by Jerilee Kaye
She thought that this would be a perfect ending to her perfect rebellion. Dressing up wildly. Drinking bravely. Flirting sinfully. And riding freely.
He parked his motorcycle in front of their building. He took her hand and guided her to dismount the bike. She waited for him to get off and they went inside the elevator together. Justin pressed his floor number. She stood on the corner opposite him. She just glared at him, her hands on her side. He had crossed his arms over his chest again as he stared at her with his crystal blue eyes, which, she thought, had strangely turned a shade darker.
Her world still kept spinning because of the tequila and the motorcycle trip. It whirled ten times faster as he stared at her intently, his eyes boring through her soul, making every nerve in her body tingle, and every ounce of her blood sing.
And then it happened.
They met each other halfway. Both of them lunged forward at the same time, where lips met lips in passionate, head-spinning kisses.
This time, he wasn’t gentle anymore. This time, he intently demanded her affection. He had become the player he was known to be. He took his time gaining her trust, studying what made her tick. He’d been patient all night, but at that point he began claiming his prize.
They heard a ‘ting!’, which told them they’ve reached their floor. They didn’t stop kissing. He held and kissed her as they walked towards his apartment.
It was three in the morning but neither of them cared. Time stood still. The world stopped spinning. They couldn’t get enough of each other’s kisses. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
He pinned her between a door and his hard body. She didn’t know which door but she didn’t care, either. He kept kissing her, nuzzling her neck, eliciting involuntary moans from her.
All her veins came to life. She felt compelling emotions she hadn’t felt before in her entire life. She became bolder, matching his kisses with her own, teasing him with her tongue.
The door behind her opened and she almost fell over but his arms were around her to keep her balanced. His hands went to her thighs and he lifted her off her feet. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist. He walked inside the apartment. She let out a moan of pleasure when he nuzzled her neck.
She almost shrieked when she felt herself falling backwards as he dropped her on his soft mattress. Then he fell on top of her, pinning her between the soft cushions and his hard body.
She had completely lost her senses. All she could think about were his arms and his kisses.
She felt his skin against hers. It was smooth. Hard. Male.
“I want you,” he whispered hoarsely against her lips.
She felt completely lost. She stopped thinking. He occupied her thoughts, as his body dominated hers.
She didn’t know when she lost her sandals or her pants, or her blouse. When Justin fell on top of her again, she felt the electric shock radiating from his skin to hers. She felt intoxicated, drugged out of her senses. All these feelings were new to her, she never knew she could feel this way at all.
She didn’t know that a man’s touch would feel like this… could send her sanity flying out the window…could make her feel a sense of urgency that she could hardly control.
For twenty-five years, she had virtually caged herself, trapped in a box that never allowed her to feel anything beyond normal. With the release of her spirit, she thirsted, she hungered.
Justin kissed her lips again, drugged her even more, making her want to jump off the cliff of insanity.
“I want more…” he whispered against her ear.
“Justin…” Her mind went blank, only one name registered.
“I want you…” he repeated in a hoarse voice.
She moaned once again.
“If you want this to stop, now is the time,” he said. He stopped kissing her. He looked at her intensely, in eyes drunk with passion and desire.
He stopped moving, trapping her between the soft mattresses and his hard body. He was giving her a chance to turn back. To return to reason. Or go further towards oblivion and forever be lost.
She reached up and touched his lips with her fingertips. He turned sideways and kissed her palm. And then he looked back at her, waiting for her to make that decision.
She stared at his handsome face. His crystal blue eyes appeared dark with passion. He seemed so devastatingly handsome. She knew just by looking back at him that she couldn’t utter the word no. Because right then, she felt that if going to bed with this devil is a prize to claim, then she would blissfully live thereafter as a sinner.
She wanted to feel more. And she desired this dangerous man…with those devilish eyes… nothing less!
She reached her head to nuzzle his neck, and then she whispered, “I want you…” before she could stop the words from coming out of her lips.
The world had turned upside down. As soon as the words left her mouth, he gave it another passionate kiss.
He was out of his pants in less than one minute. He fished a condom somewhere and she felt cold when her own body lost contact of his. She yearned for more.
“Justin, please…” she begged.
Then he was back on top of her. He kissed her, as his knees nudged her thighs. She took a deep breath. She was ready. She was waiting. She was yearning.
“Open your eyes, Beautiful,” he stated softly. She did as she was told. “I want you to look at me when I make love to you,” he whispered.
She nodded, excitement shooting from every part of her body. And slowly, she felt him at her entrance. She took a deep breath. There is no turning back for her. No one had ever made her feel like this. And she’s dying to know what else she was capable of feeling. She wanted to see where else he could take her.
Her family and Troy, even her friends, felt eons away from her mind. She anticipated what would happen next.
And then it did.
She closed her eyes and a squirm escaped her lips as she felt a tearing pain. Her arms flew to his neck and she hugged him to her, as if she thought the pain that he caused her would go away with the comfort that he could provide at that moment.
