by Emery Rose
So fragile. So needy. So trusting.
“How are you feeling?” I finally thought to ask Remy.
“Tired and overwhelmed but I’m good.” She smiled at Shane who looked a little worse for the wear. If anything, Remy looked more well-rested than he did. “You should go home and get some rest,” she told him, squeezing his hand.
“I’m not going anywhere. Stop trying to get rid of me.”
“Never. I’m keeping you forever.”
“You doing okay?” Shane asked me. His voice sounded casual but the look on his face told me a different story.
I grunted and shrugged one shoulder. The beauty of being me was that nobody really expected me to converse like a normal person would.
“He’s overwhelmed by his new uncle responsibilities,” Remy teased.
“That must be it.” Shane eyed me skeptically.
“Are you sure you’re okay though?” Remy asked. “About Sienna’s engagement?”
Sienna’s engagement? I’d completely forgotten about it. In the greater scheme of things, it barely warranted a second thought. The news had not been that shocking. “We’re over, Rem. Have been for a long time.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. “I just thought… I mean, it would be understandable if you’re upset.”
“I’m fine with it.” My tone was harsher than I’d intended. “It’s all good.”
I looked down at Kai’s face just as his eyes opened. They were a shade of murky blue like they hadn’t decided what color they would be yet. His face scrunched up and turned an alarming shade of beet red, his tiny body going rigid in my arms before it relaxed again.
“Oh shit,” I said, with a laugh, welcoming the distraction.
“Literally.” Shane took his son from my arms and waltzed him over to a changing table with a smile on his face like he couldn’t imagine anything more exciting than changing his kid’s dirty diaper. It was a two-man job. He and Remy were laughing as they tried to figure out the best way to clean up the baby and get him into a clean diaper without getting peed in the face.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Travis said, entering the room with his brother Ryan, both of whom were bearing gifts. They were big on fist bumps, and I stood up from my chair to exchange greetings. “We’re here to meet the future world champion.”
“With a dad like Shane, the kid will be catching air in no time,” Ryan said.
“Let’s give him until he’s three or four,” Shane said.
“Hello baby mama. Looking gorgeous as always,” Travis said, planting a kiss on Remy’s cheek and handing her a stuffed seal. “Reminded me of those seals Shane spotted a million years ago in J-Bay.”
Shane snorted. “Those were sharks.”
“That was the first time we met,” Remy said with a smile.
“Best day of my life,” Shane said
Time to go. I interrupted their trip down memory lane long enough to say my goodbyes. “I need to get to work. Call me if you need anything,” I told Remy.
“Okay. I’ll see you soon. I’ll let you know when we’re home.”
As I walked down the hallway, the sound of their laughter trailed after me. Despite being a nice hospital, it still smelled like a hospital. Babies were born. People got sick. They died. A reminder of our mortality.
I couldn’t stop picturing all that blood on the white tiles. My mother’s lifeless body. Her ghoulish face.
Sweat beaded my forehead, and I tried to breathe but it felt like the air was trapped in my lungs.
The hallway hadn’t seemed so long and narrow when I’d arrived.
I was really sweating now. I could smell last night’s whiskey seeping from my pores. The fuck was wrong with me? It felt like the walls were closing in.
I punched the elevator button. Once. Twice. Three times. Where was the fucking elevator?
The doors opened, and I made a move to get in, but the arrow pointed up not down. Scarlett stepped off the other elevator, also going up, and stopped in front of me. She looked beautiful, her long blonde hair loose and wavy, falling around her shoulders, her baby blues clear and bright. I was tempted to bury my face in her hair and just breathe her in. Forget the world.
But since completely losing it in front of Scarlett was not on my list of fun things to do, I punched the elevator button again. My eyes darted around, looking for the stairs. Where was the exit?
“In a hurry?” she asked.
“Need to get to a meeting.” Lies. I wiped my forehead with the back of my arm. It must be a hundred degrees in this hospital.
She was talking, and I tried to tune in, but I’d obviously missed whatever she’d said because she sighed. “What’s that?” I asked.
“I was just…” She stopped and shook her head. “What happened to you last night, Dylan?”
“Got drunk,” was my brilliant response.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her brows pulling together as she studied my face.
No, I was not fucking okay. I was so far from okay, I didn’t have a word for it. “It’s all good.”
“Okay. You know what?” She looked around then lowered her voice. “Let’s just chalk it up as a mistake. I think it’s for the best that we don’t see each other anymore.”
A mistake? I’d made plenty of mistakes, but Scarlett was not one of them. Unfortunately, those words didn’t come out of my mouth because I couldn’t form a coherent sentence to save my fucking life.
Little black dots were floating in front of my eyes and I was two seconds from passing out. I planted my hand on the wall to keep me upright and loosened the collar of my shirt. Pretty sure I was dying.
“Okay.” She backed away. “Well… guess I’ll see you around then.”
She hesitated, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, her face fell in disappointment. Then she spun around and walked away, and I had no choice but to let her go because I was too busy losing my shit.
The elevator doors slid open, fucking finally, and I got the hell out of there.
