by E. L. Todd
“It’ll be okay, Sean.” She massaged my arm gently, giving me her wifely touch. “I hope so.”
***
“Why do you look like shit today?” Mike walked into my office and got right to the point.
“Ro knows I hired someone to tail him in Switzerland.”
“Well, at least he was astute enough to notice.”
“But my life would be easier if he hadn’t.” There was a decanter of scotch in my bottom drawer but I stopped myself from pulling it out. It was only ten in the morning—too early for a drink.
“He’ll get over it. They always do.”
“Hopefully.”
“Is he back?”
“His plane landed five hours ago. I’m sure Ro and Heath are sleeping right now. I know they both don’t work today.”
“Well, at least they made it back in one piece.”
“Yeah.” I leaned back into my chair and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I didn’t sleep much the night before, feeling guilty for the last conversation I had with my son.
“Dude, relax.” Mike fell into the chair facing my desk. “Roland will get over it.”
“It’s not that.” I looked up at the ceiling and stared at the florescent lights.
“Then what?”
“I won’t always be around to look after him…” One day, my body would shut down and my eyes would close for the last time. Scarlet would come with me at the same time, I was sure of that. But then my kids would be alone. “And that scares me.”
Mike was silent for several minutes, his agony penetrating the air. “Scares me too sometimes.”
“I’m always there whenever he needs me. Will he be okay when I’m gone?”
“We shouldn’t think like that. We’ve got the rest of our lives, man.”
“I know. I’m not afraid of getting old or even dying. I’m just worried about them after I’m gone.” I moved my head back up and looked at my brother, the person I was closest to besides my wife. He understood me well because we were essentially the same person.
“They have each other, Sean. They’re their own family now. All our kids are close to each other. So, they’ll never be alone.”
“True.”
“And Skye will always have Cayson to look after her. Roland will have Heath. Trinity will have Slade, and Conrad will have Lexie. They’re in good hands. I’m not worried about it.”
“Maybe I’m making nothing into something.”
“You’re just overthinking it. You do that way too often.”
“You’re one to talk,” I said with a chuckle.
He shrugged in guilt. “Both of us should take my advice. We’re retiring soon. We’re going to have to learn to chill out otherwise we’ll drive ourselves crazy—and our wives.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know…have sex with Cassandra all day.”
“That’s impressive since we aren’t eighteen anymore.”
“My wife still does it for me. She’s got a smokin’ body. And her tits are off the hook.”
I’d never pictured Cassandra in that light and it was disturbing. “Good to know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure. Travel. Scarlet and I want to train for marathons to raise money for charity.”
Mike gave me a disgusted look. “That’s not what retired people do.”
“Well, we’re pretty young to retire. We’ve got to find something to do.”
“I guess…but running marathons? I was thinking of becoming a fighting champion.”
“You’re pretty old for that.”
“Hey, some of the greatest fighters were still in the ring when they were forty.”
“And you’re fifty—so you missed the cut-off.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m a behemoth.”
“Does Cassandra know this?” I had a suspicion I already knew the answer.
“No.”
I laughed when I pictured the expression on her face. “Good luck with that.”
“Cassandra doesn’t boss me around.”
I laughed again because that was unbelievably incorrect. “Whatever you say, man.”
“If you wanna talk about the most whipped guy in the world—I’m looking at him.”
I didn’t deny it. “You say that like it’s an insult—which it’s not. And you’re in second place, by the way.”
He left the chair and gave me a cold stare. “I’m going to be the most badass fighter the world has ever seen.”
“Talk about a mid-life crisis…”
He gave me the bird before he slammed the door.
***
When a week had come and gone, I decided to pay Roland a visit. I knocked on his door after work and hoped he’d answer. The second he saw my face through the peephole he might not give me the time of day.
But Heath opened the door.
“Hey, Dad.” He gave me a one-arm hug and invited me inside. “What brings you here?”
At least he wasn’t mad at me like Roland. “Just wanted to check up on you guys. Curious to hear about the honeymoon.”
“Great. We were just going to sit down to dinner. Perfect timing.”
“Where’s Ro?”
“In the shower.”
I wondered if I would have been invited inside if my son knew I were here.
“Can I get you anything? We’ve got wine and scotch.”
“Scotch?” I asked in surprise.
“Ro drinks it.”
I couldn’t help but smile. He took after me in more ways than he realized. “I’ll take a glass with ice.”
“Great.” Heath grabbed the drinks from the kitchen then returned a moment later. “Switzerland was beautiful. And the cheese was fantastic.”
“You didn’t get sick of the cold?”
“I loved it. Ro did too.”
Roland came down the hallway with damp hair. He wore jeans and an old t-shirt, clearly having no idea I was there. He faltered in stride when he noticed me, and the same look of irritation he used to give me as a kid came into his eyes. “Thanks for the heads up, babe.”
