by Leela Ash
A sweet thing to say – but she couldn’t believe that sort of open promise. Love was a lot more fragile than people thought. At least, in her experience. What if she turned up something so foul, so disgusting, that…
“Hey.” Darian shook her gently, once more fending off her depressing thoughts. “I’m serious. You’re not the only one with issues. Remember that. I can forgive you because I’ve screwed up myself.”
“Yeah, but your mistake was an accident.”
“A lethal one. Though I’ve done other things that shame me. Remember this: if I was myself, you wouldn’t need to recall your Shed memories. I could transform into my Dragon form and fly us all out of here. The Fangs of Apophis wouldn’t have a prayer of following us.”
The thought did stir a petty, sullen urge deep inside her. Why couldn’t she dump this on him? Why did she have to clean up this mess?
“Don’t suppose there’s any chance of that?” she asked, carefully keeping her longing out of her voice. Last thing she wanted to do was to beg him to save her – from herself!
He shook his head, as she expected. “The bars on that tattoo silence my Dragon. I can’t call upon it. And, well, it can’t harm itself.”
“Why would it do that?”
“Shame.” To her disappointment, Darian dropped the embrace and stepped away. “My Alpha… the leader of my Flight… gave me an order. When I refused to fulfill my duty, it drove my Dragon mad. I had to get a Witch Hare to silence it. I… couldn’t stand it.”
So Witch Hares actually did magic? Tess thought of that poor, drugged woman in the bar and quickly decided that there was no way she would entrust that addict with something as important as Darian’s link to his Dragon.
Which meant this task fell to her. She needed to get them out.
With a bang, Ethan charged into the cabin. “Got all the toys!” he announced. “Are we ready? I’m ready,” he added – in case anyone had any doubt.
“Ethan…” his father grumbled.
What the hell. No time like the present, right? “Yeah, we’re ready.”
“Yay! Let’s go!”
“Ethan.” The grumble deepened to a growl. “Be patient.”
“First, I need to find the way out, okay?” Tess kept a bright, fake smile on her face as she spoke to the boy. “Why don’t you wait here with your toys until I get back, all right?”
From the way his face fell, clearly it was not all right. Somebody really, clearly, very much did not want to stay here one moment longer than necessary. But Ethan was, at heart, a good boy. One glance at her (and at his father’s stern look) and he sat down with a tired, long-suffering sigh. “Okay.”
She started to assure him that this wouldn’t take long. But, honestly, she had no idea how long undoing a ‘Shed’ took. Better not to make promises she might not be able to keep.
Queasy, heart pounding, she stepped to the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Before she could say a word, Darian stepped to her side. “I’m coming with you.”
“You don’t have to. You probably want to stay with Ethan, don’t you?”
He did hesitate, glancing back at where his son was already beginning to unpack his toys. But he shook his head. “No. You need my help. He’ll be fine.”
“But…”
“Hey, Ethan! I’m going to help Miss Everlyn so we can get going faster. Will you be all right on your own for a little bit?”
“Yup. I’ll do my Legos.”
“And you’ll stay inside, right?”
“Mmmhmmm.” Dig, dig, dig. More Lego pieces came out of their hiding places in various pockets.
“Ethan? You hear me?”
Hearing the growl return, Ethan actually abandoned the quest for his Legos long enough to meet his dad’s gaze and nod somberly. “I promise. I won’t go out.”
“Good.” Tension lined Darian’s face. Tess stroked his jaw, knowing how hard it was for him to let the boy out of his sight, even for the briefest of times. Dragons – even ones with issues, it seemed – were intensely protective.
Darian smiled at her touch then opened the door for her. “Shall we?”
The path to the island was short and before she was ready, Tess stood amongst those twelve stones. The traces of her past lives.
“Is there a pattern to them?” Darian asked.
“Not sure. I think the ones on the left there are the oldest.” Despite the cold morning air, her palms grew damp and Tess wiped them against her leather pants.
