by Jerilee Kaye
She sighed and went to his side. “I need more time. I need the perfect timing. And the perfect spiel.” She felt desperate.
He stared at her. “Why didn’t you tell them in first place?”
“I don’t know. I just didn’t…and I wanted to…but…” She stammered. To be honest, she didn’t have an answer to that question. She knew she couldn’t break up with Troy until he visited her. But she didn’t know why she kept lying to her friends who never really cared for Troy, anyway.
Justin’s eyes narrowed at her. “You didn’t think it would last this long, did you?” he asked her seriously, his tone a little grave.
Bull’s eye! Justin Adams, the smart ass!
Shame and guilt crossed her face. The doorbell rang again, this time the person on the other side of the door was getting impatient. “Justin, please?”
He threw his hands in the air. “All right, all right! I’m going!”
“How? You can’t go out the door without being seen?”
“Who said I was going out the damn door?” he muttered, and then he opened the window of her bedroom. She watched nervously as he crossed the platform, that is about one and a half meters wide and six meters long, to the window of his own bedroom.
When he was safely in, she hurried towards the door.
“What took you so long?” Jill asked, entering her apartment immediately.
“I was asleep?” she replied sarcastically.
Yuan gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning, Sunshine!” he said, mimicking an early morning talk show host.
“What the…” Jill started.
Adrienne realized that the bouquet of roses that Justin gave her still sat on her dining table and wine glasses remained on the table in the balcony.
“Oh my God, is Troy here? Did he finally stay the night?” Yuan asked.
Adrienne shook her head. She felt so guilty. She felt bad about having an argument with Justin, too, after the previous night, which was perfect. He treated her wonderfully well. He had made her feel more special than anybody ever had in her entire life.
He sounded so dead serious about not keeping this thing a secret anymore, at least to her best friends. She knew she should tell them. But she couldn’t quite find the right time. Because it would mean she lied to them from day one.
But it seemed flattering to know that Justin had given her a little promise…at least of some sort. He just said that he’ll still be with her tomorrow and the days after…for how long, she didn’t know. But at least she knows he wasn’t walking away soon.
“Where is he?” Jill whispered.
Adrienne shook her head. “He’s not here.” She took a deep breath, nervously facing her friends and decided to face the truth and reality like ripping off the bandage. “I was actually with another guy. Justin.”
Jill raised a brow. “Justin who?”
Adrienne took another deep breath. “Justin…Adams,” she croaked.
Her friends blinked back at her. Then they stared at each other and then back at her again. Adrienne nervously waited for the screams and the curses. She balled her fists and bit her lip as she waited for almost like an eternity for them to react.
Then suddenly, they laughed…very hard! They even held on to their stomachs and sat on the couch and continued rolling in laughter.
“That’s…that’s a good one!” Yuan managed to speak in between his fits of laughter.
“Oh my God!” Jill uttered, struggling to compose a sentence. “He’s a god in bed, right? He was with me the other day, too! And what can I say…best orgasm of my life!” And she laughed again.
Adrienne bit her lip to keep herself from crying. Her friends found it so hilarious that she could actually be with Justin. Well, how can she blame them? Sometimes she found it unbelievable herself.
When they finally calmed down they smiled at her. “That was the best joke you’ve said ever since we met you!” Yuan admitted. “Really! You cracked me up!”
Adrienne forced a smile. “Is it so unbelievable?”
“Justin Adams only beds supermodels,” Yuan began. “And you’re too smart to have sex with him! You did not hold on to your virginity for so long, only to waste it on a guy who wouldn’t give a damn that he was your first. You’re too smart to get yourself involved with a playboy. That’s why you can’t break up with Troy! You’re too…safe, too careful.”
“Plus! You would never keep that from us! I will never, and I mean…never forgive you if you even spoke to him and you didn’t share that with us! That’s a friendship ender!” Jill went over to her fridge and getting a soda for herself and Yuan.
Shit!
Adrienne gulped. Although she knew Jill didn’t mean it, but there was a hint of truth in it. They would never forgive her if they found out what’s she’s been doing the past six weeks and who she was doing it with.
“What is happening south of your earlobes?” Jill exclaimed.
They both came closer to her. Yuan checked out her ears. Too late. She forgot to take off the earrings that Justin gave her from the past night.
“How gallant!” Yuan exclaimed. “My God, Troy must have been struck by lightning! He had suddenly gone romantic!”
“Are those Tiffany’s?” Jill asked.
Adrienne nodded.
“Those cost a fortune, you know!” Yuan continued. “That’s two carats! Probably more! He must love you so much to spend all of his medical school allowance on a trinket!”
“Who said they came from him?” Adrienne asked almost in a snap, stepping away from them.
Her friends fell silent. They realized that Adrienne wasn’t in a good mood. She went to the balcony and lit a cigarette. She was biting her lips to stop herself from crying. She started melting with shame and guilt.
She realized now more than ever what a mistake it was to hide Justin from her friends. Even Justin didn’t seem happy to be kept inside the closet anymore. But what could she do? How can she bring herself to confess to them when Jill just gave her a fair warning that it would be an instant deal-breaker?
