“Because does it make me happy?” Taylor threw her hands in the air, letting them fall to her sides to slap the outside lines of her thighs. “I’m lonely. Judging by the things you’ve said and the things my friends and family have said over the years, my one main flaw is my over-scheduling. My planning. So… Since I asked Dad and your mom to match me, I thought it would be appropriate to change me to a more… marketable me.” She laughed at herself, the sound self-deprecating and rough. “You can’t understand. You found someone. True, you aren’t together anymore, but at least you were able to find someone who wasn’t me.”
Roman blinked at her, unsure if she was joking or pretending to be ignorant of her appeal. He decided that both options were possible. “Do you have any idea what you’re talking about? Please, tell me you’re joking, right now.”
“Joking? Why would I joke about this?” She shoved off the counter and started pacing between the fridge and the end of the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen.
“I think it’s ridiculous that you stopped planning simply because I’ve made comments about it. So what? Who am I? Why do you care what I think?” Roman shook his head and watched her as pink flushed her cheeks and she shook her head while he spoke.
“I cared because I loved you, Roman. Then I realized that you didn’t love me because you left, right? The only thing you ever told me that you didn’t like about me was my inability to be spontaneous. So, I broke everything down. I did a logical comparison and the only thing I can figure is that’s why I’m not able to find anyone else to love me. It seems to be a common complaint from everyone. I’m too organized. I’m too planned out. If that’s what the people who love me have an issue with, then maybe I need to get rid of that. It’s not hard to understand.” She folded her arms and glared at him as if he were to blame for the need to change.
Which, in part, he was. “You think you have to change yourself to find love?” Roman couldn’t get his head wrapped around what she was saying. She honestly had no idea of her appeal to men. That was enough to drive him insane.
Taylor glanced at the clock on the stove and reached out, grabbing the red and white checkered kitchen towel and wiping her hands. “You can’t be here. You need to leave.”
Roman followed her from the kitchen, his hat in his hands. “Why? What are you doing? Are you going somewhere?”
Taylor moved ahead of him, bustling around the house and picking random things up or straightening them where they were. She shook her head. “No, Stephen’s coming over to talk about the contest and the direction he thinks we should go with the dating. I have some suggestions, but we thought a fast meeting this afternoon would be a good place to get ahead of the weekend.” She glanced over her shoulder at Roman. “He’s a nice guy, isn’t he? He’s very attentive. I hope Olivia sees his potential when you’re not over-shadowing him.” She grinned, moving toward the front door and gripping the handle.
She was going to usher him out of her house in favor of Stephen who wasn’t even there yet? The last thing Roman was going to allow was being replaced by someone like Stephen.
Roman shook his head. “You don’t think anyone can have feelings for you, but…” Did he do it? Did he share what he knew? Why not? At that point, what did he have to lose? “Stephen likes you. He’s been trying to date you for a year now and you won’t give him the time of day. He’s doing the contest just so you’ll see him.”
Taylor reared back, her eyes widening as she stared at him. After a minute, she relaxed and refolded her arms, letting go of the doorknob to do so. “I don’t know why you’re saying these things. He’s not interested in me. We’re friends.”
“You friend-zoned him and he’s doing everything he can to get himself out of there. You friend-zoned me, too, without even knowing it.” Roman couldn’t believe she had no idea just what kind of power she had over men. She was unaffected and kind and she was naturally beautiful in any situation.
Her shoulders slouched forward as she curled into herself. She shook her head, biting her lip as she stared at him. “No. I didn’t put you in any zone. I hate to keep reminding you, since I said I’d forget it, but you left. Now you’re back and, what? Demanding that I consider a relationship with you again? No. I find it interesting that you’re only saying that I’m appealing after I got rid of the planner. There goes your theory that men like me as I am. Right? You only do because I’m more spontaneous now or whatever you said were problems with me. I got rid of the planner, and you’re interested. Yet… are you? I mean, you’re here complaining about my lack of a schedule now. I’ve said it before. You don’t know what you want.”
“That may be, but I’m going to tell you something no one else knows.” He leaned in close, inhaling her soft cinnamon scent that hadn’t changed in all those years. “I didn’t leave because of you. I wanted to stay because of you. I left because of things between my dad and me. I couldn’t take you with me, because he made some points, I couldn’t argue with. You? You were never the problem. I feel terrible that you’ve blamed yourself all these years. It was my pride, my ego, and my ambitions that kept me away. I wasn’t avoiding you and your scheduling at all.” He pulled back and strode the rest of the way to the door, curling his fingers around the doorknob. He looked back at her. “And just so you know? I haven’t met a woman yet who holds a candle to you – planning or spontaneous. Don’t change you because you think people don’t care. Too many care. That’s the problem.”
He tore open the door and stormed from the porch, passing by a startled Stephen as he did so.
Roman ignored the brisk chill of the air as it bit at his cheeks. As long as he stayed in Mistletoe, he could focus on Taylor. Even if all they ever were were friends.
Pulling out his phone, he called Brock. “Hey, I need the name of that realtor Austin was using.” The longer he was in Mistletoe, the clearer his needs and wants became. And Taylor was at the top of his list. He just had to make her see she wasn’t a temporary addiction.