Once more, her Mate was there, beside her. Ready to support her. “Remember. None of this matters.”
“What I’ve done doesn’t matter?” She gave him a dubious stare.
“These things? They’re who you were – not who you are.”
Trembling, she prodded a stone with the toe of her boot. “Is there a difference? Doesn’t what we do make us who we are?”
“What we do, yes. What we’ve done? No. Not if we change.”
“I wish I could believe you,” she whispered.
“I have to believe me,” he quipped back. “Otherwise, I’d just give up.”
She stood beside him, silent, letting that sink in. He was right. If the past was the future… she was doomed. Might as well go join Dick in some drug-filled pit of despair.
But if things could change… if she could change…
Tess stole a glance at the man who stood beside her. Strong – but flawed, like her. He might feel his failing’s weakened him, shamed him. What he couldn’t see was that they had also given him compassion. A gentle, sad understanding of how broken people could be. His Dragon had given him his protective, uncompromising strength of body. But his suffering gave him a strength of soul even he could not see.
She could see it, in his faith. That, as his Mate, she was worthy of love. That no matter how fallen they were, they could help each other stand. Somehow, despite all her failings, he saw something lovely in her. And her in him.
Maybe, at the end of the day, that’s what true love is. Seeing the beauty that no one else sees.
And if he could believe in her, maybe she could find the strength to do it too.
“Okay. Let’s do this!” One quick breath and she crouched to grab the nearest rock, the one that showed her doing the crazy motorcycle stunts.
“Wait.” Darian caught her before she could grab it. “Do you want to reclaim all of your memories?”
“Honestly? No. Hell, if I could just get ‘how do I walk out of here’ answered, I’d skip all the rest.” She liked the feel of his hand around her wrist. Warm, firm grasp… and delaying this nonsense for a few more precious seconds.
“Then why not start at the left? The ones you think are earliest?”
He was right. Why make this any harder than it had to be? The less she had to deal with, the saner she’d be if they ran into trouble.
“Good point.” Fairy princess and harper? That stone just flat-out scared her. The one next to it showed a couple standing amongst pine trees. “How about that one?”
Darian settled onto the ground, crossing his legs, then pulled her down beside him. “It’s as good a choice as any. Ready when you are.”
Right. Like she would ever be ready for this.
Tess raised a trembling hand and set it down on the cold stone.
At the first brush of her fingers, memories roared back into her mind.
Dick. His treachery, Shed into another stone but still an ache in her heart.
The woods. Still, serene, Pure – like the Other Side. A place to hide, a refuge to shelter in, a haven where she could try to recall, again, the delirious promise that had brought her soul to this world.
Love.
Not Dick’s selfish, indulgent, decadent lust. Love, true love.
Images came faster, blurred, surrounded by pain and forgotten tears.
John. John Paris, that was his name. He showed her the woods, as his Tribe had known them in the old days. Revealed their paths, their lore, their st
ories. With him, she had seen the first proof that the tales Shifters told were true. A power dwelled in this world, greater than any magic of the Other Side.
Love, it was called. John Paris whispered its name to her, in the stillness of a Maine summer eve.
Tess gasped as that feeling rushed back to her. But with it came a whirlwind of images, sharp and tearing.
He had shown her other things too. The power that drink wielded over people. How it twisted them, loosing rage and helpless anger. Drove them to commit evils that would make them weep the morning after.
Whiskey had humbled her. Amatessandra, Daughter of the Winter King of the Adanai, the Pure – even she could not save her man from whiskey’s lethal call. She had followed him down the dark river that drink opened before them, and, together, they had shamed and befouled themselves.
Bile, hot and bitter, rose in her throat as she remembered begging outside a bar, desperate for a bottle to take home to John. The heart-rending despair she’d felt when he died, his body aged far beyond its years by alcohol’s ravages. Leaving her alone with her shame and her memories of him.
Which she’d Shed here, beside her time with Dick.
Dimly, she realized that she was sobbing and rocking on her heels. Darian pulled her close, wrapping her in the safety of his arms.
