William Shakespeare's Avengers

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William Shakespeare's Avengers Page 5

by Ian Doescher


  THOR

  ’Tis far beyond thine orbit, metal man,

  For Loki must face courts Asgardian. 135

  STARK

  If he surrendereth the Cube, ’tis well—

  He shall be thine. Until that moment, though,

  Hence to thy planet, thou galactic tourist.

  [Thor throws his hammer at Stark, knocking him down.

  A hit, a very palpable hit. Fie!

  LOKI

  [aside:] ’Tis droll when they who should be friends turn

  foes. 140

  [Stark strikes Thor.

  THOR

  I call upon the lightning of the clouds

  To strike at thee and see, then, how thou far’st.

  [Thor raises his hammer high, calls forth lightning, and strikes Stark with it.

  JARVIS

  [offstage:] Thy power is increas’d—percent: four hundred.

  STARK

  Impressive! Such a goodly side effect.

  [Stark attacks Thor and they stumble, knocking trees and rocks.

  THOR

  My power hath transferr’d to thee, I see. 145

  STARK

  I’ll knock thee on thy pate—feel thou this bump!

  THOR

  A wickèd trick—I’ll give it back to thee.

  THEY FIGHT MORE. ENTER STEVE ROGERS, THROWING HIS SHIELD. IT RICOCHETS OFF THOR AND STARK AND RETURNS TO ROGERS.

  ROGERS

  Enough, ye senseless men—I bid ye cease!

  [To Thor:] I know not what thou hopest to achieve.

  THOR

  To put an end to Loki’s fiendish schemes. 150

  ROGERS

  Prove, then, thy words and put the hammer down.

  STARK

  Imprudent, Captain, for he loveth it—

  [Thor knocks Stark aside with his hammer.

  THOR

  Wouldst thou have me put down the hammer, yea?

  [Thor dives at Rogers, striking his hammer against Rogers’s shield. The whole earth shakes and many trees fall.

  STARK

  [aside:] Immense, this pow’r, such as I’d not believe—

  The shield and all its worth have stopp’d the hammer! 155

  ROGERS

  [to Thor:] Are we, then, done? Our labors lay to rest?

  SILENTLY, THE THREE RETURN TO LOKI AND CONVEY HIM BACK TO THE HELICARRIER, WHERE HE IS LOCKED IN A CELL. ENTER NICK FURY. ENTER BRUCE BANNER AND NATASHA ROMANOFF, ASIDE, JOINED BY ROGERS AND THOR. EXIT TONY STARK, CHANGING OUT OF HIS SUIT. ENTER VARIOUS SOLDIERS, WORKING.

  BANNER

  [aside:] Who is this man with evil-seeming mien?

  He smiles as though he held a secret vast,

  And viewing him, my mind is sorely vex’d.

  I like not this—such portents work me woe. 160

  FURY

  [to Loki:] In case ’tis somewhat still unclear to you,

  Should you attempt escape, e’en scratch the glass,

  You shall be dropp’d some thirty thousand feet

  Within an iron cage unto your death.

  Pray, do you understand now? Ant, meet boot. 165

  LOKI

  A cage impressive, though not built for me,

  I who am unimpressive by compar’son.

  FURY

  Built for one stronger, mightier than you.

  LOKI

  His fame hath reach’d mine ears, though he did wish

  To dwell forever in obscurity— 170

  A mindless beast in costume as a man.

  How desperate your cause, that you beseech

  Such creatures lost to be your sure defense?

  FURY

  How desperate? I gladly shall reveal:

  You threaten all the living world with war, 175

  You took a force you’re pow’rless to control,

  You speak of peace yet slaughter for amusement,

  You’ve made me passing desperate, forsooth—

  You may live to regret it, verily.

  LOKI

  A cool man who doth burn to come so close: 180

  To have the Tesseract and all its pow’r—

  Unlimited, mayhap—and yet for what?

  A warm light for all humankind to share.

  Yet then, thou didst see what real power is.

  FURY

  I prithee, tell me if real pow’r desires 185

  A magazine to pass the boring time.

  [Exit Loki, encaged.

  BANNER

  The man grows on one, doesn’t he? A fellow

  Of massive jest and endless merriment.

  ROGERS

  Should we allow it, Loki shall prolong

  This matter. Thor, know’st thou his strategy? 190

  THOR

  He hath a force—Chitauri they are call’d—

  Not Asgard-sent, nor any worlds we know.

  He means to lead the army ’gainst the earth,

  Which they shall win for him, that he may rule,

  In turn, suspect I, for the Tesseract. 195

  ROGERS

  A vicious army come from outer space.

  BANNER

  He plans to build another giant portal,

  Which, then, is why he needeth Erik Selvig.

  THOR

  Selvig?

  BANNER

  —Great astrophysicist.

  THOR

  —Great friend.

  ROMANOFF

  Yet Loki hath him cloak’d beneath some spell— 200

  Our Agent Barton also is therewith.

  ROGERS

  I know not wherefore Loki let us take him,

  For he shall rule no army from this ship.

