by Sabina Green
“Connie Fiala,” I introduced myself. “Can I speak to Mark, please?”
There was just silence, and I quickly checked if the connection hadn’t been broken.
“Hello?” I said.
“Yes… sure.” His words sounded hesitant. “He’s right next to me. I’ll put him on the line, hold on.”
I heard a short conversation between the two men, but it was muted and distorted, as if someone had covered the phone with their hand.
“Connie,” Mark said after a while, and unlike his colleague he sounded happy to hear my voice. “I’m glad you’re calling.”
“I’m sorry for the delay,” I blurted out. “Last time you caught me at a bad moment, I had to deal with some things first. I… I wanted to say I’d like to accept your offer. I’ll come for that meeting.”
Mark gasped with surprise, he probably thought he’d never hear from me again. “That’s amazing. I’m glad, and I really appreciate that you’re willing to do this… and of course, I’m talking on behalf of the whole company.”
I’ll do whatever I can. Let my last months be worth it!
“When would be convenient for you?” I asked him.
“Oh, yesterday,” he said breathlessly, and we both laughed. “As soon as possible, but of course, I don’t want to pressure you.”
“I’m free today after work. I finish at four.”
There was another surprised silence. “How about at five, here at the Association? If you have enough time to get here… We’re five minutes from the city centre.”
I agreed and wrote down the address. The rest of the shift went fairly quickly. Emma had relaxed, probably because I was more open and communicative than in previous days. I refused her invitation to go for a drink after work, but I suggested a meeting on the weekend. My resolution to spend as much time with my loved ones included close friends too.
Just before five I was walking up the stairs of the Association building. I could see their big logo from afar, a picture of a man, one hand hugging a koala sitting on his hip, the other holding a lump of soil with a tree sprout.
I remembered this picture from the Association website. It embodied the longed-for harmony between humanity, nature and the animal kingdom, one of my own biggest desires too. I liked the picture a great deal; it probably wasn’t that surprising that it made me think of the video from the news.
I pushed the glass door and entered the vestibule. It was empty, except for a tall young man, clearly waiting for someone.
“Mark?” I said to him and he turned around to face me.
“Connie?”
We both froze with shock. I expected us to be strangers, but the man standing in front of me was one I’d already met, and spoken to… and not that long ago.
He was the man who kindly drove me home after my car crash, was very understanding of my mistake, and gave me important life advice.
Mark
I doubted Connie suspected anything; I put on a good show, acting surprised at seeing her again.
The fact that it was me driving right behind her when the accident occurred wasn’t a coincidence at all. I took Andrew’s warning not to get her involved to heart only inasmuch as I made sure she didn’t notice me when I was in her vicinity. She didn’t see me by the police station, at the intersection in front of her house, in a grocery shop, or at the hospital car park. I may not have always known what she was doing–for instance, what exactly she was buying at the supermarket or why she’s going to the hospital–, but I knew where she was. As soon as I made the decision to meet her, nothing could stop me, not my conscience, not Andrew.
I’d been working for the Association and The Collective for many years. A volunteer only, but I felt a stronger sense of fulfilment than I’d gotten in any other field. I enjoyed being a social worker, but it reminded me of my rather bleak childhood too much. Before I chose my profession, I wanted to help people with the same or similar past as me. The first few years I was trying really hard, but only had good results with a handful of patients. Most of them remained just as damaged as I was. After all, I’d always been saying that no one could possibly help me, so why should I expect it to be any different with others?
When Andrew shared The Collective’s plans with me, I started saving every dollar, just to be able to quit my day job and help with future events without any other responsibilities. I’ve never been a big spender, so saving money wasn’t hard, plus I’d already had a significant sum in my bank account. Last year I finally quit and started devoting all my time to the activities of The Collective.
We had a huge event coming up, and there was so much that needed to be sorted out. I volunteered to do anything and everything that was in my power. That’s why they assigned me Frank Fiala, and I knew pretty much everything about his family at this point. When Andrew mentioned that Connie was Frank’s weak spot, I in turn knew what was hers. She’d do anything for Ruby, and that’s why I wanted to reach out to her.
When she had driven through an intersection on a red light and hit a turning car, I thought my head was going to burst, trying to figure out what I should do. The smartest thing would be to drive away so that I don’t get caught, but my instinct to help was stronger. So I stayed.
I didn’t expect her to accept the ride home, but she did. Perhaps that ride, and my suggestions about pay it forward, was the reason she was standing in front of me.
“Coincidence brings us together again,” I shrugged.
We shook hands. Connie looked at me awkwardly, cleared her throat, and threw her arms as if to say what the hell.
“After you drove away I realised I don’t even know your name. I guess I don’t have to worry about that anymore…” she laughed and her cheeks grew red. “To be honest, if I’d known it was you I would be meeting, I wouldn’t have come.”
“Why?”
