by Dilly Court
‘What’s up, love?’ Nell eyed her curiously. ‘Have you been crying?’
‘No,’ Judy said too quickly to sound convincing. ‘I had something in my eye.’
‘Sit down and I’ll pour you a cup of tea. It’s freshly made.’ Nell bustled about fetching a cup from the dresser and filling it with the hot brew. ‘Now then, the girls are too busy to pay any attention to what you’re saying, so out with it, my duck.’
‘It’s nothing really, Nell.’ Judy sipped her tea, giving herself time to think.
‘Lizzie said that Madam was angry with you? Is that true, or did the silly girl get it wrong?’
‘She wasn’t angry. It was more of a warning. Mrs Tattersall thinks there is something going on between Master Jack and myself.’
Nell leaned her elbows on the table, giving Judy a searching look. ‘And is there?’
‘I’m fond of him, of course. We were friends when we were younger, but I know my place, Nell. He isn’t for me.’
‘But does he know that, love? I’ve known you both since you were nippers, and there was always something special between you two.’
‘Maybe, but it has to end now and I’ve told him so.’
‘Unless he’s changed while he’s been at university, the Jack Fox I know will do as he pleases, and the devil take the hindmost.’
‘I know,’ Judy said with a reluctant smile. ‘That’s why I think I should go away from here.’
‘Oh, no, dear. Surely you don’t have to run away? Master Jack might not remain at home for very long. He’s young and he’ll want to see a bit of the world before he settles down.’
‘I suppose so,’ Judy said doubtfully. ‘Don’t tell anyone what I’ve just said, Nell. I’m only thinking about leaving here if things become too difficult.’
‘Then let’s hope the young master listens to you, dear. Because, if he does, it will be the first time in his life he’s taken notice of anything anyone’s said to him.’
Later that evening, when Judy had finished work for the day, she set off through the park, heading towards the cottage that had been her home for the last ten years. It had been a squash in the old days when she had had to share a room with her mother and Molly, but now Molly lived in at Colneyhurst Hall, and the boys had accommodation above the stables. For the first time in her life Judy had a room of her own, but that in itself was a source of worry. If she left Little Creek it would mean that her mother had to live alone, and although Hilda was perfectly capable of coping with her disability, it was always in the back of Judy’s mind that Ma might take a tumble and lie helpless until someone missed her at the big house. She knew that her mother would laugh if she brought up the subject, and she would tell her not to be so silly, but still it was a concern, and one that bothered Judy.
The evenings were drawing out and the air was sweet and fresh with the scents of spring. It was a time of year that Judy had always loved, when everything was coming back to life after a long hard winter. She was listening to the birdsong and inhaling the scent of bluebells from the nearby woods, when she heard footsteps behind her and she came to a halt outside the cottage gate. She turned her head, although she knew instinctively who was following her.
‘Judy, I must talk to you.’ Jack was at her side in two long strides.
‘There’s nothing to say. Your mother made it very plain that you will look higher for a wife than a mere servant, and I know she’s right.’
‘I don’t care what she says. I want to be with you always, Judy. I want us to be as we were last summer.’
She smiled, lifting her hand to touch his cheek. ‘We were playing a game then. It wasn’t real, Jack.’
He grabbed her hand and held it. ‘I was serious.’
‘There’s no future for us.’
‘You don’t believe that and neither do I.’
‘What do you want from me, Jack?’
He hesitated, frowning. ‘What do you mean?’
‘That’s my point,’ Judy said sadly. ‘You want me to continue to be the companion I was when we were younger, with a little flirtation for added spice, with the prospect of marriage in the distant future. Well, it won’t work. I have feelings, too. I can’t turn them on and off to suit you.’
‘I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Judy. You know that.’
‘Not deliberately,’ she said, sighing. ‘But you go your own way, and you always have. One day you’ll have to face the fact that you’re responsible for all this, and you’ll need a wife who was born and bred to the life of the squire’s lady, and preferably one with a generous dowry.’
