by S. Massery
I find the key and brush off the crusted dirt. It’s dull, with rust spots, but it still works. The door opens under my hand. Absently, I pocket the key.
It’s like walking into the past—but not the past that I want to remember. Not the disrupted, angry place that I’ve forgotten. No, it’s like…
Sunshine.
Past
“Margo!”
I jerked upright. The sun had felt so good beating down on my face that I closed my eyes. It was just for a minute.
Mom burst into my room, gaze going straight to my face. “What are you doing on the floor?”
I shrugged.
Sundays were a big day for her, which meant her white chef’s coat was pristine. She meal-prepped lunches for the Ashers to take to work, and then she came home and do the same for us. Now she smoothed it down, a calming gesture for her.
“Lydia wanted to know if you would like to go to the park with them.”
I perked up. I wasn’t allowed to call Mrs. Asher by her first name, but Mom was. I guessed it was an adult thing. Caleb called my mom Amberly.
So maybe it was a me thing.
“When?”
“Now.” She laughed. She came over and held out her hands, lifting me to my feet. “If you want. I made sandwiches for a picnic.”
“Are you going?”
She shook her head. “No, I have some things to do around the house.”
I bit my lip.
“Your dad will be home later,” she said, reading my mind. “He just got caught up at the office.”
On a Sunday.
Even I knew it was unusual for him to work on a weekend.
“Okay,” I said.
She brushed her hand over my clothes, straightening my shirt and smoothing my hair. “Perfect.”
I smiled.
Lydia and Caleb were in the kitchen when we walked in. Caleb sat at the breakfast bar, dutifully finishing breakfast. I had eaten hours ago, pouring myself a bowl of cereal after I woke and discovered the house empty.
My stomach growled.
Mom tapped the back of my head like it was my fault my stomach was being loud.
“Good morning, Margo,” Lydia greeted me.
I smiled at her. “Hi.”
Caleb twisted around. “I lost a tooth.”
I climbed up on the stool next to him. He gave me a wide smile, showing a gap in his teeth. I grimaced. I hated plucking out loose teeth. The last one that wiggled, Caleb reached in my mouth and snatched it out.
He wouldn’t give it back for the tooth fairy, either.
My mom kissed me on the head. “Have fun. I’ll see you later.”
We watched her go back to the house.
“All right.” Lydia clapped. “Ready?”
She buckled us into our seats in the car. We were old enough to do it ourselves—that’s what Caleb told her, anyway, but she just smiled.
“You’re growing up before my eyes.” She kissed him on the forehead.
Something in my chest tightened and loosened at the same time.
Mom liked me. But she didn’t like me that much.
And Dad…
“Are you okay, Margo?” Lydia asked.
Mom would kill me if I told the Ashers anything, so I nodded.
We got to the park, and Lydia laid out a blanket. It was warm and sunny, and Caleb took off toward some of his friends. I sprawled out next to Lydia and closed my eyes again. The sun heated my body.
In the distance, Caleb and his friends were laughing.
Laughing.
Screaming.
Blank.
No, I need to remember.
Caleb and his friends were playing.
I sat up, confused. Alone.
Blank.
I screamed.
Present
I open my eyes, looking around slowly. I’m in my old bedroom, curled into a ball on the floor. How I got here is a mystery. One minute I was walking into the house, the next… a memory.
But it isn’t as sharp as I need it to be.
It isn’t as clear.
I stand and go to the dresser, acting on a suspicion. It’s a shock more than anything to see a trail of disturbed dust.
Caleb and I were in here before, and then he shows up with the bracelet at the ball?
I had lost it.
I was helpless, scrambling across the floor of my makeshift room. Then Angela took me away. All that time, I thought a foster sibling had taken it, or the parents tossed it.
He stole it.
He brought it back here, set it on my dresser in a house that hasn’t been touched in seven years.
Who’s pretending now?
8
Margo
Riley takes me to school. It’s our first moment alone since I got out of Eli’s car, and we sit in hers instead of joining the masses in the courtyard.
“What happened?” she asks. “All I know is that Caleb burst in on Eli and I—”
Her cheeks turn red.
“He was telling my foster parents lies about me.” I sigh. “So I ran away.”
“To Ian’s house.”
“Well, I couldn’t go to your house,” I answer, sending her a pointed glare.
She giggles. “True.”
“I had hoped that it wasn’t obvious.” I look down at the muffin in my lap. Bribery at its finest. I’m not going to argue with her methods. We haven’t talked about the video that was sent around the morning after the ball. I’d forgotten about it until this morning, when she gave me the muffin.
“For courage,” she had said.
Yeah, right.
“Caleb…” I stop and try again. “We can’t be a thing. He’s toxic. And crazy.”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“He’s not going to like it.”
She throws her shoulders back. “You’ll make him listen, Margo. If anyone can get through to him, it’s you.”
I shift. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“You’re probably the only one who can stop him.”
