by Noelle Adams
Theodore was wagging happily, pleased to have reacquired an extra companion on their midnight walk, when it had looked momentarily like he would lose her.
The SUV was big, so Skye had to climb in with some effort. It was nice though. Only a couple of years old with leather seats and a fancy touch screen. “This is a nice car,” she said as Matthew got in after securing Theodore in the back seat.
“Oh. Thanks. Yeah. I like it. I got it a couple of years ago.” He frowned as he looked at her. “Have you never been in my car before?”
“No. Why would I?”
“I don’t know. It just seems strange.” He was still frowning as he turned on the ignition and backed out.
“I guess maybe it does.” She wanted to say more. She wanted to talk about why it felt strange to both of them when there wasn’t anything strange about it. They felt close to each other right now—really close—but they didn’t have a long history of intimacy.
She was normally the kind of person who said what she thought, who liked to get things out in the open. But she was uncharacteristically trapped in silence. She could still feel that buzzing inside her, but for some reason it was scaring her as much as exciting her.
They drove for a couple of miles without talking. She glanced over at Matthew a few times, and each time his expression was sober. Thoughtful. But not particularly revealing. She loved the shape of his face. The high cheekbones. The square jaw. The clean cut of his nose and the clever agility of his mouth. She liked the slight stubble she could see on his skin by the light of the dashboard, running down to his neck.
But she wished he would show a little more of what he was feeling. This was very difficult. She had a sense of his emotions for her—she definitely felt something from him—but what if she were wrong?
An outright rejection would hurt more than she could even imagine right now.
Glancing backward, she was greeted by Theodore’s big, furry head. He was perched on the edge of the back seat, leaning forward toward the front as if he didn’t want to be left out.
Skye giggled. “Well, hi there, mister. If you’re thinking of getting up here with me, you can think again.”
Theodore panted in clear delight at being addressed in this manner.
Matthew chuckled and glanced back. “He’s used to sitting in the front seat. He thinks you’ve got his spot.”
“Well, he’ll have to put up with the back for now. There’s definitely no room for both of us up here.”
“I’m sure he’ll deal with it. As long as he’s not left behind, he’s pretty good-natured about things.”
“He’s a good dog,” she said, pitching her voice in an affectionate tone for Theodore’s benefit. “A real good dog.”
Theodore flapped his tail several times.
Smiling, Skye focused on Matthew again. “You really need to keep him.”
Matthew had been smiling too, but his expression faltered now. He looked over his shoulder with a slight wince.
Skye’s heart sank slowly. “You’re really going to give him away?”
“I don’t want to.” His voice was low. Tense. He was gripping the steering wheel tightly and not meeting her eyes.
“Then don’t.” She reached over and put a hand on his arm lightly. “Matthew, please don’t. I know it’s hard with your living situation, but there are things that can be done about that. You don’t have to give him up.”
Matthew breathed so heavily she could hear it in the quiet car.
“He loves you,” she said very softly. “Look at him, Matthew. He loves you.”
So tense now he was almost shaking with it, Matthew glanced over his shoulder again at the dog. Skye looked too. Saw Theodore gazing at Matthew with a lolling tongue and a trust in his eyes that was utterly heartbreaking.
Her eyes were burning as she said again, “He loves you. Why won’t you let yourself have him?”
Matthew took a weird ragged breath and pulled off on the side of the road, putting his SUV in park. He didn’t explain why, but it was clear he wasn’t in a fit state to be driving at the moment.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she reached over to grab his arm. “Matthew,” she whispered.
He finally looked at her, an ache nakedly clear in his expression. “I love him too. I just think... think he could do better than me.”
“He doesn’t want better than you! He wants you.” Skye had no idea why she was so emotional about this. Why it felt like they were talking about even more than the dog. “You don’t have to be perfect for him. You don’t have to have everything in order and exactly arranged. He doesn’t want a perfect situation. He only wants you. Look at him again, Matthew. Look at him!”
Matthew’s face was twisting with emotion—too strong for him to hold in his normal tight composure—when he looked backward one more time.
Theodore, understanding he was the focus of attention, leaned forward and gave Matthew’s face an enthusiastically sloppy kiss.
“He loves you,” Skye murmured, still wiping away tears she didn’t understand. “Please don’t throw that love away.”
Matthew took another shaky breath. Stared in front of him at the empty country road in the dark. Then nodded tightly.
She straightened up, sniffing. “You’re going to keep him.”
“Yeah,” he said roughly, reaching back to stroke the dog’s head. “I’ll keep him. I’ll figure something out.”
Skye burst into tears. Happy tears but absolutely ridiculous.
After a minute during which Matthew was obviously pulling himself together emotionally, he slanted her a wry look. “You’re really crying about that?”
“I’m not crying anymore,” she insisted, wiping away the last of her tears. “I’m just happy for Theodore. He’s had a rough time of it, and he deserves to be loved for the rest of his life.”
Matthew nodded. Opened his mouth. Closed it again. Then finally said, “He will be.”