  BANNER

  Methinks that Loki should not be our focus,

  Whose brain is but a gunnysack of cats. 205

  Vast heaps of lunacy waft off the man.

  THOR

  Take thou some care with reckless words, I pray—

  Yea, Loki hath turn’d senseless, that may be,

  Yet still is born of Asgard and my kin.

  ROMANOFF

  He slaughter’d eighty people in two nights. 210

  THOR

  He was adopted, of that be thou sure.

  BANNER

  In faith, the larger issue is mechanics—

  Iridium: what is their purpose for’t?

  ENTER TONY STARK, PHIL COULSON, AND MARIA HILL.

  STARK

  Iridium’s a stabilizing agent.

  [Aside, to Coulson:] Pick thou a weekend, and I’ll fly thee

  hence, 215

  To Portland—such a weird and wondrous city—

  Keep love alive, thy cellist misseth thee!

  [To all:] The portal shall collapse upon itself

  But for iridium. ’Tis what transpir’d

  Just recently at S.H.I.E.L.D. [To Thor:] No lasting

  grudge, 220

  Point Break, methinks thou hast a slugger’s swing.

  ROGERS

  [aside:] Stark’s humor puts the others out of humor.

  STARK

  [to all:] It also means the portal shall ope wide,

  However long as Loki doth desire.

  Iridium’s the thing wherein he’ll catch 225

  The capture of the earth, ’tis plain to see.

  [To soldiers:] Raise mizzenmast, jib topsails, too. Ahoy!

  [To all:] Behold that soldier, playing Galaga!

  He thought we’d notice not, yet I have spotted.

  These screens—with one eye, how doth Fury see? 230

  HILL
r />   He turns.

  STARK

  —Incredibly exhausting, surely.

  The raw materials shall Barton find

  Sans too much effort. All he needeth is

  A source of power dense with energy

  Withal to set the mighty Cube to work. 235

  HILL

  When, Master Stark, did you turn specialist

  In astrophysics thermonuclear?

  STARK

  In dark of night, whilst thou wert sleeping, Hill.

  The packet—Selvig’s notes therein withal

  The theory of extraction documents— 240

  Am I the only one who did the reading?

  Were I professor, I would fail the lot.

  ROGERS

  Doth Loki need a special power source,

  Compilèd in some form particular?

  BANNER

  The Cube would need t’achieve enormous heat— 245

  One hundred twenty million Kelvin—merely

  To break the Coulomb barrier.

  STARK

  —Indeed,

  Unless this Selvig hath discover’d means—

  Howe’er ’tis done—by which to stabilize

  The quantum tunneling effect.

  BANNER

  —A feat! 250

  An he did so, methinks he could achieve

  The needed heavy ion fusion at

  Near any such reactor on the planet.

  STARK

  I’ve found, at last, a man who speaketh English,

  Who’s worthy, mayhap, of the gifted Stark! 255

  ROGERS

  If that were English, I must study more.

  [Stark shakes Banner’s hand.

  STARK

  It is a joy to meet thee, Doctor Banner.

  Thy careful studies of antielectron

  Collisions are unparallel’d, good sir.

  I am inspir’d by how thou losest all 260

  Control and logic when thou dost transform

  To an enormous green rage-monster, too.

  BANNER

  Great thanks.

  FURY

  —Yet Doctor Banner hither came

  To track the Tesseract, and nothing more.

  I hop’d you would assist him, Master Stark. 265

  ROGERS

  Methinks ye first should study Loki’s staff—

  It may be magical, or some such thing,

  But doth resemble Hydra’s weaponry.

  FURY

  I know not, yet ’tis power’d by the Cube.

  I fain would know how Loki useth it 270

  To turn two of the sharpest men I know

  Into his loyal troop of flying monkeys.

  THOR

  They turn’d to monkeys? Verily, ’twas so?

  ROGERS

  I follow—ha! For once, I laugh not last.

  The reference I proudly understand! 275

  STARK

  It’s time to play, then, Doctor Banner.

  BANNER

  —Grand!

  [Exeunt all but Stark and Banner, who proceed to the laboratory.

  As thou shalt see, the gamma readings are

  In line with Selvig’s Tesseract report.

  This shall, I fear, take weeks to process still.

  STARK

  If we but circumvent this mainframe and 280

  Direct route to the Homer cluster, mayhap

  We may clock this in teraflops six hundred.

  BANNER

  All I brought hither was a toothbrush—ha!

  Is’t not enormously absurd?

  STARK

  —Indeed.

  I bid thee join us at Stark Tower sometime. 285

  The top ten floors are naught but R and D.

  ’Twould be a land of pure delights for thee,

  An ’twere a house of gingerbread and candies.

  BANNER

  My thanks, yet when I last was in New York,

  A massive mess I made of Harlem. Yea, 290

  There are not breadcrumbs numerous enow

  To bring me back therefrom.