Sheltered beside him, she finally gave voice to her grief. Each sob, each tears, carried off one drop of the sorrow that filled her. Slowly, as her lover held her, they wore away the wall she’d built around her heart. Until, at last, she fell silent, leaning against her Mate.
“I have them,” she said at last. “The trails. I remember them.”
“Good.” Darian kissed her cheek. “Glad you got them on the first try. That was… pretty intense.”
“Yeah.” Numb now, she let him hold her. Yet that embrace, so warm, so loving, left her cold.
Her old grief had eased – but a new one had taken its place.
Because she hadn’t Shed all of her old life when she dumped her memories of Dick. With John Paris, she still recalled who she’d been on the Other Side.
Amatessandra, Princess of the Winter Court.
A daughter of Dragon slayers.
Child of the Queen who vowed to close the Wellsprings.
Someone who had no right to Claim a Dragon.
Chapter 11
On numb feet, Tess led them to the old Indian trails. Darian carried most of their belongings on his broad back, while Ethan scurried around them like an overwrought squirrel. The tiniest of marks caught Tess’ eye. A faint track, worn by generations of feet. A tiny notch in a tree, a pile of rocks. All signs of the path to Echo Lake.
That whole long morning, she said nothing. Darian probably assumed that she needed to concentrate, that this task was far more difficult than it truly was.
Tess didn’t explain. Let him think she needed to watch every tree they passed, lest they become lost in the North Woods. Need didn’t keep her tongue silent: shame did.
He could never know what the Adanai truly were.
Some sins couldn’t be forgiven.
Four miles into the hike, they shifted loads. Ethan’s initial burst of syrup-fueled energy began to wear down. So Tess took a share of their baggage and Darian gave his son a piggy back ride.
A couple hours later, they came out exactly where she expected: a dirt road that led to the Echo Lake boat ramp. No Fangs, no deranged ex-boyfriends menaced them. By the time they arrived, an early-morning fisherman was already on his way out with his day’s catch. Tess regaled him with a story about getting lost on a hike and the elderly gentleman was delighted to give them a ride back to the nearest town. He wanted to help them ‘find their car’ too but they managed to talk him out of that.
Once they reached town, a guy in a pickup gave them a ride to Bangor for $40. Being in the same town as Dick uneased her. But Bangor was an actual city. They grabbed a pair of rooms at a cheap strip motel and ordered pizza for dinner.
Between that, soda, and the tv, Ethan was in heaven. He buzzed around the two adults for a full hour, chattering and playing, until the weight of the day’s excitement came crashing down upon him. Then he suddenly curled up around his half-built Lego truck and fell fast asleep on the floor.
Tess and Darian retreated to her room.
As she slipped her boots off, he came up behind her and began to massage her shoulders. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.” Which was almost true. The first outline of a plan had come to her during dinner. Before she started down that path, however, there was something she needed to know. “Hey, I’ve got a question for you.”
“Sure.” He stepped around her and took a seat on the bed. Tess settled down beside him. “What do you want to know?”
“You said that these Wellspring things had been closing and no one knew why.”
He nodded. “I think it’s been a hundred years since the last one faded.”
“Is that… bad?”
“Oh, yes! Terrible.”
Great… Shame reddened her cheeks. In the dim hotel light, however, he didn’t seem to notice. “Why? What happens when they close?”
“It becomes harder to reach the Other Side. Magic fades from the world. Wonder grows dimmer.”
Oh, hell. Now she felt like she’d murdered Santa Claus.
“For Shifters, the effects are even worse,” Darian continued, oblivious to her growing discomfort. “We forget our true selves. We lose our grip on what we ought to be. When Dragons fall, for instance, we grow greedy, possessive. We’re meant to be protectors of sacred places and people. Without the Wellsprings, we lose that. We can’t complete the Rite of Claiming, so we can’t find our true Mates. The worst of us go mad and become Worms, Dragons who’ve chewed their own wings off.”