Chapter 21
Taylor
Taylor waved Stephen up the walkway, smiling as she shut the door behind him. She could ignore what had just happened. She didn’t want to focus on the things Roman had said. Roman had just picked that fight on purpose anyway. She had to keep that in mind.
But the things he’d said wouldn’t leave her alone.
“Hey, thanks for seeing me on such short notice.” Stephen leaned in as if to kiss her but then adjusted his arms and awkwardly patted her on the back in a weird friendly hug that seemed out of place.
Maybe there was more truth to Roman’s warnings than Taylor had originally given. “Of course. Um, Stephen?” She pulled away and stared up at him, all seriousness in her expression and body language.
He nodded, watching her intently, as if he could anticipate her question. “Yeah.” He didn’t pull completely away either and that left her feeling even more awkward.
Rubbing her lips together, Taylor shivered from the draft of the door being open and then closed. She didn’t want to say anything, but she wasn’t going to be able to get out of it. Not if it was leading Stephen on. “I need to make sure you understand we’re just friends. I think you’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known and, in any other life, I would love to date you, but in this life, I can’t.”
Before she could take time to judge his reaction, she took another deep breath. “I know a lot of people don’t trust the process of matchmaking, but I’m good at what I do. I know who would be a good match for you and who wouldn’t. I want you to give Olivia a try. An honest try, do you understand?” She didn’t mean to come across as if she was talking to a child, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings either.
Stephen shot a nervous glance out the window of the front door and then glanced back down at Taylor. “I… Uh, why would you say that? Did Roman say something?”
Taylor didn’t want to throw Roman under the bus, but at the same time, she didn’t want to lie. “Roman mentioned somethi
ng. I was hoping he wouldn’t think I would cheat in the contest to throw it so you and I could be together. I want to make sure you understand where I’m coming from before you set all of your hopes on me and miss out on the one person I think would make you a really good match.” She folded her arms over her chest and bit the inside of her cheek.
Stephen glanced at his watch; his cheeks red but it might have just been from coming outside and not embarrassment like Taylor suspected. “You know, I just remembered I have a previous engagement. Do you mind if I raincheck this?” He nodded at Taylor, pulling the door open as he stepped outside without waiting for her answer.
Taylor stood there, staring at the spot Stephen had been moments before. “What just happened?” She asked the empty room. He’d left like she had the plague and all because she’d been honest with him. Had she been rude? She didn’t think so.
Setting her jaw to the side, she pulled out her phone and texted Lily. Her sister was her go-to for emotional support. Taylor definitely needed support right then.
Taylor: Can I come over?
Lily: See you when you get here.
Taylor grabbed her jacket and climbed in her car. She didn’t need to sit at home and dwell on the things she’d done wrong, the things she’d said that she couldn’t take back or rephrase by herself. No, instead, she was going to go to her dad’s place and rehash everything with Lily.
Plus, she hadn’t really spoken with anyone since she’d blown up at her sisters over her planner and their comments. She was fast feeling more isolated than normal.
Parking along the side of the ranch-style home, Taylor trekked her way through the deeper snow lining the driveway and the walkway to the front porch. She didn’t want to face her sisters but she also didn’t want to dwell alone on the things she should’ve done differently, including the things she’d said to them.
For some reason, Taylor felt like she needed to knock on the door. The first time in almost thirty-six years where she felt like she wouldn’t be welcome in her parents’ home.
Lily opened the door, tucking her chin and staring at her sister with confusion in her eyes. “What are you doing out here? I just got tea on in the kitchen. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Taylor swallowed, opening the screen door and following Lily inside. “I… I don’t know. I guess I feel weird since the meeting.”
Lily turned around when she reached the stove and picked up the red tea kettle. Glancing over her shoulder, she poured hot water into two brightly colored mugs with horse silhouettes lining the rim. “Yeah, that seemed to come out of nowhere, but after you left, the rest of talked about it and we figured it was a long time coming. We haven’t been really fair about how you schedule things out.”
Taylor shook her head, perching on the stool at the end of the counter. “How often does this happen? You guys talking about me?” She didn’t want to know, honestly, but at the same time it was like a bad car wreck she couldn’t drive past without watching.
Lily turned around and folded her arms. “Stop. Taylor, just stop.”
“What? I’m not the one talking about you guys.” Taylor set her jaw. The visit was a bad idea. Why hadn’t she just listened to her gut and stayed home, taken a hot bath, and ignored the world outside?
Lily shook her head, slicing her hand through the air and crossing the distance to the counter where Taylor sat. Bracing her arms on the surface, Lily narrowed her eyes. “This, right here, is not something we’re doing to you. It wasn’t bad what we were saying, but your first thing is to immediately think everything has to do with you. It doesn’t. We weren’t talking about you exactly but more along the lines of what had we done and what could we do to better. We never said anything to you to be mean. Do you understand?”
Lily studied Taylor and must not have seen what she wanted to because she continued speaking, standing from the counter. “All of us took your organization for granted. It wasn’t until you stopped that we realized just how lazy we’d gotten. I have a planner, now. Cari, Tanya, and Brooke all have new planners. We feel terrible that you didn’t feel appreciated. We look up to you so much and we need you to continue teaching us how to do better at everything.”
