It was over now. Maybe she could finally find a way to leave something in her past. Because if she thought about all she’d surrendered to her insecurities, about exactly what she’d lost when Matt walked through that door and out of her life, then the tears would never ever stop coming.
Chapter 24
When the hospital finally discharged her, Brenna called Kate to pick her up. The two women rode together in near silence, the only conversation revolving around how Brenna was feeling now and how glad Kate was that she and Buddy were okay.
Back at the ranch, she slunk away to her cabin, unable to face Liz, Dorian, or any of the others. What if they’d spoken to Matt? She couldn’t bare the additional weight of their shame, not when her own was already so heavy.
Besides, she still had someone else she needed to call.
“Brenna, I’m so glad you called!” her mom practically screamed into the phone the moment she picked up. “I’d heard you were in an accident, but I didn’t know any of the details and I was going crazy. Is everything fine?”
She smiled despite her mom’s fuss. At least someone still loved her. Matt didn’t anymore, but her mother and sister would always be there if she let them. “I’m better than fine,” she said, infusing her voice with every last drop of strength that remained. “But I’m worried about you.”
Her mother’s voice grew deep and flat. “You know about the insurance investigation,” she said plainly.
“Yes, but what I don’t know is why? Why did you have to take out all that money at once, and why didn’t you just tell me in the first place?” This was the part she just couldn’t understand, no matter how long she tried to work out the answers. She needed her mom now just as she had many times before—and she suspected her mother needed her, too.
“What would you have done?” her mother asked, her voice pitchy, strained now. “You were about to leave home, and as much as I wanted you to stay, I knew I couldn’t ask anything more of you. Not after all we’d been through already, and even when things got hard with the investigation starting up and your sister getting angry with me over it, I still didn’t want to trouble you. The truth is, I knew exactly why your father took out that policy. It was him, not me—and it covered the both of us. He was going to kill me, Brenna. He knew it. I knew it. Neither of us knew when it would happen, only that it eventually would. I had no friends I could reach out to. Your father made sure of that. And what kind of mother lays that type of burden on her children?”
Brenna’s heart ached for her mother. As hard as life growing up had been for Brenna, her mother had it infinitely worse. She’d known her husband was planning to kill her but had no way to prove it. She didn’t think anyone would believe her. Or that her life was worth fighting for.
“I would have believed you, Mom,” she choked out, so angry her mother had lived with this private fear for years. “I would have found a way to help.”
“Brenna, you’d just moved out when he set the policy up. You were finally free from the life there, and I’d refused to drag you back into it. Besides, how could we have ever proven anything? Your father had character witness after character witness that all believed he was this great and noble person, long suffering to the women in his life that took him for granted. I had no escape. No way out. He wasn’t going to let me go. Ever.”
Brenna’s tears flowed freely, but her mother’s voice remained an odd mix of stoicism and remorse. She regretted now that her father had died so quickly, so easily. The three of them had suffered for years, and he’d only felt pain for an instant before slipping away. It just wasn’t fair.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Mom. I would have died if I lost you.” She closed her eyes and pictured her mother’s face. It looked so much like her own with high cheekbones, a pointed nose, and a mix of scars and other wounds that would never quite heal. “What I still don’t understand is why you asked for a lump payment. Why now? As much as I hate to say it, I understand why the insurance company decided to open an investigation. The whole thing definitely raises some questions.”
When her mother didn’t respond, Brenna had to check to see if they’d lost their connection. But no, her mom was still there, unable to find—or at least to speak—the words Brenna needed to hear to understand all the rest of it.
“I thought about why you left,” she said at last on the wings of a slow sigh. “I thought maybe you had the right idea to get away from here. I thought maybe I’d pack up like you had and find some place new. Help you put down roots where you wanted to be, help Olivia find her way through college. I wanted to… I wanted to try to salvage my girls’ lives since I’d done so much to screw up mine and not enough to protect you.”
Brenna sat on the other end of the line, listening to years of pain pouring from her mother’s body as she cried over what she still believed to be all her fault. She needed to stop blaming herself just as Brenna needed to stop keeping everyone in her life at a distance. They were both clinging to the pasts in their own way, and it was tearing them apart from the inside out.
“I understand, Mom, and I forgive you. I even forgive him.”
Her mom sucked in a wet breath. “Why? He doesn’t deserve it.”
“No, he doesn’t, but I do. And so do you.” Brenna couldn’t believe how obvious this revelation was now that she’d made it. How come she hadn’t realized sooner? She knew the answer to that, too. Matt’s words, while hard to hear and part of his goodbye, were exactly what she’d needed to hear for so long and they were what her mother needed to hear, too, just as soon as she was ready to listen.
“If we really want to move on with our lives, the miles aren’t what matters,” she pointed out softly, vowing to take her mother’s calls from now on, to stop pretending like shutting her out would solve anything when in fact they made both of their problems so much worse.
“Promise me,” her mother choked out. “Promise me right now that you won’t make the same mistakes I made. Let yourself be happy and give your love to someone who deserves it.”