I sigh. The bell ringing in the school is faint, but it’s there. We climb out and make our way straight to homeroom. I can’t help but keep my head ducked down, wondering when the laughter is going to start. The stares.
Nothing happens.
No one does a fucking thing.
“Is it me, or are we blending in more than usual?” Riley whispers.
“Um…”
My gaze lands on Caleb. He’s leaning against the desk I normally sit at, a shit-eating grin on his face. He did this. I’d bet money on it that he made the video disappear. Still, how he erased it from everyone’s eyeballs is a whole other issue.
“Morning,” he says to me.
I ignore him and take a different seat. Ian’s, in fact.
Savannah glances at me and opens her mouth, then seems to change her mind. A second later, someone leans over me.
“I don’t much like being ignored,” Caleb says.
“I don’t much like being made a fool.”
“They took you back.” He puts his elbows on the desk.
Our faces are inches apart—but I’m not going to back down from this challenge. My gaze goes from his eyes to his lips and back again.
I’ve called him many things in my head.
Demon.
Monster.
Bully.
The most accurate? Devil.
Every word out of his mouth is a damn lie.
“I’m not doing this with you,” I snap.
He smirks. “I think you will.”
“We’re over, Caleb.” I flash him my bare wrist.
Yesterday, I removed it and set it back on the dresser, right where he had first placed it—and where he stole it again. I’m curious to see if he’ll know that I know.
If he’ll think to even look there.
I kept the key. It seemed more valuable than not, and it sits at the bottom of my bag. Better safe than sorry. And who would think twice about a ruste
d old key?
He grabs my wrist, his lips pressing into a thin line. He’s still wearing his. It doesn’t appear feminine on him. Quite the opposite.
Who knew?
I let him push my sleeve up. Maybe he thinks it’s a trick.
Nothing but skin, baby.
He growls under his breath. It could be an accidental slip because I got to him. Surprised him for once. Or it could be part of the game. Another lie.
This just in: we’re playing my game now.
I smile. “We’re done here.”
He straightens, fingers slipping off my skin. “We’ll see.”
He returns to his seat, and I exhale. One encounter down… just a million more to go. But I can’t help the smile that creeps across my face.
Margo: 1
Caleb: 0
The bell rings, and I stand. Savannah shuffles along behind me, muttering. Her attitude—feigned interest and then an abrupt change—piques my interest. I slow down in the hallway, waiting for her to pass me. Her class is a few down from my next one.
She hesitates next to me. “You’re going to try and take down the golden boys?”
I raise an eyebrow.
“What’s that look for?”
“Who told you that?” I ask in return.
She shrugs. “Amelie mentioned something.”
“Not all of the golden boys need bringing down,” I say carefully. I don’t know what Amelie said. Again, my mind goes to the worst possible place: Trap.
This school is filled with vipers.
“Excuse me,” I say, ducking into my classroom.
Caleb and Liam are already inside. Eli and Theo haven’t arrived yet.
Show of strength.
I take my seat in front of Caleb, ignoring him. After all, we’re done. I said it out loud, spoke the damn words into existence. I’ll go to Hell before I go back on my word.
Be a wolf.
“How was your weekend, Margo?” Liam asks.
I rotate, ignoring the way Caleb’s gaze goes straight to my wrist.
I force myself to smile. “It was great. How was yours?”
He fakes a yawn. “Exceptionally boring.”
“Hmm.” Caleb stretches out, his legs coming into my space. “Well, there was that girl.”
“Which one?” Liam grins.
I move my foot away from Caleb’s.
“The one who put your picture all over Instagram.” Caleb snorts. “Was that number two or three?”
“Man-whore,” Eli coughs. He comes up the aisle and falls into the seat beside me. Ian’s usual seat. “You gonna sleep with every girl who looks your way?”
Liam glances at me. “Nah, not all of them.”
My cheeks heat.
“Good,” I snap, trying to cover my sudden embarrassment. “I think I’d go blind if I saw you naked.”
They all laugh—well, all except Caleb. He just glares at me.
I turn away as the teacher raps her knuckles on the desk, calling us to attention.
Breathe, I tell myself.
Caleb disappears after class, and I don’t see him again. It’s unusual enough to give me chills. He used to wait for me at the door and walk me to my classes. Each time I leave and he’s not there, I throw back my shoulders and remind myself that this is a good thing. I wasn’t sure if Caleb would be able to respect boundaries.
Turns out, he does.
My palms grow sweatier the closer we get to lunch. I’m supposed to meet Amelie in the greenhouse, but I can’t bear to go alone. The bell rings, and I hunt down Riley and beg her to come with me.
“To meet… Amelie?”
“Yes.” I tap my foot. “Please.”
“Why?”
“Because… She doesn’t want Caleb to win, either.”
Riley stares at me. “What?”
“What, what?”
“Margo, when did your relationship become about winning?” She crosses her arms over her chest.
Students stream around us, but we ignore them all.
I shake my head. “He’s been playing a game with me this whole time. I mean—”
“I get it.” she reaches out and laying her hand on my shoulder. “You’re still upset. You broke up with him, and he let you.”