She reached over to touch his face very lightly with her fingertips. Nothing urgent or groping. Just the lightest stroke of his jaw.
He leaned his face into the caress, letting his eyes fall shut. It was the sweetest thing.
After a minute, when it became too intensely intimate, she dropped her hand. Her breathing was still fast and shallow. Something deep and unspoken remained in the air between them.
Matthew cleared his throat and unhooked his seat belt so he could turn around and give Theodore some petting. “What do you think, fella? You want to stay with me for good?”
Theodore panted and wriggled on the back seat.
“I think that’s a yes,” Skye said.
“Okay. We’ll call it a yes.” Matthew was smiling when he turned back around and relaxed in his seat. He smiled at Skye. Warm and tired and oddly tender. “Thanks for talking me into it.”
“You’re welcome.” She paused, suddenly thinking of the conversation they’d just had about the dog. How it didn’t feel like it was only about the dog. “Is that... is that how you feel about other things?”
“Is what how I feel?”
“Do you hold back on other things—life things—because you’re afraid to be less than perfect. Messy. Vulnerable. Real. Is that why you...?” She trailed off, the words trapped in her suddenly tight throat.
What the hell was she asking? What gave her the right to presume that Matthew might be holding back on feelings for her when he’d spent years making it clear he didn’t have any.
Matthew didn’t respond immediately. Just looked at her gravely in the dim bluish light from the dashboard.
She swallowed hard. “Not that you... I mean, maybe you don’t even want...”
She’d trailed off again, but this time it didn’t matter because Matthew had leaned over across the console and kissed her.
As soon as his lips brushed against hers, she knew she loved him for real. She might try to talk herself into believing she was still holding on to a childish crush, but that simply didn’t stand up to
the evidence of her own heart. Because there was a force inside her. A power. And it had been sleeping until right now. But at his kiss it roared to life, vibrating with more than pleasure, more than excitement. Vibrating with something akin to ownership.
Like Matthew was now hers. And he’d be hers forever.
She made a little squeak in her throat and grabbed for his shoulders, leaning toward him as far as she could. It wasn’t far since she still had her seat belt on, but she was too overwhelmed to figure out such mundane details like how to free herself. Because Matthew was kissing her. His tongue was teasing her lips, darting between them to find her tongue. And he was needy and urgent and earnest and passionate and everything she could have ever wanted.
“Skye,” he mumbled against her mouth. He was holding her head firmly with both hands, his fingers tangled in her hair. “Skye, do you really want this?”
“Yes! God, Matthew, yes, I want this!” She might have occasionally dreamed of being cool and composed and fashionably distant, but there was no way she could ever actually be that person in anything but fantasies. She could only ever be who she was, and that person wanted Matthew so much she was clutching at him greedily, trying to pull him closer since she was still trapped by her seat belt.
He leaned farther over at her urging, his lips still clinging to hers, but then he suddenly jerked and grunted. “Damn it.”
“What?” He’d stopped kissing her, and she didn’t like that at all.
“Damn gearshift.”
She giggled and pulled at his shoulders. “Well, get over it. And get over here.”
He readjusted with an almost wolfish smile and kissed her again. It went really well until he huffed and muttered, “Stupid console.”
“Well, you need to figure it out because I haven’t been kissed enough.”
“No argument here. Look, the logistics here aren’t ideal. I’m just going to come over to your side.”
“Sounds good to me.”
She waited expectantly, assuming he’d get out of the car and walk around. He didn’t. He crawled right over to the console until he was sharing the passenger seat with her. More or less on top of her.
“Help!” she squealed, feeling like she was buried in Matthew. It would have been a very nice feeling in a different situation, but not this one. “I’m still in the seat belt, and you’re too heavy.”
“Well, take the damn seat belt off,” Matthew grumbled.
“I’m trying! I can’t find the latch! You’re all over me.”
Laughing now, Matthew moved enough for them to disconnect the seat belt. When she was freed, he said, “I think you better be on top again. That worked pretty good last time. It’ll be kind of complicated to do it this way.”
“Me on top worked great last time,” she said, squealing again when he repositioned them in a quick move, sitting down on the seat and putting her on his lap.
He scooted the seat back all the way, which gave them even more room. “There.” He grinned up at her. “How’s that?”
She straddled his lap more comfortably and leaned down. “That’s very good.” She kissed him. “Very, very good.”
His big hands spanned the sides of her hips, and she could feel him all over. He was hard and warm. Full of pulsing tension beneath her. This kiss was even hungrier than their earlier one, and it filled her.
Thrilled her.
“Skye,” he said after a few minutes. His hands were now running up and down her back, sliding down to cup her bottom. “Skye, I’m pretty far gone. I’m not going to be able to last very long.”
“Me either,” she admitted. “Let’s not wait anymore.”
With a groan of relief, Matthew started to undo his pants while Skye fumbled around until she’d pulled her leggings and panties off. She was about to settle back in position when she noticed something in the back seat. “Theodore is watching us.”
Matthew glanced back. “Lay down, Theodore. Good boy. Take a nap.”