“What?” Heath asked. “It’s just your dad.”
“Yeah, exactly,” he said coldly.
Heath picked up on the tension and fell silent.
I expected this reaction from him but I still wasn’t prepared for it. “Heath, can we have a minute?”
“Sure.” Heath gave Roland a knowing look. “Don’t be a brat.” Then he walked down the hall and shut his bedroom door.
Roland put his hands in his pockets as he stared at me.
I set down my glass of scotch and faced him head on, knowing this wasn’t going to be pleasant. “I haven’t heard from you and just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“I’m good.”
“I’d like to hear about your honeymoon if you have the time to tell me.”
“You don’t know everything already?” he asked coldly.
I was doomed to have these parent type talks forever. “I was just looking out for you. I explained that already.”
“But you weren’t looking out for me. You had some guy follow me around and you didn’t even tell me about it. I was freaked out for three days because I kept seeing that guy everywhere.”
“If I told you the truth you would have sent him away.”
“Which is my right. I wanted to have a nice honeymoon with my husband—not be spied on.”
“Roland, I didn’t spy on you.” I already said that.
“But you sent—”
“Roland, I know what I did. Unlike most people I carefully think about every action I make before I make it. Perhaps you’ve forgotten the night your mother was held hostage with a gun pointed at her head, and the night I was going to be executed unless I gave up my only daughter. Perhaps you’ve forgotten that your sister was shot and nearly died. Perhaps you forgot about the knife I took for you—the very knife that almost claimed my life. Perhaps you’ve forgotten all the sh
it this family has been through. I’m sorry if my actions were intrusive but surely you can understand why I did it. So maybe you need to rethink a few things before you speak to me that way. I understand you’re an adult, but you need to understand I’m your father and you can’t treat me like that.” I’d never been so disappointed in my own son. No matter how much I gave him he took me for granted. I could see that now—and it hurt.
I didn’t have anything else to say. The shocked look on his face was enough to tell me I needed to walk out. I just reached a heightened level of anger, and I needed to separate myself now before I said anything more. My words acted as a knife and cut him right in half. I could see it in his eyes.
***
Scarlet greeted me once I got home. “How did—”
“Terrible.” I threw my coat on the rack but missed. It fell to the floor in a pile. I kicked off my shoes and flung them across the entryway, not giving a damn about scuffing them up.
Scarlet shut her mouth when she watched my tantrum. I hardly acted this way, and when I did it was usually because I was insanely pissed. “Scotch?”
“No.” I sat on the couch and rested my fingers against my temple.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She sat beside me and rubbed my back.
“No.”
Scarlet rubbed the back of my neck then ran her fingers through my hair. Her touched softened me up after a few minutes. It wasn’t just her ministrations that felt good. It was the fact she was touching me.
“I went to Roland’s place and he was still mad at me. He gave me the cold shoulder and said I had no right to do what I did.”
She rested her chin on my shoulder.
“I snapped and really ripped into him, reminding him of the sacrifices I’ve made for this family. I reminded him how much I’ve suffered at the hands of monsters. I reminded him that I sacrificed my life for his. I know it happened years ago but it hurts how quickly it faded into the past.”
“Roland hasn’t forgotten.”
“He clearly has if he thinks he can speak to me that way.”
“He was just upset. You know how he gets.”
“We went to Ireland a few weeks ago and he told Heath’s mom how incredible I was, that I was always there for him. And then he flips a switch and becomes a different person.”
“But it’s a different situation. You sent someone to tail him. It would have been different if you were there in the flesh.”
“Now that would be spying.”
“Roland just has a hard time understanding.”
“Well, that makes two of us.” I left the warmth of my wife’s arms and walked away. “I’m going to bed.”
Scarlet didn’t remind me that it was only eight in the evening. She didn’t follow me either. She just let me go—because she knew that was what I needed.
Chapter Six
Trinity
The second I arrived on set I was uncomfortable. There were so many lights everywhere—and people. Cameras were set up around the room, all facing a bed with messy sheets.
Could I really do this?
“Hey, baby.” Slade moved through the throng of people then circled his arms around my waist. “Ready to fool around?” He wiggled his eyebrows as he rubbed my belly.
“Uh…”
“It’ll be fine. Just look at me.”
“Slade, this is just weird. I don’t know if I can handle this.”
“You can.” He pulled me closer to him and lowered his voice. “It’s just you and me—like we’re at home.”
“But twenty people don’t stare at us at home.”
“Forget they’re there. That’s all.”
“And my stomach is so big…”
“And beautiful. I’m telling you, people will love it.”
“I’m just big.”
