go out with him. Have a drink. Laugh. Dance…Kiss.
And maybe after working with Daniel, I’d actually be up for talking to him outside of work. Maybe more.
Maybe.
7
Hanna
The third night walking into Voyeur was a million times worse. No matter how much I tried to convince myself my fear was irrational, like the square root of two, it lingered. It more than lingered. It sank into my muscles, making them ache with each step I forced forward.
Jesus, Han-Han. Please, don’t make a math pun at a time like this.
“Shut up, Sof,” I muttered, looking around the parking lot.
The lights shined bright, leaving barely any dark spots people could hide in, but I still held my keys between my knuckles, holding my breath until I cleared the door into an empty lobby.
Taking advantage, I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose, counting to ten, and slowly exhaling through my mouth for another ten.
“Better?”
Any calm I gathered through my breathing exercise vanished when my heart jumped so hard it almost leaped out of my throat.
“Daniel,” I breathed, slapping a hand to my heaving chest. “I didn’t see you.”
He casually leaned against the wall beside the door that led inside, arms crossed over his broad chest, his lips quirked up on one side. “I was waiting. I didn’t want to give you too much room to run.”
“Thanks.”
And I meant it. The ten steps between the door to check-in and entering the main lounge might as well have been ten miles. Plenty of time to convince my body it was sick. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to chicken out anymore.
“Come on,” he nodded toward the door. “Let’s get a drink and talk a bit.”
He took my coat and passed it to the attendant I hadn’t noticed, and I clasped my bracelet around my wrist.
“We can head to my office if you’re more comfortable there.”
“I think the lounge will be fine.”
Maybe I could warm myself up for the big performance if someone performed a small show in a corner I could view.
Voyeur was twice as busy as it had been last week. Daniel must have seen my wide-eyed shock at all the people because he explained, “Valentine’s weekend.”
“Shit. I didn’t even realize.”
“I’d probably forget it too if we didn’t decorate and host a fifty-percent off for a show.”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “I guess it’s your business to know all the mushy holidays.”
“It sure is. Carina usually keeps us in line with our marketing.” When we reached the bar, we managed to find two stools. “What can I get you to drink?”
“Tequila. Neat.”
&n
bsp; A beautiful blonde in hearts lingerie efficiently twirled a bottle and filled two glasses, sliding them our way.
Once I’d finished half my drink, I was finally calm enough to actually talk.
“I hear you just opened another club in New York.”
His smile stretched wide. “We did. Kent travels there enough, so it seemed like a good market.”
“Do you plan on opening any more?”
“I don’t think so. We have this club and the bar, Voy. I’m content with that. I don’t need an empire, just a successful business.”
I looked around pointedly. “I think you’re doing pretty well.”
He shrugged but winked before lifting the glass to his lips. I did my best to not stare at the way they curled around the edge of the glass.
“How’s work?” he asked
“Good. Busy. We’re actually talking about expanding.”
“To another city? You guys just set up in London, right?”
“Yeah, but I think we’ll stay here. We want to grow our home office. Hopefully, some of the floors below will open up.”
He nodded in understanding, gesturing for another round when our glasses were empty. “How is it working with your brother?”
“It’s not too bad, actually. We don’t work directly together too much. He works more with R&D while I run the behind the scenes. Besides, if he gets too bossy, I’ll just tell Mom on him.”
Daniel’s head tipped back, exposing the thick ridge of his Adam’s apple, letting loose a loud, boisterous laugh. It somehow managed to not get lost in the crowd, but instead, wrap around me like a warm hug. It was relaxing—comforting.
“Why don’t we go make a selection?” he asked once he’d settled down.
I downed my tequila like a shot and nodded my head, unable to actually agree aloud.
Another couple had just finished with an iPad, leaving Daniel and me alone in the back hall. He tapped the screen, filling out information until finally, we came to the dreaded list of my worst nightmares.
“Anything you want or don’t want?”
“No talking,” I muttered around my thumbnail.
“Okay.” He clicked a few more buttons before stepping back. “How do these look?”
Passionate. Gentle. No talking.
Good. They were good.
Boring.
God, he was going to get so bored. I’d be a ball of nerves, and he’d probably yawn on the couch. What if we never did this again, and it didn’t even work because I’d played it too simple? What if I never got a chance to watch again? Would I regret being safe?
No. I needed to be cautious because one thing that would make this beyond awkward would be a panic attack. Bored was fine. This wasn’t for him. It was for me.
Yet, before I turned away, I clicked one more box.
Oral sex - female receiving.
“Good choice,” he praised.
He finished up on the screen and stood in the middle of my pacing path, forcing me to stop and look at him. He didn’t touch me, but he did bend at the knees so he could meet my eyes.
“We can leave at any point. I can leave at any point. Just say the word.” I nodded like a bobblehead, gnawing the last bit of my nail off. “Even if you need a little alone time to yourself,” he said with a wink, his lips slowly lifting.
It took only a moment before his meaning hit me. I knew what he was trying to do, and it worked. I dropped my arms and huffed a laugh. “Oh my god.”
His smile grew until he was almost laughing. “I’m just saying.”
I slapped his shoulder, and in a dark hallway at a live porn club, with a man I didn’t know very well, I relaxed. I bantered and joked. For a second, I almost felt like the old me. The one who used sarcasm like a sword—who always made the dirtiest jokes, who wasn’t scared.