She shrugged nervously. “Because I’m still embarrassed about my carelessness and impulsivity.”
I laughed. “You don’t have to be. I’m not judging you.”
“Why not? Have you also crashed into another car before?”
“Well, no,” I shook my head. “But I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”
Never mind the thing I’m still helping to bring to fruition…
I could see questions in her eyes, but she didn’t ask them, and I was grateful because I wouldn’t have given her a straight answer.
“Actually, it was you who made me come here. What I mean is, that evening in the car, when you spoke about returning favours and righting wrongs,” she explained passionately, “it felt right.”
I nodded. “I thought as much. If I’d known who you were, I’d add meetings with a member of the Association to the list of examples of pay it forward.”
We laughed and Connie relaxed a bit. Her cheeks lost that bright red colour and suddenly turned much paler than I’d expect.
We stared at each other for a while, until Connie interrupted the silence with an awkward: “So…”
“I’m sorry, I forgot myself there. I’ve still not recovered from the surprise.” I didn’t like lying or tricking people, but in this case, what else could I do? If everything goes well, Connie would learn the truth. Hopefully.
“I know exactly how you feel.” She smiled.
“I’d like to talk to you about something, and don’t worry, I won’t keep you long. We can move to our lounge, it’s on the first floor, or there’s a café across the road.”
I left the decision to her, because I wanted her to feel like she was the one in control. Of course, that wasn’t actually the case, but she didn’t need to know that. The biggest decisions had already been made; this was inconsequential in comparison.
She looked around the empty vestibule and reception and I could guess what she was thinking. She didn’t want to be stuck in a hopeless situation, follow a strange
man somewhere she couldn’t run away from, where no one would hear her scream. Clearly there was nobody else there in the whole building.
“I’d like some coffee,” she pointed to the café across the road.
“In that case it’s my treat,” I offered and gestured towards the glass entrance door.
As we sat down at a table and got our drinks, we stuck to small talk. After a few minutes, Connie mentioned the video from the news, and my breath caught. I knew it by heart, of course. Not only had I seen it a hundred times, I was there when it was being made. But she couldn’t know that, I reminded myself and joined in her speculation about why the video was published and what would come of it. She was surprisingly close, she’d only underestimated the scale of the events, and how closely related they’d be to herself, her Dad, and her daughter.
There was virtually no difference between the Association and The Collective; both were working towards the same goal, the protection of animals and the environment from the cruel and ruthless hand of man. But whereas the Association did everything legally and publically, its sister The Collective didn’t mind getting its hands dirty. The Association followed the proverb “If someone throws stones at you, throw back bread”, it worked humbly and quietly to fix what was damaged, while the Collective gave that proverb the middle finger, so to speak. Because it learnt that evil cannot be fought with good, and mild punishments for great crimes will simply never work. And because it’s had enough.
“Connie,” I started, lowering my voice. She noticed and leaned towards me. “What we’re talking about now is actually kind of connected to my request.”
“Oh God,” she breathed. “I hope it’s not illegal?”
I ignored her and went straight to the heart of it: “The Association needs to know about as many cases of abused animals, vandalism, arson… well, any damage to the environment.” Connie frowned and I quickly added: “Nothing the police is still working on. We’re mainly interested in closed cases which didn’t make it to the news and media.”
“Hm,” she sighed and it was as if she wanted to say: That’s what I was afraid of. For a few seconds she was just looking at her own fidgeting fingers. She didn’t glance up when she asked: “And why does the Association need that? Don’t you work with similar information too? You don’t need the police to get involved…”
I couldn’t let her back away. “You know that we are preparing a protest against animal abuse and environmental damage. We want to get the punishment as high as possible, because the way things are now… let’s be honest, it’s pathetic.”
“That’s true.”
“We’ve been in talks with the government for some time now,” I continued, “we have our people there. The Association thinks that we’ll get our way faster if we present them with real cases, with full photo documentation rather than guesses and summaries.”
She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. People from a nearby table were looking over at us curiously. Did they think we were having an argument?
“Why don’t you just look up the court cases?” Connie asked. “They’re available to the public.”
“Are you saying that every case makes it to court?” I asked, and judging by her expression, I hit the mark. “We don’t want to make anything public, we just want to show it to the government, to support our cause.”
“You know I don’t have the authority to give you that kind of information…”
I leaned back too and sighed. Time to slow down. “I don’t want to put you in a difficult position, and I definitely don’t mean to cause you any trouble. I just think… well, all of us in the Association think, there are such terrible things happening in the world, and nobody can do anything about it. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“Mark… You don’t know how much I agree with you. But in order to keep fighting those bad things you talk about, I need to keep my job. Without that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my family.”
I thought I could see her lips trembling, but she hid them behind her palm. I didn’t want to upset her any further. “Alright. I’ll try the court cases.”
She reached for her cup too quickly and a bit of coffee spilled on the coaster. Connie then drank the rest of it quickly, as if she wanted an excuse to leave as soon as possible without being rude. That’s not what I wanted.