“I promise, Mom. I will, and in a way I already have.” She decided not to say more about her feelings for Matt, not knowing how their story would play out, if it would ever even have another chapter.
“And when you’re ready, bring Olivia with you and come see me in Anchorage. I like it here, and I think I might stay for the long haul. I think it’s the first place I’ve ever felt truly happy. One night I even saw the Northern Lights dancing in waves in the sky, and all I could think was that my whole life I don’t remember once ever looking up at the sky and feeling such peace. Keep searching, Mom, and I’ll keep praying. One day you’re going to find that place, too. The one that brings you peace. The one that makes you happy.”
They said goodbye, and Brenna tucked herself into bed, ready for the hard day to be over. She was determined to live her life by moving forward, but she still couldn’t help but think she’d made a terrible mistake when it came to Matt.
“Please, God. Give me a chance to make things right,” she murmured before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter 25
The strings of lights hanging from the barn’s rafters gave off a soft whitish blue glow, wrapping everyone below in a warm and cozy indoor winter wonderland. Paper snowflakes, strings of beads, and glittery cotton completed the look perfectly. Brenna had never been to such a well-organized event in all her life, and she was proud to be a part of it now.
She stood by the food table, keeping an eye on things to make sure there was enough to go around. The Winter Wonderland barn dance would definitely bring in a lot of money for Liz and Dorian’s horse rescue charities, which brought her boundless joy. Over one hundred people had already passed through the doors, and there was still space for at least one hundred more.
The band played bright, spunky versions of classic holiday favorites, and the guests shuffled, stomped, and swayed in their finest pairs of boots.
Watching the couples laughing and having fun as they spun eac
h other around was the only part of the evening that she found truly difficult to contend with. Matt had wanted to escort her to this very dance. And he should have been here, too. Liz and Dorian were his friends first, and it wasn’t fair he felt unwelcome. None of what Brenna had done to him was fair.
More than a week had passed since they’d last talked in the hospital, and he’d made no efforts to reach out to her since. Respecting his decision even though it broke her heart, Brenna had decided to let him go without a fight—or at least without another fight. As much as she wished Matt could be part of her new life, it seemed that he was, instead, one of the sacrifices she’d had to make in order to heal. He’d taught her so many important things, and now he was gone. She’d hurt him, and he’d left. She couldn’t blame him, either.
Of course, she hadn’t realized how important Matt had become to her until he wasn’t around to fill her days with jokes and smiles anymore. As much as she loved her job, loved Buddy, and loved her new home at the ranch, she loved him that much more.
And he had loved her, too. He’d told her exactly how he felt, but she’d never get the chance to return the favor, to let him know how much he’d transformed her, helped her, taught her how to trust and see the good in people again—or maybe for the first time ever in her entire life.
With each of these thoughts, she grew more and more uncomfortable in the crowd of partygoers that surrounded her. She just needed a breath of fresh air, a quick moment to herself, and then she’d be ready to get back to work.
Slipping away undetected, she headed toward the stables to give Buddy a quick hello.
But Liz spotted her before she could close the distance between the barn and the stables—and she wasn’t alone. Brenna’s stomach tied into knots. What if this was another investigator sent by the insurance agency? What more could they possibly want after her mother went on record with everything she had revealed to Brenna during their heart-wrenching call?
“Brenna, this is Hunter Burke,” Liz said with a smile that instantly put Brenna back at ease. “He’s here to talk to you.”
Liz stayed with her, looping her arm through Brenna’s for support. “Hunter Burke? You’re Matt’s friend?” She recognized the name from their fight, the big fight that had officially ended things between the two of them.
“I am. I’m a detective with Anchorage PD, and Matt called me to explain your situation. Can we go somewhere a little quieter to talk?” He gestured toward the group of new party arrivals that swept past them on their way from the parking field to the barn.
“Why don’t we go over there? At least it will be a bit warmer.” Liz pointed to the stable just on the other side of the pen.
“You can go inside, Liz. I’m okay to talk to him alone.” Brenna appreciated her friend’s unyielding support, but she also knew this was something she needed to do on her own, that she needed to start doing things by herself, no excuses. Besides, Liz had a dance to host.
She walked across the pen with Hunter, making small talk along the way about the weather, about the dance, about anything except for Matt Sanders.
As soon as they got inside, Brenna walked over by Buddy’s stall. For some reason, she just felt safer knowing her gentle friend was nearby. The horse lifted his head from the feed trough for a quick hello, then went back to eating.
“Hey, Buddy,” Hunter said, patting the horse on his side. “Thanks for letting us crash your stall for a few minutes.”
Brenna studied the tattoo that was just barely visible on Hunter’s neck. It reminded her of the first time she met Matt, of what her tattoo was meant to represent. But symbols meant nothing if you willfully ignored their meaning. She knew that now, and she would never make that mistake again.
Hunter cleared his throat before speaking further. “There’s not much to say, but hopefully what I have to offer here will help bring you a little bit of peace and closure. After Matt called me the other day, I did a bit of digging into the police investigation that happened the night your father died. Those guys did everything right, which technically should mean you have nothing to worry about.”