When I got inside my car, I rolled down the windows and had a full-blown meltdown. A freight train was racing through my head and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was having a heart attack.
It took me twenty minutes to pull myself together.
I’d been through a lot of shit in my life and nothing like this had ever happened to me before. It made me feel weak which made me angry for not being able to keep it together.
By the time I got to my office, it was eleven in the morning and I was so fucking exhausted I felt like I’d just finished a triathlon.
Work helped, always had, so I threw myself into it and blocked out all the noise in my head. It would come as a surprise to absolutely nobody that Cruz handled the client-side of the business, while I focused on software development.
I’d always excelled at two things—math and coding. Two disciplines that required zero people skills. Straightforward. Logical. Numbers didn’t dick you around or fuck with your heart. It was my safe place where I retreated when the world got too much.
Simon Woods was still playing his pathetic games, trying to throw his weight around and blocking my plans at every turn. After I’d hired the new construction crew, things had been moving along. Then everything ground to a halt when the planning commission filed a petition, claiming that I didn’t have the proper permits to open a surf hostel. Total bullshit.
For shits and giggles, I hacked into his email account. Interesting what you can learn from people’s emails.
Oh, and would you look at that? Simon Woods was not, in fact, intending to turn The Surf Lodge into a boutique hotel. Turns out, I was a cog in his wheel. The only thing preventing him from knocking everything down and building a luxury beachfront hotel and an esplanade with fancy shops. Woods had the mayor in his back pocket as well as the members of the old boys’ club who were on the council and the planning commission.
On a lark, I’d once applied for membership to the Bellavista Country Club. Not because I go
lfed or wanted to hang out with any of the founding families of Costa del Rey but just to see what would happen. Shocker. My application was denied.
I was no stranger to getting my hands dirty, and even though I hated to stoop to Simon Woods’ level, The Surf Lodge was important to me. So was Costa del Rey. If Simon Woods went through with his plans, it would completely change the landscape of the town I loved. Small family-run businesses and surf shops would get pushed out to make way for Woods’ grandiose redevelopment plans.
Luckily, this was California and you couldn’t swing a Prada bag without hitting droves of activists, hippies, and environmentalists. The good citizens of Orange County had a right to know what was going on in their own backyard.
Oops. Look at that. The information got leaked. Now I just had to sit back and wait.
It didn’t take long to get people petitioning. Within days, half the town jumped on the bandwagon. God Bless America. Looks like the mayor was in a bit of a pickle.
A few days after the shit hit the proverbial fan, Simon Woods barged into my office. His brown hair was graying at the temples but other than that, he looked like the same asshole I’d met ten years ago. A rich bastard with an air of entitlement in an expensive suit, looking down his nose at me.
“To what do I owe this dubious honor?”
“I know you were behind this.”
He had no proof. I wasn’t a rookie. I’d been hacking into accounts since high school and I’d always been careful. No need to tangle with the US government. Which was one of the reasons I didn’t do it anymore. Last time I did it, I dug up dirt on John Hart to help Remy and Shane get him off their backs. Not that they ever needed to know about that. Much better to let Remy think she’d taken care of it on her own.
“Behind what? You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Don’t play dumb. You leaked that information.”
“Careful,” I warned. “You have no proof to back up your accusation. I might be a worthless punk but even in my world, that’s called slander.”
He pointed his finger at me. “You might think you’ve won the battle, but I’m going to show you what it takes to win the war.”
“You do that. In the meantime, I’ll be fucking Cecily,” I said, referring to his PA who he also happened to be fucking. Another thing I learned from his emails. He really should be more careful not to leave a paper trail of his indiscretions. “I’ll leave her begging for more.”
“You son of a bitch.”
At least he’d gotten that right. I was the son of a bitch. A bastard too.
“I’m going to take you down,” he said with a satisfied smirk like he had this in the bag. He brushed imaginary lint off his tailored suit jacket as he rose to his feet and checked the fifty-thousand-dollar Swiss timepiece on his wrist. “It won’t take long,” he said as if he planned to get this done and dusted over his lunch break. “You’re not even a worthy adversary.”
“It would be a mistake to underestimate me.” I stood up and slapped my palms flat on my desk. “Now I suggest you get the hell out of my office before I call security, and have you removed from the premises.”
He strode out of my office and left the door wide open. Which was not an open invitation for every Tom, Dick, and Melanie to encroach on my space but that’s exactly what happened.
“Close the door on your way out,” I told Melanie after she dropped off a stack of paperwork that needed to be signed.
As much as I would love to celebrate, revel in the thrill of victory, take satisfaction in knowing I’d won this battle, I couldn’t. He knew the right people, had all the right connections. Had the majority of decision-makers in his back pocket. And me? It was still painfully obvious that I was the kid from the hood made good. Wouldn’t get me anywhere in this town.
But I’d never been one to bow out gracefully or accept defeat. I’d go down fighting, just like I always had. Fuck him and his pedigree and his country club membership.
I spun around in my swivel chair and stared at the ocean, trying to find the peace that always eluded me.
