by Zoe Allison
He met her eyes. “But Amber did speak to you?
Her heart rate surged. “She called me, yes. And I told her where I was and how I was. But that was all.” She searched his face. “You do believe me, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Vale said, pulling up a chair next to her. “This has got Amber written all over it.”
Vic breathed a sigh of relief.
Vale met her gaze. “So, you are definitely not unwell?”
She tried to answer diplomatically. “Not unwell, no.”
He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh, his demeanor relaxing. “Thank goodness. I am going to have words with that sister of mine. Do you know how worried I have been?”
“You have been?” she asked, a tiny speck of hope appearing in her heart.
“Of course,” he said, massaging his temples. “She dropped this bombshell on me, so I dropped everything to get a flight out here and I have been worried sick all the way.”
Vic touched the back of his hand. “I’m sorry.” She hated to think of him being distressed, but hearing that he’d been worried to the extent that he’d travelled here urgently was causing her hope to grow and spread warmth into her heart.
He smiled. “It is not your fault.” He turned his hand over to hold hers.
She hadn’t seen his smile in so long that she’d almost forgotten the joy it gave her to witness it. The touch of his hand sent electricity coursing over her skin and she tried to calm her rapidly firing heart rate. “I think Amber was just trying to help.”
He sighed. “I know. But I wish she could have found a less stressful way to do it.”
She watched him for a moment, overwhelmed by everything she needed to say to him and not sure where to begin. The nausea started to gather inside her again, so she took a few deep breaths.
He flicked his caramel gaze up to meet hers and she was taken off guard by the resulting shock of emotion. Unfortunately, it intensified the sick feeling, so she gulped in some air.
“Vic?” he said.
She needed to tell him that she was sorry for not telling him everything from the start and for hiding things from him. She wanted to tell him how much she cared for him, and most of all, she had to speak to him about the new life growing inside her.
But she was too overwhelmed. The phone call to the Webers, thinking about Gareth’s death, Vale’s sudden arrival and the resulting storm of emotion when she was already feeling unwell was too much for her.
That was it. She couldn’t hold back any longer. She jumped to her feet, ran to a nearby bush and heaved. She instinctively kept one hand on her belly, subconsciously protecting the precious contents against the violent contractions in her stomach. With her other hand, she tried in vain to keep her hair out of the way as her retching continued. Her dizziness intensified, so she dropped to her knees in case she passed out. There wasn’t much in her stomach, but the retching just wouldn’t stop, and it was hard to catch her breath.
Her hair was lifted away from her face and a hand rubbed her back. Vale. She thought she could hear him speaking but couldn’t make out what he was saying because there was a high-pitched ringing in her ears. She concentrated on her breathing in an attempt to slow the sickness. Eventually it eased and she stayed still for a few seconds, gulping in air.
“Vic?”
She couldn’t answer him.
He lifted her from her knees so that she came to a sitting position, cradled against him in his lap while he stroked her hair. She kept her eyes shut, afraid that the nausea would return if she opened them. He brushed the wetness from her cheek. Was she crying? She hadn’t noticed the tears spill over. He tried to hold her hands, but she had them too tightly clamped over her belly.
“Vic,” he repeated.
She opened her eyes slightly, trying to gauge his facial expression. It was soft and concerned. “I thought you said you were not sick,” he said quietly.
Vic opened her eyes fully. “I said that I wasn’t unwell.”
Vale frowned. “What is the difference?”
She looked away, unsure how to voice it.
“You need to tell me what is going on,” he said, anxiety in his eyes.
She rubbed her belly absent-mindedly while she tried to gather her thoughts. She lifted her gaze back to his face and realized he was watching her hands. Vale flicked his eyes back up to hers and she could see that something had clicked.
She didn’t want to be too blunt. “I think Amber was only half lying when she told you I was sick,” she said gently. “I have been sick to my stomach recently.”
His eyes widened. “You mean…”
She nodded.
Emotion welled in his gaze. He opened his mouth, then closed it again and pulled her tightly into his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice hoarse.
She pressed her face into his shirt, breathing him in. “What for?”
His voice cracked. “For not being here when you needed me.”
“That’s okay,” she said.
“No, it isn’t,” he said. “I should have come sooner.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. “You’re here now. That’s what counts.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Can you forgive me?”
“I really don’t think there’s anything to forgive.” She lifted her head from his chest to look into his face. “I wanted to be the one to tell you myself,” she said, “face to face. That was why I wanted Amber not to say that we’d spoken.” She sighed. “And I didn’t want to tell you until you’d had time to recover, so I was waiting for the right opportunity.”
He shook his head. “You should not have had to wait this long for me.”
She sighed. “I didn’t mean to tell Amber either. She was being so nice to me and it just spilled out.”
He smiled and brushed his thumb over her cheek.
They sat in silence for a few seconds while he stroked her hair. The relief of him knowing and the exhaustion from her sickness made her feel as if she might fall asleep in his arms.