The dog cocked his big head but was evidently unimpressed by the odd contortions in the front seat of the car, now that he’d recognized there was no food involved. He gave a huff, turned a circle, and flopped down across the back seat to take a doze.
“Okay,” Matthew said, turning back to her. “Are we good now?”
“We’re good.”
They kissed—hot and a little sloppy. Then she lifted up while he held himself in position, allowing her to sheathe the length of him as she lowered her hips.
They both groaned at the penetration.
Matthew wrapped his arms around her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
Skye was caught between the tight fullness of her body’s sensation and the overflow of feeling in her heart at how palpably he needed her. It felt like so much more than physical, like he needed so much more from her than sex.
And that was what she wanted. For him to love her the way she did him.
That was how it felt right now, with them poised in an intimate embrace. Trapped in a moment. On the cusp between need and completion.
“Skye,” Matthew murmured against her neck.
It was enough. More than enough. She whimpered in pleasure and started to rock, needing to feel even more.
He matched her motion with pumps of his hips, and they took each other in a tight, urgent dance. It didn’t matter that they were in the awkward confines of a car on a public road in the dark. All that mattered was they were in this together.
That he needed, wanted, cared about her as much as she did him.
He kept huffing out her name as their motion got fast and urgent, as the pleasure tightened inside her. And it was the sound of her name on his lips—like a plea or a prayer—that pushed her over the edge, even more than the intense stimulation of motion.
Her back arched and she cried out loudly as an orgasm washed over her. He came right after her, his hands clamping down on her hips to hold her in place through the jerks of his release.
The aftershocks lingered for a long time. Her body relaxed deliciously above him. She laid her head on his shoulder and let him hold her.
This was what she’d always wanted. And maybe her initial feelings for Matthew had come in an irrational rush when she was a kid. She’d known it then like she knew it now.
Only now it was far more because she knew him so much more deeply. Knew it was real and it was forever.
He pressed some more kisses against her neck and then her face as his arms finally loosened. “You okay?” he asked softly.
She straightened up with a smile. “Yeah. I’m better than okay.”
He smiled back. “Me too.”
They smiled at each other like dopes for a little too long. Then she opened the car door to give them more room as they untangled themselves and redid their clothes. Matthew stepped out to button himself up, and then he walked over to the driver’s side to get in.
Skye had put her clothes back on. She was sore and messy and exhausted and delighted. She hugged herself and giggled.
Matthew chuckled at her as he checked on Theodore in the back. “Snoring. Past his bedtime.”
“I guess so. It is pretty late.”
“Let me get you home.” He put the car into drive and completed the trip to her parents’ house. She was living there for only one more week.
The house was dark except for the porch light, which her parents always kept on at night. Matthew parked and undid his seat belt, getting out as she did.
He walked her to the front door. Looked at her for a minute. Then leaned down to kiss her. “Good night, Skye.”
She started to say good night to him, but then she realized that they’d made love a few minutes ago and it had meant everything to her. She thought she understood how Matthew felt too, but he’d never actually said anything.
And she needed him to. She couldn’t let herself fall into this sappy fairy tale if there was no foundation. She wasn’t a child anymore. A dream wasn’t enough to sustain her in this,
not when her heart was so much at risk.
So she cleared her throat and said, “Um, so...”
Matthew had been taking a few steps away, but he paused and looked at her. Waited.
It might have been nice if he’d made this easy and blurted out how he felt, but Matthew never did that. If she knew anything about him, she knew that.
Which meant she was the one who had to say, “Um, so, um, what exactly... is this?”
He froze. She saw it happen. She saw him retreat. He’d been hers just the moment before, but she’d pushed too far, trapped him. He’d never let himself be vulnerable in his entire life, and he hadn’t become a different person. He wasn’t going to start now. For her. “I...” His voice cracked. “I don’t know. Shit, Skye. I don’t...”
It felt like a blow. Like it knocked her off her feet. She knew everything about her feelings for Matthew, but he clearly wasn’t in the same place.
Which meant, once again, she’d been stupidly, heartbreakingly wrong.
She wasn’t very good at hiding her feelings, but she tried. She might not have anything else, but she still had her pride. She managed to paste on a fake smile and say, “Okay. Okay. Good night.”
It didn’t sound right. Or like her at all. But it was better than falling apart. She unlocked her parents’ door. Stepped in. Closed it behind her with a click.
There. She was safe.
She’d always been safe in there.
At least her family would always love her even if Matthew didn’t.
She leaned against the door and shook for a minute until she’d gotten herself under control. The house was dark, but she glanced in the living room on the idle thought that Gran might be up.
She was. Sitting in her rocking chair in the dark. “Are you okay, honey?” Gran asked. “I was worried for some reason. I was just praying for you.”
Skye burst into tears.
Eight
MATTHEW GOT BACK TO Madeline’s apartment, feeling worn and heavy and weird. Jittery and exhausted both, although it didn’t seem like the two feelings should be able to exist together inside him.
He kicked off his shoes and flopped sideways onto the bed, his feet hanging over the side. He stared up at the ceiling and groaned.