Taylor sniffed, refusing to cry. She’d received too much overwhelming information that day. Roman’s secrets, Stephen’s unconfirmed affections, and the slow realization that she’d dropped one of the most important parts of who she was and messed up a lot of her life. “Then why do you tease me about it so much? It hurts. Roman… he used to fight with me about it and then today he told me he liked it. Everyone is so confusing.” She heaved a hard breath as her chest constricted. She didn’t want to cry, but she couldn’t help it.
“What do I do? I don’t know what to do about any of this?” Taylor hiccupped, a sure sign that she was moments away from losing it or had already lost it.
“You get your head on straight. I’m not sure why you would let anyone convince you to stop being you. Your planning and organization are a part of you. If someone doesn’t like it, wave them on their way.” Lily tucked her chin and eyed Taylor with determination. “Even if it’s your sisters. Now, come on. You’re the oldest. You know better than this. We tease you because we can. If you take away the fun parts of being sisters, I don’t know why we would stick it out with each other, do you?” She grinned and studied Taylor, as if there was anything left to say.
Taylor nodded, working to contain the tightness in her throat. “I just feel like no one can love me. Or no one does love me.” She wiped under her eyes, unable to keep her sadness inside her.
“I love you. Your other annoying sisters love you. Dad loves you. More people love you than you know. But I’m the only one that matters.” Lily winked as she turned back to the mugs and added in dark red tea bags with strings and a colored square of paper on the end. “Here, this always makes everyone feel better. I found this new tea. It’s Chocolate Red Velvet Cake and every bit as decadent as it sounds.”
Taylor gratefully accepted the cup of tea and sugar that Lily set in front of her. She could accept that she’d gone from one extreme to the next – planning every breath to barely breathing. Now all she needed to do was step up and figure out how she was going to get control back without losing her control in that area of her life.
She stared down at the swirling liquid and rising steam from her mug. After a second, she heaved a sigh and raised her gaze to Lily. “What do you think I should do?” The question was full of different connotations.
“Honestly? I think you need to get a planner and figure out how you can be organized without being anal. Find your happy medium of control without locking yourself into using the restroom at two am every night.” She wagged her finger at her sister as she stirred her drink. “I know you did it. I saw your planner once.”
Taylor laughed. Leave it to Lily to bring a measure of levity to any situation. It helped keep things from getting too depressing.
“You know what Roman told me?” Taylor blew into her tea to cool it down a bit before she could drink it.
“Hard telling with that man. Although, I have to interject really quick… wow. If that’s what happens when you go away for a few years and immerse yourself in the European culture, I’m onboard. Think Europe would send me an exchange student my age?” She arched an eyebrow, only a little bit teasing.
“Yeah, he only got better looking, didn’t he?” Which wasn’t fair in the slightest considering the Wilson boys all had access to very attractive genes and they all were easy on the eyes.
“Too bad they’re annoying as all get out, you know?” Lily rolled her eyes and tapped the face of her watch. “You’re running out of time to get a new planner. I would say just go get your old one out, but I have a feeling the only reason you made it this long is because you somehow destroyed the one you’ve had for years.” She studied Taylor, sympathy in the green of her eyes. “Yeah, that’s one thing you do well. You do everything all in. There is no halfway with you.”
Halfway wasn’t an option for Taylor.
Sipping her almost-cooled-enough drink, Taylor nodded and glanced at the digital numbers on the microwave. “You’re right. I need to get my head on straight. Thanks for the chat, Lily. I appreciate it.”
“Any time. Let me know if you need help with anything. My schedule is pretty open.” Lily pulled a magazine closer to her and flipped the pages with a practiced air of boredom.
“Actually, you can help me.” Taylor continued when Lily glanced up with interest. “I’ll let you know which meetings I need your help with, but I kind of got in a fight with Roman and I don’t want to be around him right now. Do you think you could go to a couple of the meetings for me? We have a couple dates left and two planning sessions as well as the final reveal rehearsal. If what he said is true, we won’t have a normal reveal, but who knows what is real and what’s not.” She slid from the stool and then rinsed her cup in the sink.
“Yeah, sure. Can you text me the dates and times and I’ll input them into the journal?” Lily pulled a discus-style planner from the pocket of a large tote.
Taylor paused and moved back to stand beside her sister. “Oohhh, Look at that. You even have the water-proof cover. Don’t you love yours?” Taylor flipped the cover open and then felt the pages between her fingertips. “Oh, this is a nice one.”
Touching the planner stirred something inside her. She straightened from looking over Lily’s and grinned. “Thanks. I needed this. I’m going to go get me a new planner, right now. I’m actually excited, to be honest.”
“Good. Go get your own. You’re not having mine. I’m getting addicted.” Lily winked and raised her cup to sip, waving her sister from the house.
Taylor didn’t need that big of a nudge as she climbed in her car and drove toward a bigger town west of Mistletoe. She needed a new planner, a new set of pens, a planning session, and a new attitude.
Matched With Her Cowboy Billionaire Ex-Fiance Page 17