To torture myself, I scrolled through my phone, reading all the sweet, funny messages Scarlett used to send. Then I opened her website and stared at her photos for a few minutes. Like a pathetic loser, I stalked her Instagram before I shut it down, cursing myself for wondering how she was, what she was doing, if she was okay.
Reality check. Her father was my sworn enemy. Her sister was my ex-girlfriend who had done enough damage to make me swear off relationships for all eternity. And Scarlett was the girl I’d been fucking when I let my mother’s call go to voicemail.
“I think it’s for the best if we don’t see each other anymore.”
No doubt about it. It was in her best interest to stay away from me. I was the kind of trouble she didn’t need. But Scarlett wasn’t just a random fuck, and she wasn’t so easy to forget.
I just needed a little more time. Then I’d try to win her back and we’d go back to doing whatever we’d been doing before I’d gotten derailed by my mother’s suicide.
My mother’s suicide. Fuck me. The pen in my hand snapped in two.
24
Dylan
Three and a half weeks had come and gone since Kai was born, and I still hadn’t broken the news to Remy. Motherhood was overwhelming, and her emotions were all over the place, so every time I stopped by to visit Kai I found another excuse to keep it to myself. I wanted to spare her. I wanted to protect her and give her this time to be happy, but I didn’t know how much she’d appreciate being left in the dark. If it were the other way around, I’d be pissed that she kept it from me.
Time to rip off the Band-Aid.
Shane answered the front door, masking his surprise that I’d turned up after Kai’s bedtime, and ushered me inside. Remy was curled up on the sofa wearing sweats and an oversized hoodie that I suspected was Shane’s. She looked happy and sleepy, a soft smile on her face just for me, and I fucking hated to do this to her.
“Hey. You just missed Kai. We were about to watch a movie. Do you want to join us?”
“I need to talk to you. You and Shane,” I added, because he was always banging on about how we’re family and I needed to start trusting him.
Shane took a seat on the sofa next to Remy and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as if he already suspected that she’d need his support. I sat on a chair across from them and tried to find the right words. Not my strong suit.
“What’s wrong?” Remy prompted, her brows furrowed.
I raked my hand through my hair. “It’s Mom.”
“Oh my God, why didn’t I realize that?” She smacked the sofa arm. “She always upsets you. Did you talk to her? What’s she done now?”
I cleared my throat. There was no easy way to break this to her, so I just came out with it, and fed her a half-truth. “She OD’d.”
“Fuck,” Shane muttered.
Remy stared at me in disbelief. I waited for the words to sink in. I waited for her to call me out as a liar, as if she’d somehow know that I was withholding the truth and that our mother’s death had been far more gruesome than downing a bottle of pills and drifting off to sleep.
My mother haunted me now. The slashed wrists. The blood. The red dress she’d bought for fucking Wayne. I’d never be able to erase that vision from my head, but I’d be damned if I’d let my sister carry that same burden.
The less Remy knew, the better.
“What do you mean?” Remy shook her head, trying to come to grips with this. “Mom doesn’t do drugs. I mean, she never used to… OD’d on what?”
“Pills.” The lie came easily. I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for cushioning the truth with a lie.
“When did this happen?”
“A month ago.” I winced at the expression on her face and cursed myself for waiting this long.
“A month ago? But… what? Before Kai was born?”
“A few days before.”
“Dylan,” she whispered, h
er eyes filling with tears as it finally hit home. “Mom is dead?”
I nodded.
“Did she… leave a note?”
A voicemail Remy would never hear. I’d deleted it. I shook my head no. The lies were piling up, but I’d been prepared for these questions.
“Maybe it was an accident,” she mused.
“Yeah.” I fed the lie, grateful she had jumped to that conclusion.
There was so much Remy didn’t know about our mother’s life, and I’d wrestled with how much to tell her. I understood why Remy wanted our mother out of her life, and I’d honored that wish. Right up until the bloody end.
Was it wrong to keep that voicemail from my twin? There was no judge and jury, only my conscience that told me it was the right thing to do. How could it benefit Remy to know that our mother was jealous of her own daughter? It wouldn’t.
“Where was she living?”
“Vegas.” I’d considered lying about that too, but chances were good that she would never call to check up on my story. Why would she doubt me? “I went out there to take care of everything, so you don’t have to worry about any of that.”
“You went by yourself? And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want to upset you.”
“So you went. All by yourself? Did you tell anyone else?”
“No. I wouldn’t tell anyone before you.”
She was quiet for a few seconds, mulling over the information. Shane still had his arm around Remy, quietly supportive, giving her time to process everything. “But you shouldn’t have had to do that on your own, Dylan. I’m your family. Shane’s your family. You and me, Dylan. We always had each other’s backs. We promised we’d always be there for each other. Remember?”
“I had your back, Remy. I didn’t want you upset. Not when you were about to have a baby any day.” I looked to Shane, a silent plea to back me up here. Family, dude, remember?
“He’s right,” Shane said, taking my cue. “There was nothing you could have done.”