‘This is ridiculous. I haven’t even considered marriage to an heiress. I need you, Judy. You’re part of all this.’ Jack encompassed the estate with a sweep of his arms. ‘You’re part of everything that’s good – you’re part of me.’
‘You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said.’ Judy shivered as a cold wind whipped in from the east. ‘It’s getting late and I’ve had a long day. I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘I do care about you,’ Jack said angrily. ‘I’m not playing games.’
Judy stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Good night, Jack.’ The gate creaked on rusty hinges as she opened it and closed it behind her. She walked resolutely up the path and let herself into the cottage, but she did not look back. If she did, and saw Jack looking like a despondent schoolboy, she knew she would weaken. She had always been the first to give in after a quarrel, but not this time. She slammed the front door and leaned against it, closing her eyes in an attempt to blot out the vision of Jack’s bewildered expression.
‘Is that you, Judy?’
The sound of her mother’s voice brought Judy back to her senses and she hurried into the kitchen. ‘Yes, Ma.’
‘I wasn’t expecting you until later.’
‘I’d done everything that needed doing, so I decided to finish early.’
‘I’ve saved you some supper, Judy.’
‘Thanks, but I’m not hungry.’ The moment the words left her lips, Judy knew she had made a tactical error. Her mother’s eyebrows shot up and her smile faded into a worried frown.
‘Are you sickening for something? I’d better make you up a tonic.’
‘No, thank you. I’m just tired, but I’ll be fine in the morning.’ Judy gave her mother a hug. ‘I love you, Ma. Good night.’
For the next few days Judy was kept busy. Ida Ralston was still in charge of the household, but she had allowed Judy to take over some of her duties, which included organising the linen cupboard and making sure that the servants’ uniforms were laundered and kept in pristine order. It was a peaceful task and Judy was painstaking in her attempts to list each and every item, and to ensure that mending was sent to the sewing room, where sheets were turned sides to middle if they had worn thin, and any garment that was torn was either darned or patched, as necessary. Mrs Ralston clearly intended that Judy would take over from her when she retired, but Judy was having ever more serious doubts as to her position in the house. Her relationship with Jack had been doomed from the start, even though it had begun innocently a year ago, but they were adults now and Jack seemed to think that they could simply carry on as before. Judy had managed to avoid him so far, and he had been kept busy with the constant flow of family visitors. His sister Dove, who was married to Dr Neville, brought her three children, two rowdy boys and her much quieter four-year-old daughter, to see their uncle. His other sister, Linnet, and her husband, Elliot Massey, the village schoolmaster, arrived with their eight-year-old son and their newborn baby girl, but Judy kept herself to herself and avoided close contact with the family.
It was late afternoon, a week after Jack’s return home, and Judy was on her way to the sewing room with a pile of mending. Having climbed the stairs from the basement, she decided to take a shortcut through the great hall in order to use the servants’ staircase on the far side of the house. It had been a particularly quiet day and there was no one about, not even James. M
rs Tattersall and Jack had left soon after breakfast when Fuller brought the carriage to the front entrance, and they set off for Colneyhurst to celebrate Daisy’s eldest son’s eighth birthday. They were not expected back until late evening, and with no family meals to prepare there had been a holiday atmosphere in the kitchen and servants’ hall. Judy suspected that James had taken the opportunity to visit his current ladylove, who worked in the laundry room, and she smiled to herself. Tall and good-looking, and well aware of his physical attributes, James was a heartbreaker. Mrs Ralston warned each new female servant from the outset, but few of them took notice, and it never ended happily. Judy was of the opinion that it was James who ought to be sacked, but he was very clever at talking himself out of a difficult situation, and Mrs Tattersall was not immune to his charm.
Judy crossed the hall but the sound of horses’ hoofs on the drive made her run to the window and she saw the carriage come to a halt outside. With her arms full of linen and no sign of the footman, she was at a loss until Molesworth appeared suddenly at her side.