  STARK

  —I promise a

  Stress-free environment where thou mayst work—

  No witches or hot ovens shall disturb thee—

  No tensions or surprises, verily. 295

  HE SHOCKS BANNER WITH A SMALL ELECTRODE. ENTER STEVE ROGERS.

  BANNER

  Ouch! Fie, lout!

  STARK

  —Indiscernible effects.

  Shalt thou refuse me e’en a touch of green?

  ROGERS

  Cease thou, Stark! Art thou gone completely mad?

  STARK

  In truth, the jury’s hung upon the matter.

  [To Banner:] Thou managest control, subduing it. 300

  What is thy secret: hearing mellow jazz

  Or bongo drums, large bags of weed, what say’st?

  ROGERS

  Is ev’rything naught but a jest with thee?

  STARK

  If I do see a worthy jest therein.

  ROGERS

  Thou wouldst the safety of the ship entire 305

  And ev’ryone aboard it threaten thus.

  ’Tis not a jest—’tis more like suicide.

  [To Banner:] I mean no insult, Doctor Banner, sir.

  BANNER

  None shall be ta’en. I’d not have come aboard

  Should pointy things alone do me vast harm. 310

  STARK

  I prithee stop tiptoeing—start to strut!

  ROGERS

  Pray, focus on the problem, Master Stark.

  STARK

  Imagin’st thou I do but little else?

  Say, wherefore hath thy Fury call’d us in?

  Why now and not before? What doth he hide? 315

  Th’equation shall elude me evermore

  An I know not the set of variables.

  ROGERS

  Believest thou that Fury hideth aught?

  STARK

  Is he a spy? Nay, e’en the leading spy.

  His secrets have their secrets, have their secrets— 320

  ’Tis turtles all the way down, by my troth.

  The matter bothers Banner, too—’tis true?

  BANNER

  Thy most substantial words fly o’er my head—

  I would but finish all this work and leave.

  ROGERS

  Good doctor, please: we need thy candor blunt. 325

  BANNER

  “A warm light for all humankind to share.”

  This was the jab that Loki made to Fury,

  As he discuss’d the mighty Cube.

  ROGERS

  —Thus heard I.

  BANNER

  [to Stark:] He meant those soaring words to land on thee.

  If Barton told not Loki of the tow’r, 330

  ’Twas still the largest story in the news.

  ROGERS

  Stark Tow’r? The ugly building in New York?

  [Stark gives Rogers an annoyed look.

  BANNER

  ’Tis power’d by enormous arc reactor—

  A self-sustaining source of energy.

  The building may support itself for what, 335

  Some year or more?

  STARK

  —It’s but a prototype.

  Clean energy knows no name now but Stark,

  Is what the doctor sayeth.

  BANNER

  —Wherefore, then,

  Did S.H.I.E.L.D. not contact Master Stark about

  The mig
hty Tesseract? What business is’t 340

  Of theirs t’experiment with energy?

  STARK

  I should, belike, look to these matters once

  My program of decryption breaketh past

  The S.H.I.E.L.D. defenses, to their shelter’d files.

  ROGERS

  One moment—didst thou say—

  STARK

  —It hath been run 345

  By JARVIS since I first approach’d the bridge.

  In some few hours, I’ll know the dirty secrets

  That S.H.I.E.L.D. endeavoreth to hide from us.

  Wouldst thou care, Captain, for a blueberry?

  ROGERS

  Still thou dost wonder wherefore they hath not 350

  Requested thine assistance in the matter?

  STARK

  Intelligence organization that

  Doth fear intelligence? ’Tis past all reason.

  Historic’ly, those pathways end not well.

  ROGERS

  It seemeth Loki would assault our minds 355

  And set mistrust twixt those who should be allies.

  He’s but a man who means—and hath the means—

  To start a war. If we lose focus, surely

  He shall succeed. We have our orders, men,

  And we should follow them.

  STARK

  —I never have 360

  Been one to follow, Cap’n. ’Tis not my style.

  ROGERS

  Thou art a man of style, ’tis true?

  STARK

  —If thou

  Observe the people three within the room,

  Who—A—doth wear a most star-spangly outfit

  And—B—is not of any use herein? 365

  BANNER

  Steve, tell me truly naught hath touch’d thy nose

  With stench of something fetid in the height?

  ROGERS

  Discover ye the Cube. ’Tis all I ask.

  [Rogers leaves the lab, walking to a different part of the ship.

  STARK

  Is’t he of whom my father was so proud?

  Methinks he, mayhap, should have stay’d on ice. 370

  BANNER

  And yet his view of Loki is not wrong—

  The man doth have a large head start o’er us.

  STARK

  Inconsequential Acme dynamite

  Hath he in hand. ’Twill blast in his own face,

  The sight of which, that day, I’ll gladly watch. 375

  BANNER

  Whilst I shall read about it in the papers,

  For I shall widely keep myself therefrom.

  STARK

  If art not suited up withal the rest.

  BANNER

  Thou comprehendest not: I bear no armor,

  No helmet strong or mighty breastplate broad. 380

  Instead, I am exposèd like a nerve,

  Completely raw with all five senses fraught.

 

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