He grabbed my chin and forced my gaze on him. “You’re glowing, Trinity. Absolutely glowing.” He gave me a hard look that said he would win this battle no matter how hard I fought against him. “I want you to share this with me. This song is about you. My whole album is about you. The world is going to want to see the woman who’s changed me so completely. We’re making a memory together, something that will live on long after we’re gone. Come on. You can do this.”
When he said things like that I couldn’t say no. Somehow, he made me actually want to do this. “I’ll try.”
“Thank you.” He kissed me on the forehead before he rubbed his nose against mine. “Alright. Now head to hair and make up and they’ll take care of you.”
***
I wore a white nightgown dress with white lacey panties underneath. The hair and make up crew did my hair in open spirals, teasing my hair to make it thick and enormous. My make up was moderately light, giving it a natural look instead of a heavy sex-crazed one. A black robe covered my body as I waited for Slade.
Slade came out in just his boxers, tattoos across every inch of his body. He was ripped everywhere, having no fat the eye could see. Despite all the ink he wore everywhere the tattoo of his wedding ring was noticeable. “Alright. Let’s do this.” He clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Baby, you ready for this?”
“Uh, I guess.” So many people.
“Get into bed then take off your robe.”
“Alright.” I was nervous so I did whatever he told me. Once the robe was off Slade pulled the covers over me so everything below my waist was hidden. He crawled into bed beside me and held himself up on one elbow. “So, just follow my lead and do whatever I do.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Just forget about all these people. Just think about me.”
“That’s kinda hard when the lights are shining right in my eyes…”
“I know you can do this, baby. I wouldn’t have recruited you if I thought otherwise.”
“Okay.” I need to suck it up.
They started to play the music over the speakers and the cameras rolled. Slade moved on top of me like he did every day and gave me a slow kiss. One hand moved deep into my hair as he breathed into my mouth.
It was hard to get into it when all I could think about were the cameras, lights, and crew.
It took several takes before I was finally comfortable enough to relax. Slade didn’t seem to notice anyone around us. His entire focus was on me, and nothing else. He pulled up my dress and revealed my naked stomach before he placed kisses everywhere, kissing the skin over our unborn baby girl.
After a while, I stopped thinking about everything else but us. Slade even made me laugh when he tickled me. Sometimes he would whisper things to me, things only I would understand. And other times they played back the song so he could lip sync to the words. In those moments I just watched the movement of his lips, remembering how beautiful his voice was when he sang to me alone.
“You’re doing great,” he whispered.
Because I stopped thinking about everyone else. I only thought of us.
***
“I can’t believe you were in a music video,” Skye said. “That’s so cool.”
“I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea in the beginning, but I warmed up to it.”
Skye stirred her tea then checked on Cedric, who was sitting in the car seat on top of the table. “What did you do?”
“We had some sexy scenes in bed. Then we had other sexy scenes walking around downtown. It was just a bunch of making out and touching.”
“Well, that’s exactly how I would picture a music video for Slade. I think it’s really sweet that he insisted you be in it.”
It was sweet—even if I couldn’t appreciate it in the beginning. “I know. I just hope it came out good.”
“I’m sure it did. You’re beautiful, Trin.”
“My baby bump isn’t exactly beautiful.”
Skye rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I was a cow when I was seven months pregnant. You’re tiny in comparison.”
My hands automatically went to my belly.
“So, I don’t k
now if I should be worried but…Cayson said he and Slade did some kissing. What was that about?”
“Kissing?” I blurted.
“Something about them being on a date?”
Slade hadn’t mentioned anything to me. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Those two are just as in love with each other as they are with us.” Cayson was one person I would never compete with—no matter how many times I gave Slade head.
Skye chuckled. “True.”
“How’s motherhood?”
“Perfect, like always.” She turned her affection on Cedric, the love written in her eyes.
“Do you guys talk about having another one?”
“Actually, we’re trying.” Instead of being completely happy, she seemed uneasy.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“It is. It really is.” She said it like she was trying to convince herself more than me. “I just get worried our second baby will have the same kind of complications as Cedric. Going through that once was hard enough…but twice? I’ve never felt so hopeless in my life. When my dad was in the hospital I was devastated but when Cedric almost didn’t make it…it was a whole new level of turmoil I never knew existed. I can’t even explain it.”
My hand moved to hers and I gently patted the top of her knuckles. “You don’t need to explain. I think I understand.”
“When you’re a mom everything is different. You love your husband and your family but…your baby is the number one thing in your life.”
“I understand your fear but I’m sure everything will be okay with the next one. And you can’t let the unknown deter you.”
“I know…Cayson said the same thing.”
“And look at Cedric now. He’s smart and adorable. Now, that’s a deadly combo.”
She smiled. “He is perfect.”
“So, you guys are actively trying?”
“We’ve been trying for about a week.”
“And you aren’t pregnant yet?” I teased. “That’s not like Cayson at all…”