‘Put that down and be ready to take Madam’s cape and bonnet. I’ll have words with James when I find the lazy layabout.’ Molesworth went to open the door and Judy placed the linen on a nearby chair.
Mary Tattersall was first to enter and she was clearly upset. She allowed Judy to take her outdoor things without seeming to notice that her footman and housemaid were not on duty.
‘Poor little Timmy has gone down with chickenpox. We stayed long enough to cut the birthday cake, but the boys were all out of sorts, so I decided it would be best if we came home.’ Mary shrugged off her cape and handed it to Judy. ‘You must tell Cook that there are two for dinner this evening, Judy. I’m going to the drawing room for a rest. It’s been a very trying day.’
‘Yes, madam.’ Judy was about to do as she was asked when Jack strode into the hall.
‘Judy. Where’ve you been hiding? I’ve been looking for you.’
She glanced anxiously at Molesworth, but he was otherwise occupied. ‘You’ve been busy, sir.’
Jack caught her by the arm. ‘Stop calling me “sir”. I won’t allow this offhand treatment to continue a minute longer. Put my mother’s things down and come into the morning parlour. We’ll sort this out for once and all.’
‘Really, Jack! Why won’t you listen to me?’ Judy protested as he closed the parlour door with unnecessary force.
‘Because you’re talking nonsense. I refuse to allow my mother to rule my life. I need you and I always have. We’re cut from the same cloth, Judy.’
She shook her head. ‘Oh, Jack! You know that’s not true. You’ve managed without me all the time you were at boarding school and university, and I doubt if you missed me at all.’
He grasped both her hands. ‘That’s not true. Your letters brightened up the most miserable days when I was first sent away and homesick, even if you can’t spell.’
‘That’s not fair. I was just a child,’ she said, chuckling. Jack always had the power to make her laugh, and it weakened her defences.
‘That’s better. That’s the Judy I know and love.’
She met his gaze with a startled gasp. ‘You’re fond of me. It’s not love.’
‘How do you know? Can you read my mind?’
‘I used to, especially when you were planning some mischief with Alfie and Danny.’
‘Don’t push me away. I can’t stand it.’
‘Your mother won’t allow us to be together in any way, friends or not. If I get the sack my mother will lose her cottage, and the boys will have to leave, too. I can’t put their future in jeopardy. You must understand that.’
Jack gazed into her eyes, and then he pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her long and hard on the lips. ‘What’s your answer now, Judy? I’m not joking. I want you with me always.’
Chapter Two
Judy moved away, giving herself time to think. The embrace had left her shaken, but wanting more, and that was even more disturbing.
‘Answer me, please.’ There was a note of desperation in Jack’s voice, quite alien to his normal tone.
‘I don’t know what you want of me.’ Judy met his intense gaze with a searching look.
‘What is there to know, other than the fact that we were always together. I want that to continue. I’m not the type of man to be lord of the manor, any more than my brother, Jay. I won’t renege on my responsibilities, but I need you to help me through all this.’
‘Are you asking me to marry you?’
‘Marriage? Of course I want that, but not just now. In a few years, maybe.’
‘Oh, Jack. You know that’s not good enough. I don’t want you to feel obliged to do anything. You either want us to be together always, or you don’t.’
‘That’s exactly what I’m saying. I want you here with me.’
Judy shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t work. Life isn’t a game of chance, Jack. You should listen to your mother. She has plenty to say on the subject, and I hate to admit it, but I think she’s right.’
‘What does my mother know about how I feel?’ Jack demanded angrily. ‘She has no right to interfere.’
‘She loves you,’ Judy said simply. ‘From what I was told, your mother suffered greatly at the hands of the old squire, and her marriage to your father wasn’t a particularly happy one.’
‘That has nothing to do with us. I want things to be as they were.’
‘That’s not possible, and you know it.’