“I have something to tell you, sweetie!” Jill started, finally dropping the subject of her earrings. “I was talking to Garry, the layout artist, yesterday, and guess who walked in?”
Adrienne knew exactly who walked in. And the thought made her feel even more guilty.
“Justin Adams!” Jill exclaimed. “He looked absolutely handsome. But as always, he had those shades on. But that makes him hotter though. Like he just stepped out from the covers of a magazine or something. And this is the story. When he walked in, he said, ‘Hi Garry.’ And then he looked at me and said, ‘Hi Jill.’ He knows me! He knows my name! My God! Unbelievable! We’re on first-name basis now!”
Adrienne stared at Jill. She was practically drooling. She felt more and more ashamed of herself. But what should she say?
Of course, he knows you! He’s been hiding from you guys for almost two months now because I didn’t want you to know that he was sleeping with me! And yes, I’ve been sleeping with him almost every night!
She closed her eyes for a moment.
“Sweetie, you’re still sleepy?” Yuan asked.
“I read a book last night. Slept late,” she lied yet again.
“My God, when I see him again, what will I say to him? I’ll say, ‘Hi Justin.’ Do you think it’ll be weird? Do I sound bold? Or too assuming?” Obviously, Jill wasn’t ready to give up talking about Justin Adams just yet.
“You can try—and then tell us about it,” Yuan suggested. “My God, that guy is known for being a classic snob! But he’s got every right to be. And speaking of hot guys, I wonder when Torso god on the other side would show himself.”
“Yes, have you seen what he looks like, Yen?” Jill asked.
She shook her head slightly. She couldn’t concentrate. She still couldn’t get Justin out of her mind. She kept repeating their conversation over and over in her head. That was their first fight. And who knows i
f they will make up and last long enough to have another one, the same way normal couples do?
Then her phone beeped. She read the message.
Justin: I’m going to Chicago for a week. Duty calls. I mean, my father. I’ll catch the twelve-noon flight. Obviously, I can’t come over to kiss you goodbye. So, I’ll just see you when I get back.
She was too confused to answer. And worse, she felt miserable with shame and guilt.
“What’s bothering you, Yen? You don’t seem like yourself lately. Well, you did change a lot for the better. But now, it seems like you didn’t want to talk at all. Are you okay?” Yuan asked.
She shrugged. Because she couldn’t lie any more, she decided to answer with something that has truth in it. “Troy. This thing with him isn’t going anywhere. We argue a lot. And I don’t seem to care anymore. I don’t care if we have a fight. I don’t care if he’s been having too many study dates with Kim.”
Yuan and Jill stared at her. None of them could say a word.
“I mean, we’re so incompatible. And that’s not good. And… every time we talk these days, it’s not complete without an argument. I did change a lot. And I feel good about myself. It’s like for the first time in years, I felt like I’m great. Like I’m amazing. And I didn’t have to live in someone’s shadow. I want to experience magic with someone. Someone who doesn’t have to love me. But just make me feel adored. Admired. Like I’m good enough just being myself.”
Like Justin! I want to be fair to him! But only God knows until when our thing is going to last.
Yuan reached for her hand. “We’ve been trying to tell you that for years, sweetie. But you love the guy…”
She shook her head. “I don’t anymore. I liked him, yes. But I realized that maybe I am with him because he fits this whole trying-to-please-Mommy charade I’ve been keeping up for years. And I give up. Mom will never love me as much as she loves Kim. And it’s okay. As long as she loves me. I don’t care.”
“Think about this, honey,” Yuan began. “Because your mother might not be able to forgive you for this. She seemed hell-bent on making Troy her son-in-law.”
“Are you guys trying to change my mind on this?” she asked.
Jill shook her head. “No. But we just want you to be emotionally ready. Because it’s like waging war with your mother. And we know how much you hate fighting with her.”
She tried to weigh her situation, the pros and the cons for two straight days. That’s what Justin told her the last night she was with him. Think about her relationship with Troy. It did last for three years but that didn’t mean it would last forever. Come to think of it, she didn’t have a lot of good memories with him, if she had memories of him at all.
Adrienne couldn’t do anything right. More often, she stared into space. She jumped every time her mobile phone rang or beeped. She waited for Justin to call or send a message. He didn’t. She didn’t hear from him for three straight days, quite contrary to what he said to her before he left…that he would stick around some more days.
She didn’t feel like this with Troy at all. Never. She seemed okay with him not calling her or texting her for days. She would still be herself. But why was it different with Justin? Why did she miss him every single minute of every hour of every day? And why did she worry that this could be very well the end of them.
He might have come to his senses! Why did he stay with her in the first place? He could have better looking, richer and more confident women. Women who would be proud to be seen with him! Why did he stick with a girl with a very low self-esteem, who decided she didn’t want to be seen with him at all? Who was ashamed of his acquaintance? He is Justin Adams! He didn’t need that crap!