She closed her eyes. “I wish I could turn back the clock and change the way I handled things.”
The bass of his voice vibrated against her ear. “What would you change?”
She nestled her face into his shirt. “I would confide in you,” she said quietly.
His breath caught in his chest and he cuddled her in more tightly. “Why didn’t you?”
Her heart rate started to rise. She had practiced her speech so many times in her head. What she would say to him if she ever saw him again, how she would phrase it. She had imagined his every response and anticipated all her answers. But now, in his presence, she couldn’t remember any of it. She took a breath, trying to decide where to start. “I was afraid.”
“You did not trust me?”
“It wasn’t that,” she said quickly, looking up at him. He held her gaze and it made her pulse accelerate. “Of course I trusted you…more than anyone.”
The corner of his mouth flickered, and she could tell hearing that pleased him. “What were you afraid of?”
She drew breath. “Myself.”
“In what way?” he asked.
She hesitated, trying to think how to say it. “I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think that…that I was good enough for you.” She glanced at him. “I figured that once you knew the truth, you’d realize it too and you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”
Vic watched his reaction. His eyes were soft. She couldn’t see sadness or hurt there anymore. He seemed to be pondering what she was saying, analyzing her.
He brushed her hair behind her ear. “What made you feel you weren’t good enough?”
She sighed. “Well, that’s probably obvious. The fact that I was the sister of the two men who you probably hated most in the world.”
Vale frowned. “You were not responsible for their actions.”
“Wasn’t I?” Vic said.
He tilted his head. “What do you mean?�
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She tightened her arms around him. “I can tell you everything, from the beginning, if you want to hear it now.”
“I do,” he said.
Vic took a deep breath. “Charles was the oldest and I was the youngest. There was a big age gap between my brothers and me, and our parents had been killed by the time I was old enough to remember much. They died at the hands of benevolent vampires. Charles left not long after, so it was just the two of us.”
“You and Harvey,” Vale said.
“Yes,” she said. Even the mention of his name made her nauseated “I can’t really remember Charles, to be honest, only what Harvey said about him.”
“He missed him?” Vale asked.
Vic laughed. “Oh no. He hated him. He felt that Charles always thought he was better than him. They were always in competition with each other.”
“Over what?”
She shrugged. “Who could be the bigger asshole, as far as I could figure.”
Vale smiled. The resulting warmth and brightness seemed to eclipse the sun.
She continued. “Harvey pretty much brought me up. He would tell me that one day he’d show Charlie who was boss, and that everyone would bow to his will.”
“Did he care for you?” Vale asked.
She shook her head. “At the time I thought so. I looked up to him, believed all the crap he spouted. He would say that humans were responsible for us being second-class citizens and one day they’d pay. It sounded as though Charlie had thought along similar lines, but that they had wanted to outdo each other with how far they could take it.”
Vale brushed his fingers over her cheek. “So, when did you realize he didn’t have your interests at heart?”
“It took a long time.” Even now she couldn’t believe how she hadn’t seen the forest for the trees. “I did everything he said and tried my best to live by his rules. If I questioned anything, he would gaslight me into believing I was in the wrong.”
Vale took a sharp breath. “Did he hurt you?”
She flicked her gaze up to his. “Not physically, no. It was emotional. He controlled me—what I wore, what I ate, where I went and who I saw. I kidded myself into thinking that he was watching out for me and making sure I was okay, but in reality, he was just using me as his little slave.”
Vale’s eyes were heavy with concern. “How did you get away from him?”
She sighed. “I’m sorry to say I didn’t want to. The more he controlled me, the more it seemed to draw me closer to him. I really believed that my life depended upon him and that I wouldn’t survive out on my own.”
“It is not your fault that you were brainwashed,” he said.
“But I should have realized that his ideology was twisted much earlier than I did,” she said. “I believed it all—that humans were bad and we were the downtrodden race, and that one day we would rise up and take our rightful place.” She shook her head, feeling ashamed to say it out loud.
“What changed?” he asked.
“One day I saw firsthand how far he was taking things,” she said. “I had thought it was all words, all for show. But when I reached eighteen and it was time to become a full-fledged vampire, I witnessed the reality of his wickedness.” She paused.
“Go on,” Vale said, quietly.
“I came home and he was waiting for me. He said he had a birthday present and took me into the cellar.” She hesitated, flicking her gaze to Vale’s. “There were three people tied up in there. They were all beaten and bleeding and they looked terrified.” Her voice was cracking, so she paused.
Vale wrapped his arms around her. “You don’t have to carry on if you do not want to.”
She shook her head. “I do want to. I’ve waited a long time to tell you.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “Okay. Take your time.”
She blew out a breath. “I can’t even remember exactly what he said once we got down there. All I could see was the fear in those people’s eyes and all I could hear was them whimpering.” She stole another glance at Vale. “He wanted me to drink from them. To murder them.” Her voice broke again, and Vale took her hand. “He wanted that to be my transition into vampire-dom.”