“Oh shit!” He cursed softly, as he realized what just happened.
They were caught up in a web of passion and he tore into her maidenhead without knowing that it was still intact. She didn’t know how they could go on without the pain that seemed unbearable.
He looked down at her. There were tears rolling down her cheeks. He wiped them with his thumb and then he hugged her to him, comforting her. Then he kissed her lips gently.
“I’m sorry. I can’t promise that this won’t hurt any more than it already does. But I’ll try.”
Then she felt him withdraw very gently. He reached down and she felt him touch his own manhood. She didn’t know why. Then he kissed her again very passionately and yet with so much more gentleness than before.
She felt him again at her entrance and slowly he re-entered her. She felt another tearing pain, but it seemed very gentle compared to the first one. Looking at her deeply, he thrust slowly, and she found it surprising that the pain slowly ebbed away. Then she became more excited.
Soon she felt the urgency and the yearning she possessed a while ago…but this time stronger. Like a tide that swept her away from the shore. She felt madness taking over him…and she realized it had taken over her as well.
He tried to control it, so as to not hurt her. Soon, the pain was gone and she felt unfamiliar sparks shooting from everywhere. She let out a scream of pleasure that she hadn’t ever experienced before…bliss she never even knew existed.
She shivered. He caught her mouth and swallowed her screams in his kisses. His thrusts became more urgent until she felt him pull himself out of her. He buried his face in the mass of her hair and she felt his body rock.
When it ended he looked down at her deeply. His lips curved into crooked smile before his mouth descended towards hers.
After the kiss, neither of them said
a word. He stood up and turned on his bedside lamp. For the first time, she saw him fully naked. She swallowed hard. She realized as well that for the first time, she appeared naked in front of another human being.
He went to his closet. When he returned he was holding a blanket in his hand. He took her hand in his, pulled her up and caught her by the waist. He kissed her passionately, drugging her again, until she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.
He pulled off the blanket they made love in, which she noticed to her horror was filled with blood and something else—she knew what that was.
He threw the new set of blankets over the bed and then he laid down on it and pulled her to him.
They laid there for a while. Not saying anything. Her head rested comfortably on his shoulders. He had one hand rested on her waist. The other under his head.
When she looked up, he found him staring at her with his crystal blue eyes that seem to drown her every time she peered at them.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m sorry,” he began gently. “I didn’t know…”
She placed a finger on his lips. “Sshh!” she said. “It’s okay.”
“Do you still hurt?” he asked.
“A little sore, but I’m all right.”
They stayed there quietly for a while, lost in their own thoughts. She expected the gravity of her indiscretion to come crashing down on her with a big bang. She expected the feelings of remorse and embarrassment to overwhelm her now that the deed was done.
But to her surprise, she only remembered the intensity of the passion they just had shared and how wonderful he made her feel. For the first time in her life, she felt wanted…and surprisingly cared for at the same time.
He kissed the top of her head. “It was an amazing night,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I caused you pain, though.”
She smiled. “One man is bound to do so one day.”
He chuckled softly. “Then I feel so damn lucky it had to be me. But trust me, honey, that’s the only pain I will be causing you.”
You’re right! Because I don’t want anything to do with you after tonight! You couldn’t hurt me when I walk out that door and never look back.
Jamila McBride will disappear after tonight.
“Good night…Beautiful,” he said, and then he leaned down and kissed her lips gently. He turned off the lights and wrapped his arms around her.
She closed her eyes, thinking, she must be dreaming… a dream she would call to her memory every time she will feel very low in self-esteem. She would treasure this night.
Every time her mother crushed down her confidence or Troy made her feel undeserving, she would think about Justin and how he made her feel that only she meant anything for one night.
As she fell asleep in his arms, she wondered how she stayed in a relationship with Troy for three years and he never made her feel a sense of security and intense desire, but Justin Adams managed to give her all of that and more in just six hours.
A minute later, she fell sound asleep. He kissed her on the forehead and he closed his eyes.
When he woke up, she was gone. He looked around his room looking for any sign of her. She hadn’t left a trace.
He sat on his bed, naked. She didn’t leave anything. Except for her memory, and her scent that he still could smell when he laid back on his bed, right in the spot where she slept. The same spot where she lost herself for the first time with a man…and that man was him…He looked at the blanket on the floor. It was tainted with her blood. Lost innocence.
He smiled.
She was a virgin. Yet she just did a one-night stand. He couldn’t understand why he spent the whole night with her. Why he didn’t send her home afterwards. He had never spent a night with a woman in his entire life. It was one of the things that he thought usually led to expectations and commitments. He didn’t need that in his life. He didn’t even know why he waited for her to sleep first and then allowed himself to sleep with her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her skin, and her hair, which smelled like wild strawberries.
He didn’t understand, but he felt drawn to her.
