by Fiona Cole
When I opened the door, I realized this wasn’t a regular gym with treadmills and Stairmasters. The area was open with barbells along one wall, next to stacks and stacks of weights. On the other side stood a large structure creating rows of pull-up bars. A group of men and women lifted weights in the back. Some of the women were even lifting more than the men, and maybe that made me stand a little taller. Woman solidarity and all that.
“Hey, you made it.”
Daniel walked out from an office, and like my eyes had a mind of their own, they scanned his body. Some of the men working out were shirtless and glistening with sweat, and it didn’t affect me as much as Daniel standing before me in a fitted black T-shirt and gray sweatpants—the lingerie of menswear.
My cheeks flamed when I noticed a bulge, and I quickly shifted my eyes to the people in the back, praying and hoping he hadn’t noticed.
“Ye—” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat, trying again. “Yeah. What is this place? I’ve never been to a gym like this.”
His biceps strained the sleeves of his shirt when he rubbed at the back of his neck. “It’s a CrossFit gym. They also do yoga and self-defense classes in the back room. I know the owner and asked if I could borrow it for an afternoon.”
“Okaaaay.” I dragged the word out slowly, unsure of what to expect. Were we taking a class together?
He huffed a laugh. “I can’t believe Erik never had you take self-defense classes.”
“He tried to get me to take a few,” I said, dropping my gaze to the ground. “I wasn’t ready for any kind of contact at that time, and I guess it never came up again afterward.”
When I braved a glance, he showed more emotion than I’d seen from him yet. Daniel always treated me normal. He never coddled me or asked if I was okay. He never did anything to remind me I’d been a victim, and I’d appreciated it every time.
Yet, watching his nostrils flare over a clenched jaw at hearing how I couldn’t touch anyone after Erik rescued me, warmed a spot in my chest that had been cold for entirely too long.
Just as quickly as it appeared, it left. He nodded his head toward the back. “Come on. I’ll show you the room.”
Daniel lifted a bag over his shoulder and edged around the class into an open room with mats covering every inch of the floor.
“I want to teach you how to defend yourself. Just some basics. If for no other reason than to make you feel more comfortable. And, of course, to beef up those biceps you’re so proud of.”
“You want to teach me?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I figured a class would be too much. It usually requires you practicing with another student and sometimes the teacher, which wouldn’t be anyone you knew, and possibly male.”
I couldn’t hide the wince that scrunched my face. “Yeah, that’s definitely not my jam.”
“Figured as much. So, if you’re okay with me, I’d like to teach you a few things. If not, we can grab a coffee and head out.”
Erik had tried to push me into a private self-defense class, and he still brought it up from time to time, but I brushed it off for the exact reasons Daniel mentioned. The instructor would be someone I didn’t know—male or female hadn’t mattered at the time, all touch sent me into a panic.
But the thought of adding an extra layer of protection between me and the horrors of the world pushed me to take advantage of what Daniel offered.
“No. I want to do this. Maybe I can regift all those mace cans Erik gets me.”
He smiled like he was proud of my answer. “Good. I was going to close the door, but if it makes you more comfortable, we can leave it open.”
The music and clanging of weights poured into the room, making it hard to hear. And the bottom line was that I trusted Daniel, even alone in a private room where he may pin me to a mat.
The first ripple of panic washed over me. I breathed hard through my nose, blocking out the feeling of being pinned, immobile, helpless, and looked to Daniel.
Just like that, the ripple faded, and my heart calmed.
“I trust you.”
His shoulders pulled back, and he stood a little taller like my trust filled something in him like it did in me. “We don’t have to do this.”
“No. I want to. I trust you, and that helps. Besides, you don’t always get a chance to run and scream when being attacked. So, this is good.”
There was that look again—the clenched jaw and flared nostrils. “That’s true,” he ground out. He took a deep breath and relaxed his features, becoming the laid-back Daniel, we all knew. “Okay, we’ll start with some basic moves, but first, let’s stretch.”
“Will I have time to stretch before being attacked?” I joked.
He cocked a brow and gave me a deadpanned stare. “Probably not, but I’m an old man and need to stretch before I get my ass kicked by someone almost half my age.”
“I am not almost half your age.”
“How old are you, exactly?”
“Twenty-six.”
He huffed a laugh and bent in half to touch his toes.
“Why, how old are you?”
“Almost forty.”
“Oooo,” I hissed, wincing. “I don’t know how I feel about fighting with a grandpa. I don’t want you to throw out your back.”
He snapped up and glared, but the twitch in his lips softened the effect. “Someone’s got jokes.”
“A few.”
“Okay, young grasshopper, let’s get started.”
The room had mirrors lining one wall and four large square mats covering the majority of the floor.
We started small by going over all the pressure points on the body and the ways to reach each one when being attacked from different angles. He utilized the mirrors so I could see him behind me, but I ended up being more distracted by how much I liked looking at him towering over me. Once review time was over, we moved to the mats.
Daniel always kept his space where he could, and slowly worked his way to more contact moves. He started with how to get out of someone grabbing my wrist, and it shocked me how simple the move was. I’d always assumed I was too weak to ever defend myself, but the move wasn’t based on strength. He told me the weak spots and how to exploit them.