Then the bracelet vibrated, bringing any laughter to a screeching halt. I held up my arm to show him it was time.
“Do you want another drink? I know more than two is against the rules, but I know the owner.”
Another laugh, but I shook my head. More alcohol may relax me, but it may also lower my guard in a bad way, and I’d flip out. Better to be tense, than panicking.
“I’m okay. Lead the way.”
He nodded to the big, hulking man outside the door and let me walk through first. It was a different room but set up the same as the last. The scene beyond the window was the same, but the colors were different. Instead of a blue comforter, there was a white one. The headboard was grey instead of wrought iron.
Turning away from the window, I made my way to the same black leather couch, perching on the edge, but prying myself away from the corner. Daniel flipped the switch and casually sat less than a cushion away from me, bringing his ankle to his knee.
“Is this okay?”
I nodded quickly.
“Do you want to sit back? It may help to relax your muscles a bit if you’re not on the edge of running the whole time.” Before I could say I wanted to be ready to run, he held up his hands. “I promise to help you if you need to run. I’ll slingshot you toward the door faster than you can get up.”
Somehow, another laugh slipped free, and I relaxed my spine one vertebrae at a time until my back pressed against the smooth leather.
The door to the other room cracked open, and a man pushed through. He was tall and built under slacks and a white button-up. He looked like Daniel plucked him from a GQ magazine to perform for us. What really caught my attention was the look of adoration he had for the petite woman he towed behind him.
She smiled shyly up through long lashes, letting him walk backward, leading her to the bed. When his legs hit the mattress, he stayed upright and reeled her in, brushing her hair aside and stroking her cheek, her neck. He leaned down, caressed his nose along hers. They breathed the same air for what ran on like an eternity until I felt like I was back on the edge of the couch, begging for them to just do it.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
His hand slid to the back of her neck, and he finally locked his lips with hers. I wasn’t sure who whimpered, her or me, but something came out of my throat.
The kiss started slow, her hands on his waist, his cradling her head. But it quickly turned heated, intense, passionate. Their hands roamed each other’s bodies, pulling at strings, buttons, snaps, anything to banish their clothes. Her dress fell to the floor, leaving her in nothing but a white lace thong. She reached to remove his boxer briefs, doing nothing to hide his length, when he stopped her, turning them and pushing her to sit on the corner of the bed.
Slowly, he lowered to his knees.
Slowly, his hands dragged up from her ankles to her thighs.
Slowly, his fingers gripped the flimsy lace and slid them down.
Slowly, he pushed her legs apart to make room for himself.
I. Saw. Everything.
He leaned in, holding her folds apart and swiped his tongue along every inch of her. She moaned softly, rolling her head back and then forward again so she could watch his mouth make love to her.
He worked his tongue and fingers expertly inside her, and I couldn’t even blink. My vision blurred, and I realized I wasn’t even breathing.
My fingers dug into the leather of the couch as I watched her writhe against his face. Not once did he let up. He held her legs apart when she tensed and cried out, thrusting hard into his eager mouth.
He kissed down her thighs and stood. She held his stare and inched back onto the bed. With the same adoring look he walked in with, he shed his boxers. I watched his thick length bob as he followed her.
Her panting was so loud, it slipped into the room.
Except, it wasn’t hers.
It was me.
My quick breaths filled each inch between Daniel and I. Heat flooded my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop it. My chest heaved with a tightness I’d never experienced before. I didn’t even care that Daniel could hear me. I was too focused on the man sliding between her thighs, kissing her breasts,
touching her body.
He built the anticipation until I wanted to slap my hands on the glass and demand he do it. I wanted to beg.
His hand slipped between their bodies, and they both moaned when he thrust forward. My thighs clenched, and I rocked side to side, trying to ease the ache threatening to consume me. The leather creaked, but I refused to acknowledge it.
The man made love to the woman slowly, only picking up his pace after she cried out again with another orgasm. I became so lost in the scene before me, that I almost missed the creaking of the leather beside me. With a quick peek, I found Daniel adjusting his position as well, with his hand clutching the arm of the couch.
Shamefully, my eyes shot to his crotch but were unable to see anything with the way he was sitting. Was he turned on? Was he aching the way I was?
The man thrust harder, deeper, taking his time to swivel his hips and hit every spot. Finally, his forehead dropped to the woman’s, and he almost shouted his release, feeding her his pleasure.
I swayed from all the blood rushing to my core, and I had to slap my hand against the cushion to keep from falling, only to collide with long, rough fingers, covered in a light dusting of hair.
My first reaction, surprisingly, wasn’t to jerk back. Instead, I clung to Daniel’s hand. Almost needing the anchor in the chaos of the man coming on the other side of the glass.
“Fuck,” I breathed once he finally stopped.
A few more thrusts and he fell to the side, pulling her into his arms and holding her close, all the love still shining for her.
I slid my eyes closed, needing a reprieve from the intense moment, taking stock of my body. For the first time ever, my panties were damp between my thighs. I no longer leaned back against the couch, but forward, one hand gripping the cushion and the other still holding tight to Daniel’s.
“Okay?” his deep voice rumbled between us, sliding up my arm to my chest, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
Was I okay?
I felt like a bomb waiting to go off. I almost laughed when I thought of his earlier words saying he’d offer me privacy if I needed it. Maybe I should take him up on his offer.
Instead, I merely nodded, barely turning my head to look his way.