‘I’m not asking anything of you other than to be here for me. I need you to keep me from doing stupid things, and I want to hear you laugh again.’
He looked so downcast that Judy was deeply touched and she moved closer, taking his hands in a warm grasp. ‘You were always impatient.’
Jack drew her closer, but the door flew open and Hilda burst into the room. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing,’ Judy said firmly. ‘We were just talking.’
‘Your mother wants a word with you, Master Jack.’
‘Stop calling me that,’ Jack said crossly. ‘It makes me sound like a ten-year-old. Who told you we were in here, anyway?’
‘It was Molesworth, if you must know. I was sent to fetch you and that’s what I’m doing.’ Hilda gave Judy a warning look. ‘We’ll talk about this later, my girl.’
‘We’ve done nothing wrong,’ Judy said tiredly.
Hilda turned to Jack and he held up his hands. ‘All right, Hilda. I’ll go and placate my mother, but only if you promise to leave Judy alone. This was my fault, not hers.’
Hilda opened her mouth to answer, but Judy laid her hand on her mother’s arm. ‘No, Ma. That’s enough.’ She sent Jack a warning glance and with obvious reluctance he left the room.
‘You’ll find yourself in trouble if you go on this way,’ Hilda said warily. ‘I don’t want to interfere, Judy, but someone must tell you how things are.’
‘What are you trying to say, Ma?’
‘Remember what happened to Mary at the hands of the old squire,’ Hilda said darkly. ‘Times haven’t changed that much. Jack is a man now, with a man’s needs, and you are a servant in his house. Do you understand?’
‘I think you insult both of us.’ Judy walked to the door and opened it. ‘I have things to do, but you can tell Mrs Tattersall that she need not worry about us. I won’t fall into the same trap that she did.’
Her mother’s words echoed in Judy’s head as she went about her daily tasks, and when she went to bed that night she found it impossible to sleep. Eventually, having tossed and turned for more than an hour, she went downstairs to make herself a cup of cocoa, using the remaining heat from the range to warm a pan of milk. As she sat at the kitchen table, sipping the comforting drink, Judy came to the inevitable conclusion: the time had come for her to leave Creek Manor. It would break her heart to be parted from all those she loved, especially Jack, but she could see no future for herself if she stayed at the manor house. It had been different when J
ack was away at university, and she had looked forward eagerly to his return at the end of each term, but he had come home to take up his responsibilities as lord of the manor, he was now at home for good and the relationship he wanted would prove difficult, if not impossible.
Judy finished the cocoa and washed the cup and saucer before returning to her room. Her thoughts had clarified and she knew now what she must do.
At first light Judy was on the road to Colneyhurst and in less than an hour she was seated in the breakfast parlour, drinking coffee with Daisy, who was still wearing a silk wrapper over her lacy nightgown.
‘So you see my problem,’ Judy said, sighing. ‘I love Jack, and I suppose I always have. I think he loves me, but there’s no question of marriage and I don’t trust myself to stay strong, if you know what I mean.’
Daisy nodded and her dark curls flopped over her brow, only to be brushed away with an impatient hand. ‘Of course I do. I think anyone who has ever been in love would understand, but I’m sure Jack wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.’
‘Not intentionally, but his mother wants him to marry someone much more suitable than I. No matter how much Jack pretends it’s of no matter, he is the lord of the manor in his brother’s absence.’
‘If you’re worried that Jack is like his half-brother, then don’t be. Jay takes after the old squire and Jack’s father was a good man at heart, even if he was a bully. Jack wouldn’t chase after other women if you and he were to wed.’
‘He doesn’t want to commit himself to something so permanent, but if I stay at Creek Manor under his terms I would be living on a knife edge. Mrs Tattersall would sack me instantly if she discovered we were having a secret liaison.’
Daisy was silent for a moment as if considering the situation. ‘Then you have no alternative,’ she said slowly. ‘I think you’re right, Judy. You need to go away for a while. It will give you both time to think.’