Vale squeezed her hand. “What did you do?”
“I was paralyzed with fear, to be honest…and revulsion. It sickened me to realize what he wanted me to do, and what he’d clearly been doing all that time. Killing people.” She hesitated, remembering every horrible detail. “I refused. I just stood there telling him I wasn’t going to do it.”
He nodded, his eyes wide. “What happened next?”
Tears pricked her eyes. “I wish I could tell you that I saved them, but he was stronger than me. I hadn’t ever taken any blood and he was gorging himself on it. I stood between him and the people to try to protect them, but he threw me to one side, and I was knocked out from the impact. When I woke up, he’d… They were all…” She stopped speaking because she couldn’t get any more words out.
Vale pulled her close. She breathed him in, his scent calming her pulsing adrenaline.
He rubbed her back. “I wish you had told me all this before.”
“Me too,” she said, tears running down her face and onto his shirt.
“Can you tell me what happened after that?” he asked. “You do not have to,” he added quickly. “Not if it is too painful.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “The worst bit is over. After I came around and saw what he’d done, I went searching for him, but he’d gone and it didn’t seem like he was coming back. He had clearly decided I wasn’t worth bothering with.”
Vale leaned to kiss the top of her head. “Why would you think any of that was your fault? Or that I would judge you for it?”
“Because I hadn’t questioned his activities,” she said, gazing up into his face. “Goodness knows how many people he’d killed before then, and I could’ve stopped him.”
“How could you?’ Vale asked. “You weren’t a vampire yet. He would easily have overpowered you and any human authorities you had called in.”
“You would have found a way,” she told him. “You would never have behaved in the way that I did. That’s why you’re so much better than me.”
He stroked her face. “I disagree.”
“It’s true,” she said. “And in addition to that, I ran away that night. I didn’t know what to do about the bodies of those poor people. I thought I’d get the blame for it, so I ran.” Her voice cracked. “Like a coward.”
He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You were still just a child.”
She shook her head. “I was an adult. I should have done better. After that, I decided I would dedicate my life to finding him and finishing him—and I would never let him overpower me again.” She remembered the steely determination that had driven her. “It took a long time for me to find my way. I was eighteen, so too old to get help from the authorities in terms of fostering. I went to a homeless hostel and eventually got on to a work program.
After a while, I realized that to find and stop Harvey I would need to find another way to access my vampire abilities.” A wave of guilt rolled over her. “The only way I could think of to get blood was to steal. I got a job working at a blood donation center and I would siphon off a small amount at a time to take for myself.” She watched him, waiting for the disapproving look that must be coming her way, but all she could detect was sympathy. “I wish I could have found another method,” she said.
“If you wanted to access your vampire abilities, there are only two other ways,” he said. “Steal directly from the source, like your brothers did, or join The Organization.” He brushed her hair from her face. “But it didn’t exist yet back in the forties.”
“I doubt I would have had the confidence to apply back then anyway,” Vic said. “It took me until a few years ago to pluck up that courage. I’d changed my name a long time before, but I was still nervous that I’d be found out. I knew The Organization was hunting him. After he was
found—or at least his decoy was and subsequently escaped—I had to join to help the efforts. But I thought I’d be rejected if anybody found out I was related to him, so I kept it quiet.” She sighed. “I couldn’t let anything jeopardize my best chance of catching him—and that was The Organization. On my own I’d only ever managed to find where he’d been after he had left. Apart from in 1960, and even then, I was too late to track him.”
“What happened in 1960?”
“He sent me a postcard of the early construction of the Sydney Opera House. On the back it said, ‘One day it will fall’.”
Vale took a sharp breath. “That was how you suspected it was a target.”
“Yes,” she said. “I realized when he sent me a postcard of The Shard with a letter H on the back, just after the London attack.” She sighed and sank back against his chest. “It feels so good to tell you.”
He touched his lips to her temple. “I’m glad you have.”
Vic played with the buttons on his shirt. “It felt good to speak to the Webers too. I couldn’t stand them not knowing what happened to their son.”
“You called them?” he asked gently.
“Yes,” she said, against his chest. “Just now. It seemed a relief for them to know.”
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “You have worried about them ever since you met with them.”
“Yes,” she said. There hadn’t been a day she hadn’t thought of them, although she’d tried to hide it.
Vale rested his chin on her head. “You’re a kind person, Vic.”
“It was selfish really,” she said. “Telling them helped me gain closure too.”
“That is not selfish,” he said.
She tipped her face up toward his. “I’m sorry I hurt you by not confiding in you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, or that I didn’t trust you or want what was best for The Organization. I just…” She paused.
“Go on,” he said quietly.
She lost herself in his caramel gaze. “I’ve always had you on a pedestal, you know?”
He shook his head.