“Is it okay if I touch you?” he asked.
“You kind of already have.”
“Yeah, but this time will have more contact. I’ll be coming up behind you.”
Everything stopped. My heart, my lungs, my muscles. Everything except my brain. That worked at warp speed, remembering two bands of steel wrapping around me and pulling me back with a hand over my mouth.
My eyes fluttered as I struggled against the images bombarding me.
The past is funny like that. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. No matter how much work you did to accept and understand and move past it, it creeps back in like you hadn’t spent years of therapy working to be okay.
“We don’t have to.” Daniel’s voice penetrated the panic like a needle popping a balloon. Everything rushed back like a wave crashing into me.
All of a sudden, my heart beat too hard, my lungs moved too fast, my muscles wouldn’t stop twitching.
You’re better than this. You’re stronger than this.
I was stronger than this. I spent too much time working to be mentally stronger than this. Now, I wanted to be physically stronger, so I never had to have that fear again.
Inhaling as deep as I could, I stretched my lungs, forcing them to slow down. As I exhaled, I found five red things in the room, counting them off.
One, the square mat we were standing on. Two, the zipper on Daniel’s bag. Three, the seam of my workout pants. Four, a pile of yoga mats stacked in a corner. Five, the laces on Daniel’s shoes.
Another deep breath that came easier this time.
“No, I want to do this. Just go slow.”
Daniel collected himself quickly and didn’t push me on my near panic attack. He didn’t stop everything and ask me if I was okay
. He didn’t ask if I wanted to talk about it.
He only nodded and talked me through every step of what was happening. When his arms banded around me, they were gentle and almost hovering, rather than gripping too tight. Surprisingly, I wanted to sink into his chest like it was a warm embrace.
There it was again—the comfort I only felt with him. Gratitude had tears burning the backs of my eyes, but I blinked them away. Daniel had already fielded enough emotions from me, so instead, I focused on his words and the way they vibrated against my back.
The last move he taught me was a hip toss if my attacker came at me from the front. That one was harder to maneuver with Daniel’s six-three bulky frame and my five-five wimpy body. I made a mental note to join the gym outside. Maybe adding muscle would add to my mental strength as well.
“Okay, let’s give it a real try this time,” he suggested, picking himself up off the floor.
“I kind of like you falling on purpose for me. Builds my ego.”
He laughed as he got into position. “Ego won’t get you out of a situation.”
“Fair enough,” I grumbled, resting my hands on his shoulders.
“Remember, jerk and push as hard as you can.”
I jerked him toward me, turning my hips to the left and sticking my leg out behind him. Just as quickly, I shoved him with all my strength. Too much strength because the momentum of the push took me down with him. His arms banded around me when he noticed we were both going down, and he did his best to cushion my fall.
We rolled, and his weight pressed me into the mat. I held my breath and braced myself for the impact of panic, but it never came. Daniel launched up and off me just as fast as we’d fallen.
I laid back on the mat, breathing hard and staring up at the lights, in awe of my body’s lack of fear.
“Okay?” he asked, laid out beside me.
“Yeah.”
“Good. So next time, let go of my shoulders when you shove.”
“That would probably be smart,” I laughed.
“Again?”
“Yeah. Definitely, again.”
We repeated the move three more times, and I only fell once.
“I’m getting good at this. Maybe I missed my calling as a fighter,” I joked, holding two fists up and bouncing from foot to foot.
He shook his head, laughing. “You did good.”
I stopped bouncing and watched Daniel pack up his bag. Gratitude flooded me, and I swallowed down the tears threatening to break free. I’d already shown enough emotion in front of Daniel to last a lifetime. I would not cry right now.
“Thank you, Daniel,” I said softly.
“Any time,” he said easily, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Maybe we can do this again?”
“Yeah. I’d like that.” My stomach grumbled embarrassingly loud, and I pressed my hand to calm it. “Now, it’s time to go home and eat.”
“Would you want to grab something to eat? Obviously, nothing nice since this is all I have.” He gestured down his body, and my eyes were helpless but to follow, scanning over his gray sweatpants again. I somehow managed to not stare the whole time, because Daniel filled out sweats like you wouldn’t believe. His thighs pressed against the material, and I wondered, not for the first time, what kind of muscles Daniel hid behind his clothes.
“I think you look great,” I almost whispered.
His brows rose a fraction in surprise before his lips followed. “You aren’t so bad yourself.”
The compliment wasn’t even a real compliment. It wasn’t like he called me beautiful, gorgeous, or sexy, but heat still bloomed in my cheeks.
I quickly brushed the feeling off. It didn’t matter what Daniel thought of me because he was my friend, and friends didn’t feel butterflies in their belly when the other offered a simple compliment.
Besides, Daniel was around beautiful women day in and day out. He was probably just being nice.
10
Daniel
“Do you have any other family besides Olivia?” Hanna asked across the table. “Obviously, a sibling of some sort since you have a niece.”
“I have a brother named David. I know, D and D. My parents were super unique.”