3. Backslide
To lapse morally; To drop to a lower level, as in one's morals or standards; To revert to a worse condition.
She woke up before dawn, quickly got dressed and took off from Justin’s apartment across her own. Good thing, she just lived across from him. Otherwise, this escape would have become so difficult. She intended never to see him again. She would soon look like her old self, with her boring, old-fashioned style and thick glasses.
He’s a snob who didn’t look down on her kind. She looked quite different last night, even she couldn’t recognize herself. She was so sure he would never remember her. She just made it easier for him to ditch her, which she believed he quite certainly would.
She washed her face and soaked in a hot bath to clear her head. She stared at her own body. Almost every inch of it, had been touched by the City’s most wanted bachelor—Justin Adams. She couldn’t believe that she went so far overboard. She looked for fun. For oblivion. Losing her virginity on a one-night stand to a hotshot playboy seemed way over what she had in mind when she started out last night.
She still felt a bit sore. But she didn’t feel guilty at all. She didn’t feel like she didn’t have any values. She didn’t even feel like she cheated on Troy.
It was the first time in her life that she felt alive. That she felt appreciated and adored. And when she felt the pain of the impact of their lovemaking, she felt his concern. It was genuine. She felt cared for. Like she finally mattered.
She remembered that, when the pain became visible on her face, concern and guilt appeared in his eyes as he wiped her tears away. He took off the condom when he realized she was a virgin. Probably, he thought, using it might hurt her more. Her body was not yet accustomed to sex. It would be gentler if he didn’t wear the condom.
He probably believed she was safe. He need not wear protection. He was her first.
A thought crossed her mind. She was a virgin. He was a player. She probably seemed safe for him. But what about him for her? Adrienne shrugged the thought off her mind. Justin Adams is most probably too smart and too egotistical to catch something. He must be using protection all the time, not just to be safe, but to make sure that no woman could blackmail him into marriage.
She felt fine when she went to bed after a bath. And this caused her to worry. She spent the night in sin, but all that’s left were memories that she knew she would not mind dwelling on for some time in the future.
She was awakened by the ring of her phone. “Hello,” she said sleepily.
“Wake up!” It was Jill.
“It’s too early!” she told her grumpily.
“What time did you go to sleep last night?” Jill asked.
“Why?”
“Because you’re still sleeping and it’s past twelve. You never sleep past noon.”
“Well, I decided to break the habit,” she responded.
“You slept late last night, that’s what it is.” Jill’s tone seemed to accuse her of something.
“I don’t know what time I went to sleep,” Adrienne said. She stood up to go to her bathroom. “Hold on. I’m just going to splash some water on my face to wake myself up.”
Jill waited for five minutes while Adrienne washed her face and brushed her teeth.
“All right. What’s up?” Adrienne asked when she finished.
“How was Gypsys?”
That was enough to wake her up. “Ah…great. Nothing different. The same as the others.”
Shit! I’m lying!
“Did you leave early? Tell me you didn’t leave early!”
“Why?” she asked.
“Well…one of the girls I know from my neighborhood said that Justin Adams attended the opening. And he became attached to some redhead. They didn’t arrive together. He approached her and then they danced, kissed and left together.”
Now, her heart was pounding.
Damn! How popular can Justin Adams be?
She must remember not to go to Jill’s apartment for a minimum of two months at the risk of being recognized.
“So what?”
“Well, Justin isn’t known for picking up girls at bars. He does have a reputation of a playboy, but you would never see him holding hands with a girl in public, least of all kissing.”
“And the point is?”
“Well…she could be special. Justin likes to keep his reputation of being single. He doesn’t go steady with any girl. He doesn’t go public with a girl. And that’s what makes him more attractive! Like he is an ice king or something. He doesn’t pursue and he walks away easily.”
“Wow! How can an ice king be a playboy? I thought playboys are supposed to be hot!”
“Yeah, and that’s what makes him different! That’s what makes him a god! He doesn’t have a reputation for pickup lines! But beautiful girls, worthy enough to be models, would just fall at his feet. And last night, it seemed he broke his rules. He picked someone up!”
“Jillian, why are we talking about Justin Adams? You called me to talk about him? Why does everybody obsess about his love life?”
“He doesn’t have one,” Jill reminded her.
“All right. Then why is everybody obsessed over his sex life?” she asked, correcting herself. “So what? He sees a girl. He could have known her from the past or something. Could be an old girlfriend.” She surprised herself there. She didn’t know she could lie with so much conviction.
“Nope. He never had a girlfriend! That’s the point.”
She heard her doorbell ring. She was happy with a little distraction. She lost count of how many lies she just told her best friend in a span of two minutes. She opened the door.
Surprise of all surprises. The man of the hour himself came to her doorstep, and Adrienne thought she would die that instant.
“Holy mother of fuck!” She cursed like she’s never cursed before, it rendered Jill speechless on the other line.
He was about to open his mouth to say something but she cut him off.