Wonderful. So she’d destroyed the lives – even damaged the souls – of his entire Kind?
Tess sat in the half darkness, letting that dreadful truth settle down upon her soul.
“Hey.” He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “Talk to me. You don’t look good at all. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she lied.
“This doesn’t look like nothing.”
“It’s just…” She wracked her brain for an excuse that would satisfy him. Fortunately, Darian found one of his own.
“The memories? Were they as terrible as you thought?”
“Yeah.” Lying hurt, but what the hell. What did one more matter?
Especially given what she planned to do.
“Hmm. Well…” He leaned closer, until his lips brushed against her ear and his breath tickled her cheek. “The best remedy for bad memories is good ones.”
His arm slipped around her shoulders, drawing her near. Her selfish body thrilled at his touch. But her heart, still aching, chided her. She didn’t deserve Darian. How could she let him make love to her?
How could she not? It wasn’t even a contest, really. Greed won, hands down.
Just one last time together, she promised her heart. Something good to remember him by. Then I’ll let him go so he can find someone better.
“Good memories sound great.” Forcing a cheerful tone into her words, she began to pop open the buttons on her shirt. “Let’s…”
Darian’s hand closed around hers. “Slow down,” he chuckled.
“But…”
“Let me do that.”
He rose, pulling her to her feet. Sliding behind her, he wove his arms around her waist. Lips kissed the nape of her neck, teasing.
Oh, that felt so wonderful! The heat, the hunger in those lips melted away the last of her guilt. Tess leaned into him, surrendering herself to him, and to her own desire.
Strong, long-fingered hands stroked her stomach. One button popped open, then another, as he slowly worked his way higher, freeing her body from the clothes that imprisoned it. She tilted her head back as he nuzzled her neck.
With a gentle tug, her shirt slid to the ground. Fingers curled beneath the strap o
f her bra and a moment later it joined the unwanted shirt. Cool air washed over her breasts as they were freed, and Tess shivered as her nipples grew firm.
“Cold?” Darian’s warm arms wrapped around her again. Hands cupped her breasts, his thumb circled her aureoles, promising pleasures to come.
“No,” she assured him. Tilting her head, she kissed his chin, delighting in the roughness of its shadow of a beard. Darian bent to meet her and their mouths, eager, hungry, joined. Lips parted, she felt his tongue dart forward. Tasting her. Exploring her.
The hands caressing her breasts fell away, leaving an aching need behind – until they slid lower, down to her hips. One drifted across the front of her jeans, pausing over the warmth that spread between her thighs. She could feel him, the heat of him, with only a layer of cloth keeping them apart.
His other hand traced along the top of her jeans. Sly fingers slipped beneath them, dipping below her panties. A soft purr escaped her as they ventured close – so close! – to her womanhood. Yet after one teasing caress those fingers retreated to pop open the button at her waist. The desire, the need they left behind them nearly drove her mad.
Damn him and his taunting! Why didn’t he rip her clothes off and just take her?
But she knew the answer. She could feel it. In the shallowness of her breath, in the unthinking animal way that her body pressed against him, begging him to continue. Fire rose within her, higher and higher. Darian wasn’t a man who delighted in quick pleasures. Only the pinnacles of desire would do for his Mate.
Button and zipper undone, his hands disappeared beneath her pants. They stroked her buttocks, claiming them, then slowly pushed the jeans down. As they slid lower, his kisses descended as well. Flowing down her neck, along the small of her back. Lingering playfully, as he nibbled at the curves of her hips.
Tess stepped out of her clothes – free, naked – and turned. Her love knelt before her, eyes drinking in the beauty of her body.
To be naked before a clothed man felt odd. Yet Tess found her passion growing despite her vulnerability. Or, perhaps, because of it. It was a pledge of her trust in Darian, her eagerness to arouse him. As if she had made an offering of herself, her body, for his pleasure. Tossing her shoulders back she stood, revealing herself fully. Letting him drink his fill of her. Holding nothing back.