She dragged her fry through ranch and laughed before popping it into her mouth. “You close?”
“Yes, but I’m closer to Kent than David. Otherwise, it’s just my parents. They were both only children, and their parents died when I was little. You?”
Her eyes dimmed, and she looked down at the remnants of her burger before shaking it off and returning her gaze back to mine, the melancholy hidden, but not forgotten. “Erik and I have our parents and a few aunts and uncles who visit. Of course, there was Sofia,” she quickly muttered.
I ached, unable to imagine losing a sibling, let alone a twin.
“Then Ian, who’s leeched on,” she continued.
I laughed at her eye roll and bit back the next question I wanted to ask, hedging around the rumor of Hanna’s previous crush on Ian instead. “How long have you guys been friends?”
“Since he and Erik were kids. I kind of grew up with him as a permanent fixture.”
She dropped her eyes back to her plate and let her hair fall around her face. I could peek through enough to see her bottom lip tucked firmly under her teeth.
“You’re probably wondering about him. About what happened.”
As much as women talked, men talked too, and I’d heard through the grapevine that Hanna had come on to Ian once upon a time—pretty hard too. “You don’t have to explain anything.”
She brushed her hair behind her ear, and her grass-green eyes shined like emeralds, slipping through the thick fringe of her eyelashes.
“Ian was always the nice one. He didn’t have to live with us on a daily basis, so he wasn’t so annoyed like Erik used to be. He’d let us tag along. And to be honest, Ian’s hot, especially to a teenage girl. Don’t tell him that, he already has a big enough ego.”
“I won’t,” I promised, laughing.
“Then, after everything that happened, he was the only male in my life that wasn’t truly family. I trusted him and cared about him. Maybe with my naive emotions, I mistook that for more. More than comfort and security.” She snorted softly. “Well, there’s no maybe about it. I was sure I was in love with him. Which looking back now was stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. It’s good you figured it out.”
Her lips tipped in a lopsided grin with more than a little self-deprecation. “It’s too bad I couldn’t have figured it out sooner.”
“There’s a lot of things we wish we could figure out sooner. Sometimes it takes a chair to the face to finally make us see what’s right in front of us.”
“Speaking from experience?” she asked, her brow cocked.
“When you live to be my age, you have your own novel of mistakes.”
“Soooo old,” she exaggerated. We both laughed until our waitress came by.
“Another round?”
Hanna waved her hand, and I asked for waters.
“So, how does it feel, having your best friend and niece together?”
“Ugh,” I groaned, letting my head fall back against the booth. “Don’t remind me.”
“That bad?”
“Not really. I just like giving them shit. Plus, Kent knows I’ll kill him in his sleep if he hurts her, and I won’t feel any pity if she hurts him.”
“Seems fair,” she nodded, her smile wide. “How is it now that your best friend is in a relationship? Carina always talked about how you two were perpetual bachelors.”
“Owning a business together helps keep us in touch. And family get-togethers now.”
“Does it make you want to settle down?”
“Nah.”
“Would it be too forward to ask why?” Her eyes squinted like she was bracing for my rejection.
Any other woman, I’d be questioning the motives behind her seemingly innocent questions. But I knew with Hanna, they
really just were out of curiosity. Not because she wanted to get a feel if I was open for a relationship. It was nice to be able to answer without over-analyzing each response.
“It’s just not for me,” I said with a shrug. “I like taking care of only me and my interests. I have a full life on my own.”
“Did you ever have a girlfriend, or did you just come out of the womb a loner?”
She asked her question with a smile, not realizing the weight of her words or the effect they’d have. Swallowing down the immediate rejection of the conversation, I choked out my answer. “Once.”
I could give her that after all the honesty she’d given me.
Hanna’s smile slipped, and she realized the gaffe she’d made. “Oh.”
Her wide eyes flicked around the room, looking for a change of topic, but I saw the questions building. Maybe if I gave her an inch, it would be enough to have her let it go.
“We met in high school PE. I kicked her ass in bowling, but she dropped me in soccer. Literally. She kicked the ball so hard, it hit me in the head and knocked me out for a second.”
Her hands flew up to cover her gasp, but I saw the laughter in her eyes too.
“We went to college together, and before Kent, she was the best friend I had. She knew me inside and out.”
“What happened?” she whispered as if she were bracing herself for the downfall.
But this wasn’t about me. Our situation and set up was for Hanna and what she struggled with. We didn’t need to shine any more light on a past I’d rather not discuss. We didn’t need to shine a light on how I’d failed someone before. I needed her to continue feeling confident in me. Talking about how I’d been unable to help Sabrina would squash that pretty quick.
So instead, I gave the watered-down truth.
“We just didn’t work out. Which was fine because, like I said, I’m happy with my life the way it is. I like taking care of only me.”
“I understand that,” she said softly. Her thumb dragged up and down the condensation on her glass, and she watched, entranced. “While I may want to take control of my body—to be intimate, I’m not sure I want to be with anyone.” She cleared her throat and looked up with a pain I was all too familiar with. “It feels…wrong without…without my sister.”