“I would be really happy if we didn’t end this meeting on a bad note. Could we just forget that conversation and talk about something else?”
She frowned again, probably thinking I was some crazy guy who didn’t want to let his victims go. Or was I overthinking? I wanted to keep talking to her though, and didn’t really care what about. My life had shrunk to working for the Association and The Collective, and while I was more or less happy, sitting in a café like this reminded me of a normal life, which, were it not for my past, I’d probably have. A regular job, family dinners, going for a drink with friends, sleeping soundly… I could only dream of these things. I’d never had them, so I wanted to hold on to this moment just a little longer.
“What would you like to talk about?” Connie asked, as if she knew what I was thinking about.
“You mentioned your family. We could talk about them?”
Connie
For a while I forgot about the world outside the café, and was only reminded of its existence when, at eight o’clock, Dad called and disrupted the nice evening.
“Are you still at the Association meeting?” he asked, surprised.
“Yeah. It ended up being much longer than I expected,” I smiled and realised that I didn’t want to leave, despite the heavy darkness outside the windows.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you, sorry. I just…” He paused and I finished the thought for him: I wanted to make sure you didn’t revert back to that numb trance state, and aren’t staring at a wall somewhere. Or that you hadn’t had another car accident.
“I’m alright. I’ll be home in half an hour.”
“What did they want from you?”
“I’ll tell you when I get back,” I promised and started thinking about those three hours with Mark, and how Dad would interpret them. I didn’t need to justify myself to him, but it would be nice to tell him about the evening, since he did me a favour and looked after Ruby. Again.
This was an innocent and casual meeting, you could almost call it business. So why did it make me feel so strangely nervous?
“Somebody’s really worried about you,” said Mark.
“It’s my Dad. He’s not normally this protective, but… the last few weeks I’ve been a bit out of it,” I confessed. “He just wanted to make sure I’m not stuck somewhere.”
“He sounds like a good man,” Mark said softly and his face turned sad.
“He is,” I agreed, though I didn’t understand why Mark was upset. “We’ve been a strong team ever since my Mum died.”
“It’s good that you’ve got him,” he said firmly.
He kept asking me all sorts of questions about my work, the origin of my surname and therefore my European roots, what brought Dad to Australia, if I have travelled anywhere. Why did Dad and I live together, how old my daughter was and what kind of friends she had in kindy. His interest in my life was pleasing.
“What about your family? We’ve been talking about me almost the whole time.”
He smiled, heavy eyes fixed on the wall behind me. “I don’t have a family,” he said quietly.
Nobody at all? I wanted to say. He must be so lonely… What would I do without Dad and Ruby? Even though I had good friends, I knew for sure that I wouldn’t want to be here without my family. I wouldn’t want to live.
That thought shocked me, and I looked up at Mark. There was a whole story hidden in his answer.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I breathed.
He smiled in that let’s-make-the-other-person-
think-it’s-not-a-big-deal way. “I didn’t want us to end on a bad topic, and look where it got us,” he joked, but his eyes were a bit glassy.
He started collecting his phone and keys from the table. I took that as a hint he didn’t want to talk about it. I took my own handbag and stood. It didn’t seem appropriate to tell him I had a good time right now, since I didn’t want him to think I enjoyed his suffering.
“I have to say, this was really nice,” he said in his normal voice again as we were walking across the street towards Dad’s car.
“I enjoyed it too.”
I sat behind the wheel and pulled my window down to say goodbye. He was about to turn to walk away when I spoke: “Mark? It’s a great thing you’re doing for the Association. The world needs more people like you.”
He nodded, but his face remained serious. He kept looking at me for a few seconds. “Goodbye, Connie,” he said and disappeared around the corner of the building.
“It sounds a bit like a date.”
“Dad, please,” I rolled my eyes. “We were just talking.”
“For three and a half hours?” The corners of his mouth twitched and I realised he was just messing around. “Nothing wrong with that.”
“Are you suggesting that I should be dating?”
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I’m not interested in dating,” I lied. If there happened to be the right guy, I wouldn’t say no. I didn’t have the time, though. Why should I further complicate this tiny bit of life I have left?
“Alright,” Dad raised his hands in resignation. “I’ll say no more. And I’ll keep saying no more, even if you keep not dating him.”
That night I kept rolling around in bed, reliving the entire conversation with Mark. If I wasn’t ill, who knows? I’d probably get in touch with him about another meet up. But it wasn’t meant to be, so I focused at least on the beginning of our meeting, and his request.
I liked his passionate interest in protecting animals and the environment, we were alike on this. But then, when he explained himself, I was afraid of all the possible consequences, and wanted to refuse him straight away. The more I thought about it now though, the more I wanted to comply. I couldn’t stand deliberate cruelty, and didn’t have it in me to ignore it.