He sighed, and Brenna couldn’t help but join him.
“However,” Hunter continued, “with some of these insurance companies, they will keep digging until they’ve created enough doubt so that they don’t have to pay out. And that’s what it seems this Will Hardy guy has been paid to do.”
“Yeah, and he also doesn’t seem like the type to give up until he wins.” She shivered in revulsion as she thought about the questions he’d already asked of her, knowing full well he would be back.
“No, he isn’t the type to quit. So I knew I had to find something else that perhaps the police hadn’t. I called your mom and she told me her version of events that night, which matched exactly with yours and what was put into the police report.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?” Brenna leaned over the edge of the stall to rub Buddy’s neck. She couldn’t take any more bad news. Not tonight.
“Well, it is, but it won’t be enough for this Hardy guy. He’s going to keep pushing until he gets something that’s off—something he can use to plant a seed of doubt that it was accidental. Once he has that, the company won’t need to pay.”
Her stomach lurched. How could she possibly prove it?
“But, when I called Matt and told him that, he told me that we had to do something to get this guy off your back. When I told him I was fresh out of ideas, he hung up on me.” Hunter let out a soft chuckle as he watched her closely. “He called me back later that night asking for one last favor.”
Brenna’s cheeks burned as she waited for Hunter to continue. Matt had fought so hard to help her even after all she’d done to him. Did that mean there still might be a chance? And had he managed to find a way to get Will Hardy off their case?
“I got a nice opportunity to play bad cop. Even called one of my lawyer friends in on this. After getting the green light from your mother, we went past that idiot P.I. and straight to the company. They agreed to an arbitration, and in the end, both parties gave a little to get a little.”
“What does that mean?” Brenna asked, short of breath from her anticipation.
“It means it’s officially over. That guy won’t bother you anymore, and based on the terms of the agreement that your mother and the insurance company made, no one else can legally come at either of you or your sister for this ever again.”
“What was the agreement?”
Hunter and Brenna both petted Buddy as they carried on with their conversation.
“Your mother dropped the lump sum request and also told them the policy was way more than she’d ever need. They settled on a smaller amount to be paid incrementally over the next twenty years. It’s over, and everyone’s happy. If she would have fought a little harder, I’m sure your mother could have walked away with more cash, but she told everyone that she was done fighting, that she was finally ready to forgive. She seems like a nice lady, by the way.”
Brenna couldn’t believe it.
It was all over, this time for good. No one could hurt her anymore.
Even better than that, though, she may still have a chance with Matt, if she could show him just how much he meant to her and just how much she trusted what they had forged together.
Chapter 26
Brenna drove through the snow in the pre-sunrise darkness of the Alaskan morning. It wasn’t what she’d expected when she first got to Alaska, but then again, not much was. Fat snowflakes fell and swooped at her windshield like she was flying through space. Like so many things did, it made her think of Matt and the time they spent in the back of his truck watching the Northern Lights in the night sky.
He hadn’t come on the night of the barn dance, and she couldn’t say she blamed him. He’d done so much more, though, by working with Hunter to finally free her family from the insurance investigation and the fallout of her father’s death. That was love—not just laughing and kissing and playing—but bei
ng there for them in the hard times. That was what mattered.
For days she’d beaten herself up, rehearsing and rethinking everything that she needed to say to Matt. The hundreds of apologies that ran through her mind trying to find words that would repair their broken relationship. Now it was New Year’s Eve, and she couldn’t stand the thought of ringing in the New Year without at least giving her relationship with Matt one last try.
In almost no time at all, she found herself at the little strip mall where a good foot of snow piled on the top edge of the Pipeline Ink sign. Despite the weather, the sidewalk out front had been recently swept clear and blue ice melt crystals dotted the concrete.
The bell above the door jingled as Brenna walked in. It felt like just yesterday she’d been here for her first tattoo. And it felt like forever since she’d last seen Matt.
“If that’s my 12:30, take a seat. I’ll be done here in a minute,” a familiar voice called from a side room.
She smiled to herself as she heard Matt’s voice for the first time since their fight. The buzzing of the tattoo needled started up along with a slight whimper of pain.
Oh, toughen up, she thought, surprised to hear Matt voice the same words a few seconds later.
The whimpering continued for a few more minutes and Brenna tried to place who she thought might be in the chair. It could be a girl getting a flower tattoo on her foot. She’d heard those were quite painful. Or maybe it was a small guy getting his girl’s name tattooed on his ribs.
Instead, Brenna stifled a laugh when a rather large man in a leather vest and headband walked out, tenderly holding a bandage to his arm. Well, he had told her it was always the big, burly ones who cried hardest when faced with the needle.
Brenna steadied herself. In just another moment, Matt would come out. Would he actually talk to her or just walk away again? She couldn’t blame him if he did walk away. She’d caused so much pain, but maybe, just maybe, he’d hear her out.
Memories of Healing Page 12