On the fourth night without Justin, she just lay in her tub thinking. She didn’t realize that tears had begun rolling down her cheeks. She hated to admit it but she missed him like hell.
She knew she didn’t love Troy anymore. She even questioned herself if she ever loved him at all. It wasn’t going anywhere. And she didn’t feel for Troy anything like what she felt for Justin. Maybe the thought of her mother’s approval blinded her, her constant need to seek it made her think she was in love with Troy, when she didn’t even know what and how love should feel like.
And suddenly she realized that she can’t be in love with Troy, especially not…when she’s already fallen in love with someone else.
Oh, damn it!
She changed into her pajamas and went to bed. Before she turned off the lights, she took her cellphone and sent Justin a text message, before she could stop herself.
Her: Hey… I hope you’re okay. Take care… I miss you.
And she pressed SEND before she could either erase the whole message or add ‘I love you’ to it.
She waited a whole hour. He didn’t reply.
She blew it for sure. First, she made him feel like she wasn’t proud to be associated with him in any way. And with her text message, she realized she had just given him the first sign of what she really felt for him.
She might have blown it there as well. Maybe the whole thing worked for him because she wasn’t demanding anything. What if he was just having fun? And it’s cool because he thought she was, too.
Yes, he definitely became fond of her. The flowers he sent her said so, as did the Tiffany earrings. But he’s filthy rich. The price of those earrings wouldn’t cover even one tenth of what he earned every day. It said they were good. But it didn’t say he loved her, too. It said he’s fond of her…for the moment, but not forever.
She cried herself to sleep that night. She hugged her pillow tight, remembering the moments when it was Justin’s body she held and he embraced her, comforted her, made her feel safe.
Finally, she allowed sleep to take her. In her dream, he had her in his arms. They were together, and they didn’t fight anymore.
Her alarm went off at seven-thirty in the morning. She had a bad headache from all the crying. She still clutched her pillows, but something wasn’t right. A pair of strong arms also draped around her.
She spun around and found Justin sleeping beside her. She blinked to make sure that she had actually woken up and didn’t imagine this. She bit her lip and took a deep breath. She prayed: If this is a dream, don’t wake me up! ‘Coz this is just too darned romantic right now!
She watched him sleep. He wore only a pair of pajama bottoms.
How could he be here? He said he would be in Chicago for a week. It had only been four days.
She took her mobile phone on the bedside table. She didn’t have any messages. She sent a message to Jill, saying she cannot go to work that day.
“Headache. Bad one. But don’t worry about me. I’ll call you later.”
She gazed at Justin again. And then she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.
He tightened his arms around her. “Adrienne,” he whispered.
She smiled to herself, closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
She woke up again an hour later. When she opened her eyes, she found Justin watching her lazily.
“Good morning,” he said.
She touched his cheek with her fingertips.
“Morning.” She smiled. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be gone for a whole week.”
He smiled. “I finished business early. And besides…”
“Besides what?” she asked.
“You said you missed me.” He smiled boyishly.
She blushed and looked away.
He tilted her chin up so she could look him in the eye. “Well? Did you?” he asked.
She smiled shyly and then nodded. “And did you miss me?” she countered.
He leaned forward. When his lips were just an inch away from hers, he said, “Like hell.” Then he kissed her deeply.
After the kiss, he leaned his forehead to hers. “You have to go or you’re going to be late for work,” he said.
She shook her head. “Not today.”
“Really? Why?” he asked.
“I missed you like hell, too.” She smiled boldly.
He grinned. “Really? Show me.”
She pushed him flat on his back and then she leaned forward to kiss him passionately. She started it, and he finished it. When it was over, her world had started spinning again. They lay there naked for a while, their legs tangled, their arms wrapped around each other.
“Hon…” he started. “I’m sorry I raised my voice the last time we spoke before I left.”
“I’m sorry we argued in the first place,” she confessed.
He smiled. “I know you’re not yet ready to tell your friends about us. And I’m sorry if I put pressure on you. But sometimes, I just don’t understand why you can’t tell at least your friends. I mean…they are your best friends. Do you really think I’m such an asshole that you don’t want them to know that we’re seeing each other? Are you…ashamed of me or something?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m just worried they won’t forgive me for hiding this from them. And you’re not an asshole. I thought you were, though.”
He looked down at her with a raised brow. “You thought I was?”
She smiled. “Don’t get mad. I just thought you were conceited. You were giving women false hopes, that’s bad.”
He was silent for a while. Then he said, quite carefully, “I typically don’t look for a girlfriend. I don’t stick around longer than two dates. If I knew it wasn’t going somewhere, I just…get out. And I never promised a girl it would last forever. I never swore my heart to a woman before. So no one should say that I gave them false hopes.”
“Didn’t you even try?” she asked, smiling.
Justin seemed lost in his own thoughts as he caressed her arm. Then he said, “You don’t have to try in love, Adrienne. When it comes, you’re hopeless to even try to stop it from happening to you. Even if sometimes…you couldn’t and shouldn’t fall in love. It still happens.” He sighed. “Contrary to my reputation, I actually feel with my heart. Not with my dick.”