“Riley…”
“I’m meeting Eli,” she says. “I forgot.”
I exhale. I guess I’ll go alone.
Riley leaves me at her locker, shoulders hunched as people continue to walk around her. I’m tempted to call out and apologize, but I stop myself. I don’t know why I would possibly apologize.
I’m in the right.
And just because I’m doing something scary… doesn’t mean I can’t do it alone.
Swallowing my nerves, I head toward the courtyard. Some students eat lunch out here in nicer weather, but the chill of November has driven everyone inside.
The greenhouse door is propped open. I slip in, trying not to recall when Caleb brought me in here. Light filters through the skylights. Contrary to popular belief, these walls are not made of glass. They’re plexiglass and canvas, letting in filtered light. Privacy, someone once told me.
Amelie leans on a raised box. It appears freshly planted, the soil dark and damp.
“About time,” she says.
“I was debating whether or not to come.”
“You made the right decision,” she says. “The whole class is whispering about how you snubbed Caleb this morning.”
“I was going to do it with or without your little pep talk.” I shrug, feigning indifference.
She flips her hair back. “Caleb’s been meddling in your life forever.”
“I know.” I move to lean on a box across from her. “This isn’t news.”
She squints at me. “What do you remember?”
“Of what?”
“When you up and left. We were ten. What do you remember?”
I shake my head.
—head snapping back—
I press my fingers to my temples. “I don’t want to discuss this.”
“The boys in this school,” she mutters. “They’re out to get us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Caleb played us all, don’t you get it? He seduced us—”
I drop my hands and glare at her. This isn’t going how I thought it would. No, actually, it is going how I thought it would. I’d just hoped for something different.
“He didn’t seduce me,” I argue, although he totally did. He laid out a sticky web, and like an idiot, I fell right into it. “And anyway, it didn’t work, because he and I are done. And you know what? I think this conversation is done, too.”
She’s prying and invading, and why didn’t I see this side of her before?
I move toward the door.
“He charmed the pants off of me and Savannah,” she says quietly.
I stop in my tracks.
“You knew that, right? Him sleeping with her, then dating me? Well, if you can even call it dating—”
I spin around. “I don’t want to hear about how you fucked Caleb! God, Amelie. Really?”
She has tears in her eyes.
And I’m so over it.
“Why do you think he did it? Because he knew you’d come back. And you’re letting him steamroll you, Margo! Don’t be an idiot.”
I laugh. I’ve been an idiot. It’s true. I’m still making mistakes—such as letting Amelie stomp all over me. Right. Now.
“I’m done.” I walk away again, fully fed up with Amelie Page.
In the back of my mind, I acknowledge that we all grew up differently. I bounced around homes. She bounced around countries.
“Ask yourself this, Margo,” she calls. “How did Caleb find you in the woods?”
I know how he found me. Unknown sent me the proof—a picture of Ian dragging me across the field.
This is the only time I help you.
I shiver, but I don’t turn back around. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to
look into Unknown—and so many other things. The number is blocked. There’s only so much I can do without getting more people involved.
She sighs. “Savannah sent him the text.”
I freeze, my hand on the knob.
“The picture. I know you’ve probably seen it. Did he tell you it was her?”
No. Savannah is Unknown?
Savannah—
“We’re not doing this,” I say through gritted teeth. I push through the door, into the courtyard. I struggle to take deep breaths as the world crashes around me.
Pull yourself together, Margo.
I can’t do this. I can’t—
“Margo?”
I blink up at Robert. Gravel bites into my knees.
“Up you go,” he says, his arms hooking under my armpits. He lifts me to my feet and guides me to a bench. “Are you okay?”
“I… I think I just got overwhelmed,” I murmur. I close my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Come with me,” he says. “I just have to meet with a student and then I can take you home. Okay? This weekend was a lot.”
Even with my eyes closed, tears escape.
“Oh, honey, don’t cry.” He rubs my back in circles.
“I shouldn’t have run away.” It made everything worse.
Ian is being confusing, and Caleb is letting me push him away. Riley and Eli’s relationship is progressing almost too fast for me to track. Sooner or later, everyone else will leave me in the dust.
Maybe I’m better off there.
All of my fight is gone. I used it on Caleb and Amelie, and I don’t want to take it out on Robert. So I follow a half step behind him all the way to his classroom and sit at a desk in the back while he chats with another student. A sophomore, I think. She throws nervous glances in my direction.
I doodle profiles of boys with black holes for eyes.
“Ready?” Robert asks.
I jerk, crumpling the page. I’m not a fool—I realize I couldn’t stop drawing Caleb. And if Robert sees, he’d know, too.
“Thank you,” I say in the car. “For taking me to my old home the other day, and for bringing me home today…”
He smiles at me. “You seem lost. Don’t get me wrong—it’s perfectly okay to feel lost at seventeen. It’s Len’s job, and my job, to help you navigate to where you want to go.”
